What makes a lasting marriage?

[Abbey Marie]

I'm sure lots of things do, and I'm not an expert. Mutual respect is a biggie.

How about this:
Women should remember we are married to a Man.
Men should remember we are married to a Woman.
With all that entails.

The person you took those vows with is not your roommate or old buddy.

Thoughts?

*ETA: I am only addressing hetero marriages, obv. I have NO idea how these things work when you are same sex.

[Gunny]

I'm sure lots of things do, and I'm not an expert. Mutual respect is a biggie.

How about this:
Women should remember we are married to a Man.
Men should remember we are married to a Woman.
With all that entails.

The person you took those vows with is not your roommate or old buddy.

Thoughts?

*ETA: I am only addressing hetero marriages, obv. I have NO idea how these things work when you are same sex.

Not an expert? Hell, I'm a complete failure on this one. :laugh:

[Noir]

*ETA: I am only addressing hetero marriages, obv. I have NO idea how these things work when you are same sex.

You have no idea how concepts like respect, trust, sense of humour etc could apply outside the boundaries of a heterosexual relationship? - unless I'm missing the sarcastic twang...

[Abbey Marie]

Not an expert? Hell, I'm a complete failure on this one. :laugh:


I'll bet you learned some very important things from your experiences.
(I know this is ripe for sarcastic responses, but I don't care!)

What do you think is important for a lasting marriage?

[Elessar]

I'll bet you learned some very important things from your experiences.
(I know this is ripe for sarcastic responses, but I don't care!)

What do you think is important for a lasting marriage?

Commitment, mutual respect, and some tolerance for personality differences.

Mine ended when I caught her with 2 'boyfriends' and working as a stripper
and pole dancer rather than the nurse's aid job she said she had.

[Abbey Marie]

You have no idea how concepts like respect, trust, sense of humour etc could apply outside the boundaries of a heterosexual relationship? - unless I'm missing the sarcastic twang...

Feels like trolling...

Did you even read the post? I was specifically talking about men and women and how they treat each other as men and women. That would be as members of the opposite sex. It's not a tough concept. And it by definition has nothing to do with men living with men or women living with women.

Please feel free to start a thread about same sex marriages and how to make them last. I am sure we will all be fascinated.

[Abbey Marie]

Commitment, mutual respect, and some tolerance for personality differences.

Mine ended when I caught her with 2 'boyfriends' and working as a stripper
and pole dancer rather than the nurse's aid job she said she had.

All good things, El.

And that woman deserves to be put in some 17th century (?) stocks, and displayed in the town square.

[Gunny]

I'll bet you learned some very important things from your experiences.
(I know this is ripe for sarcastic responses, but I don't care!)

What do you think is important for a lasting marriage?

People should spend less time thinking solely about what they want for themselves. Quit taking the other person for granted. Sure, I'll always be there. Until I'm not. And that takes YOU, not me to actually dive me away. Tolerance. I don't expect you to be perfect nor to think the same as I do ... don't expect otherwise from me. You can be goofy as Hell and I'll still love you. Just don't tell me love is contingent on your idea of what I should be doing according to your dumbass rules.

Back to tolerance ... learn to accept the strengths and weakness of your parter instead of constantly telling them what they AREN'T doing. I come home from a 10 hour day doing construction work, I ain't remodeling the damned house. I go on deployment and am stuck on a chunk of metal bobbing in the ocean and YOU have it hard. You can get in the car and hit a fast food joint. Go to the grocery store. Drive up and down the coast all damned day. I get to look at steel and blue water.

And not getting your way is NOT an excuse to leave.

[Elessar]

All good things, El.

And that woman deserves to be put in some 17th century (?) stocks, and displayed in the town square.

Thanks, Abbey.

And I ended up a single parent as a result of her behavior.

[Gunny]

Thanks, Abbey.

And I ended up a single parent as a result of her behavior.

Don't feel too lonely in the boat. I raised my daughter alone from the age of 9 until she joined the Army at 20.

[Black Diamond]

Commitment, mutual respect, and some tolerance for personality differences.

Mine ended when I caught her with 2 'boyfriends' and working as a stripper
and pole dancer rather than the nurse's aid job she said she had.

Was it the lying or the cheating that bothered you more?

[Gunny]

Was it the lying or the cheating that bothered you more?

One is the same as the other. "I have to work late". Come to find out "work" consisted of hanging out at the SNCO Club while I was home taking care of the kids.

The betrayal is what's worse.

[Black Diamond]

Feels like trolling...

Did you even read the post? I was specifically talking about men and women and how they treat each other as men and women. That would be as members of the opposite sex. It's not a tough concept. And it by definition has nothing to do with men living with men or women living with women.

Please feel free to start a thread about same sex marriages and how to make them last. I am sure we will all be fascinated.

At least we can keep it "one man one woman" in this thread.

[Black Diamond]

One is the same as the other. "I have to work late". Come to find out "work" consisted of hanging out at the SNCO Club while I was home taking care of the kids.

The betrayal is what's worse.

My sister in law is going through this. He has been telling her he wasn't happy for months but swore multiple times there was no one else. He moved out, the whole nine yards. Come to find out, there has been someone else all along.

[Abbey Marie]

At least we can keep it "one man one woman" in this thread.


Yeah, it's my thread, man! ;)

[Gunny]

At least we can keep it "one man one woman" in this thread.

Women are like Democrats. "Oh look, there's a bird" while they fuck you over. Don't pay attention to what's happening. Look at the bird.

[Elessar]

Was it the lying or the cheating that bothered you more?

The combo of both...

And leaving me with the kid while she played around.
I had to worry about 12 hour night shifts every two weeks.
Plus the fact I tracked her down and caught her.

[Elessar]

Feels like trolling...

Did you even read the post?

Please feel free to start a thread about same sex marriages and how to make them last. I am sure we will all be fascinated.

Give up on this one. He's hopeless.

[Trigg]

Nuke and I have been married forever and I'd say the most important thing to remember in a relationship is respect.

Respect for their feelings, beliefs and ideas even if you disagree. Honestly and loyalty are a given for a long relationship as well, but I think to many people fail to appreciate the respect they need to have for differing opinions.

I'm sure you guys have noticed that Nukeman has strong opinions and if we couldn't come together and if not agree, at least agree to disagree and respect that the other person has the right to their opinions we wouldn't have lasted as long as we have.








​fortunately he usually agrees that I'm right. Such a smart man.

[Black Diamond]

Nuke and I have been married forever and I'd say the most important thing to remember in a relationship is respect.

Respect for their feelings, beliefs and ideas even if you disagree. Honestly and loyalty are a given for a long relationship as well, but I think to many people fail to appreciate the respect they need to have for differing opinions.

I'm sure you guys have noticed that Nukeman has strong opinions and if we couldn't come together and if not agree, at least agree to disagree and respect that the other person has the right to their opinions we wouldn't have lasted as long as we have.








​fortunately he usually agrees that I'm right. Such a smart man.

I am glad he is married to you. He said he was married to someone in here. I thought it might be Abbey until Russ blew that theory. :laugh:
Thought maybe nuke and Gaby were unequally yoked. :laugh:

[Elessar]

Don't feel too lonely in the boat. I raised my daughter alone from the age of 9 until she joined the Army at 20.

My son is now working on his Doctorate in Physical Therapy.

[Noir]

Feels like trolling...

Did you even read the post? I was specifically talking about men and women and how they treat each other as men and women. That would be as members of the opposite sex. It's not a tough concept. And it by definition has nothing to do with men living with men or women living with women.

Please feel free to start a thread about same sex marriages and how to make them last. I am sure we will all be fascinated.

No trolling, or need for another thread, all these concepts that you deem important in heterosexual relationships (honesty, respect, understanding etc) are exactly the same as non-heterosexual relationships.

[Abbey Marie]

No trolling, or need for another thread, all these concepts that you deem important in heterosexual relationships (honesty, respect, understanding etc) are exactly the same as non-heterosexual relationships.

I just can't anymore. If you do not see a difference between men and women, there is no point discussing the concept of this thread with you.

So, for everyone else- back to the point of the thread- I think we need to remember the simple fact that the person we are living with, being of a different gender, is different from us- likely has some different needs and wants. And we need to act accordingly if we want them to be happy. Our men want to know they are respected as men. Our women want to be treasured as women. And no amount of gender blurring or PC nonsense will ever change that.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I'm sure lots of things do, and I'm not an expert. Mutual respect is a biggie.

How about this:
Women should remember we are married to a Man.
Men should remember we are married to a Woman.
With all that entails.

The person you took those vows with is not your roommate or old buddy.

Thoughts?

*ETA: I am only addressing hetero marriages, obv. I have NO idea how these things work when you are same sex.

Love your other half.
Think of your other half in all things.
Plan as if only death will part you from your other half.
Be nice to other half-even when angry.
Kiss you other half every chance you get .
And pray.

11 years, has worked like a charm. After two failed marriages, first one was for 3 and half years, second one
24 years, this old dog has learned a few things.- ;)--Tyr

[Gunny]

Love your other half.
Think of your other half in all things.
Plan as if only death will part you from your other half.
Be nice to other half-even when angry.
Kiss you other half every chance you get .
And pray.

11 years, has worked like a charm. After two failed marriages, first one was for 3 and half years, second one
24 years, this old dog has learned a few things.- ;)--Tyr

:smoke:

[jimnyc]

I'm sure lots of things do, and I'm not an expert. Mutual respect is a biggie.

How about this:
Women should remember we are married to a Man.
Men should remember we are married to a Woman.
With all that entails.

The person you took those vows with is not your roommate or old buddy.

Thoughts?

*ETA: I am only addressing hetero marriages, obv. I have NO idea how these things work when you are same sex.

You're asking the un-answerable! :)

I'm married 21 years and have no flipping idea really how we survived this far. :beer:

The differences between man and women is what keeps so many of us together. I look to my wife for the tender things, for the type of love only a woman can offer. I go to her for the knowledge that only a woman can possess. The knowledge of being loved by that woman is indescribable. What it does to the man, is simply makes him better.

Compromise. Mutual respect. Admiration.

And I think Robin Williams nailed it in this flick. It's those "Idiosyncrasies". Well worth a few minutes of your life, at least for some input as to understand marriage. So what makes a perfect marriage? "Are you perfect for one another".


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8mn3nLPSMY

[Gunny]

You're asking the un-answerable! :)

I'm married 21 years and have no flipping idea really how we survived this far. :beer:

The differences between man and women is what keeps so many of us together. I look to my wife for the tender things, for the type of love only a woman can offer. I go to her for the knowledge that only a woman can possess. The knowledge of being loved by that woman is indescribable. What it does to the man, is simply makes him better.

Compromise. Mutual respect. Admiration.

And I think Robin Williams nailed it in this flick. It's those "Idiosyncrasies". Well worth a few minutes of your life, at least for some input as to understand marriage. So what makes a perfect marriage? "Are you perfect for one another".


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8mn3nLPSMY

I'm gonna be sick if you keep this ass-kissing up. Geez. :puke:

[WiccanLiberal]

Respect matters. Both given and received. And learn to govern your tongue. Before you criticize, think. Figure out what s really bothering you and say it in a self-focused way. What I mean is tell the other person how you feel about whatever is going on rather than just saying "You are always doing...whatever" It frustrates V4R a bit sometimes since I will stew about something for a bit before expressing myself. But I would prefer to be sure of what I want to say first.

[aboutime]

Since I will soon have 47 years of experience in being married to THE SAME PERSON.
We learned early on.

Always be honest with each other.

Do not keep secrets from one-another.

Remember; money will always be a part of nearly every argument you may have. So,
keep one-another informed about spending, bills, and the needs each of you may have.

If you spoke VOWELS when you married. Keep reminding yourself those words MEANT something.

And, if you share a faith in a religion. Use that faith as your guide in being respectful to one-another.

No two people will always agree on everything, nor will you like what someone else does.
Do not allow your complaints about each other to Gather into many complaints. When something
upsets you. DEAL WITH IT THEN. Putting it off, then using many complaints during an argument
NEVER WORKS.

All of you may laugh at this but...NEVER GO TO BED MAD AT EACH OTHER. Never!

[PixieStix]

Since I will soon have 47 years of experience in being married to THE SAME PERSON.
We learned early on.

Always be honest with each other.

Do not keep secrets from one-another.

Remember; money will always be a part of nearly every argument you may have. So,
keep one-another informed about spending, bills, and the needs each of you may have.

If you spoke VOWELS when you married. Keep reminding yourself those words MEANT something.

And, if you share a faith in a religion. Use that faith as your guide in being respectful to one-another.

No two people will always agree on everything, nor will you like what someone else does.
Do not allow your complaints about each other to Gather into many complaints. When something
upsets you. DEAL WITH IT THEN. Putting it off, then using many complaints during an argument
NEVER WORKS.

All of you may laugh at this but...NEVER GO TO BED MAD AT EACH OTHER. Never!

My husband went to sleep mad at me about money. I told him that I loved him before going to sleep. The next morning he was killed. He left without saying goodbye. :(

[jimnyc]

Since I will soon have 47 years of experience in being married to THE SAME PERSON.

Well done, my friend, well done! :beer:

[sundaydriver]

My parents will be celebrating their 66th anniversary in a few months. I truly believe that fighting for control of the thermostat for 65 years is the key to their happiness. It's too hot, no It's too cold.

[Abbey Marie]

My parents will be celebrating their 66th anniversary in a few months. I truly believe that fighting for control of the thermostat for 65 years is the key to their happiness. It's too hot, no It's too cold.


Lol, whatever works. ;)

[Gunny]

You'd have to define "lasting". If you mean an average of about 13 years, I'm THERE. :laugh:

It always takes two. I'm happy with anyone who has managed to survive. Kind of hard nowadays when divorce is just an excuse.

[gabosaurus]

Nuke and I have been married forever and I'd say the most important thing to remember in a relationship is respect.

Respect for their feelings, beliefs and ideas even if you disagree. Honestly and loyalty are a given for a long relationship as well, but I think to many people fail to appreciate the respect they need to have for differing opinions.

I'm sure you guys have noticed that Nukeman has strong opinions and if we couldn't come together and if not agree, at least agree to disagree and respect that the other person has the right to their opinions we wouldn't have lasted as long as we have.








​fortunately he usually agrees that I'm right. Such a smart man.

This answer is perfect beyond belief.
When my dad was dating my mom, he asked his dad for his thoughts and opinion on marriage. You have to keep in mind that my grandfather's opinion were always blunt and to the point.
A. Never marry anyone you work with. If your partner already knows what makes you shit your bed, why would she want to sleep there?
B. Don't marry anyone who hasn't seen you at your lowest point. If you only know your partner as a lovey dovey lamb and not as the angry lion, refrain from setting up a den.
C. If you think you and your partner are a perfect match, walk away. Nothing is perfect except God Almighty. Marriage is two people who complement each other. You can't both have all the answers.
To me, the best advice came from my mom:
"Don't consider marrying a guy until you have kicked the tires, honked the horn and checked underneath the hood. Men are not cars. You can't return him a year later if you discover you have a lemon." :cool:

Does any of this advice work?
Considering that no one in my immediate family has ever gotten divorced, I would say it does.
When my sister-in-law was considering it, her mom told her "divorce is mutual failure. Don't accept it."

[Gunny]

This answer is perfect beyond belief.
When my dad was dating my mom, he asked his dad for his thoughts and opinion on marriage. You have to keep in mind that my grandfather's opinion were always blunt and to the point.
A. Never marry anyone you work with. If your partner already knows what makes you shit your bed, why would she want to sleep there?
B. Don't marry anyone who hasn't seen you at your lowest point. If you only know your partner as a lovey dovey lamb and not as the angry lion, refrain from setting up a den.
C. If you think you and your partner are a perfect match, walk away. Nothing is perfect except God Almighty. Marriage is two people who complement each other. You can't both have all the answers.
To me, the best advice came from my mom:
"Don't consider marrying a guy until you have kicked the tires, honked the horn and checked underneath the hood. Men are not cars. You can't return him a year later if you discover you have a lemon." :cool:

Does any of this advice work?
Considering that no one in my immediate family has ever gotten divorced, I would say it does.
When my sister-in-law was considering it, her mom told her "divorce is mutual failure. Don't accept it."

That's no sh*t. If I was married to you I'd either shoot you or myself.

[Abbey Marie]

OTOH, a family friend (who at the time was in his 70s), and married for about 50 years, was asked the secret to a long marriage.

His answer: "You have to take a lot of s***".

:coffee:

[Gunny]

OTOH, a family friend (who at the time was in his 70s), and married for about 50 years, was asked the secret to a long marriage.

His answer: "You have to take a lot of s***".

:coffee:

STILL takes 2, ma'am. You can be as tolerant as all get out and the weirdest crap comes out of the other half.

[Gunny]

Has to do with tolerance and respect. Tolerance that others are different than you, even if you don't understand it and respect for the other person's right to be different. That would be opposed to hearing shit in your head that was never said nor implied.

I don't like a lot of things. I just tolerate or ignore them. I expect the same in return. So far, I've never gotten it. The one way street thing is getting old. I should kiss your ass while you run all over mine.

Some people need to just grow the f*ck up.

[Elessar]

This answer is perfect beyond belief.
When my dad was dating my mom, he asked his dad for his thoughts and opinion on marriage. You have to keep in mind that my grandfather's opinion were always blunt and to the point.
A. Never marry anyone you work with. If your partner already knows what makes you shit your bed, why would she want to sleep there?
B. Don't marry anyone who hasn't seen you at your lowest point. If you only know your partner as a lovey dovey lamb and not as the angry lion, refrain from setting up a den.
C. If you think you and your partner are a perfect match, walk away. Nothing is perfect except God Almighty. Marriage is two people who complement each other. You can't both have all the answers.
To me, the best advice came from my mom:
"Don't consider marrying a guy until you have kicked the tires, honked the horn and checked underneath the hood. Men are not cars. You can't return him a year later if you discover you have a lemon." :cool:

Does any of this advice work?
Considering that no one in my immediate family has ever gotten divorced, I would say it does.
When my sister-in-law was considering it, her mom told her "divorce is mutual failure. Don't accept it."

That was good, Gabby.

[gabosaurus]

I don't like a lot of things. I just tolerate or ignore them. I expect the same in return. So far, I've never gotten it. The one way street thing is getting old. I should kiss your ass while you run all over mine.

Some people need to just grow the f*ck up.

This is why you aren't married and can't maintain a relationship. You are unable to dissociate your Marine life and personal life. Women don't want a drill sergeant. They want a life companion.

[Gunny]

This is why you aren't married and can't maintain a relationship. You are unable to dissociate your Marine life and personal life. Women don't want a drill sergeant. They want a life companion.

Incorrect. I could always disassociate my being a Marine with my family. I have the coolest kids in the world. They're responsible and contribute to the community (look it up). They don't just take, they give.

And I got news for ya' Ms Know it All .. my ex was a worse damned drill instructor than I was. I could leave it at work. She couldn't. Neither could my father. I grew up as a damned recruit. You think I'm taking that home to my baby girls? Think again. One's an Iraq War vet and school teacher and the other's an industrial artist. I think I did okay.

What I'm NOT is some wimp whining about what I don't have.

[Abbey Marie]

Incorrect. I could always disassociate my being a Marine with my family. I have the coolest kids in the world. They're responsible and contribute to the community (look it up). They don't just take, they give.

And I got news for ya' Ms Know it All .. my ex was a worse damned drill instructor than I was. I could leave it at work. She couldn't. Neither could my father. I grew up as a damned recruit. You think I'm taking that home to my baby girls? Think again.


That's great that you could leave work at work. I know teachers who can't even do that. (not you, Kath; family members).

[Russ]

From 26 years of being married to the same beautiful redhead (and we're both still in our 30's :cool:), here's my list of what makes a lasting marriage:

1. A completely intangible love for each other
2. Putting each other first
3. Respect
4. Liking each other's sense of humor
5. Treating each other the way you want to be treated.

[Gunny]

From 26 years of being married to the same beautiful redhead (and we're both still in our 30's :cool:), here's my list of what makes a lasting marriage:

1. A completely intangible love for each other
2. Putting each other first
3. Respect
4. Liking each other's sense of humor
5. Treating each other the way you want to be treated.

Damn. Do you have to shop around to get one like that? Crap, there were times I felt safer in Kuwait than at home. :laugh:

[gabosaurus]

Incorrect. I could always disassociate my being a Marine with my family. I have the coolest kids in the world. They're responsible and contribute to the community (look it up). They don't just take, they give.

And I got news for ya' Ms Know it All .. my ex was a worse damned drill instructor than I was. I could leave it at work. She couldn't. Neither could my father. I grew up as a damned recruit. You think I'm taking that home to my baby girls? Think again. One's an Iraq War vet and school teacher and the other's an industrial artist. I think I did okay.

What I'm NOT is some wimp whining about what I don't have.

From what you have said on this board, I have always thought you were a damn good drill instructor and Marine. But if your ex was a bad DI, how did you end up getting married to her?
And if you take into account your daughter's failed relationship, perhaps she took more from you than you think.

[Gunny]

From what you have said on this board, I have always thought you were a damn good drill instructor and Marine. But if your ex was a bad DI, how did you end up getting married to her?
And if you take into account your daughter's failed relationship, perhaps she took more from you than you think.

She was hot and I was young? And it was WAY before either of us were drill instructors. It's called being young n dumb,. Nothing worse than an E-Zero being thousands of miles from home. It's not what I taught her, It's a lesson most military people learn.

And my daughter just got married a couple of weeks ago. But make no mistake. That's Daddy's little girl and HE knows it. If she doesn't kick his ass I will.