The Weekend! The Greatest Accomplishment of Western Civilization!!!!

[WiccanLiberal]

Well, at least for me right now. So the week has been weird to say the least. My manager gave me a minion of my very own. That is to say, she assigned me a nursing student to precept. This charmingly naive blank slate follows me around hanging on my every word as if it were divine revelation. I attempt to impart wisdom with a hint of reality and humor and have to keep a leash on my sarcasm and language. It's good but it's stressful. I have to be on my toes all the time.
Then there's the patients. Take the one who swore he had a safety call to escort him home. We got the person on the phone, He said he was at the hospital but couldn't find parking so could we bring the patient downstairs? We sent our RR aide with the man who veered hard right at the chapel downstairs and ... locked himself in and refused to come out. Turns out his escort was not there and had never intended to come and the subterfuge was all so he was sure his procedure would be done. Could have saved poor Ms. W. the trouble of taking his sorry keister downstairs if he had simply said, "FU I don't need no stinking escort!". Wouldn't have been the first and we don't throw ourselves down like speed bumps to stop the idiots.
Next one was the person I called for follow up. We call our patients a few days after their procedure to see how they're doing and reinforce things like making a return appointment if they need one. I asked if he had any concerns. This was the exchange.

Concerned Professional (that's Yours Truly): So you are feeling generally OK Sir?

Valued Patient (hereinafter known as Dickhead): Wellllll...I am not sure how to put this....

CP: Please take your time Sir.

DH: Weeel since my colonoscopy, I notice my , Loooong Pause, PERFORMANCE (said with significant emphasis) is not the same.

CP: ( Shaking my head and wondering why I didn't become a marine biologist - dolphins are so sweet) Sir. Do you mean your intimate performance??

DH: Yeah exactly! Do you think the test DID SOMETHING to me?

CP: (Wanting to put the call on hold so I can bang my head against the wall in peace) Well, Sir, I don't believe that any change in function in that regard could be due to the test but since you are concerned I suggest you mention it to your physician at the appointment you say you have at the end of the week.

DH: Hmm yeah OK, thanks.

CP: If there's nothing else, have a very pleasant afternoon, Sir.

My manager almost choked laughing when I told her why I was facepalming and saying something about cute marine mammals and wanting a do over.


So definitely NEED NEED NEED this weekend. V4R is away, the Mets are in a playoff game tonight and I have wine. A perfect storm of peace and quiet.

[Motown]

Valued Patient hereafter referred to as Dickhead.

That job has to be stressful. Every nurse I know, and I do mean every single one, has used those exact words at least once.

[WiccanLiberal]

Valued Patient hereafter referred to as Dickhead.

That job has to be stressful. Every nurse I know, and I do mean every single one, has used those exact words at least once.

Yup. Problem is for every person you meet who is involved and interested in their care and has a basic degree of common sense, you find about 10 of the other - people who would try the patience of Mother Theresa with their brick wall level ignorance. It's not about educated or not. These are the same people who think "nothing by mouth after midnight" in no way means their morning latte and then get angry when we tell them no procedure. After all, they KNOW they won't vomit and aspirate that coffee into their lungs during sedation and who are we to suggest that their body might do that. These are the same ones who when I tell them no alcohol or smoking for the rest of the day ask me "but weed is OK right?" One of our favorite axioms in healthcare is YOU CAN'T CURE STUPID. Ignorant? How about the patient family and friends sitting in the patient waiting area with plainly posted signs politely requesting no food or drink in those areas and who insist on eating a complete meal a few feet away from people who have had nothing for hours? All nurses have a massive collection of stories about the good, the bad and the ugly. We see folks at their best and their worst.