Dumping friends

[glockmail]

This year I've decided to raise my personal standard further and dump loser friends and demote others.

"Chuck" was a friend of mine in our High School years, and although he was an asshole, so was I back then so we got along well. After I went to college (he didn't) we lost touch, until he called me up years later to serve as his best man. In the meantime I had gotten married to a wonderful woman who I continue to treat as royalty and my former asshole self disappeared. Chuck had an annoying habit of dating some very nice women, not just attractive but good hearted girls, and his latest, he knocked up and her dad got out the shot gun.

My obligatory toast to him was short and to the point: 'Somehow you ended up with a very nice wife. If you want to be treated like a king, treat her as a queen.' I looked at him when I said this and his response was pure Chuck: a silent "fuck you". After a year she divorced the asshole. I hadn't seen him since.

Until three months ago. Chuck found me on Facebook. His reason was that his dad died and he wanted to get in touch with mine so he could attend the funeral. We began to correspond a little and it was cordial at first. Chuck is now a Bernie Sanders supporter, vocal about it on FB, and I of course started to point out the fallacies of his arguments. His assholism came out quickly and after that happened I simply dumped him.

[Perianne]

It is better to rid oneself of cancers. Negative people will only bring you down.

[Gunny]

If you can dump them, they aren't friends.

[glockmail]

Next was a fellow with the initials DM.

Three years ago I hosted a party for my wife and a good friend of ours, DL, who both turned 50. DL and I decided on a "cook off" where he did lunch and I dinner. He did a shrimp boil and I did two filet mignon roasts. We invited about 25 friends and it was a huge success. DL and I agreed to spend what we had to, tally it up at the end and split the costs 50-50. It wasn't cheap but we had a great time.

So much so that we did it again a year later. My neighbor RB asked to join us in the finances and in return invite a few of his friends. We changed the date by a week to coincide with a local annual event, and it was an even bigger success. We split the cost equally 3 ways.

Year three. A month prior to the event, DM, another neighbor and good friend of RB, asks to be a financial partner and I agree to it. Two weeks later I submit my list of ten guests and ask all three partners for a tally. DL has 7, RB has 5, and our new partner, DM, responds with "17".

I consulted with my original partner, DL, and we agree that 17 is not going to be acceptable. I then told RB, who also agreed, to handle it, as his friend, and limit DM to ten. He did so and DM showed up with ten guests.

The cost of this event was about $540, or $135 split four ways, of which DL and I spent the most and DM had spent nothing. RB only spent $35 so handed me a $100 bill during the evening even though the final tally had not been done: "I don't like to owe anyone anything". I did the final tally a day later, and it worked out perfectly that DM should give DL $135 and all would be square. So I sent an email, same way we had planned the event.

A month goes by and DL has not received his money. I called DM and left a message with his wife, and then emailed him. Another month, still no check. DL had attempted to contact him in a similar fashion as well. In fact they ran into each other in a store during that time and DM indicated that he had received the messages.

Another month went by, still no check, so I wrote one to DL myself. It's my responsibility since I alone agreed to this new 4th partner.

DM is no longer a partner in this venture. It will probably be next year until he finds out, because I'm not going to bring it up next time I see him. $135 dollars is not worth embarrassing the bastard, but on the same token, there's no way for him to recover from this. He's been demoted from my highest tier of friends, a short list that includes people that return my calls and can be depended on.

[glockmail]

It is better to rid oneself of cancers. Negative people will only bring you down.


Exactly.

[Kathianne]

I agree with you in the main, also with Gunny's point about 'real friends' one doesn't drop. I have many friends that span decades, a few even since before kindergarten. They aren't really in my possibilities of 'dropping.' However, some friends we pick up at points in our lives that are friendships that fit the time, then don't. I don't easily make friends, nor drop them. When someone becomes toxic though, yeah they are gone.

[Abbey Marie]

Paths oft-times diverge, and friends on different paths tend to become less central to our lives.

People who don't meet their obligations are best left to their own devices.