Are you prone to jealousy? [Archive] - Debate Policy

JohnDoe

11-06-2007, 02:21 PM

No, I am really not the Jealous type or don't have the Jealousy trait, and I am female.

I might have a twinge of it occaisionally but can usually convince myself that I am being silly within the first minute of it.

Self confidence does have alot to do with it as hj has mentioned in my opinion too.

When I started believing in myself and in my own decisions and self worth is when jealously dissipated, near completely, and I took on the attitude that if "he" could not see the "prize" he has with me, then "he" is not worthy of me! Hahahahahaha!

:D

Jane alias jd

Cheyenne

11-06-2007, 02:23 PM

...... I believe that it frequently stems from a lack of confidence, low self esteem, or not knowing how to treat a person.I agree with the first part of your statement but could you please explain the highlighted part?

Cheyenne

11-06-2007, 02:24 PM

.....
When I started believing in myself and in my own decisions and self worth is when jealously dissipated, near completely, and I took on the attitude that if "he" could not see the "prize" he has with me, then "he" is not worthy of me! Hahahahahaha!I don't think it could have been said better. :)

When I was younger I was. I learned to get over it now.So how did you do it?

hjmick

11-06-2007, 02:50 PM

I agree with the first part of your statement but could you please explain the highlighted part?

I think some instances of jealousy surface when a person is cognizant of the fact that they do not treat their partner well, that they could be a better person towards that individual. When they see that person interact with someone else, I have seen a tendency for feelings of insecurity and jealousy to surface. They realize that someone else could treat their partner better, make them happier, that there is a possibility they could lose that person and they behave in a jealous manner.

darin

11-06-2007, 02:59 PM

quite astute, Mick. Very good.

typomaniac

11-06-2007, 03:06 PM

Jealousy is a human trait.

Not at all. We used to have a dog who would bark at me (in public!) whenever I dared to pet someone else's dog.

gabosaurus

11-06-2007, 03:20 PM

Not in the least.

Guernicaa

11-06-2007, 03:32 PM

Sort of. Depends on the situation.

hjmick

11-06-2007, 03:54 PM

Not at all. We used to have a dog who would bark at me (in public!) whenever I dared to pet someone else's dog.

LOL. Point to typo.

Said1

11-06-2007, 04:59 PM

hjmick

11-06-2007, 05:13 PM

Hey typo, Said1's post has provided me with the word I was looking for when I read your post about the dog. Territorial. I think dogs are territorial rather than jealous. In my opinion, jealousy is a uniquely human emotion.

Said1, I'm don't think that modern man is territorial. I believe that instinct died out with the establishment of villages, towns, and cities. When we as a species moved into houses and communities, our territorial instinct shifted from individual interest to community and/or national interest. IMO.

Cheyenne

11-06-2007, 06:18 PM

I think humans are territorial moreso than jealous.

I usually get a 'vibe' about someone and I've never been wrong. Perhaps it's just sensing competion, I'm not really sure. This extends to people in all situations. I can always tell who, in any given situation will be the one to give me a hard time. I guess you can say I can spot the asshole. :laugh2: :clap:
I have a tendency to do this, more when it's not so personal, but I've been wrong, too.
But you just 'feel' that a certain person is trouble.

I think dogs are territorial rather than jealous. In my opinion, jealousy is a uniquely human emotion.I think you're right. Animals act on instinct therefore they don't know what jealousy is.

I think some instances of jealousy surface when a person is cognizant of the fact that they do not treat their partner well, that they could be a better person towards that individual. I understand what you're saying, but I think you are giving the perpetrator more credit than deserved. If they are capable of realizing they should be treating their partner better then that's what they should be doing and correct their behavior. Not get jealous.
When they see that person interact with someone else, I have seen a tendency for feelings of insecurity and jealousy to surface. They realize that someone else could treat their partner better, make them happier, that there is a possibility they could lose that person and they behave in a jealous manner.Maybe. But you find this anywhere you go. There's always someone smarter, prettier, more handsome, funnier....when your partner interacts with another person you risk the chance of them finding that person they just 'click' with more than you. It's having faith in them that since they took a vow of eternal love, they will stay true to their word.

typomaniac

11-06-2007, 06:33 PM

Said1, I'm don't think that modern man is territorial. I believe that instinct died out with the establishment of villages, towns, and cities.

IMO, that's just a more sophisticated version of territorial behavior. A man's home is still very much his castle, as the saying goes. Not many people live in communes where truly everything has to be shared.

jackass

11-06-2007, 07:00 PM

So how did you do it?

Pretty much the same way JD did it. I realized that I was worth it. If they didnt think so...oh well.

Said1

11-06-2007, 07:04 PM

Said1, I'm don't think that modern man is territorial. I believe that instinct died out with the establishment of villages, towns, and cities. When we as a species moved into houses and communities, our territorial instinct shifted from individual interest to community and/or national interest. IMO.

I think you're wrong. "Man's' territory is their home, among other things. Just like animals, humans can sniff out someone encrouching on their territory, if they try/pay attention etc. I think it's natural to want to protect your home and family (territory), although some take it to an abnormal extreme.

Kathianne

11-06-2007, 07:05 PM

I've never been jealous, I don't know why. Oh I've been able to spot someone moving in on my date/mate/whatever we'll call it now. Just figured it was up to the 'guy' to decide what he was going to do with that. I'd be fine either way.

On the other hand, cheating is NOT something I'd tolerate, probably related. :coffee: I guess I put the 'blame' or 'credit' on my partner, not the 'intruder' or myself.

typomaniac

11-06-2007, 07:10 PM

I've never been jealous, I don't know why. Oh I've been able to spot someone moving in on my date/mate/whatever we'll call it now. Just figured it was up to the 'guy' to decide what he was going to do with that. I'd be fine either way.

There are more than two ways, hon. Would you have said yes to a threesome? :D

Kathianne

11-06-2007, 07:19 PM

There are more than two ways, hon. Would you have said yes to a threesome? :D

Nahhh, not my thing! :laugh2:

hjmick

11-06-2007, 08:00 PM

I think you're wrong. "Man's' territory is their home, among other things. Just like animals, humans can sniff out someone encrouching on their territory, if they try/pay attention etc. I think it's natural to want to protect your home and family (territory), although some take it to an abnormal extreme.

IMO, that's just a more sophisticated version of territorial behavior. A man's home is still very much his castle, as the saying goes. Not many people live in communes where truly everything has to be shared.

I understand what you're saying, I guess I just don't feel territorial in that sense. At least I don't think I do. I suppose the only instance in which I would could be if I were being robbed. In that case I certainly would feel the urgent and territorial instinct to protect and defend what's mine.

However I think that jealousy and being territorial are two seperate, perhaps similar, feelings.

Cheyenne

11-06-2007, 08:27 PM

I've never been jealous, I don't know why..... I guess I put the 'blame' or 'credit' on my partner, not the 'intruder' or myself.I never understood when I'd hear someone say they were going to beat up the other guy "cause he was "stealin' my gal". What about the girl? She had much more responsibility than the 'other' guy. Or, "you know that's the way guys are"; like they don't know how to think.
They don't ever seem to get upset with their partner. I can't figure that one out. Or is this just a willingness to close your eyes to the fact?

typomaniac

11-06-2007, 08:31 PM

I never understood when I'd hear someone say they were going to beat up the other guy "cause he was "stealin' my gal". What about the girl? She had much more responsibility than the 'other' guy.
It comes purely from generations of belief that women were men's property. I expect there's still some "holdover" of that feeling on a gut level.

JohnDoe

11-06-2007, 08:43 PM

I think you're wrong. "Man's' territory is their home, among other things. Just like animals, humans can sniff out someone encrouching on their territory, if they try/pay attention etc. I think it's natural to want to protect your home and family (territory), although some take it to an abnormal extreme. I agree with you on this, but i am not so certain that this would be labeled as jealousy?

I do think it would be called naive, if one failed to recognize this, if someone is truely encroaching on ones family unit. I don't see this as jealousy, more like protectionism, and this is not a feeling one might have towards their partner, but the radar is up, for the person encroaching and you may give a heads up to your partner that they need to raise their radar too! :)

i hope that made sense! hahahaha! if it didn't, please permit me a ''second'' shot at it!!!!

jd

Abbey Marie

11-06-2007, 08:47 PM

I never understood when I'd hear someone say they were going to beat up the other guy "cause he was "stealin' my gal". What about the girl? She had much more responsibility than the 'other' guy. Or, "you know that's the way guys are"; like they don't know how to think.
They don't ever seem to get upset with their partner. I can't figure that one out. Or is this just a willingness to close your eyes to the fact?

I just think it hurts a little less if you can focus your anger on the third party. It keeps your mind off the actions of real perpetrator of the betrayal- your spouse/lover.

Dilloduck

11-06-2007, 08:54 PM

Isn't jealously just fear--real or imagined ?

JohnDoe

11-06-2007, 09:13 PM

Isn't jealously just fear--real or imagined ?
I see jealousy as fear, real or imagined, and a lack of self worth.

But the "protectionism" (for the lack of a better word at this point) that I believe Said1 was trying to explain or define can be something entirely different.

jd

actsnoblemartin

11-06-2007, 09:16 PM

no not really

Dilloduck

11-06-2007, 09:20 PM

I see jealousy as fear, real or imagined, and a lack of self worth.

But the "protectionism" (for the lack of a better word at this point) that I believe Said1 was trying to explain or define can be something entirely different.

jd

So if your mate is flirting with someone, what you are feeling is "protectionism"?

JohnDoe

11-06-2007, 09:41 PM

So if your mate is flirting with someone, what you are feeling is "protectionism"?No, absolutely not. If you read my first post, I explained how I view jealousy or have it in check, 100%.

What Said1 is speaking to in my opinion, is where another person has cunningly put on the full court press, to attract or pull away ones spouse from the family unit, and your spouse may be totally unaware of it...yes, maybe he or she is slightly flattered by it, but not necessarily aware of the Viper at hand, but you are aware of it thru instinct, intuition, or whatever you want to call it. I don't see that as jealousy, I see this as being aware your your surroundings and those encroaching on them.

The conversation with one's spouse might go like this:

"You realize that is is not just some cordial flattery going on here and that he or she is "hitting" on you, don't you? Just want to make sure you see it!"

hahahahaha, or something like that.....it is no biggie, no argument arises, if anything, just awareness, and the openess with eachother can lead to positive things happening! :)

jd

Dilloduck

11-06-2007, 09:44 PM

No, absolutely not. If you read my first post, I explained how I view jealousy or have it in check, 100%.

What Said1 is speaking to in my opinion, is where another person has cunningly put on the full court press, to attract or pull away ones spouse from the family unit, and your spouse may be totally unaware of it...yes, maybe he or she is slightly flattered by it, but not necessarily aware of the Viper at hand, but you are aware of it thru instinct, intuition, or whatever you want to call it. I don't see that as jealousy, I see this as being aware your your surroundings and those encroaching on them.

The conversation with one's spouse might go like this:

"You realize that is is not just some cordial flattery going on here and that he or she is "hitting" on you, don't you? Just want to make sure you see it!"

hahahahaha, or something like that.....it is no biggie, no argument arises, if anything, just awareness, and the openess with eachother can lead to positive things happening! :)

jd

If you trusted you mate ,why would you have to give them a "heads up" ?

JohnDoe

11-06-2007, 10:09 PM

If you trusted you mate ,why would you have to give them a "heads up" ? Hmmmm....that's a good question. I suppose it is to keep things open with them, it lets them know what you are seeing and gives them the opportunity to feel flattered at the same time without any guilt.

I can say from experience that Matt appreciates the heads up, he loves to try to rub it in sometimes too just to tease me, like , ''see, there are still other women that think I am attractive....''

I think this is a mild situation described above....and is really not what said1 or I was thinking of when I made my initial response on this protectionism.

It was putting myself in the shoes of others and what I have witnessed in my life, more of a situation where it is someone CUNNINGLY trying to take your man or your woman away.... where it seems like a simple friendship or a relationship with a coworker, or a babysitter or whoever, that you can see or feel or sense that they are trying to break the two of you up. It is possible that a spouse who is too close to the situation and sees the friendship, but not the underlying intent of the one encroaching, might need a heads up, to such....

So you say, there should be no reason not to trust your spouse's judgement and if one's spouse really loves them this will not be a problem in the first place.... and I am saying sometimes they don't see it coming, a heads up does not hurt imo. And also, as I have said, it brings more of an openess with eachother and more security within the relationship.

that's just my opinion on it....

jd

Cheyenne

11-07-2007, 12:03 AM

If you trusted you mate ,why would you have to give them a "heads up" ?
Cause sometimes they just don't see it comin' for whatever reason.
It's nice to know someone's got your back, don't you think?
This is a good point

..... your spouse may be totally unaware of it...yes, maybe he or she is slightly flattered by it, but not necessarily aware of the Viper at hand,

I see jealousy as fear, real or imagined, and a lack of self worth.Usually that's what jealousy is; but there are also degrees of jealousy. Little twangs of jealousy, a little apprehension may be good for a relationship.

diuretic

11-07-2007, 03:54 AM

I used to be. It cost me a long term relationship. Now I know where it came from I can deal with it. It won't happen again.

Dilloduck

11-07-2007, 08:14 AM

Cause sometimes they just don't see it comin' for whatever reason.
It's nice to know someone's got your back, don't you think?
This is a good point

Usually that's what jealousy is; but there are also degrees of jealousy. Little twangs of jealousy, a little apprehension may be good for a relationship.

How can some "viper" come in and steal your mate without the consent of your mate and where does this conversation go ?:

"Honey--look out--there is a viper trying to steal you away for me."

"A viper? That person is a good friend and I have no intention of ever leaving you. Are you afraid that I am not in control of myself or are you are you just angry that I have friends other than you ?

JohnDoe

11-07-2007, 09:30 AM

How can some "viper" come in and steal your mate without the consent of your mate and where does this conversation go ?:

"Honey--look out--there is a viper trying to steal you away for me."

"A viper? That person is a good friend and I have no intention of ever leaving you. Are you afraid that I am not in control of myself or are you are you just angry that I have friends other than you ?

hahahahahahahahahaha! Well, ok, I can see your point here Dillo, and you are probably right when it comes to how can the Viper steal ones mate if the mate himself doesn't want to be stolen?

But sometimes men or even women may be thinking with the organ between their legs instead of the brain on their shoulders....I think it can probably happen to the best of people, depending on the circumstances and things going on at the homefront....(which the Viper may see and fully try to take advantage of...) and discussing it with ones spouse might actually bring in to the light those feelings, which in my opinion, can only help the two of them because they are discussing it with eachother.

Not all friendships of the opposite sex, outside of marriage, have Vipers involved....I didn't mean to imply this.... just that in some cases they are...and it can't hurt imo to give a heads up to the spouse, if you see it. Sure, the spouse may go on and "do their thing" if things are on shakey ground for whatever reasons on the homefront, but I can guarantee ya, it wouldn't happen as easily if both spouses are aware of the Viper's pressense because it would be all out in the open...at least that is what I think.... I don't really know this, I am just guessing on that guarantee! :)

jd

Dilloduck

11-07-2007, 09:35 AM

hahahahahahahahahaha! Well, ok, I can see your point here Dillo, and you are probably right when it comes to how can the Viper steal ones mate if the mate himself doesn't want to be stolen?

But sometimes men or even women may be thinking with the organ between their legs instead of the brain on their shoulders....I think it can probably happen to the best of people, depending on the circumstances and things going on at the homefront....(which the Viper may see and fully try to take advantage of...) and discussing it with ones spouse might actually bring in to the light those feelings, which in my opinion, can only help the two of them because they are discussing it with eachother.

Not all friendships of the opposite sex, outside of marriage, have Vipers involved....I didn't mean to imply this.... just that in some cases they are...and it can't hurt imo to give a heads up to the spouse, if you see it. Sure, the spouse may go on and "do their thing" if things are on shakey ground for whatever reasons on the homefront, but I can guarantee ya, it wouldn't happen as easily if both spouses are aware of the Viper's pressense because it would be all out in the open...at least that is what I think.... I don't really know this, I am just guessing on that guarantee! :)

jd

Let me simplify this---a relationship is in far more danger from actions by those in the realtionship than any "viper".

JohnDoe

11-07-2007, 09:58 AM

Let me simplify this---a relationship is in far more danger from actions by those in the realtionship than any "viper".That very well may be the case Dillo, but it is not the case in all circumstances. And regardless of this, discussing it with the spouse instead of hiding it with the spouse, may actually bring the two at home closer in the long run. Honesty is the best policy as the saying goes, but then there is the saying of what they don't know, won't hurt too. :(

I suppose all of this discussion is meaningless because it lacks true details of actual circumstances and is only a speculating type discussion.

jd

Dilloduck

11-07-2007, 10:01 AM

That very well may be the case Dillo, but it is not the case in all circumstances. And regardless of this, discussing it with the spouse instead of hiding it with the spouse, may actually bring the two at home closer in the long run. Honesty is the best policy as the saying goes, but then there is the saying of what they don't know, won't hurt too. :(

I suppose all of this discussion is meaningless because it lacks true details of actual circumstances and is only a speculating type discussion.

jd

NOOOO---a meaningly discussion HERE ??? :laugh2: