22 Ways TO BE A GREAT DEMOCRAT

[-Cp]

22 Ways to be a GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran, the Chinese, and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say 'Merry Christmas.'

[Hagbard Celine]

You're right. All of those things are written right here in the "Lib Handbook" in between the chapters on "Baby Eating" and "Hybrid Driving."

Meanwhile, here's 22 ways to be a great Republican:


Just believe in and agree with the following:

1. You are pro-life but are for capital punishment and the murder of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis.

2. You have to believe that government plays no role in helping the private sector when in fact it funded the development of the Internet that we are using for this forum.

3. You have to believe that there is no connection between rampant gun accessibility and crime.

4. You have to believe that the federal government should only fund wars, subsidize corporations, and build roads and not fund something as meaningless to humanity as art.

5. You have to believe that there is nothing to the overwhelming scientific consensus that human-caused climate change is occurring and will have serious consequences. Climate change is natural, just like floods, fires, and disease, so let’s not worry about it.

6. You believe in freedom but you believe that the federal government has a right to dictate relationships among consenting adults.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by God imposing His will on immoral people.

8. You have to believe that students should be taught abstinence-only because this policy has a realistic chance of working to avoid unwanted pregnancies.

9. You have to believe that hunters are all nice, responsible people who love the animals that they shoot and would never illegally shoot anything.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is only derived from within and society should play no role in helping people develop it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson is a wonderful Christian because he made a movie and that he really didn’t mean all of those nasty things he said about women, Jews, Blacks, etc.

12. You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are always too high regardless of the deficits that we have and services that we need to cut.

14. You have to believe that David Duke and Trent Lott are more important to American history than Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are not heavily biased towards people of affluence.

16. You have to believe that George W. Bush is normal and is a very nice person along with being very bright and articulate.

17. You have to believe that there are absolutely no problems with capitalism even in the face of major corporate corruption scandals.

18. You have to believe that Bill Clinton having an affair and lying about it is more serious than George W. Bush going to war and lying about it.

19. You have to believe that free, harmless people parading in an organized fashion should not be allowed and that people should only be allowed to celebrate Christmas in this country.

20. You have to believe that companies like Wal-Mart importing billions of dollars worth of goods from China is OK because of the cheap labor there.

21. You have to believe that this message is from an unpatriotic heathen who has no right to live in the U.S.A.

22. You get upset when people say “happy holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” because you want to ignore belief systems other than your own.


Eh! Look at that! It goes both ways doesn't it numbnuts?

[Abbey Marie]

You're right. All of those things are written right here in the "Lib Handbook" in between the chapters on "Baby Eating" and "Hybrid Driving."

Meanwhile, here's 22 ways to be a great Republican:

Eh! Look at that! It goes both ways doesn't it numbnuts?


You make fun of the list, then post a similar one yourself? Now that's rich.

[Hagbard Celine]

You make fun of the list, then post a similar one yourself? Now that's rich.

What's rich is how ridiculous you look pointing out the obvious. From now on your name is Captain Obvious. I'll also direct you to the last line in my post, which you should be familiar with since you already quoted it once.

[Immanuel]

Doesn't this belong in the Humor forum? It is funny as was Hag's reply.

Immie

[Hagbard Celine]

Doesn't this belong in the Humor forum? It is funny as was Hag's reply.

Immie

I'd leave it. It's made even funnier by the fact that -Cp put it in the politics forum because he presumably thought it was real. :laugh:

[Abbey Marie]

What's rich is how ridiculous you look pointing out the obvious. From now on your name is Captain Obvious. I'll also direct you to the last line in my post, which you should be familiar with since you already quoted it once.

I know, it's tough when people point out your hypocrisy. You feel you must resort to insults to distract people from the truth.

Despite your eternally cynical posts and insults, I've tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and be nice, or at least ignore the worst stuff. But you have too much fun playing the sarcastic buffoon to add anything of substance. You are right; that, at least, is fairly obvious.

Btw, I am quite secure in my intelligence, my writing abilities, and my judgments. In the face of all that, your immature opinions mean, well, nothing.

[retiredman]

it was lame when I read it a year ago.

It is somewhat cheesy that -cp copies it here without attribution.

[Hagbard Celine]

I know, it's tough when people point out your hypocrisy. You feel you must resort to insults to distract people from the truth.

Despite your eternally cynical posts and insults, I've tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and be nice, or at least ignore the worst stuff. But you have too much fun playing the sarcastic buffoon to add anything of substance. You are right; that, at least, is fairly obvious.

Btw, I am quite secure in my intelligence, my writing abilities, and my judgments. In the face of all that, your immature opinions mean, well, nothing.

Wow, thanks grandma. I'd say I had been put in my place except for the fact that your lame-brained attempt to catch me in my "hypocrisy" backfired on you once you actually read my post. Don't take it personally. You're not the first to be bested by me :laugh: In the meantime, I can't wait to read what Captain Obvious' next ingenious insight will bring to light! :lol:

[glockmail]

it was lame when I read it a year ago.

It is somewhat cheesy that -cp copies it here without attribution. Name one thing on the list that is not true. :finger3:

[Sertes]

Name one thing on the list that is not true. :finger3:

Both list are true and wonderfully humorous, expecially when compared together!

[Abbey Marie]

Wow, thanks grandma. I'd say I had been put in my place except for the fact that your lame-brained attempt to catch me in my "hypocrisy" backfired on you once you actually read my post. Don't take it personally. You're not the first to be bested by me :laugh: In the meantime, I can't wait to read what Captain Obvious' next ingenious insight will bring to light! :lol:

Couldn't even think up your own accusation, and had to copy mine, pumpkin? :lame2:

I read your post from the start. Absolutely nothing backfired, and the only hypocrisy exhibited here is from you.

While I can't say that I look forward to the next immature post from you, I do expect it, as some things are just as inevitable as the tides. I guess they at least serve the purpose of showing a sharp contrast with the more intelligent and thoughtful posts on the board. I can almost picture you sitting at the keyboard, with your hat on backwards, straining to find a few simple words to post that make sense.
Keep trying, the effort may eventually pay off. :laugh2:

[Hagbard Celine]

Couldn't even think up your own accusation, and had to copy mine, pumpkin? :lame2:

I read your post from the start. Absolutely nothing backfired, and the only hypocrisy exhibited here is from you.

While I can't say that I look forward to the next immature post from you, I do expect it, as some things are just as inevitable as the tides. I guess they at least serve the purpose of showing a sharp contrast with the more intelligent and thoughtful posts on the board. I can almost picture you sitting at the keyboard, with your hat on backwards, straining to find a few simple words to post that make sense.
Keep trying, the effort may eventually pay off. :laugh2:

Hmmm. Since I didn't in fact copy your post and since I wasn't aware that we were supposed to be tossing "accusations" around, I'm not quite sure where you're coming from in this rambling, incoherent post of yours. Is old age dementia gettin' to ya old girl? :laugh2:

[avatar4321]

i got tired of the list after the first 100 times of seeing it. i just dont care about it anymore. Id rather discuss the issues.

[typomaniac]

Actually, we're all hypocrites when it comes to political ideology versus our own behavior.

What makes people like -Cp and Abbey so dangerous is that they don't seem to know it.

[retiredman]

Name one thing on the list that is not true. :finger3:

it is mostly hyperbolic bullshit. I think that every liberal is well aware that there has been great art at all points in human history.

I know of no liberals who believe that businesses create oppression.


to suggest that soccer moms driving SUV's are the problem is silly. To suggest that we can have millions of smokestacks spewing chemicals into our atmosphere and that's a good thing is really even sillier.

I think gender roles are natural, and homosexuality is "natural" too.

I think if a child can't read by the fourth grade, it's not the teacher's fault, but the parent's.

I know of no one who believes that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. I think that a lack of federal funding might impede its effective treatment, however.

I know of no one who believes that Sanger and Steinem are more important than Jefferson, Edison and Bell.

I don't believe the NRA is bad... it just suffers from tunnel vision.

socialism works quite nicely in most of scandanavia. But I prefer capitalism with a degree of regulation.

gay parades in public are perfectly OK.... manger scenes in YOUR front yard or MY front yard or the front lawn of a church or the front window of a private business are perfectly OK.... just not on public property paid for at taxpayer expense.

I say Merry Christmas all the time.

Those are just a FEW of the things on the list that are "not true".:fu:

[glockmail]

it is mostly hyperbolic bullshit. I think that every liberal is well aware that there has been great art at all points in human history.

I know of no liberals who believe that businesses create oppression.


to suggest that soccer moms driving SUV's are the problem is silly. To suggest that we can have millions of smokestacks spewing chemicals into our atmosphere and that's a good thing is really even sillier.

I think gender roles are natural, and homosexuality is "natural" too.

I think if a child can't read by the fourth grade, it's not the teacher's fault, but the parent's.

I know of no one who believes that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. I think that a lack of federal funding might impede its effective treatment, however.

I know of no one who believes that Sanger and Steinem are more important than Jefferson, Edison and Bell.

I don't believe the NRA is bad... it just suffers from tunnel vision.

socialism works quite nicely in most of scandanavia. But I prefer capitalism with a degree of regulation.

gay parades in public are perfectly OK.... manger scenes [are not] in YOUR front yard or MY front yard or the front lawn of a church or the front window of a private business are perfectly OK.... just not on public property paid for at taxpayer expense.

I say Merry Christmas all the time.

Those are just a FEW of the things on the list that are "not true".:fu:

Your opinions only; no proof. :pee:

[Hagbard Celine]

it is mostly hyperbolic bullshit. I think that every liberal is well aware that there has been great art at all points in human history.

I know of no liberals who believe that businesses create oppression.


to suggest that soccer moms driving SUV's are the problem is silly. To suggest that we can have millions of smokestacks spewing chemicals into our atmosphere and that's a good thing is really even sillier.

I think gender roles are natural, and homosexuality is "natural" too.

I think if a child can't read by the fourth grade, it's not the teacher's fault, but the parent's.

I know of no one who believes that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. I think that a lack of federal funding might impede its effective treatment, however.

I know of no one who believes that Sanger and Steinem are more important than Jefferson, Edison and Bell.

I don't believe the NRA is bad... it just suffers from tunnel vision.

socialism works quite nicely in most of scandanavia. But I prefer capitalism with a degree of regulation.

gay parades in public are perfectly OK.... manger scenes in YOUR front yard or MY front yard or the front lawn of a church or the front window of a private business are perfectly OK.... just not on public property paid for at taxpayer expense.

I say Merry Christmas all the time.

Those are just a FEW of the things on the list that are "not true".:fu:

I agree with everything you said except this. Homosexuality is a deviant behavior. It's a sexual perversion. However, that doesn't mean consenting adults shouldn't be able to practice it if they want to.

[Hagbard Celine]

Your opinions only; no proof. :pee:

Yeah and? He posted "I think" in the very first line of his post, which means he announced that he was about to give his opinion. Do we have another entrant for the title of "Captain Obvious" with us here this morning?:poke::eek:

[retiredman]

Your opinions only; no proof. :pee:
what PROOF do I need that democrats knew there was art before federal funding? How about the photographs of my grandfather sitting in his living room with a painting on the fucking wall???

moron:fu:

[glockmail]

Yeah and? He posted "I think" in the very first line of his post, which means he announced that he was about to give his opinion. Do we have another entrant for the title of "Captain Obvious" with us here this morning?:poke::eek:Great, but he confronted me whan I asked him to prove one thing that wasn't true. As usual he failed at a simple task.

[glockmail]

what PROOF do I need that democrats knew there was art before federal funding? How about the photographs of my grandfather sitting in his living room with a painting on the fucking wall???

moron:fu: Was it a painting of a naked young boy? :coffee:

[retiredman]

Great, but he confronted me whan I asked him to prove one thing that wasn't true. As usual he failed at a simple task.

post #20.....

moron.

[retiredman]

Was it a painting of a naked young boy? :coffee:

no. my grandfather had none of your artwork...

[glockmail]

no. my grandfather had none of your artwork...
Of course he didn't. It is apparent his tastes were of the pedophilia variety, while mine tend towards olds trains, boats and cars. :lol:

[retiredman]

Of course he didn't. It is apparent his tastes were of the pedophilia variety, while mine tend towards olds trains, boats and cars, velvet elvis, and dogs playing poker :lol:

I really don't care what sort of art you hang on your wall...what I am suggesting is that my grandfather did not having any of the work you painted yourself.... you know....like your infamous "Boy at Ski Lodge with Bruised Buttocks".... I would imagine that NAMBLA would be issuing that in a paint-by-numbers edition soon, eh?

MY personal tastes go to signed Dali lithographs

[glockmail]

I really don't care what sort of art you hang on your wall...what I am suggesting is that my grandfather did not having any of the work you painted yourself.... you know....like your infamous "Boy at Ski Lodge with Bruised Buttocks".... I would imagine that NAMBLA would be issuing that in a paint-by-numbers edition soon, eh?

MY personal tastes go to signed Dali lithographs

You can suggest all you want, but it is obvious that your grand-pap inspired your imagination of naked boys and butt-sex.

[MtnBiker]

Alright guys, lets leave the personal attacks out of it, it certainly does not elevate the level of discussion. And you guys can do much better, I know it.

[glockmail]

Alright guys, lets leave the personal attacks out of it, it certainly does not elevate the level of discussion. And you guys can do much better, I know it. Personal attacks are part of the fun. :coffee:

[MtnBiker]

Sometimes, and sometimes they become a real headache. Do me a favor, keep it to a minimum.

[retiredman]

wilco

[glockmail]

Sometimes, and sometimes they become a real headache. Do me a favor, keep it to a minimum. No problem. I'll confine my attacks to a single poster: the one with minimum intelligence and class. :laugh2:

[JimmyAteWorld]

it is mostly hyperbolic bullshit. I think that every liberal is well aware that there has been great art at all points in human history.

I know of no liberals who believe that businesses create oppression.


to suggest that soccer moms driving SUV's are the problem is silly. To suggest that we can have millions of smokestacks spewing chemicals into our atmosphere and that's a good thing is really even sillier.

I think gender roles are natural, and homosexuality is "natural" too.

I think if a child can't read by the fourth grade, it's not the teacher's fault, but the parent's.

I know of no one who believes that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. I think that a lack of federal funding might impede its effective treatment, however.

I know of no one who believes that Sanger and Steinem are more important than Jefferson, Edison and Bell.

I don't believe the NRA is bad... it just suffers from tunnel vision.

socialism works quite nicely in most of scandanavia. But I prefer capitalism with a degree of regulation.

gay parades in public are perfectly OK.... manger scenes in YOUR front yard or MY front yard or the front lawn of a church or the front window of a private business are perfectly OK.... just not on public property paid for at taxpayer expense.

I say Merry Christmas all the time.

Those are just a FEW of the things on the list that are "not true".:fu:

Fair enough. Stereotypes all around. Let me just point out....


I don't believe it is someone's right to snuff out a life that is only there because of their own doing. I do believe the death penalty given to someone that murdered an entire family with an axe is punishment fitting the crime. I also believe that both of these things should be a state issue and are not protected by the Constitution. I do believe it's terrorists and tyrants like Saddam Hussien that killed thousands of innocent people.

I believe the Internet we use today does exists because of the private sector and would no matter what kind of government funding there was early on, though Bill Gates has almost as much money as the government.

I believe passing laws to supposedly prevent "rampant gun accessibility" only affect the people that abide by the laws, which does not include the people using guns to break the law.

I believe I may not know art, but I know what I like.

I believe if someone wants me to listen to the theories on climate change, they should get their facts straight and stop embellishing so, perhaps, they don't lose credibility while making their point.

I do not believe the federal government having no position at all on what "consenting adults" do is dictating anything.

I believe the AIDS virus is mostly spread by men who put their penis inside other men. If God wanted to impose his will on anyone it would be much swifter.

I believe Duke is scum and Lott's place in history is undetermined. I believe Sanger is scum and I'm just not concerned about Steinem. I believe Jefferson, Edison, and Bell speak for themselves.

I believe encouraging abstinence does a lot more good than encouraging them to have sex since "they'll do it anyway".

I believe most hunters respect nature and eat what they kill, which is the oldest way of obtaining food in history.

I believe Mel Gibson made a movie. Period.

I believe the NRA is the first and oldest civil rights organization in the country that still stands for the rights it was founded on. I believe the ACLU was founded on questionable principals and only stands for what will promote a certain agenda.

I believe that taxes can be too high and the people who are always screaming about raising taxes because of the deficit are the same people who take the tax money from raising taxes and increase spending.

I believe George W. Bush is normal and a very nice person and is, at the very least, as intelligent and articulate as Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Al Gore, and the rest of the Apple Dumpling Gang.

I believe that if George W. Bush lied about WMDs, then Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, John Edwards, and a pack of others lied too since they were saying the exact same thing years before Bush was in office.

I believe I have no problem with people parading around in a harmless organized fashion and I'm not concerned with other countries and their celebration of Christmas, that's for them to decide.

I believe some people have a stick up their butt about Wal Mart and they should take it out.

I believe some messages on this board are from mentally deranged individuals, and I may very well be included on that list on my worst days.

I believe I get upset when someone gets offended by my saying Merry Christmas because they think I'm violating their Constitutional rights when the only sentiment is that I hope they have a Merry Christmas.

By the way... Merry Christmas.

[Hagbard Celine]

I really don't care what sort of art you hang on your wall...what I am suggesting is that my grandfather did not having any of the work you painted yourself.... you know....like your infamous "Boy at Ski Lodge with Bruised Buttocks".... I would imagine that NAMBLA would be issuing that in a paint-by-numbers edition soon, eh?

MY personal tastes go to signed Dali lithographs

Hmm. You would've been interested in the Dali lithograph exhibition I visited while in Brugges last may. I bought some stationary with a long-legged elephant on it. (Couldn't afford any of the actual lithographs. Not that much of a Dali fan either) ;)

[retiredman]

No problem. I'll confine my attacks to a single poster: the one with minimum intelligence and class. :laugh2:

self flagellation? please don't!

[glockmail]

self flagellation? please don't! I'll leave that task up to you. :lol:

[Hagbard Celine]

I'll leave that task up to you. :lol:

Wow. He left himself wide-open for that one. :D

[glockmail]

Wow. He left himself wide-open for that one. :D
He did the best he could with his limited metal facilties and the devastingly thin opening that I left for him. :laugh2:

[retiredman]

you were the one who said that you would confine your insults to the one person with the least intelligence, weren't you? Self flagellation IS the only way for YOU to do that. That's a fact.

[retiredman]

Hmm. You would've been interested in the Dali lithograph exhibition I visited while in Brugges last may. I bought some stationary with a long-legged elephant on it. (Couldn't afford any of the actual lithographs. Not that much of a Dali fan either) ;)

I really only have one signed one. "Lincoln in Dalivision"

having been born and raised in Illinois, it seemed like a natural.

[glockmail]

you were the one who said that you would confine your insults to the one person with the least intelligence, weren't you? Self flagellation IS the only way for YOU to do that. That's a fact.
You have proved many times over that you are the least intelligent person here. THATS why you resorted to personal insults at USMB, and when THAT didn't work resoreted to sexual innuendoS against my young son. THOSE ARE THE FUCKING FACTS.
:fu:

[glockmail]

I really only have one signed one. .... That's some collection, collection! :lol: