Marriage & living together

[actsnoblemartin]

#1 how do you not kill each other, from being with each other so much of the time

#2 how do you cope with having no personal space

#3 how do you pick the right partner

#4 how do you make a marriage work

#5 should someone who doesnt want kids, consider marriage?

#6 what are the benefits of marriage, that maybe im not seeing, and do they out weight the negatives in your opinion

Disclaimer: im not insulting anyone, just asking questions.

[darin]

They aren't the same thing - Because you even ASKED #6, I'm pretty sure you'd never understand anyway.

[actsnoblemartin]

I am not insulting marriage.

I am asking, really, what makes it special, what are its benefits. Im not being sarcastic

Im sorry you think im insulting you

im not, im just skeptical.


They aren't the same thing - Because you even ASKED #6, I'm pretty sure you'd never understand anyway.

[darin]

I'm not insulted. You just don't get it.

[actsnoblemartin]

then whole point of the is im asking people who are/were married to explain something to me

your right im an idiot and i dont get it, but im listening.

Give me your opinion on marriage


I'm not insulted. You just don't get it.

[JohnDoe]

#1 how do you not kill each other, from being with each other so much of the time

By liking eachother, think of them as a firend, that you also like sex with...:)

#2 how do you cope with having no personal space

You give eachother space.

#3 how do you pick the right partner

You've got to like them, not just for easy, convenient sex.

#4 how do you make a marriage work

By wanting to give your partner what they want, and they wanting to do the same for you, by loving your partner "more" and them loving you "more".

#5 should someone who doesnt want kids, consider marriage?

I am unable to have children of my own blood, this does not get in the way of marriage if you like eachother.

#6 what is so great about marriage anyway

Disclaimer: im not insulting anyone, just asking questions.

#6A lifetime friend, lover and partner that you can share the good and bad in life with.

jd

[5stringJeff]

#6A lifetime friend, lover and partner that you can share the good and bad in life with.

jd

That's a great response. I've also heard the line, 'Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.'

[hjmick]

#1 how do you not kill each other, from being with each other so much of the time

Aside from the obvious "I don't want to go to prison and be Bubba's cell bitch," I really love my wife. There is no other person with whom I would rather spend time. She makes me smile, she makes me feel warm. I like her. Hell, my wife and I even work together.


#2 how do you cope with having no personal space

You make personal space if you need personal space.


#3 how do you pick the right partner

That's more of a crap shoot. I would suggest that your best bet is to not get married too young. There is a lot of living and growing to do in life. If you marry young and don't grow together, you grow apart, this will doom the marriage.


#4 how do you make a marriage work

That's not something that can really be explained except to say that a marriage, like life, is frequently a series of compromises. Sometimes things fall your way, sometimes her way, most often you compromise. Speaking for myself, my marriage just seems to happen. I never feel as if I am "working" at it, it just seems to all fall into place naturally.


#5 should someone who doesnt want kids, consider marriage?

I don't see why not. A marriage is not necessarily about procreating, it's about committing yourself to someone for a lifetime.


#6 what are the benefits of marriage, that maybe im not seeing, and do they out weight the negatives in your opinion

Sex. Whenever you want it. Never ending, night after night, unbridled sex.

Seriously though...

Benefits...You get to be with someone you care about every day, or at least most days. Where's the downside?

[gabosaurus]

They aren't the same thing - Because you even ASKED #6, I'm pretty sure you'd never understand anyway.

dmp is 2-for-2 today. I think all the questions are asked from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand relationships. Or perhaps has never been in a quality relationship.
I knew my husband for six years before we got married. Never once considered living with him. Marriage is a commitment to another person. It is the ultimate partnership and not something to be taken lightly. I would never recommend marriage to any couple who have known each other for less than two years. You need to see your potential partner under every type of circumstance, and under every type of stress. The highest highs and the lowest lows.
Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is shared. All things "you" become "us." If you can't deal with that, you don't need to be married.
Like hjmick said, marriage is a compromise. Don't get married if you can't compromise. You have to be prepared to share in every decision.
Sex is a wonderful part of marriage. But if something happened to my husband today and he could never have sex again, I would still love him and never stray. Because I take the "for better or worse" vow very seriously.

[manu1959]

i married my best friend....fortunately she was a women, hot, smart, liked sex and shared the same interests financial goals and child rearing ideas.....

couldn't imagine life without her or the kids.....

[Hagbard Celine]

dmp is 2-for-2 today. I think all the questions are asked from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand relationships. Or perhaps has never been in a quality relationship.
I knew my husband for six years before we got married. Never once considered living with him. Marriage is a commitment to another person. It is the ultimate partnership and not something to be taken lightly. I would never recommend marriage to any couple who have known each other for less than two years. You need to see your potential partner under every type of circumstance, and under every type of stress. The highest highs and the lowest lows.
Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is shared. All things "you" become "us." If you can't deal with that, you don't need to be married.
Like hjmick said, marriage is a compromise. Don't get married if you can't compromise. You have to be prepared to share in every decision.
Sex is a wonderful part of marriage. But if something happened to my husband today and he could never have sex again, I would still love him and never stray. Because I take the "for better or worse" vow very seriously.

*Translation: "Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is (her's). All things "you" become ("her's.") :D Carry on.

[Cheyenne]

#1 how do you not kill each other, from being with each other so much of the time
#2 how do you cope with having no personal space
#3 how do you pick the right partner
#4 how do you make a marriage work
#5 should someone who doesnt want kids, consider marriage?
#6 what are the benefits of marriage, that maybe im not seeing, and do they out weight the negatives in your opinion.

You have some very good questions Noblemartin, there just isn't any pat answer anyone can give you.

Each an every marriage belongs to that couple. It is theirs alone to create the kind of marriage they will have; their responsibility to make it work. It is a relationship that should be guarded with utmost diligence allowing no one in.

You should share with the partner you choose, trust, respect, love. If you have respect, and you need alone time, (personal space) they will give it to you, knowing that is something you need & not be offended by it.

Children are a benefit to the marriage relationship. It keeps us balanced. You will never know what true unselfishness is until you have a child. It is something that should be thought out seriously, though that isn't usually the case. It is something that you & your partner should discuss in depth.
But if you have any kind of heart, the moment you hold that new innocent life in your arms, your life is transformed and you realize what a ominous responsibility you have been given; this little person for which you would give your life.

The benefits of marriage? Well, at one time it was sex. This was designed to be the greatest privilege to share with your marriage partner; the most intimate of all relationships. The fires of passion are what ignites this relationship, feeding the flames of marriage. Those intitial sparks subside and you bask in the glow of the embers that keep the relationship alive.
In another section I posted that there is an alarming number of sexless marriages which tells us that another thread of the marital union/family is coming unraveled; sex is no longer special, we aren't taking the time to keep the marriage at the level it should be.

And I can't not say this, allowing God into the relationship is always a benefit. He is the creator of love, the Giver of this most wonderful union. The closer you stay to Him, the better your marriage will be.

[hjmick]

i married my best friend....fortunately she was a women, hot, smart, liked sex and shared the same interests financial goals and child rearing ideas.....

couldn't imagine life without her or the kids.....

My wife is my best friend as well, one of two. You can't beat it.

[manu1959]

*Translation: "Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is (her's). All things "you" become ("her's.") :D Carry on.

pretty much....but once you accept that the ride is pretty smooth......

small price to pay for:

food
clean clothes
clean house
sex

in my opinion single guys are idiots....

[gabosaurus]

*Translation: "Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is (her's). All things "you" become ("her's.") :D Carry on.

That certainly goes without saying. :)

[Mr. P]

*Translation: "Once you get married, everything that involves "you" and "personal space" goes out the window. Everything is (her's). All things "you" become ("her's.") :D Carry on.

Not "everything" the man still rules the garage...it's 'his" domain never to be encroached by a female. That's written on the marriage license somewhere.

[glockmail]

Not "everything" the man still rules the garage...it's 'his" domain never to be encroached by a female. That's written on the marriage license somewhere. My pre-nup says that I get the bottom drawer of the refrigerator all to myself to keep beer.

[Abbey Marie]

I'll just tell you my own original quote, thought up after many years of marriage:

Marriage is so... daily.

:D ;)

[Cheyenne]

I'll just tell you my own original quote, thought up after many years of marriage:

Marriage is so... daily.

:D ;)
This made me chuckle.
When we are in those blissful moments of new love we think that's the way it's going to be.....forever. And then when life resumes, the difficulty begins. What happened to all the hot sex; he's stressed, has to work late; she's tired? And then there are the bills to face, the endless daily chores of cleaning, doing the dishes & laundry, groceries bought....what happened to bliss???

The most common cause of discontent & divorce is unrealistic expectations.

[Gadget (fmr Marine)]

I get a long with your wife well, also.....:laugh2:

Seriously, I am optimistic about finding a life partner...unfortunately, it has not happened in the first 2 marriages.

1) We grew apart.

2) Was not founded on love and respect....she was/is psychotic.

[Mr. P]

Hey!

Merry Christmas...Marine! :cheers2:

[Gadget (fmr Marine)]

Back at ya'! Hope you are well!


Hey!

Merry Christmas...Marine! :cheers2:

[Trinity]

I would never recommend marriage to any couple who have known each other for less than two years. You need to see your potential partner under every type of circumstance, and under every type of stress. The highest highs and the lowest lows.


and I have to disagree with you on this one at least for me personally, I am on my 3rd marriage. Marriage #1 knew him for about 2 years before we got married granted I was to young to be getting married then. Marriage number 2 knew him for 5 years before we got married. Marriage #3 knew him 3 months before we got married we have been married for 2 and a half years now best decision I ever made in my life!

Basically the best way to determine if a guy is right for you is to know yourself, examine what things are important to you, and what things you will not tolerate. Only then will you be able to decide if you are ready to make that commitment.

My husband and I are best friends! We do everything together, and worked together for a year and a half at a nightclub after we were married. I understand him and he understands me.

[Dilloduck]

I get a long with your wife well, also.....:laugh2:

Seriously, I am optimistic about finding a life partner...unfortunately, it has not happened in the first 2 marriages.

1) We grew apart.

2) Was not founded on love and respect....she was/is psychotic.

Damn--I married those women too----shoulda warned ya !! :laugh2:

[Trinity]

Not "everything" the man still rules the garage...it's 'his" domain never to be encroached by a female. That's written on the marriage license somewhere.

are you sure about that....... cause I heard that DMP's wife took over the garage. :laugh2:

[5stringJeff]

and I have to disagree with you on this one at least for me personally, I am on my 3rd marriage. Marriage #1 knew him for about 2 years before we got married granted I was to young to be getting married then. Marriage number 2 knew him for 5 years before we got married. Marriage #3 knew him 3 months before we got married we have been married for 2 and a half years now best decision I ever made in my life!

Basically the best way to determine if a guy is right for you is to know yourself, examine what things are important to you, and what things you will not tolerate. Only then will you be able to decide if you are ready to make that commitment.

My husband and I are best friends! We do everything together, and worked together for a year and a half at a nightclub after we were married. I understand him and he understands me.

I think the older one gets (or the more one matures), the more one understands themselves and what they want in a partner, so it takes a bit less time to find the bad things about people, or see the good things.

[Mr. P]

are you sure about that....... cause I heard that DMP's wife took over the garage. :laugh2:

I said, "the man still rules the garage". So yeah, I'm sure. :laugh2::laugh2::laugh2:

[Cheyenne]

I think the older one gets (or the more one matures), the more one understands themselves and what they want in a partner, so it takes a bit less time to find the bad things about people, or see the good things.While this may be true, most do not want to wait until they're 35 to get married.
We all know that we are to discuss the biggies; religion, sex, money, children, careers, etc. It's the little things that usually destroy a relationship, the way he chews; the way she squeezes the toothpaste tube....

Flexibility & honest communication is a necessity. What one needs & wants at 27 is different than what they may want/need at 35 & again at 40 & so on; and both must be willing to change & grow along with their partner.

[82Marine89]

I get a long with your wife well, also.....:laugh2:

Seriously, I am optimistic about finding a life partner...unfortunately, it has not happened in the first 2 marriages.

1) We grew apart.

2) Was not founded on love and respect....she was/is psychotic.

That sounds like me. 2 ex wives, not looking for a third. Just someone to grow old with.

[Trinity]

I think the older one gets (or the more one matures), the more one understands themselves and what they want in a partner, so it takes a bit less time to find the bad things about people, or see the good things.

very true!

[Trinity]

That sounds like me. 2 ex wives, not looking for a third. Just someone to grow old with.

I wasn't looking for a third either, believe me that was the furthest thing from my mind when I met my current husband.

[hjmick]

I wasn't looking for a third either, believe me that was the furthest thing from my mind when I met my current husband.

That's usually how it happens, and those are generally the ones that work out the best.