DP families: Who makes the decisions?

[gabosaurus]

While thinking about the "womens rights" thread, I recalled a worksheet of sorts that I had come across earlier. It concerned who makes the decisions in a family. It's normally used to aid in marriage counseling.
For each question, you answer "male" if the husband generally makes the decisions concerning that issue, "female" if the wife normally makes the decisions and "shared" if both partners have an equal say in the matter.

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)
What size home
Who pays the bills
Who authorizes large purchases
Who does the necessary house and yard work
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)
What kind of schools will they attend
Who disciplines the kids
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family
What kind of lifestyle will you lead
Which TV programs or movies will you watch
What kind of music do you listen to
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)
Who decides your political and social views
When you go out together, who drives
Will both of you work full time
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards
In case of disagreements, who has the final say?

-------------------
I have to admit, my husband and I are pretty boring in this respect. Our marriage is total 50-50. We discuss pretty much everything. With a few exceptions:
I don't allow my husband in the kitchen. He could blow up the house trying to use the toaster.
I let him drive. Simply because he enjoys driving and I don't.
I picked out where I wanted us to live, when I get my masters in March. He approved.
Both of us have separate political views, which we never discuss.

[manu1959]

Shared
Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)
What size home
Who authorizes large purchases
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)
What kind of schools will they attend
Who disciplines the kids
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family
What kind of lifestyle will you lead
Which TV programs or movies will you watch
What kind of music do you listen to
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)
Who decides your political and social views
When you go out together, who drives
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards
In case of disagreements, who has the final say?

Wife
Who pays the bills
Who does the necessary house

Husband
Who does the necessary yard work
work full time

[hjmick]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)?

We both agree that our next home will me in a small town somewhere.

What size home?

Currently we live in a small home she bought before we were married.

Who pays the bills?

She does.

Who authorizes large purchases?

Whoever is making the purchase, but I usually check with her first. ;)

Who does the necessary house and yard work?

Generally this is shared, though I do the laundry and the lions share of the cooking. We outsource the yard work.

How many kids will you have (or will you have any)?

We're done at 3. Two are mine, one is hers, though I call hers mine as I am the only father she has known in that capacity.

What kind of schools will they attend?

Both.

Who disciplines the kids?

Whoever is closest.

Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family?

Both, or whoever is closest. ;)

What kind of lifestyle will you lead?

Shared.

Which TV programs or movies will you watch?

Shared.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Whoever plugs their iPod in first.

Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)?

We both do.

Who decides your political and social views?

I don't know about anyone else, but I decide nothing for my wife. She is her own person.

When you go out together, who drives?

Usually I do.

Will both of you work full time?

Yes

If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one?

Joint.

Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards?

Absolutely.

In case of disagreements, who has the final say?

Don't know, it hasn't happend...yet.

Interesting that religion is not addressed in this worksheet. I would think that would be important.

[Trigg]

For each question, you answer "male" if the husband generally makes the decisions concerning that issue, "female" if the wife normally makes the decisions and "shared" if both partners have an equal say in the matter.

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc) rural
What size home medium
Who pays the bills me
Who authorizes large purchases we check with each other beforehand
Who does the necessary house and yard work I do housework, he does yardwork
How many kids will you have (or will you have any) we have 4
What kind of schools will they attend joint agreement, public
Who disciplines the kids shared
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family shared
What kind of lifestyle will you lead shared
Which TV programs or movies will you watch shared
What kind of music do you listen to shared
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner) sharedWho decides your political and social views shared, we respectfully disagree on some issues.
When you go out together, who drives male
Will both of you work full time male
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one joint with additional saving accounts
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards of course
In case of disagreements, who has the final say? depends of what the argument is, usually he will give in first.



This arrangement has worked for 18 yrs so we must be doing something right.

[Hagbard Celine]

Me.

[nevadamedic]

While thinking about the "womens rights" thread, I recalled a worksheet of sorts that I had come across earlier. It concerned who makes the decisions in a family. It's normally used to aid in marriage counseling.
For each question, you answer "male" if the husband generally makes the decisions concerning that issue, "female" if the wife normally makes the decisions and "shared" if both partners have an equal say in the matter.

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)
What size home
Who pays the bills
Who authorizes large purchases
Who does the necessary house and yard work
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)
What kind of schools will they attend
Who disciplines the kids
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family
What kind of lifestyle will you lead
Which TV programs or movies will you watch
What kind of music do you listen to
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)
Who decides your political and social views
When you go out together, who drives
Will both of you work full time
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards
In case of disagreements, who has the final say?

-------------------
I have to admit, my husband and I are pretty boring in this respect. Our marriage is total 50-50. We discuss pretty much everything. With a few exceptions:
I don't allow my husband in the kitchen. He could blow up the house trying to use the toaster.
I let him drive. Simply because he enjoys driving and I don't.
I picked out where I wanted us to live, when I get my masters in March. He approved.
Both of us have separate political views, which we never discuss.

The man makes the decisions unless it comes to cooking and cleaning issues then we leave it up to the women.

[manu1959]

The man makes the decisions unless it comes to cooking and cleaning issues then we leave it up to the women.

you are single huh................:poke:

[nevadamedic]

you are single huh................:poke:

Yup but im dating.

[manu1959]

Yup but im dating.

going well is it?

[Yurt]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc) - equal

What size home - equal

Who pays the bills - female, she manages (accountant)

Who authorizes large purchases - equal

Who does the necessary house - mostly her

yard work - equal, she's a green thumb

How many kids will you have (or will you have any) - 5th amendment

What kind of schools will they attend - 5th Am

Who disciplines the kids - NA

Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family - NA

What kind of lifestyle will you lead - equal

Which TV programs or movies will you watch - equal, mostly me tho

What kind of music do you listen to - equal

Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner) - mostly me

Who decides your political and social views - equal

When you go out together, who drives - male, mostly

Will both of you work full time - seems so

If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one - joint

Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards - yes

In case of disagreements, who has the final say - depends

[82Marine89]

The responses apply to my pre-divorce relationship...


Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc) rural
What size home 2400 sq. ft. (still own it)
Who pays the bills her
Who authorizes large purchases me
Who does the necessary house and yard work house/her yard/me
How many kids will you have (or will you have any) 2 great daughters
What kind of schools will they attend public
Who disciplines the kids both
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family both
What kind of lifestyle will you lead celibate, I was married
Which TV programs or movies will you watch don't watch much TV, girls were limited to 2 hours per day
What kind of music do you listen to Anything but rap
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner) Both
Who decides your political and social views we were individuals, we decided for ourselves
When you go out together, who drives me
Will both of you work full time She stayed at home
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one joint except for business accounts
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards She held the check book
In case of disagreements, who has the final say? the winner

[nevadamedic]

going well is it?

Actually it is.

[darin]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)
What size home
Who pays the bills
Who authorizes large purchases
Who does the necessary house and yard work
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)
What kind of schools will they attend
Who disciplines the kids
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family
What kind of lifestyle will you lead
Which TV programs or movies will you watch
What kind of music do you listen to
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)
Who decides your political and social views
When you go out together, who drives
Will both of you work full time
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards


We both have an equal say in all things.



In case of disagreements, who has the final say?


I do. On 'big' things; family decisions, the husband is the leader of the family - it's my call when it's all said and done. It's not just a duty, it can be a burden, too. Too many husbands have given up their god-given responsibility to the detriment of a marriage.

[gabosaurus]

Hag and Nevada are obviously single. And will remain such for quite some time. Unless they can find some meek and mousy female willing to put up with their garbage.

[nevadamedic]

Hag and Nevada are obviously single. And will remain such for quite some time. Unless they can find some meek and mousy female willing to put up with their garbage.

And you've obviously been ridden more then seabiscuit.

[MtnBiker]

Alright, come on guys.

[nevadamedic]

Alright, come on guys.

Sorry Mtn :(

[glockmail]

We simplified things a long time ago. She makes all the little decisions and I make all the big ones. Its just that, after 21 years, there hasn't been any big decisions.

[Nukeman]

The man makes the decisions unless it comes to cooking and cleaning issues then we leave it up to the women.

This is such a full blown bit of bullshit. You trying to portray yourself as some "machismo" idiot. Your doing wonderfully. As far as dating and this type of behaviour works just fine for deciding those really big issues like where to go to dinner and movie. When you get a serious relationship this shit won't fly.

How can you even take yourself seriously with this type of thinking, no one else does!!!!

[remie]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)- shared
What size home -shared 4000 sq. ft.
Who pays the bills-wife
Who authorizes large purchases-shared
Who does the necessary house and yard work-I mow,trim ets wife does beds
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)-shared 2
What kind of schools will they attend-shared
Who disciplines the kids -shared but probably me moreso
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family-shared
What kind of lifestyle will you lead- shared
Which TV programs or movies will you watch-shared
What kind of music do you listen to-shared
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)-shared but usually wifey
Who decides your political and social views- shared
When you go out together, who drives-me usually
Will both of you work full time-shared
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one-joint
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards-yes
In case of disagreements, who has the final say?-shared

[remie]

Hag and Nevada are obviously single. And will remain such for quite some time. Unless they can find some meek and mousy female willing to put up with their garbage.

Gabby, I dont agree with you often, but I damn sure agree with you here.

[Immanuel]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc) Me (this is evident because I made the choice to pack up and move to Florida to be closer to my family while her's was still in California. We wouldn't be here if she didn't love me and want to be with me.)

What size home Mutual decision.

Who pays the bills Me. I wish she would but then... no on second thought I am glad it is me.

Who authorizes large purchases Me.

Who does the necessary house and yard work Housework: wife and daughters. Yard work My son or I pay to have it done. I have a bad back and just thinking about pulling weeds hurts like a mo... well you get the picture. Yes, I am lazy. ;)

How many kids will you have (or will you have any) My wife which is evident by the fact that we stopped at three.

What kind of schools will they attend Both.

Who disciplines the kids Who decides or who does it? My wife says, "Just wait until your dad gets home and I get to be the bad guy all the time. Man does that suck or what? :)

Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family Both.

What kind of lifestyle will you lead Both.

Which TV programs or movies will you watch Well, it used to be the wife... but now we have three tv's!

What kind of music do you listen to Not sure, we both have similar tastes and have never questioned the music.

Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner) Basically me because this depends on the budget.

Who decides your political and social views My wife is about as a-political as you can get. I decide generally.

When you go out together, who drives Me... We would like to get to the corner (5 houses down) by midnight.

Will both of you work full time She decided when she was ready to go to work. She'll decide when she is ready to quit.

If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one Joint.

Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards Yes, but because I pay the bills and keep the budget she usually checks with me before spending money on abnormal purchases.

In case of disagreements, who has the final say? Generally me.

Immie

[glockmail]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc)- shared
What size home -shared 4000 sq. ft.
Who pays the bills-wife
Who authorizes large purchases-shared
Who does the necessary house and yard work-I mow,trim ets wife does beds
How many kids will you have (or will you have any)-shared 2
What kind of schools will they attend-shared
Who disciplines the kids -shared but probably me moreso
Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family-shared
What kind of lifestyle will you lead- shared
Which TV programs or movies will you watch-shared
What kind of music do you listen to-shared
Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner)-shared but usually wifey
Who decides your political and social views- shared
When you go out together, who drives-me usually
Will both of you work full time-shared
If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one-joint
Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards-yes
In case of disagreements, who has the final say?-shared Shit I could have wrote that except for one line. Wifey relies on my cheat sheet at the polls.

[remie]

Shit I could have wrote that except for one line. Wifey relies on my cheat sheet at the polls.

LOL...I am probably more outspoken on politics and drop a few hints, but let her think its her idea :coffee:

[glockmail]

LOL...I am probably more outspoken on politics and drop a few hints, but let her think its her idea :coffee:
That's me as well, but she ends up asking me to make up a sheet for her. So I oblige. :D

[jimnyc]

Where do you live (location, urban or rural, etc) - Westchester, NY

What size home - Hell, I dunno, standard?

Who pays the bills - The woman

Who authorizes large purchases - The woman

Who does the necessary house and yard work - Me, and mexican landscapers!

How many kids will you have (or will you have any) - Just the one I have now!

What kind of schools will they attend - Public

Who disciplines the kids - I instigate, she disciplines both of us

Who establishes the rules for the kids and decides their role in the family - The woman

What kind of lifestyle will you lead - Huh?

Which TV programs or movies will you watch - Sports and Porn

What kind of music do you listen to - Anything that sounds good

Who decides where and when you will go out (for entertainment, such as dinner) - The woman

Who decides your political and social views - We decide for ourselves

When you go out together, who drives - Me

Will both of you work full time - Not in your usual sense, I am protesting the corporate environment for now, for not making me filthy rich when I expected to.

If so, do you have separate bank accounts or a joint one - She's smart, separate

Do both have equal access to the check book and credit cards - Yeah, right! She hides them from me! LOL

In case of disagreements, who has the final say? Who said I have a say to begin with?

:(

[gabosaurus]

I allow my husband to manage the expenses and make all the financial decisions. Mostly because he is a highly-paid financial analyst. That is his job.

When we adopt, my husband has made it clear that most of the discipline and guidance decisions for our daughter will be made by me. Because...
"I just don't understand how the female mind works" :lmao:

[remie]

...
"I just don't understand how the female mind works" :lmao:

And he aint by himself

[Nukeman]

I allow my husband to manage the expenses and make all the financial decisions. Mostly because he is a highly-paid financial analyst. That is his job.

When we adopt, my husband has made it clear that most of the discipline and guidance decisions for our daughter will be made by me. Because...
"I just don't understand how the female mind works" :lmao:I have to ask Gabby, has this thread dispelled any of your preconceived notions of all the slack jawed yokels on this board who "keep their woman in the kitchen, pregnant, bare footed, and uneducated".

I think this is what you were hoping to prove but it has backfired on you except for the IDIOT Nevada medic who, did I say this alreadyIS AN IDIOT....

[Said1]

I made 98% of the decisions and did almost everything - windows not included. The 2 remaining % were things like tv programs and certain grocery items. Some people wish to remain children. :laugh2:

[avatar4321]

Me. I am my family