thinking of starting a pissing match with my mum.....

[manu1959]

I have held my tongue till now .... no longer

you know .... I watched Stuart walk out on Will and put him in tears at thanksgiving, with no explanation, after he promised to spend the night ....

I watch the two of you walk out on Christmas putting both Will and Giovanna in tears and shocking me .....

I have watched you speak to Paulette in an accusatory, backhanded, passive, aggressive, manipulative manner such as that contained in you e-mail below .....

personally, I am sick of this passive, aggressive, manipulative, behavior i have lived with for 47 years and I am tired of defending and explainng this type of behaviour to my wife, son, and daughter ....

i don't want an appology, i don't want an explanation, i don't want excueses, i don't want to discuss this.

I want you seriously evaluate your behavior if you plan on being a guest in my house.

I will no longer tolerate this type of behavior directed towards my family

[Mr. P]

Is this a serious post?

[manu1959]

Is this a serious post?

deadly serious

[Mr. P]

deadly serious

I think you're doing what you must and the right thing. Sounds like you've had enough and see the neg affects.There comes a time that immediate family must be protected, even from blood relatives. Sad but it happens all the time.

[manu1959]

I think you're doing what you must and the right thing. Sounds like you've had enough and see the neg affects.There comes a time that immediate family must be protected, even from blood relatives. Sad but it happens all the time.

yes .... one must do what one must ....

[Mr. P]

yes .... one must do what one must ....

And let the chips fall where they may..Good luck with it.

One bit of advice..don't say anything you would regret or feel bad about, if by chance you wouldn't be able to ever talk again, it's tough to live with.

Get my drift?

[TheSage]

I have held my tongue till now .... no longer

you know .... I watched Stuart walk out on Will and put him in tears at thanksgiving, with no explanation, after he promised to spend the night ....

I watch the two of you walk out on Christmas putting both Will and Giovanna in tears and shocking me .....

I have watched you speak to Paulette in an accusatory, backhanded, passive, aggressive, manipulative manner such as that contained in you e-mail below .....

personally, I am sick of this passive, aggressive, manipulative, behavior i have lived with for 47 years and I am tired of defending and explainng this type of behaviour to my wife, son, and daughter ....

i don't want an appology, i don't want an explanation, i don't want excueses, i don't want to discuss this.

I want you seriously evaluate your behavior if you plan on being a guest in my house.

I will no longer tolerate this type of behavior directed towards my family

ooh ooh, post the email from your mom!

[jillian]

Before you take on your mom, ask yourself a couple of things. First, do you think by writing, you are going to get her to change her behavior or do you need to vent? Changing her behavior is unlikely because she's older and is who she is so ultimately the restult is going to be venting. You just did that with us... which is cool, but venting to her probably won't accomplish anything more.

I'm gonna go with Mr P on this one... be careful what you say to her. You can discuss how you feel, but don't say anything that you can't take back... they aren't here forever and you may not get the chance to say anything else after.

Good luck with her.

[KarlMarx]

It is almost impossible for a person to make a wholesale change of themselves, especially as they grow older. Think of what you go through when you try to make a small change, like your diet and you'll appreciate my meaning. My Dad can be a handful, too, so I have an inkling of what you're going through. I came to this realization after years of trying to change him. I feel that the only changes one can hope for in situations like this are small ones. For instance, get your Mom to hold her tongue around the kids and your wife.

Some people actually like to fight and cause a big commotion, they get a charge out of it. Your mom may be one of those people. The best thing is to stand up to her and give her well defined limits that you are willing to consistently defend. The word "consistently" is important here because she will try to test your resolve before giving in. The good news is that, once confronted, people like your mother usually back down.

Also, it is important to understand that some people (perhaps your Mom) are incapable of understanding that other people have feelings. They cannot empathise with anyone. It is almost as if their development was arrested in the 2 year old phase. They are self centered, act like spoiled brats and make everyone's life miserable. You cannot change that. The sooner you realize this, the better for you.

[manu1959]

Before you take on your mom, ask yourself a couple of things. First, do you think by writing, you are going to get her to change her behavior or do you need to vent? Changing her behavior is unlikely because she's older and is who she is so ultimately the restult is going to be venting. You just did that with us... which is cool, but venting to her probably won't accomplish anything more.

I'm gonna go with Mr P on this one... be careful what you say to her. You can discuss how you feel, but don't say anything that you can't take back... they aren't here forever and you may not get the chance to say anything else after.

Good luck with her.

she will not change.....i really could give a flying fuck if she changes....

she needs to hear from me that she has crossed my line and i do not tollerate this type of shit in my house.

[jillian]

she will not change.....i really could give a flying fuck if she changes....

she needs to hear from me that she has crossed my line and i do not tollerate this type of shit in my house.

Fair enough. Setting boundaries is reasonable. Good luck.

[manu1959]

Fair enough. Setting boundaries is reasonable. Good luck.

i have been doing battle with her for 47 years...water off a ducks back....but she fucked with my wife and kids....nobody fucks with my wife and kids

[jillian]

i have been doing battle with her for 47 years...water off a ducks back....but she fucked with my wife and kids....nobody fucks with my wife and kids

Not a good line to cross. My only issue was that you need to be comfortable with whatever you say after you've said it. Families can be complicated and, unfortunately, we're given more training before we drive a car than we are before we parent children.

[manu1959]

Not a good line to cross. My only issue was that you need to be comfortable with whatever you say after you've said it. Families can be complicated and, unfortunately, we're given more training before we drive a car than we are before we parent children.

familys are forced upon you they are not chosen.....just because they are family does not mean that i must accept unacceptable behavior in my house....the last family members they behaved this way i have not seen or spoke to in five years.....my dad did this when i was 18 .... didn't see him again till his funeral....i do not suffer fools don't really care who they are....life is to short to waste your time with people that waste your life.

[jillian]

familys are forced upon you they are not chosen.....just because they are family does not mean that i must accept unacceptable behavior in my house....the last family members they behaved this way i have not seen or spoke to in five years.....my dad did this when i was 18 .... didn't see him again till his funeral....i do not suffer fools don't really care who they are....life is to short to waste your time with people that waste your life.

More power to ya if you can do that. Not a skill I've ever been able to acquire, for better or worse.

[Gaffer]

When someone steps over that line I think the way you do. I won't speak to them or have anything to do with them ever again. Makes no difference if they are family or friends.

[Kathianne]

she will not change.....i really could give a flying fuck if she changes....

she needs to hear from me that she has crossed my line and i do not tollerate this type of shit in my house.

Manu, I read this far and decided to jump in. I think it important that you say, "You've crossed a line, that will NOT be tolerated. I love you, but will cut you off if you ever repeat this behavior with my wife or children. Take ME on, fine, them, no."

[Gunny]

she will not change.....i really could give a flying fuck if she changes....

she needs to hear from me that she has crossed my line and i do not tollerate this type of shit in my house.

A-MEN. Been there done that, and feel exactly the same way. She doesn't have to change, but she gets treated in accordance with her behavior toward me and mine.

Had to do the same with her clone, my brother.

Blood does not give one special dispensation to be antagonistic and disruptive in MY house.

[pegwinn]

Good Luck Dude.

Everytime I hear a varient on this story I thank God that all but one of my family are as great as normal folks can be.

Wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. Again, Good luck. Hope you get both what you want and what you need.

[Said1]

Well. What did you do?


Someone said "some people just like to fight'. My mother is like that. Didn't speak to her for about a year, then moved without telling her. To make a long story short, she's careful at my house now.

[Pale Rider]

she will not change.....i really could give a flying fuck if she changes....

she needs to hear from me that she *has crossed my line and i do not tollerate this type of shit in my house.*

That's all you need to say. Keep it short and sweet. Don't make a big speech, just lay it out. Slap her right in the face with it quick. If she responds with more shit, tell her to get her fucking ass a'goin. If she calms down, all the better. Either way, problem solved.

[manu1959]

Well. What did you do?

Someone said "some people just like to fight'. My mother is like that. Didn't speak to her for about a year, then moved without telling her. To make a long story short, she's careful at my house now.

got over it..she is 65 she will be a bitch till she dies.....we don't invite her over any more and don't answer the phone....basically cut her off with no explanation