New Rules

[truthmatters]

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[darin]

moved to lounge.

[nevadamedic]

Did anybody see the new Bill Maher show man I love that segment and am so glad hes back.

I saw him live in Vegas last month and the guy is just great live.

Your easily amused............

[truthmatters]

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[truthmatters]

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[stephanie]

New Rule: Journalists in Iraq must stop celebrating miracle babies rescued by American soldiers. Like when U.S. troops found little Fatima lying in a pile of rubble, and instead of bashing her head in with a rock, they brought her to a hospital. Ooh, what a miracle!! U.S.A. number one! Thanks, CBS, for turning Iraq into a feel-good story for the "Baby Jessica Fell Down a Well" crowd.

And, no offense, Fatima, but the real miracle in Iraq will be if we ever manage to get out. No, please, don't - don't tire yourselves out.


Yeah...that joke above by Maher had me rolling on the floor...
What a sick and ignorant piece of shit..

And someone who finds this funny, is just as sick and twisted as Maher...
This is what I think of Maher..:puke3:

Myself, I cant stand looking at that ugly mug of Mahers...

[darin]

Yeah...that joke above by Maher had me rolling on the floor...

What a sick and ignorant piece of shit...:puke:

And someone who finds this funny, is just as sick and twisted as Maher...

This is what I think of Maher....:puke3:

http://www.d-mphotos.com/images/applause.gif

[hjmick]

Heh, I remember when Maher used to be funny.

[Nukeman]

Yeah...that joke above by Maher had me rolling on the floor...

What a sick and ignorant piece of shit...:puke:

And someone who finds this funny, is just as sick and twisted as Maher...

This is what I think of Maher....:puke3:
I agree totaly. Bill Maher is a foulmouthed Liberal piece of you-know-what
He is soo anti American its not even funny. He doesnt even try to see another side than his.

He had Ann Coulter on one night and wouldn't let her speak, she finnaly asked if she would be allowed to talk and he talked right over her so she she just waited untill the end of the show and left. Why would this idiot even have her on his show if he wasn't going to talk to her...

He's an idiot...

[nevadamedic]

Yeah...that joke above by Maher had me rolling on the floor...
What a sick and ignorant piece of shit..

And someone who finds this funny, is just as sick and twisted as Maher...
This is what I think of Maher..:puke3:

Myself, I cant stand looking at that ugly mug of Mahers...

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:


I thought this part was pretty funny.
August 24, 2007 Send Bill Maher's New Rules to a Friend

New Rule: Stop saying Barack Obama isn't black enough! First, you aren't sure America was ready for a black president. Now he's not black enough? "I like his stand on the issues, but can he dunk?" Why are we even talking about him this way? Mitt Romney, now there's someone who's not black enough to be president.

New Rule: Victoria Beckham must smile. The last person who arrived in America looking this unhappy came on a slave ship. "Hey, Spice Girl, it's not spitting rain and ten degrees out there anymore. You're in Cali, baby! Knows how to party!" Nobody? "Your husband can bend a soccer ball using the muscles in his foot. You could at least bend your lips using the muscles in your face!"

New Rule: Journalists in Iraq must stop celebrating miracle babies rescued by American soldiers. Like when U.S. troops found little Fatima lying in a pile of rubble, and instead of bashing her head in with a rock, they brought her to a hospital. Ooh, what a miracle!! U.S.A. number one! Thanks, CBS, for turning Iraq into a feel-good story for the "Baby Jessica Fell Down a Well" crowd.

And, no offense, Fatima, but the real miracle in Iraq will be if we ever manage to get out. No, please, don't - don't tire yourselves out.

New Rule: Stop wearing plastic shoes. It was only a year ago when only preschoolers and mental patients wore these. But, now grownups all over America have gone "Croc" crazy. The latest step in our unending quest to dress as casually as humanly possible. "You know, I used to wear flip-flops, but they're a little dressy." "I want clothing I can hose down." Admit it, we're a nation of slobs who won't be happy until we can go to the mall in a diaper.

New Rule: If your winner is a ventriloquist, then "America Hasn't Got Talent." Besides, if there's one thing Americans have had enough of, it's the guy who puts words in the dummy's mouth. [photo of Bush and Rove shown] Oh, we kid President Bush. It's all with love.

And finally, New Rule: If you were surprised that the Chinese don't care about toy safety, then the child who needs protecting is you. Over the last couple of months, American consumers have been learning a shocking lesson about supply and demand: if you demand products that don't cost anything, people will make them out of poison, mud and shit. Now, since April, approximately 17 million toys in the United States, all of them made in China, have been recalled. Which is amazing considering that no one in the Department of Justice can recall a thing. Okay.

Now, believe me, I was devastated when Mattel recalled almost everything in my Barbie Dream Closet. Although I had suspected something when Ken discovered a lump on his testicle.

Until recently, I never even worried about being harmed by the Chinese. Unless they were in the left-hand turn lane. I kid. I love the...

But then we found out … that their dog food was deadly and that they were making toothpaste out of antifreeze, and that the Number 62A at the Szechuan Palace is Beef with Bronchitis. They're the Chinese. They don't care if your precious little Britney sucks a little lead. Because in China, their kids aren't playing with the toys. They're the ones in the factory all day making them.

Now, I know you're saying, "But, Bill, I don't have time to ponder whether these $12 jeans are the product of child labor. I just know I'm an American on a budget and our lifestyle is a blessed one. And I want to look nice while I'm standing in line for my iPhone."

But, there is something to be said for thinking about why these bargains are such bargains. Wal-Mart is the most American thing in the universe, but all it sells is crap from China. Wal-Mart wouldn't exist without the American consumers' endless thirst for the cheapest stuff China has to offer. Like $30 DVD players and Jackie Chan.Yeah, you're right, it was a great movie.
http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/

You've got some serious mental issues that you need to deal with.

[dan]

Maher sucks. And, I agree with some of what he says, but he's just unfunny and not nearly as clever as he thinks he is. He is the textbook definition of 'smarmy'.

[Hagbard Celine]

Your easily amused............

Coming from the guy who has a dog taking a sh*t for his avatar.

[hjmick]

Coming from the guy who has a dog taking a sh*t for his avatar.

I don't care who you are, that was funny. :lol:

[truthmatters]

4

[dan]

Goddammit, I just wrote a huge reply, accidentally hit 'Esc' and erased the whole thing!!!:blowup:

Here's the basics: I agree that comedy is subjective, I don't like Howard Stern or Jay Leno, but the stats show that I'm in the minority on that one.

I'm not big on political comedy, anyway. My current favorite comedians are Patton Oswalt, Zach Galafanakis, Louis CK, Neil Hamburger... nothing particularly political.

[Pale Rider]

Maher is a comedian... hmmmm... I didn't know. He's about as funny as a hang nail. Just another frothing at the mouth liberal sack of horse piss.

[truthmatters]

4

[truthmatters]

Goddammit, I just wrote a huge reply, accidentally hit 'Esc' and erased the whole thing!!!:blowup:

Here's the basics: I agree that comedy is subjective, I don't like Howard Stern or Jay Leno, but the stats show that I'm in the minority on that one.

I'm not big on political comedy, anyway. My current favorite comedians are Patton Oswalt, Zach Galafanakis, Louis CK, Neil Hamburger... nothing particularly political.


You gotta hate it when that happens!

I have not heard of any of them I will have to check them out.

[dan]

I have not heard of any of them I will have to check them out.

Out of that group, I'd start with Zach Galafanakis. You've probably seen him before, he's guested on a lot of TV shows and stuff. His comedy is sort of just one-liners, like Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg.

[Abbey Marie]

"You know, I used to wear flip-flops, but they're a little dressy." "I want clothing I can hose down." Admit it, we're a nation of slobs who won't be happy until we can go to the mall in a diaper.

I don't generally find Maher funny, but that was pretty good.