Does anyone ever really win in a divorce?

[Black Diamond]

Seems like everyone loses.

[Jeff]

I don't know, my EX made out pretty good. But seriously I think in most cases your right there is no winner, and the worst part is when kids are involved, they are usually the biggest losers.

[NightTrain]

I did.

It was a lowdown, nasty fight-to-the-death battle, but I won everything. It was brutal to the kids, no doubt about it and if there was any way I could have saved them the whole experience, I would in a heartbeat. But I didn't have that option and had no idea that it was coming in the first place.

So when the chips were down, I looked at it from a coldly logical viewpoint. I didn't really care about the money, bills or assets - the kids' welfare was paramount, and there were 3 options : Living with me, living with her, or 50/50.

Because an ordinary 35 year old woman suddenly decided she wanted to be a rock-n-roll party girl with all the trimmings, I didn't want her irresponsible behavior displayed for the kids. She'd already shown them that marriage was something to casually toss away on a whim, and I didn't want them to see the parade of boyfriends and other party-minded shitheads moving through their world.

So, living with her was out. 50/50 wasn't good enough, either, even though my lawyer told me that winning 100% physical custody was unlikely and 100% legal custody was a pipe dream. Still, that's what I wanted and the Judge agreed with me. I broke into her facebook & email accounts and downloaded gigs of evidence showing what she'd been up to while I was out of town working my ass off for her and the kids, and her own pictures of different events is what hung her when printed out in high quality for the Judge to see.

Yeah, I didn't play nicely, but when it comes to my kids I have no problem with getting down in the mud. They were completely innocent and I did what I did to secure their future. My oldest is 18 now and he understands, the other two are 15 and 12 and they don't understand what happened.

I guess you could say that the kids lost - but I don't agree with that. Yes, they lost innocence and didn't deserve it - but the alternatives were much, much worse. She was going to be a party girl with or without the kids around, so IMO they also won.

Now she's a party girl down in SC somewhere, hanging around a married Army guy... it was more important to her to leave her kids entirely to chase after him. That showed everyone where her priorities lie.

[hjmick]

I've been nothing but happy since divorcing my first wife...

[Gunny]

I've been nothing but happy since divorcing my first wife...

No shit on THAT one.

[LongTermGuy]

I've been nothing but happy since divorcing my first wife...

Understand...and good...Maybe you were both winners..:thumb:

[Gunny]

Seems like everyone loses.

Yeah. Two lawyers.

[DragonStryk72]

Seems like everyone loses.

Nope. The very premise itself goes against it, because really, even if you're a gold digger, the fact remains that when a divorce happens, you now only have access to a percentage of the assets, as opposed to the full suite, so it's still a net loss.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I did.

It was a lowdown, nasty fight-to-the-death battle, but I won everything. It was brutal to the kids, no doubt about it and if there was any way I could have saved them the whole experience, I would in a heartbeat. But I didn't have that option and had no idea that it was coming in the first place.

So when the chips were down, I looked at it from a coldly logical viewpoint. I didn't really care about the money, bills or assets - the kids' welfare was paramount, and there were 3 options : Living with me, living with her, or 50/50.

Because an ordinary 35 year old woman suddenly decided she wanted to be a rock-n-roll party girl with all the trimmings, I didn't want her irresponsible behavior displayed for the kids. She'd already shown them that marriage was something to casually toss away on a whim, and I didn't want them to see the parade of boyfriends and other party-minded shitheads moving through their world.

So, living with her was out. 50/50 wasn't good enough, either, even though my lawyer told me that winning 100% physical custody was unlikely and 100% legal custody was a pipe dream. Still, that's what I wanted and the Judge agreed with me. I broke into her facebook & email accounts and downloaded gigs of evidence showing what she'd been up to while I was out of town working my ass off for her and the kids, and her own pictures of different events is what hung her when printed out in high quality for the Judge to see.

Yeah, I didn't play nicely, but when it comes to my kids I have no problem with getting down in the mud. They were completely innocent and I did what I did to secure their future. My oldest is 18 now and he understands, the other two are 15 and 12 and they don't understand what happened.

I guess you could say that the kids lost - but I don't agree with that. Yes, they lost innocence and didn't deserve it - but the alternatives were much, much worse. She was going to be a party girl with or without the kids around, so IMO they also won.

Now she's a party girl down in SC somewhere, hanging around a married Army guy... it was more important to her to leave her kids entirely to chase after him. That showed everyone where her priorities lie.

My ex-wife while trying to save face for the millionaire man she was seeing (now married to) gave me custody of our 14 year old daughter and I got the home and half of one savings account. She had stolen all of a larger account many months before the divorce started- thus I couldn't touch that!
I truly only wanted my daughter to keep her safe from the ex-bitch from hell.
Getting the home and half of one account was just a bit of gravy.
My lawyer, she was deathly afraid of and what he could and would do in court in regards to revealing her true character. So a couple weeks before trial--she signed away all that just to keep the new millionaire boy friend from finding out how she mistreated our daughter.
I hammered that reality to her about it coming out in court. And knew she'd surrender in the end--by the way took 3 long years to get the divorce. She kept stringing it out for various reasons. -Tyr

[WiccanLiberal]

Never having been down that road myself, my experience has been through what others have gone through. Regardless of how much acrimony is involved at the end, a marriage presumably started as a hopeful thing. Regardless of any financial or social 'win' both parties will eventually lose that level of hope and openness that marked the beginning of the marriage. The lucky ones may eventually regain that at some point.

[Perianne]

My husband divorced me. I pined for him for 6 1/2 years. He finally came back to me. And soon after he died.

[Gunny]

My husband divorced me. I pined for him for 6 1/2 years. He finally came back to me. And soon after he died.

Sorry.

I've lost a LOT. I wish my first wife would fall off a cliff. All a matter of perspective.

[Perianne]

Sorry.

I've lost a LOT. I wish my first wife would fall off a cliff. All a matter of perspective.

Pssst. If I see her, I will give her a push for you.

[gabosaurus]

The only way to "win" is to not get divorced at all.
Though I have no personal experience with divorce since there have been none in my family.

When my sister was younger, she asked my dad "if you and mom got divorced, who would we live with?"
My dad said "Your mom. She would be only one of us left alive." :laugh: