Talking with teens

[Abbey Marie]

Not a rant, not a rave, just reality/truth, ha ha:

When teens are in the mood to talk, they will talk your ear off.

If they are not in the mood, don't even bother trying. They are incommunicado.

The sooner we learn that little nugget of truth, the better.

That is all.

[5stringJeff]

Wow... someone else is living in my world!

My teenage daughter talks so little nowadays that I have to ask her if something's wrong.

[Abbey Marie]

Wow... someone else is living in my world!

My teenage daughter talks so little nowadays that I have to ask her if something's wrong.

Yup, that's what we are experiencing, too. But those times when she wants to talk, it's really something to hear. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted, is it?

[LiberalNation]

That's all people not just teens.

[Hagbard Celine]

That's all people nut just teens.

huh, huh, huh, you said "nut."

[darin]

No - it's teens. "Adults" Share bits of themselves and their mind with ppl they love, w/o being prompted :)

[Abbey Marie]

No - it's teens. "Adults" Share bits of themselves and their mind with ppl they love, w/o being prompted :)

Yes, and younger (pre-teen) kids are much more open, generally.

[Mr. P]

Whoever the idiot was that said "Silence is Golden" didn't have a teen.

[LiberalNation]

Not always or really.

[Abbey Marie]

Whoever the idiot was that said "Silence is Golden" didn't have a teen.

:laugh2:

[Trinity]

Ok so how old are these teens we are referring to? Just out of curiosity.

[glockmail]

My son is 15 and I found the best way to communicate is to do stuff together, like skiing, ebay, computer stuff, maintaining the house and car, boy scouts, hiking, etc. Keeping involved with his HS sports is good too but not as good. I also talk to him about typical HS life issues like cliques and such.

I saw an interview with Tiger Wood's dad, and he never had a problem with his son during this stage of his life. That's because they were working together on Tiger's golf career. There's nothing to say a parent can't do that with an academic interest.

Its much more difficult to interact with my 13 yo daughter because we have less in common.

[5stringJeff]

My daughter is 13. About the only things I can talk to her about are video games and Orlando Bloom.

[Kathianne]

Working with 13 and 14 year olds and having taught seniors that had returned to high school after dropping out, I can tell you they talk, a lot! :laugh2: Yet I know, from parenting, that the 'talk' that parents wish to hear, just vanishes. It's the kids' job, they are working at shaking out and growing the wings that were tended for all those formative years. If as parents we've done our job, they return to yakking about 16-18. It really is not that long a time, but those days sure are.

I'd like to remind you all of something:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070819/ap_en_ot/youth_poll_happiness


Poll: Family ties key to youth happiness

By JOCELYN NOVECK and TREVOR TOMPSON, Associated Press WritersSun Aug 19, 2:27 PM ET

So you're between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, a little rock 'n' roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys.

Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey — more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 — conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America's young people.

Next was spending time with friends, followed by time with a significant other. And even better for parents: Nearly three-quarters of young people say their relationship with their parents makes them happy.

"They're my foundation," says Kristiana St. John, 17, a high-school student from Queens in New York. "My mom tells me that even if I do something stupid, she's still going to love me no matter what. Just knowing that makes me feel very happy and blessed."

Other results are more disconcerting. While most young people are happy overall with the way their lives are going, there are racial differences: the poll shows whites to be happier, across economic categories, than blacks and Hispanics. A lot of young people feel stress, particularly those from the middle class, and females more than males.

You might think money would be clearly tied to a general sense of happiness. But almost no one said "money" when asked what makes them happy, though people with the highest family incomes are generally happier with life. However, having highly educated parents is a stronger predictor of happiness than income.

And sex? Yes, we were getting to that. Being sexually active actually leads to less happiness among 13-17 year olds, according to the survey. If you're 18 to 24, sex might lead to more happiness in the moment, but not in general.

From the body to the soul: Close to half say religion and spirituality are very important. And more than half say they believe there is a higher power that has an influence over things that make them happy. Beyond religion, simply belonging to an organized religious group makes people happier.

And parents, here's some more for you: Most young people in school say it makes them happy. Overwhelmingly, young people think marriage would make them happy and want to be married some day. Most also want to have kids.

Finally, when asked to name their heroes, nearly half of respondents mentioned one or both of their parents. The winner, by a nose: Mom.

___

HAPPINESS IS ...

"...two kinds of ice cream," according to the song from "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." John Lennon, more darkly, described it as a warm gun. A much more typical description comes from Stacy Rosales, a 23-year-old recent college graduate, who calls it "just a general stress-free feeling where I'm not really worried about anything. THAT makes me happy."

For Chad Fiedler, 17, it's "just waking up in the morning and looking forward to what I'm going to be doing that day." And for Eoshe Roland, a 14 year old from Nashville, it's "playing trumpet in my school band."

However you express, define or feel it, 65 percent of those surveyed say they're happy with the way things are going for them right now.

WE ARE FAMILY:

When asked what one thing makes them most happy, 20 percent mentioned spending time with family — more than anything else. About three-quarters — 73 percent — said their relationship with their parents makes them happy. After family, it was relationships with friends that people mentioned most.

"It's good news to hear young people being realistic about what really makes them happy," says psychologist Jean Twenge, author of "Generation Me" and a professor at San Diego State University. "Research has shown us that relationships are the single greatest source of happiness."

Also confirming existing research, Twenge says, is the finding that children of divorced parents are somewhat less likely to be happy. Among 13-17 year olds, 64 percent of those with parents still together said they wake up happy, compared to 47 percent of those with divorced parents.

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES...:

Overall, romantic relationships are a source of happiness — but being in one doesn't necessarily lead to greater happiness with life in general.

"It would be nice, but where I am right now is, I want to take care of myself," says Rosales. "Before you can be in a committed relationship you have to know who you are and what you really want."

Eventually, though, marriage is a goal for most young people, with 92 percent saying they either definitely or probably want to get married.

"I don't want to be one of those career businesswomen who just doesn't ever settle down," says St. John, the New York high school student.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY:

Money may make the world go around, but when asked what one thing makes them happiest, almost nobody in the poll mentioned money or anything material. Still, money does play a role in happiness.

Those who can't afford to buy many of the things they want are less happy with life in general. Just under half of young people think they'd be happier if they had more money, while the same percentage (49 percent) say they'd be just as happy.

"I'm going to college next year," says Fiedler, who will attend Drexel University in Philadelphia. "Not the cheapest thing nowadays. Money isn't the most important thing, but if something happens, it can turn into it."

STRESSES, FEARS:

Young people in this survey had a 10 percent higher stress rate than adults did in a 2006 AP-Ipsos poll. For ages 13 to 17, school is the greatest source of stress. For those in the 18-24 range, it's jobs and financial matters.

Only 29 percent feel very safe traveling, and 25 percent very safe from terror attacks. Still, those interviewed said the fear of terror interfered very little with their lives.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL: Alcohol users are slightly less happy than those who don't drink. The differences are more remarkable among 13-17 year olds; just 40 percent of those who drank in the last seven days reported being happy with life, versus 68 percent of those who didn't. And 49 percent of illegal drug users reported being happy with life, compared with 66 percent of those who didn't use drugs.

RACIAL DIVIDE:

While 72 percent of whites say they're happy with life in general, just 56 percent of blacks and 51 percent of Hispanics say that. And 66 percent of whites were happy at the moment the interview began, compared with 57 percent of minorities.

SUSTENANCE FOR THE SOUL:

"I just like believing in something greater than me and everybody else," St. John, who attends a Catholic school, says of her commitment to religion. "When I pray, sometimes it just makes me feel better, if I'm freaking out about things."

Those for whom religion and spirituality plays a bigger role tend to be happier, according to the poll. More than half — 55 percent — say it is either a very important part of life or the single most important thing in their lives.

I NEED A HERO:

Oprah Winfrey? Michael Jordan? Hillary Clinton? Tiger Woods? All those names came up when people were asked about heroes. Of public figures, Martin Luther King, Jr. got the most mentions. But nearly half mentioned one of their parents, with mothers ranking higher (29 percent) than fathers (21 percent.)

"My parents came here from the Philippines in the '70s," says Rosales. "They raised a family and got to where they are from scratch. My mother's now the director of a hospital. I admire them both so much."

"My mother is a pastor, and she's my role model," says Esohe, the 14 year old in Nashville. "She's so giving." Blacks and Hispanics were more likely than whites to name their mothers.

Also mentioned: God (more than 10 percent), teachers (nearly 5 percent); and members of the military, policemen and firefighters.

THE CRYSTAL BALL:

Will young people grow up to be happy adults? Overall they're optimistic: Sixty-two percent think they'll be happier in the future than they are now. (Those over 18 are more optimistic.) But many anticipate a more difficult life than their parents had.

"I think a lot about my kids and what their lives are going to be like," says Fiedler. "There may be wars going on, who knows. I just have a feeling it's going to be harder for the future generation to be happy."

___

The AP-MTV poll was conducted by Knowledge Networks Inc. from April 16 to 23, and involved online interviews with 1,280 people aged 13 to 24. It had a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

[Abbey Marie]

Mine just turned 16. I'm glad to hear that things may change soon, Kath.

Btw, that article is posted elsewhere in the lounge. :salute:

[nevadamedic]

Mine just turned 16. I'm glad to hear that things may change soon, Kath.

Btw, that article is posted elsewhere in the lounge. :salute:

She is at the dating age................

[gabosaurus]

If you think talking with teens is tough, you should try working with them.
This is an extremely complex time to be a teen. Especially a teenage girl. We live in a very sexually-charged era, and the temptations are many. Boys are expected to studly and manly. Girls are supposed to be demure and chaste. Those two do NOT fit well together.
The guy who sleeps around is a hero to his pals. The girl who sleeps around is a slut. The guy has no risk whatsoever. The girl has the risk of getting pregnant with every encounter.

My beef is with the parents who try to do too much. I have heard from a great many parents who work two jobs, or serious overtime hours, because they want to be able to "provide" for their kids. At the same time, it often leaves their kids alone at night, where they can only get into trouble.
Some parents come home from work exhausted and veg out for the rest of the night. They don't cook dinner. They don't spend quality time with their kids.
YO!! The television is NOT a babysitter! Computers are NOT babysitters! Kids need adult supervision and guidance. You have to take time to talk with your kids. Watch their TV programs. Monitor their computer usage. Listen to their music.

At the same time, do not force your ideals upon your kids. Do not tell kids what they have to think. Do not choose their activities for them. Do not chose their careers for them.
If your daughter wants to play hockey, let her do so. If your son want to dance or play the violin, let him do so. Do not force your kid to go to YOUR college. Do not force your kid into a job or profession that YOU have chosen. Do not force your kids into the military.
It's their life. You are only the guidance.

[jackass]

At the same time, do not force your ideals upon your kids. Do not tell kids what they have to think. Do not choose their activities for them. Do not chose their careers for them.
If your daughter wants to play hockey, let her do so. If your son want to dance or play the violin, let him do so. Do not force your kid to go to YOUR college. Do not force your kid into a job or profession that YOU have chosen. Do not force your kids into the military.
It's their life. You are only the guidance.

Dont remind me!! My son loves gymnastics! :lame2:

[Mr. P]

Dont remind me!! My son loves gymnastics! :lame2:

Hey, it could be Ballet!

[dan]

Dont remind me!! My son loves gymnastics! :lame2:

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just messin' with ya, buddy!

[Guernicaa]

At the same time, do not force your ideals upon your kids. Do not tell kids what they have to think. Do not choose their activities for them. Do not chose their careers for them.
If your daughter wants to play hockey, let her do so. If your son want to dance or play the violin, let him do so. Do not force your kid to go to YOUR college. Do not force your kid into a job or profession that YOU have chosen. Do not force your kids into the military.
It's their life. You are only the guidance.
I agree...except for the college part.
Unless you want them to completly do nothing with their life, I suggest you encourage them to go to college. There aren't many career choices that pay well unless you have some type of degree.
You could encourage them to join the millitary....or you could encourage them to read this great book:
http://www.10reasonsbook.com/killed.htm

I met one of the authors: Rae Abileah.
She is so amazing.

[Sitarro]

My son is 15 and I found the best way to communicate is to do stuff together, like skiing, ebay, computer stuff, maintaining the house and car, boy scouts, hiking, etc. Keeping involved with his HS sports is good too but not as good. I also talk to him about typical HS life issues like cliques and such.

I saw an interview with Tiger Wood's dad, and he never had a problem with his son during this stage of his life. That's because they were working together on Tiger's golf career. There's nothing to say a parent can't do that with an academic interest.

Its much more difficult to interact with my 13 yo daughter because we have less in common.

Rush Limbaugh had a great interview with Earl Woods in 2001 about how he and his wife raised Tiger. You can download a pdf file at this site......

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_081307/home.guest.html

[gabosaurus]

I will encourage my kid to do a lot a things. I will force her to do nothing that she does not want to do. There is a huge difference between encourage and force.
IMHO, there is way too much emphasis placed on gender stereotypes. Guys should not have to play sports. Girls should not have to be cheerleaders or fashion queens.
A girl can learn to build and repair cars just as well as a guy can. A guy can be a great dancer, cook or hairdresser.
Be a positive role model to your kids.

[darin]

Except girls will never be good drivers; won't "get" football, and should never have a house with more lawn than they can mow within 60 minutes.

[5stringJeff]

Except girls ... won't "get" football,

I've known women who get football more than John Madden.

[nevadamedic]

Dont remind me!! My son loves gymnastics! :lame2:

A trait he got from you?

[glockmail]

Rush Limbaugh had a great interview with Earl Woods in 2001 about how he and his wife raised Tiger. You can download a pdf file at this site......

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_081307/home.guest.html
I think I read it in the Limbaugh Letter.

[gabosaurus]

Except girls will never be good drivers; won't "get" football, and should never have a house with more lawn than they can mow within 60 minutes.

We're better drivers than men because we actually know where we are going.
I know girls who can talk football better than most men. Because they can explain it better.
We don't mow lawns. That is the guy's job.

[Kathianne]

If you think talking with teens is tough, you should try working with them.
This is an extremely complex time to be a teen. Especially a teenage girl. We live in a very sexually-charged era, and the temptations are many. Boys are expected to studly and manly. Girls are supposed to be demure and chaste. Those two do NOT fit well together.
The guy who sleeps around is a hero to his pals. The girl who sleeps around is a slut. The guy has no risk whatsoever. The girl has the risk of getting pregnant with every encounter.

My beef is with the parents who try to do too much. I have heard from a great many parents who work two jobs, or serious overtime hours, because they want to be able to "provide" for their kids. At the same time, it often leaves their kids alone at night, where they can only get into trouble.
Some parents come home from work exhausted and veg out for the rest of the night. They don't cook dinner. They don't spend quality time with their kids.
YO!! The television is NOT a babysitter! Computers are NOT babysitters! Kids need adult supervision and guidance. You have to take time to talk with your kids. Watch their TV programs. Monitor their computer usage. Listen to their music.

At the same time, do not force your ideals upon your kids. Do not tell kids what they have to think. Do not choose their activities for them. Do not chose their careers for them.
If your daughter wants to play hockey, let her do so. If your son want to dance or play the violin, let him do so. Do not force your kid to go to YOUR college. Do not force your kid into a job or profession that YOU have chosen. Do not force your kids into the military.
It's their life. You are only the guidance.

Wow, that is 'new.' NOT! Same was said when I was a teen, when the dinosaurs roamed.

Truth is, I don't see the gender differences nowadays, teaching 12-14 year olds. THEY dont' see the difference. They know all about birth control, STD's and the reasons to abstain or be damn careful. You are planting the recycling of what was 'true' 30 years ago.

[glockmail]

......
We don't mow lawns. That is the guy's job. You sexist pig. :poke:

[Pale Rider]

We don't mow lawns. That is the guy's job.

Give me a cool lawn tractor to mow lawn with, and I think it's fun... :D

[glockmail]

Give me a cool lawn tractor to mow lawn with, and I think it's fun... :D
Just bought a Snapper walk behind a few weeks ago. Aluminium deck, 7HP OHV Briggs, RWD, 3 speed transmission, single lever height adjustment, rear bag with mulch plug, 100dB rating. My neighbors are all jealous. :coffee:

[Mr. P]

Just bought a Snapper walk behind a few weeks ago. Aluminium deck, 7HP OHV Briggs, RWD, 3 speed transmission, single lever height adjustment, rear bag with mulch plug, 100dB rating. My neighbors are all jealous. :coffee:

Just bought a used Craftsman riding mower last Tues. 16hp Kolhor motor, 42" cut.
It needs a bit of TLC, and I've never had a Kolhor motor before, but for $130 I figure I could resell it and break even.

[Said1]

I will encourage my kid to do a lot a things. I will force her to do nothing that she does not want to do. There is a huge difference between encourage and force.


:laugh2: Good luck. Seriously, let us know how it works out.

I used to think like that, it lasted until my daughter was about two months old. :laugh2::laugh2::laugh2::laugh2::laugh2::laugh2:

[nevadamedic]

Give me a cool lawn tractor to mow lawn with, and I think it's fun... :D

When I worked at Sears we used to have tractor races in the parking lot when we got bored :laugh2:

[nevadamedic]

Just bought a used Craftsman riding mower last Tues. 16hp Kolhor motor, 42" cut.
It needs a bit of TLC, and I've never had a Kolhor motor before, but for $130 I figure I could resell it and break even.

It's not a Briggs motor? How old is it?

[Mr. P]

It's not a Briggs motor? How old is it?

Nope..I have no idea how old, I'd guess at least 10 though.

[glockmail]

Just bought a used Craftsman riding mower last Tues. 16hp Kolhor motor, 42" cut.
It needs a bit of TLC, and I've never had a Kolhor motor before, but for $130 I figure I could resell it and break even. I've never worked on a Kohler, but I can't imagine it being much different in operation than a Briggs or Tecumseh. As long as you take lots of photos of linkages and at every dissasembly point you sould be OK. Just don't mess with the governor as any time I'd mess with it I'd screw the poor engine.

[gabosaurus]

If you feel like you need to close off your kid's thought process and force him/her to do something, then you have not done a good job of raising your kid. A well informed young adult knows enough to make up his/her own mind.

[Mr. P]

If you feel like you need to close off your kid's thought process and force him/her to do something, then you have not done a good job of raising your kid. A well informed young adult knows enough to make up his/her own mind.

Yeah well sorta, but remember, well informed is not well rounded which = knowledge + experience.

And that is from experience. :)

[gabosaurus]

My parents encouraged my sister and I to go to college. We both did. I don't know if they were enthused about both of us following career choices that led to lower paying jobs, but they didn't try to change our minds.
My cousin Dahlia chose not to attend college. Probably the first in our family to make that decision in several generations. My uncle was deeply disappointed, but he never tried to intervene.
You can't live your kids lives for them. It only breeds resentment.

[Trinity]

Dont remind me!! My son loves gymnastics! :lame2:

Nothing wrong with that.....Both of my boy's took gymnastics last summer and they both liked it a lot. My 8 year old however was exceptionally good at it, but he is with most any sport or physical activity he does. However they both play football as well.

[Trinity]

Except girls will never be good drivers; won't "get" football, and should never have a house with more lawn than they can mow within 60 minutes.

I am an excellent driver....I totally get football, and it takes me about 3 hours to cut my grass.


Speaking of girls and football my son's 11&12 year old football team had a game this past weekend the team they played had 3 girls playing, 1 played center, the other played quarterback, and the third was a lineman. They were just as good if not better then some of the boy's out there.