Redneck Training Lessons Chime In Tyr

[Gunny]

Don't walk up behind the horse to pet his purty tail. You'll like as not end up kicked into next week.

DO put your reins up BEFORE you mount. Always mount on the horse's left. They're not trained for you to try some stunt man crap on their right and will likely rear. And if you need a stool to mount? Find a pony.

Redneck toolbox: Baling wire, pliers, duct tape, screwdriver and knife. Roofing hatchet is a bonus. If you can't fix anything with THAT stuff, no redneck card for you. :laugh:

And you know those cute little spoons y'all get for babies? We get a shovel.

[Noir]

A few years ago I had a partner who kept horses, one of which was an old workhorse, even just standing beside him was intimidating, a most amazing animal.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Just saw this but have to go now = no time to post.
Will post later today and maybe it will educate a few about what we rednecks know.
As we already know it means , a man that will readily fight, but it means so much more if you are a "Southern redneck"(especially old school)..
Fact.-Tyr

[Gunny]

A few years ago I had a partner who kept horses, one of which was an old workhorse, even just standing beside him was intimidating, a most amazing animal.

Hint: If the horse intimidates you, don't get in the saddle. Animals can smell fear.

[Noir]

Hint: If the horse intimidates you, don't get in the saddle. Animals can smell fear.

Yeah I wouldn't personally ride one regardless, but all the same.

[Gunny]

Yeah I wouldn't personally ride one regardless, but all the same.


Was that supposed to make sense? Don't ruin my thread. This is supposed to be fun. I'm a Texan, not a Brit. I could ride by the time I was 4 and my mom has pictures to prove it. So let's cool on the activism. We ride horses around here. The horses like it. They follow you around like puppies. You curry those f*ckers when you're done and toss some corn into their feed? Friend for life.

[Noir]

'Lets cool on the activism' mymy :laugh: enjoy your evening Gunny.

[Gunny]

'Lets cool on the activism' mymy :laugh: enjoy your evening Gunny.

It ain't evening here, bubs. It's 7:20 AM.

Back on topic ... we had these old chicken houses on the back 40. I think there was crap in there Henry Ford invented. :laugh:

[crin63]

I worked for an engineer from Alabama for about 3 years. He told me I was more of Redneck than the people he grew up around.

LOL, he taught me how to walk into someone's office and begin speaking properly.

If I didn't enter his office properly he would yell at me to get out of his office. "Get out of my office you stupid F'in Redneck and don't come back until you learn to speak properly". We would be sitting, talking over the project I was doing for him and he would kick me out of his office for being too much of a Redneck. Good times!

To this day, I still admire and respect that man for doing that.

Some of my best friends are mountain Rednecks. I never feel more at home than when I'm with them.

[Gunny]

I worked for an engineer from Alabama for about 3 years. He told me I was more of Redneck than the people he grew up around.

LOL, he taught me how to walk into someone's office and begin speaking properly.

If I didn't enter his office properly he would yell at me to get out of his office. "Get out of my you stupid F'in Redneck and don't come back until you learn to speak properly". We would be sitting, talking over the project I was doing for him and he would kick me out of his office for being too much of a Redneck. Good times!

To this day, I still admire and respect that man for doing that.

Some of my best friends are mountain Rednecks. I never feel more at home than when I'm with them.

Half my family is mountain rednecks. If I moved to AL I'd be dead in week from shine overdose. My cousins have are artists in their own particular way. :laugh:

If you don't hold the door for a woman there? Someone's gonna kick your a$$. We treat our womens like women. We seat them at the table. And it's not about superiority. It's about respect.

[crin63]

Half my family is mountain rednecks. If I moved to AL I'd be dead in week from shine overdose. My cousins have are artists in their own particular way. :laugh:

If you don't hold the door for a woman there? Someone's gonna kick your a$$. We treat our womens like women. We seat them at the table. And it's not about superiority. It's about respect.

I always hold the door open for women who wanna be women. I let the door go for some butch hag walking and looking like man though. Although I will hold it open for the next guy if he is in range.

To some degree, I got out the practice of pulling the seat out for my wife. After I hold the door open I begin scanning the restaurant to see who and what everyone is. So as I'm studying the place my wife is usually already at the table. She knows which side of the table is mine so she will go ahead and sit down.

My Redneck friends are the best people I know. You know exactly who and what they are. They're just honest, fun loving, hard working and loving people. They're completely uneducated but own 4 homes in Southern California and 3 acres in Hawaii. They always tell us we're more important to them than family because we earned their friendship and trust instead of it being owed to us by relation. I miss them every day.

[Gunny]

I always hold the door open for women who wanna be women. I let the door go for some butch hag walking and looking like man though. Although I will hold it open for the next guy if he is in range.

To some degree, I got out the practice of pulling the seat out for my wife. After I hold the door open I begin scanning the restaurant to see who and what everyone is. So as I'm studying the place my wife is usually already at the table. She knows which side of the table is mine so she will go ahead and sit down.

My Redneck friends are the best people I know. You know exactly who and what they are. They're just honest, fun loving, hard working and loving people. They're completely uneducated but own 4 homes in Southern California and 3 acres in Hawaii. They always tell us we're more important to them than family because we earned their friendship and trust instead of it being owed to us by relation. I miss them every day.

Interesting concept. I have nothing to do with my family except my kids. I can see their point. If it's real.

[Elessar]

Don't walk up behind the horse to pet his purty tail. You'll like as not end up kicked into next week.

DO put your reins up BEFORE you mount. Always mount on the horse's left. They're not trained for you to try some stunt man crap on their right and will likely rear. And if you need a stool to mount? Find a pony.

Redneck toolbox: Baling wire, pliers, duct tape, screwdriver and knife. Roofing hatchet is a bonus. If you can't fix anything with THAT stuff, no redneck card for you. :laugh:

And you know those cute little spoons y'all get for babies? We get a shovel.

Add Channel Locks and Vise Grips, Silly!

[Elessar]

It ain't evening here, bubs. It's 7:20 AM.

Back on topic ... we had these old chicken houses on the back 40. I think there was crap in there Henry Ford invented. :laugh:

Sounds like my Grand-dad's garage and smoke house in WVA!

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Rednecks know a lot.
Here is a short list compiled from memory of info given me by my dad and grandfather.
1.That pretty cat with the white stripe down its back is not to be petted!
2.That cow with the big balls and horns is not to be petted.
3.That snake with the pretty rattles should be avoided.
4.Any car that a used car salesman tells you--"She is a Beaut" is everything but that..
5.Dont piss into the wind..
6.Dont ever slap yo momma..Else the ass stomping somebody gonna give ya won't wear off for a year or two..
7.Treat women with respect unless they are whores-- if they are= then just avoid them unless you want to see a doc, end up broke or laughed at as being a fool..
8.Remember when daddy said dont ever do that! Then dont ever ff'ín do it!
9.Know that if your gal will step out on you once--she ain't yo gal...
10.If an old timer ever tells ya-- Son dont go there.. Then damn it-- dont go there!!
11. When your drunk buddy says, "hey-just watch this", get ready to laugh, pick his ass up off the floor hurt or fight to save his ass from the badass guys he deliberately pissed off.
12. Its never a good idea to go home with a barmaid that has five kids, a junk car and an old man about to get out of prison! As what you get that night aint never worth what you are very likely to get later on!
13. Always use a short barrel pump shotgun for home defense backed up by a couple large caliber pistols that you shoot very well.
14. Dont ever believe your buddy asking you to tag along on a blind date when he tells ya that the other girl is a real Beaut or else 9 times out of ten when ya see her you will wish you were blind.
15. If inclined to chase wild women at least make damn sure that they aint witches, whores or man hating she-beasts.
16. Save your money for the important things in life--like high quality guns, fast cars, strong whiskey and comfortable shoes/boots--add in a dog or horse if so inclined!
17. Never bet on a racehorse with bad teeth, date a girl that says--"momma warned me" more than three times or
bet against a pool table trick shot a stranger in a bar tries to make with ya, on average its a 19 times out of 20 that he can do it. (I used to make loads of money doing such shots myself).
18. Never bet playing the three card Monty game.
19. If something smells atrociously bad, 99 times out of a 100 it is bad--goes for food, liquor or women.. dont touch it--no matter how sexy she looks.
20. Always remember-- wet birds never fly at night......

more later.... I may even dare admit which ones I didnt listen to.. :laugh:--Tyr

[Gunny]

Rednecks know a lot.
Here is a short list compiled from memory of info given me by my dad and grandfather.
1.That pretty cat with the white stripe down its back is not to be petted!
2.That cow with the big balls and horns is not to be petted.
3.That snake with the pretty rattles should be avoided.
4.Any car that a used car salesman tells you--"She is a Beaut" is everything but that..
5.Dont piss into the wind..
6.Dont ever slap yo momma..Else the ass stomping somebody gonna give ya won't wear off for a year or two..
7.Treat women with respect unless they are whores-- if they are= then just avoid them unless you want to see a doc, end up broke or laughed at as being a fool..
8.Remember when daddy said dont ever do that! Then dont ever ff'ín do it!
9.Know that if your gal will step out on you once--she ain't yo gal...
10.If an old timer ever tells ya-- Son dont go there.. Then damn it-- dont go there!!
11. When your drunk buddy says, "hey-just watch this", get ready to laugh, pick his ass up off the floor hurt or fight to save his ass from the badass guys he deliberately pissed off.
12. Its never a good idea to go home with a barmaid that has five kids, a junk car and an old man about to get out of prison! As what you get that night aint never worth what you are very likely to get later on!
13. Always use a short barrel pump shotgun for home defense backed up by a couple large caliber pistols that you shoot very well.
14. Dont ever believe your buddy asking you to tag along on a blind date when he tells ya that the other girl is a real Beaut or else 9 times out of ten when ya see her you will wish you were blind.
15. If inclined to chase wild women at least make damn sure that they aint witches, whores or man hating she-beasts.
16. Save your money for the important things in life--like high quality guns, fast cars, strong whiskey and comfortable shoes/boots--add in a dog or horse if so inclined!
17. Never bet on a racehorse with bad teeth, date a girl that says--"momma warned me" more than three times or
bet against a pool table trick shot a stranger in a bar tries to make with ya, on average its a 19 times out of 20 that he can do it. (I used to make loads of money doing such shots myself).
18. Never bet playing the three card Monty game.
19. If something smells atrociously bad, 99 times out of a 100 it is bad--goes for food, liquor or women.. dont touch it--no matter how sexy she looks.
20. Always remember-- wet birds never fly at night......

more later.... I may even dare admit which ones I didnt listen to.. :laugh:--Tyr

I sure as Hell didn't listen to many of them. I knew 1 from Go though. :laugh:

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I sure as Hell didn't listen to many of them. I knew 1 from Go though. :laugh:


I sure as Hell didn't listen to many of them.

^^^^ The more wild one was the less they listened. Hardest one for me to do was be wise about dating sexy, drop-dead gorgeous women.
I was more addicted to that than any drug mankind has ever made....:laugh:

Of course I stayed with the quality guns, fast cars and strong whiskey as it just came natural to me and my wild Native American/Viking bloodline.
As did hunting... fighting and being angry at the drop of a hat...
Sad but true-- my beautiful wife has now made me an old softhearted dog....-- ;) -Tyr

[Elessar]

Sad but true-- my beautiful wife has now made me an old softhearted dog....-- ;) -Tyr

Are you sure she would want to read that? Sounded too sweet from You!:laugh:

[Gunny]

Are you sure she would want to read that? Sounded too sweet from You!:laugh:

Did Tyr just call his wife beautiful? Well you know he DOES like his poetry n sh*t. :laugh:

We actually treat our women pretty well 'round these parts. That would be another rule. We don't go around disrespecting women. I used to have this argument with a yankee woman. She mows the lawn and she's allowed to touch the grill.

Not around here. If you ain't on an IV your woman best not be out in the yard. Half the neighborhood will come down to kick your ass.

[gabosaurus]

I didn't know you had to train someone on how to be a redneck. I thought folks were just raised that way. :p


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckj1WDq2wYY

[Gunny]

Here's a few facts for you, gabosaurus :

If it wasn't for rednecks and hillbillies, we still have a King/Queen. Unlike that idiot in office thanks he's one.

George Washington was getting his butt kicked at almost every turn until France finally bailed him out. Some good ol' gun-toting boys handed Ferguson at Kings Mountain and Tarleton his in SC. We ran them out of the damned place.

And I can say I'm more educated than you are on a LOT of topics. And even though I can't stand the crap, Tyr writes poetry. You got to have a brain to do that. I can wire your house or a Golden Corral from the line to the last plug.

What is it you do? Fill people's heads full of crap. And I shudder to think you are actually a counselor for anything higher than a kennel. All you are is a head game. What kind of counselor spends all their time trying to screw with people's heads?

[Gunny]

Add Channel Locks and Vise Grips, Silly!

I didn't know that was a question. Hell I got channel locks up the ass. Got vise grips too. Got lineman's pliers. Crescent wrenches. Needle nose. A thousand screwdrivers. Mechanic's set (Craftsman of course). Hammers, hatchets .. you name it. I can rig or destroy almost any damned thing. :laugh:

[gabosaurus]

Gunny, if you ever get a joke that I try to throw on here, I am gonna be stunned! Ya heah me boi? STUNNED!! :saluting2:

[Gunny]

Gunny, if you ever get a joke that I try to throw on here, I am gonna be stunned! Ya heah me boi? STUNNED!! :saluting2:

Hmmm ... I seem to get most everyone else's. Maybe it's not me? Got a mirror? Seems to me lots of people don't get your jokes. Maybe you're just not funny?

[gabosaurus]

Or perhaps rednecks just don't understand my jokes. :rolleyes:

[Gunny]

Or perhaps rednecks just don't understand my jokes. :rolleyes:

Explain that to the non-rednecks that don't think you're funny. Now quit screwing up the thread. Geez.

[aboutime]

Gabby. Being called a redneck by you is preferable to being called a Liberal Liar. Rednecks have no need to make excuses, or blame everyone else for everything like Liberals, and Obama do.

[Gunny]

Gabby. Being called a redneck by you is preferable to being called a Liberal Liar. Rednecks have no need to make excuses, or blame everyone else for everything like Liberals, and Obama do.


You can call me redneck, jarhead, Texan, Southerner, hard-headed, asshole ... I'm all of the above. I make no apologies.

But I HATE this leftwingnut blame game. It's gotten REAL old. Screw up? Fix the problem, admit you screwed up and learn from it. Dragging our blaming the person is counter productive and not learning from it doesn't help. Lefties can't be wrong. It's always someone else's fault. There's no self-actualization. This will probably sound Martian to them:

Damn, I screwed up. How do I fix it? And of course you're going to get ribbed. Goes with the territory. But I've never spent 7 and a half years defending bad decision after bad decision. I just laugh at the ribbing and move on.

Only person on Earth that was perfect was Christ. That ain't me. When you can just man up to being wrong, you got a step up on these blamers.

[sundaydriver]

Don't consider me a Redneck, just because:

I drive an older Camaro, but I don't have a mullet.

My garage is larger than my house, I like space for important things.

I shoot groundhogs out the kitchen window, they are very skittish of me by now and I have to be very sneaky.

I bought my dog a truck, had to, he wasn't allowed in the cars.

The one most happy to see me in my neighborhood is a Mule, I give good scratching's.

[Gunny]

Don't consider me a Redneck, just because:

I drive an older Camaro, but I don't have a mullet.

My garage is larger than my house, I like space for important things.

I shoot groundhogs out the kitchen window, they are very skittish of me by now and I have to be very sneaky.

I bought my dog a truck, had to, he wasn't allowed in the cars.

The one most happy to see me in my neighborhood is a Mule, I give good scratching's.

Okay, that's some funny crap right there. And I can only thank the Lord I was in the Corps before someone invented the mullet. I used to have long hair in the 70s but it was just long hair. That mullet business never looked right to me.

The worst part of it is the people STILL have a mullet. :laugh2: