Fed up with my kids.........

[Trinity]

I have 2 boy's 11 and 9. I swear all these 2 do is fight and argue constantly. Name calling, hitting, breaking their toys arguing over the silliest crap I have ever heard in my life. I swear if one of them said the sky was blue the other wold argue that it was a different color. They fight over everything! They have gotten disrespectful towards me and my husband and just not listening at all.


So last night when they got home from basketball practice they were in for a big shock!

While they were at basketball practice my husband and I cleaned all of the toy's out of their rooms including the game cube and play station and locked them all up in storage.

When they returned we sat them down and explained to them what we did and why we did it.

they were then told that these were the main rules they were absolutely not allowed to break.

1. No hitting
2. No arguing
3. No back talking
4. No fighting (physical contact)
5. Listen when told 1st time
6. No whining

If they break these rules they get a 1 count if they reach 3 within 20 minutes they go to their room for 10 minutes, hitting is an automatic timeout. If however they do not reach a 3 in 20 minutes it will start over.

I also told them as their behavior changes and they are following the rules set I will start giving them their things back but until then it is mine.


No I do not believe in spanking. why? Because once they get the spanking that's it, it is over. This way they have to earn their things back with good behavior.


They probably hate me right now!:laugh2:

[Classact]

At the first unresolvable problem between my two boys ages 15 & 16 I threaten to turn off the power main and first remove all batteries from all devices other than flashlights. Then I tell them if they don't resolve it right then and there they can take it up with their mommy by flashlight. If I'm being bothered, everyone around me will be bothered.

[darin]

Spank them. Then take away their things. This positive-reinforcement mumbo jumbo won't work.

Beat them, take their games.

Timeouts, honestly, are a JOKE to most kids. Seriously - I am NOT trying to make-fun or be mean, Trin - I like you, I hope you know that.

I spank my kids for one of three things: Dishonest, Disrespect, Disobedience.

[hjmick]

I wish my kids were 11 and 9 again...

[Classact]

Spank them. Then take away their things. This positive-reinforcement mumbo jumbo won't work.

Beat them, take their games.

Timeouts, honestly, are a JOKE to most kids. Seriously - I am NOT trying to make-fun or be mean, Trin - I like you, I hope you know that.

I spank my kids for one of three things: Dishonest, Disrespect, Disobedience.When a child reaches ten years old it is too late for spanking in my opinion. You must require them to reason and weigh what they have to lose. Address children over ten as young woman/man and tell them exactly what you expect of them. They have no rights to anything you don't give them and they live for rights.

[Trinity]

Spank them. Then take away their things. This positive-reinforcement mumbo jumbo won't work.

Beat them, take their games.

Timeouts, honestly, are a JOKE to most kids. Seriously - I am NOT trying to make-fun or be mean, Trin - I like you, I hope you know that.

I spank my kids for one of three things: Dishonest, Disrespect, Disobedience.

I tried that at one time it did not work, I saved the spankings for serious issues because I do not like to spank them. However both of my boy's have the attitude that oh I get a spanking then I can go back to doing what ever I was doing.

My 11 year old hates to be grounded away from his friends it kills him

My 9 year old I have yet to find anything that actually works with him. which is where I decided to take away everything. My 11 year old does not own any more toys, you know he's to old according to him, but my 9 year old about lost it when he found out I took all of his cars and trucks.

[Trinity]

When a child reaches ten years old it is too late for spanking in my opinion. You must require them to reason and weigh what they have to lose. Address children over ten as young woman/man and tell them exactly what you expect of them. They have no rights to anything you don't give them and they live for rights.

That's the truth my 11 year old has spouted off many times when I have told him to watch his mouth, he busts out with it's a free country and I can say what I want. I then look at him with the evil look and tell him yes it is a free country however you live in a dictatorship and I am the dictator. That usually shuts him up.

[Trigg]

I have 2 boy's 11 and 9. I swear all these 2 do is fight and argue constantly. Name calling, hitting, breaking their toys arguing over the silliest crap I have ever heard in my life. I swear if one of them said the sky was blue the other wold argue that it was a different color. They fight over everything! They have gotten disrespectful towards me and my husband and just not listening at all.


So last night when they got home from basketball practice they were in for a big shock!

While they were at basketball practice my husband and I cleaned all of the toy's out of their rooms including the game cube and play station and locked them all up in storage.

When they returned we sat them down and explained to them what we did and why we did it.

they were then told that these were the main rules they were absolutely not allowed to break.

1. No hitting
2. No arguing
3. No back talking
4. No fighting (physical contact)
5. Listen when told 1st time
6. No whining

If they break these rules they get a 1 count if they reach 3 within 20 minutes they go to their room for 10 minutes, hitting is an automatic timeout. If however they do not reach a 3 in 20 minutes it will start over.

I also told them as their behavior changes and they are following the rules set I will start giving them their things back but until then it is mine.


No I do not believe in spanking. why? Because once they get the spanking that's it, it is over. This way they have to earn their things back with good behavior.


They probably hate me right now!:laugh2:


Good for you!!!!

They are getting to old to spank, taking things away will definitally get their attention.

We did this earlier in the year for my 9yr old, we was acting up in school. Took him almost a month to earn back all his stuff.

[glockmail]

When a child reaches ten years old it is too late for spanking in my opinion. .....


I tried that at one time it did not work, I saved the spankings for serious issues because I do not like to spank them. However both of my boy's have the attitude that oh I get a spanking then I can go back to doing what ever I was doing. .....

I agree completely with classact on this. Trinity demonstrated why it doesn't work with older kids. (Although it works great for most kids when they are younger!)

Trinity you're doing a great thing rocking their world like this. Clear-cut rules with well established punishments. My only concern is that the management aspect of it is burdensome.

For my kids, now 13 and 15, I keep it simple. I'm their best buddy or worst nightmare; it all depends on how they behave. If they are edging towards the line, I ask them: "what should your punishment be?" When I get a stupid answer then I respond that I will decide what item of value they prize the most, take that away, and then proceed from there.

[-Cp]

I tried that at one time it did not work, I saved the spankings for serious issues because I do not like to spank them. However both of my boy's have the attitude that oh I get a spanking then I can go back to doing what ever I was doing.

My 11 year old hates to be grounded away from his friends it kills him

My 9 year old I have yet to find anything that actually works with him. which is where I decided to take away everything. My 11 year old does not own any more toys, you know he's to old according to him, but my 9 year old about lost it when he found out I took all of his cars and trucks.

With all due respect, if your kids feel that way about spankings then perhaps you're giving them a "love tap" and not a spanking that'll make their buttcheeks a bit red......:)

I know - growing up - I always preferred my Mom to spank me over my dad as I knew she was a "light-weight". My dad, however, would put the fear of God in me.....in fact, the worst punishment was the time leading up to the ass-beating he handed out. - that fear and the ensuing beat-down was enough to help keep me on the straight and narrow growing up and - for the most part - respect my parents...

[-Cp]

I agree completely with classact on this. Trinity demonstrated why it doesn't work with older kids. (Although it works great for most kids when they are younger!)

But it does work - I spanked my kids up until around the 12th year - until they got big enough where hitting them any harder would leave marks (they toughen up when older, especially the boys)....

Anywho - yeah... we spanked em' till around 12ish... and I think most folks who know our two oldest - now 16 and 14, would agree they are generally very good kids to be around...

[darin]

When a child reaches ten years old it is too late for spanking in my opinion. You must require them to reason and weigh what they have to lose. Address children over ten as young woman/man and tell them exactly what you expect of them. They have no rights to anything you don't give them and they live for rights.

Tis why we started spanking them when they were little.

:)

But I agree with -Cp.

Trin - I don't like spanking MY kids either - but I swallow it, and spank them anyway because I love THEM more than I care about what feels good.

[Trinity]

I agree completely with classact on this. Trinity demonstrated why it doesn't work with older kids. (Although it works great for most kids when they are younger!)

Trinity you're doing a great thing rocking their world like this. Clear-cut rules with well established punishments. My only concern is that the management aspect of it is burdensome.

For my kids, now 13 and 15, I keep it simple. I'm their best buddy or worst nightmare; it all depends on how they behave. If they are edging towards the line, I ask them: "what should your punishment be?" When I get a stupid answer then I respond that I will decide what item of value they prize the most, take that away, and then proceed from there.

Yeah if it ends up being to burdensome I may only give them a 2 count or even an automatic timeout.

I think my 11 year old will fall into line pretty quickly it is my 9 year old that is usually the instigator of most of the arguments and the fighting and his favorite saying right now is calling his brother a Freaking fag....which drives me nuts!

[glockmail]

That's the truth my 11 year old has spouted off many times when I have told him to watch his mouth, he busts out with it's a free country and I can say what I want. I then look at him with the evil look and tell him yes it is a free country however you live in a dictatorship and I am the dictator. That usually shuts him up.

I love it. Here's some more ammo for you:

1. Who ever told you that life would be fair?
2. This ain't a democracy!
3. When you can pay for your own roof then you can decide what goes on under it. Until then you'll only make the decisions that I allow you to.
4. Its not your room- its mine. I let you use it when you get within my good graces.
5. (In reserve for my 15-year old, will get my old car when he's 16): Its not your car- its mine. I'll let you use it if you do so responsibly. As you know, I have theknowledge and resources to track it with GPS, and cut the ignition or lock you out of it, either on site, or remotely, if necessary.

[Monkeybone]

if you don't like how they are talking, wash their mouths out with soap

[hjmick]

if you don't like how they are talking, wash their mouths out with soap

They'll blow bubbles out of their asses.

[manu1959]

my kids both like their things......if they don't behave i take them.....when they behave they can buy them back.....yes buy them back......

also anything on the floor is garbage......they can buy things back from the "dump".....

[Trinity]

Tis why we started spanking them when they were little.

:)

But I agree with -Cp.

Trin - I don't like spanking MY kids either - but I swallow it, and spank them anyway because I love THEM more than I care about what feels good.

That's just it I have spanked them not for awhile and when I had to spank them it was for something serious my 9 year old for instance.... He was about 7 and he swung at an adult, I sent him to his room and told him he was getting a spanking so to go and wait for me. After I calmed down I got a belt ( I am not hurting my hand) I folded it in half and then folded it again so I had control of the belt and was not going to hit anything but my target area the butt. Yeah he cried and I left red mark on his butt. I then heard him say later spankings aren't that bad it only hurts for a few minutes.

Yeah see my dilemma

[Classact]

Tis why we started spanking them when they were little.

:)

But I agree with -Cp.

Trin - I don't like spanking MY kids either - but I swallow it, and spank them anyway because I love THEM more than I care about what feels good.I spanked the kids when they were young and they are normally quite well behaved. My older son is jealous of his younger brother because he learns easier in school. We give cash rewards for good grades so that causes a little friction when one gets less than the other.

I make them argue with themselves, not at each other... in other words they have to reason how to work it out so they are no longer angry with each other and negotiate with each other. I clearly tell them that all outside activities will end with exception of school, Christmas, birthdays and so on including phone until they resolve their differences. I refuse to referee. When they really get out of control I threaten turning off the electricity and I only had to do it once... lasted about 15 minutes.

[Trinity]

I love it. Here's some more ammo for you:

1. Who ever told you that life would be fair?
2. This ain't a democracy!
3. When you can pay for your own roof then you can decide what goes on under it. Until then you'll only make the decisions that I allow you to.
4. Its not your room- its mine. I let you use it when you get within my good graces.
5. (In reserve for my 15-year old, will get my old car when he's 16): Its not your car- its mine. I'll let you use it if you do so responsibly. As you know, I have theknowledge and resources to track it with GPS, and cut the ignition or lock you out of it, either on site, or remotely, if necessary.


:laugh2::laugh2::laugh2: I'll have to remember those.

