Marriage question

[Cheyenne]

Abbey's post on marriage prompts this question.

Is marriage dead?

[KarlMarx]

The answer is "no". Especially in third world countries. Now, if you mean is marriage "dead" in Western Europe and in America... the answer is still "no", but the prognosis isn't good.

Part of the problem is cultural, part of it is tied to the legal system. I guess so long as men are seen as the bad guys, the oppressors and the legal system remains in love with the notion of redistributing wealth, and so long as people remain more committed to themselves rather than their families, it will remain an endangered institution.

Of course, marriage will favor those segments of the population that practice it. They will have more children, those children will do better economically and eventually, those who practice marriage will own the rest of us. My guess is that the problem may be solved by the cradle rather than by legislation.

Sorry, that's the way it is.

[BoogyMan]

Marriage will never be dead, but by the actions of some it certainly seems to be on life support.

[GW in Ohio]

Marriage is only dead among leading Republicans.....

Rudy Giuliani: 3 wives
John McCain: 2 wives
Fred Thompson: 2-3 wives
Newt Gingrich: 3 wives
Rush Limbaugh: 3 wives

Contrast with.....

Hillary Clinton: Married 25+ years
John Edwards, Barack Obama: 1 wife

[manu1959]

Marriage is only dead among leading Republicans.....

Rudy Giuliani: 3 wives
John McCain: 2 wives
Fred Thompson: 2-3 wives
Newt Gingrich: 3 wives
Rush Limbaugh: 3 wives

Contrast with.....

Hillary Clinton: Married 25+ years
John Edwards, Barack Obama: 1 wife

how about john kerry and harry reid?.....bill clinton? gary hart?

[Abbey Marie]

Most people want to share their life intimately with another, and I don't think that will ever change. And since it has been true throughout history that we like to have ceremonies to add a sense of importance to the milestones in our lives (baptism, graduation, marriage, etc.), I think marriage as ceremony with a license and publicly-recited vows is a safe component as well. Whether they last, is another question.

[Abbey Marie]

Marriage is only dead among leading Republicans.....

Rudy Giuliani: 3 wives
John McCain: 2 wives
Fred Thompson: 2-3 wives
Newt Gingrich: 3 wives
Rush Limbaugh: 3 wives

Contrast with.....

Hillary Clinton: Married 25+ years
John Edwards, Barack Obama: 1 wife

Can you try to discuss something without dragging your hatred of Republicans into it? It's an interesting topic, but now it will turn into more of same. :rolleyes:

[Cheyenne]

Most people want to share their life intimately with another, and I don't think that will ever change. And since it has been true throughout history that we like to have ceremonies to add a sense of importance to the milestones in our lives (baptism, graduation, marriage, etc.), I think marriage as ceremony with a license and publicly-recited vows is a safe component as well. Whether they last, is another question.You're a smart lady Ms. Abbey.

[Cheyenne]

Let me ask this then.

If you are still on marriage #1 what advice would you give someone planning on being married? What do you think has contributed to your success?

If you are divorced or separated, Do you know what your contribution was to the demise of your marriage?

And to both, do you think pre-marital questionnaires help?

[PostmodernProphet]

Rudy Giuliani: 3 wives
John McCain: 2 wives
Fred Thompson: 2-3 wives
Newt Gingrich: 3 wives
Rush Limbaugh: 3 wives


how can the marriage rate be down, when so many more people are getting married more than once?

[BoogyMan]

Most people want to share their life intimately with another, and I don't think that will ever change. And since it has been true throughout history that we like to have ceremonies to add a sense of importance to the milestones in our lives (baptism, graduation, marriage, etc.), I think marriage as ceremony with a license and publicly-recited vows is a safe component as well. Whether they last, is another question.

Excellent observations Abbey!

I see the root of this problem being bound up in the no fault divorce. Divorce has become a method of avoiding dealing with problems rather than sticking to the commitment made and trying to work things out.

It is a sad state of affairs that finds itself being passed on as a legacy to the children of broken homes who know no other method themselves of dealing with marital strife or just dealing with basic problems dealt with on a day to day basis in a marriage.

[KarlMarx]

Marriage is only dead among leading Republicans.....

Rudy Giuliani: 3 wives
John McCain: 2 wives
Fred Thompson: 2-3 wives
Newt Gingrich: 3 wives
Rush Limbaugh: 3 wives

Contrast with.....

Hillary Clinton: Married 25+ years
John Edwards, Barack Obama: 1 wife
Guy, get your head out of the sand....

The Democrat Party has Bill Clinton (who probably screwed more babes than a porn star) and Ted Kennedy (who probably screwed more babes while drunk than a porn star). The Clintons have been married 25+ years??? I think the question of whether the Clintons are married in the traditional sense or have an agreement is open to debate (good idea for a poll)

[Immanuel]

Let me ask this then.

If you are still on marriage #1 what advice would you give someone planning on being married? What do you think has contributed to your success?

If you are divorced or separated, Do you know what your contribution was to the demise of your marriage?

And to both, do you think pre-marital questionnaires help?

I am still on marriage #1. I have been married for 23 years and looking forward to a life long relationship with my wife. Marriage is not always easy. You have to work at it sometimes.

I don't know for sure what led to our success, but I can say that I went into this marriage expecting it to last for ever. I never considered that divorce was an option. I was taught to respect my wife and to trust her, never to be afraid to say I am sorry and maybe most importantly, be willing to forgive her if and when she is not perfect.

I have always felt that my wife felt the same way about marriage being forever.

As for advice, I would probably have to say to go into marriage with the full expectation that it is a life long committment and that divorce is not an option. Today, too many people think that marriage is an agreement to stay together as long as both members are happy, but when that is no longer the case, there is always a way out. I think if you go into it with that attitude, you are setting yourself up for a fall.

I'm not saying there are not reasons for divorce. When one partner abuses the other in such a manner that the other's life is endangered would be one example.

I don't know about pre-marital questionaires. We weren't involved with them. But I suppose if one goes into a marriage with a pre-nuptial agreement, I would have to wonder if there is trust involved in the relationship or not.

Immie

[darin]

Most people want to share their life intimately with another, and I don't think that will ever change.

Which begs the question...what're YOU doing from now, till....say....for the next 50 years?? :)

:D

[darin]

Let me ask this then.

If you are still on marriage #1 what advice would you give someone planning on being married? What do you think has contributed to your success?

And to both, do you think pre-marital questionnaires help?

Advice?

First off - if the person you want to marry is 'your best friend' - think twice. I'd suggest NOT marrying your best friend, unless you're seriously PASSIONATE with your best-friend. It's much easier to learn to be better friends, than it is to learn to be passionate towards one-another.

Secondly I'd say relationships shouldn't be THAT much work. There should be a baseline of trust, love and desire which transcends ANY arguments. If, during a fight, you can think for even a few seconds "Geesh, this person bothers me to the point I'd be better-off without them" then perhaps you aren't with the person who is most-right for you.

Thirdly, learn to be inter-dependent. If your spouse does not have your back ALL THE TIME, then nobody will, ever. I MUST have my wife's back, rightly or wrongly - ESPECIALLY in front of the kids. Private time is the time to work out the specifics or the objections. I can't function very well without my wife - it's my goal to be that kind of a man for her.

Fourth - Die to self. When your spouse offends you or upsets you, before you get pissy, ask yourself "Do I have Grace for him/her?" FIND grace for your spouse. Love in the most selfless way possible. When you are feeling particularly neglected, be a servant to your spouse. It'll help you get your mind off yourself.

...off the top of my head. :)

[Abbey Marie]

Which begs the question...what're YOU doing from now, till....say....for the next 50 years?? :)

:D

:)

[Immanuel]

Which begs the question...what're YOU doing from now, till....say....for the next 50 years?? :)

:D

As a Christian, shouldn't you be asking, "What're YOU doing from now, till....say....eternity"? ;)

Immie

[Abbey Marie]

Let me ask this then.

If you are still on marriage #1 what advice would you give someone planning on being married? What do you think has contributed to your success?
...


1. Don't marry very young. As painful as they can be, experiencing some relationship failures can help you to better appreciate the person you finally marry. And you will be less likely to have that feeling that the grass may be greener.

2. Take time in the relationship to make sure that it's not just an infatuation.

3. Absolutely marry someone who can make you laugh, and who gets your humor. It can get you through just about anything that comes along.

4. Put your spouse first, and make sure they see that you do. This does not mean that you ignore others or treat them shabbily. But it should be clear to everyone that your heart and your priorities are with your spouse. Sometimes it's the small decisions in their favor that mean the most to your spouse.

5. Men: listen to your wife when she needs to talk, even if it seems silly to you sometimes.

6. Women: show some interest in the things that interest your husband. Even if you don't want to actually play the sport or watch it, for example, you can show interest.

7. Put God in the center of your marriage. By this, I mean, pray regularly. And when there are questions or troubles, try to understand what God would have you do. When your spouse drives you up the wall, try to see him or her as someone who God loves very much.

If all else fails, an elderly friend of the family married about 60 years before his wife died, had this advice to give on the secret of a long marriage:

"The husband has to take a lot of *expletive deleted*." :laugh2:

[darin]

As a Christian, shouldn't you be asking, "What're YOU doing from now, till....say....eternity"? ;)

Immie

No. Once our physical bodies die, so does our marriage commitment.


Matthew 22:30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.


Now...as an already-married man, I shouldn't be asking...I'll grant you that. Except I wasn't seriously asking for her to marry me...I was flirting with a good friend.

[Immanuel]

No. Once our physical bodies die, so does our marriage commitment.




Now...as an already-married man, I shouldn't be asking...I'll grant you that. Except I wasn't seriously asking for her to marry me...I was flirting with a good friend.

Hehe,

1) I didn't know you were married.

2) There is nothing wrong with flirting in a friendly manner as long as it does not offend the "flirtee"

3) I realize the marriage commitment ends upon our entry to the promised land.

4) I was of course kidding you about the eternity. We should, however, be looking forward to eternity together with the Lord.

Immie

[darin]

Hehe,

1) I didn't know you were married.

2) There is nothing wrong with flirting in a friendly manner as long as it does not offend the "flirtee"

3) I realize the marriage commitment ends upon our entry to the promised land.

4) I was of course kidding you about the eternity. We should, however, be looking forward to eternity together with the Lord.

Immie


:) :cheers2:

[Cheyenne]

Advice? ......off the top of my head. :)Wow, some of the most profound advice I have come across in a long time.

[Cheyenne]

1. Don't marry very young.
2. Take time in the relationship to make sure that it's not just an infatuation.
3. Absolutely marry someone who can make you laugh, and who gets your humor. It can get you through just about anything that comes along.
4. Put your spouse first, and make sure they see that you do. T
5. Men: listen to your wife when she needs to talk, even if it seems silly to you sometimes.
6. Women: show some interest in the things that interest your husband.
7. Put God in the center of your marriage.

And this is precisely why you have the successful marriage you do.