[Trinity]

if you don't like how they are talking, wash their mouths out with soap

Yeah we been down that road too....My 9 year old thinks it tastes good!

although hmmm maybe hot sauce

[Trinity]

my kids both like their things......if they don't behave i take them.....when they behave they can buy them back.....yes buy them back......

also anything on the floor is garbage......they can buy things back from the "dump".....

so how does your whole buy back plan work?

[manu1959]

so how does your whole buy back plan work?

we have a chore spread sheet on the fridge....

when they do chores thoughout the course of the week they they check thinbgs off....

at the end of the week they get paid....

if the have been good all week they can vist the "dump" or "impound" yard.....prices are arbitrary and negotiable.....

we also have a poker chip jar if the are good and nice to each other they earn poker chips for good deeds.....each chip is worth 10 minutes of tv or video game time.....if you are bad i take chips.....how bad determines how many chips i take.....once i took them all.....

[Trinity]

we have a chore spread sheet on the fridge....

when they do chores thoughout the course of the week they they check thinbgs off....

at the end of the week they get paid....

if the have been good all week they can vist the "dump" or "impound" yard.....prices are arbitrary and negotiable.....

we also have a poker chip jar if the are good and nice to each other they earn poker chips for good deeds.....each chip is worth 10 minutes of tv or video game time.....if you are bad i take chips.....how bad determines how many chips i take.....once i took them all.....

I like the poker chip jar I might have to try that one...as for the chores I will work on that one after I get the behavior straightened out.

[manu1959]

I like the poker chip jar I might have to try that one...as for the chores I will work on that one after I get the behavior straightened out.

the chores and money and behaviour all tie together.....

[Trinity]

the chores and money and behaviour all tie together.....

True

[glockmail]

we have a chore spread sheet on the fridge....

when they do chores thoughout the course of the week they they check thinbgs off....

at the end of the week they get paid....

if the have been good all week they can vist the "dump" or "impound" yard.....prices are arbitrary and negotiable.....

we also have a poker chip jar if the are good and nice to each other they earn poker chips for good deeds.....each chip is worth 10 minutes of tv or video game time.....if you are bad i take chips.....how bad determines how many chips i take.....once i took them all.....
I used to do that with the chore list and payment- too burdensome. Now I just tell them to do it. If the work stops getting done then I may have to go back to that. The poker chip deal would make that easier...

[Trigg]

Yeah we been down that road too....My 9 year old thinks it tastes good!

although hmmm maybe hot sauce

two words: liquid soap.

My 9yr old, would stick out his tongue at adults he was mad at. Cured him real quick, and he's a stubborn one.


My older sister and I used to fight all the time. Mom would send us out to weed the garden. We had the biggest nicest garden in the entire neighborhood at the beginning of the summer. By the end it always started looking a little raggity.

[Trigg]

my kids both like their things......if they don't behave i take them.....when they behave they can buy them back.....yes buy them back......

also anything on the floor is garbage......they can buy things back from the "dump".....

Great idea!!!

[manu1959]

Great idea!!!

thanks i will let my wife know she came up with this......she has raised two of the most polite well behaved children i have ever seen.....

all i do is back her up.....

[manu1959]

I used to do that with the chore list and payment- too burdensome. Now I just tell them to do it. If the work stops getting done then I may have to go back to that. The poker chip deal would make that easier...

we make them manage it......

[Trinity]

Well I just got off the phone with my mom and she was telling me some where is trying to pass a bill that would make spanking your child a crime. Have not had a chance to check in to it yet.

See this kind of shit pisses me off granted I do not spank my children however I do not appreciate the government telling me that I can not.

[Said1]

I agree with everyone about time outs - they only work in a group setting, if at all.

Whatever you do, be consistent, no matter how long it takes. I can remember having everything taken and only being allowed to sit at the kitchen table until bed time. I could read and stuff, but who wants to do that? Sadly, my mother's head was MUCH HARDER than mine. She usually wore me down. :laugh2:

And pls, for the love of all that's holy, don't act like a victim.

[glockmail]

Well I just got off the phone with my mom and she was telling me some where is trying to pass a bill that would make spanking your child a crime. Have not had a chance to check in to it yet.

See this kind of shit pisses me off granted I do not spank my children however I do not appreciate the government telling me that I can not.

Assachusetts.:finger3:

[Trinity]

Assachusetts.:finger3:

Go figure.

[KitchenKitten99]

Yeah we been down that road too....My 9 year old thinks it tastes good!

although hmmm maybe hot sauce
try chinese mustard or a dab of wasabi. My FIL did that with my husband and his brother when they were around the ages of your kids. Not poison and not cruel. my husband says he still remembers the mustard.

[gabosaurus]

My parents didn't have to hit my sister or me. Just knowing that they WOULD (if necessary) was enough for me. Plus, my mom has the most withering stare imaginable. If I got into trouble, my mom would sit me down, tell me how disappointed she was with me, sigh loudly, and fix me with that stare. Enough to give me nightmares.

The most worthless punishment for many modern kids is sending them to their rooms. Most kids have enough in their rooms to live there for a week.
Not me. I had nothing except books. No TV, stereo or phone. I had to stare at the walls.

Another thing is parents grounding their kids for a week, then relenting the next day. If your kids know they can take advantage of you, they will.

The absolute WORSE thing about growing up in my house is that my mom was a teen hellion. She got into more trouble at my age than anyone, so she knew all the tricks and all the punishments. Made it damn difficult to get away with anything. :(

[KitchenKitten99]

My parents didn't have to hit my sister or me. Just knowing that they WOULD (if necessary) was enough for me. Plus, my mom has the most withering stare imaginable. If I got into trouble, my mom would sit me down, tell me how disappointed she was with me, sigh loudly, and fix me with that stare. Enough to give me nightmares.

The most worthless punishment for many modern kids is sending them to their rooms. Most kids have enough in their rooms to live there for a week.
Not me. I had nothing except books. No TV, stereo or phone. I had to stare at the walls.

Another thing is parents grounding their kids for a week, then relenting the next day. If your kids know they can take advantage of you, they will.

The absolute WORSE thing about growing up in my house is that my mom was a teen hellion. She got into more trouble at my age than anyone, so she knew all the tricks and all the punishments. Made it damn difficult to get away with anything. :(

i think that it feels way worse when parents say they are disappointed then when they are just plain angry.

[shattered]

my kids both like their things......if they don't behave i take them.....when they behave they can buy them back.....yes buy them back......

also anything on the floor is garbage......they can buy things back from the "dump".....

LMFAO!!!!

[Trinity]

My parents didn't have to hit my sister or me. Just knowing that they WOULD (if necessary) was enough for me. Plus, my mom has the most withering stare imaginable. If I got into trouble, my mom would sit me down, tell me how disappointed she was with me, sigh loudly, and fix me with that stare. Enough to give me nightmares.

The most worthless punishment for many modern kids is sending them to their rooms. Most kids have enough in their rooms to live there for a week.
Not me. I had nothing except books. No TV, stereo or phone. I had to stare at the walls.

Another thing is parents grounding their kids for a week, then relenting the next day. If your kids know they can take advantage of you, they will.

The absolute WORSE thing about growing up in my house is that my mom was a teen hellion. She got into more trouble at my age than anyone, so she knew all the tricks and all the punishments. Made it damn difficult to get away with anything. :(


Yep I got into my fair share of trouble when I was a teen and probably know every trick in the book. God help my boy's. Mom's onto it...been there done that.

You know I remember a conversation I had with them about 6 months ago. We were having dinner and I asked them if they ever cussed when they were outside playing with their friends? They both looked at me all innocent and said no we don't cuss! I looked at them and said bullshit, I know better, I was your age once and i did it. They both then got these guilty looks on their faces and were like yeah we have a couple of times. I said yeah that's what I thought don't play me for a fool.....I then told them I do not approve of them cussing and would prefer they not do it at all, if they felt the need they better make sure there are no adults present and they best not do it at school.