There’s a way to stop mass shootings, and you won’t like it.

[WiccanLiberal]

And it's not what you might think. This writer has a point. But the solution is not new legislation or government programs. Read the whole thing. He's done some serious thinking about what's wrong that creates these tragedies.

http://mystudentapt.com/2015/10/06/theres-a-way-to-stop-mass-shootings-and-you-wont-like-it/

That’s right. You’re not going to like it because it’s going to require you to do something personally, as opposed to shouting for the government, or anyone to “do something!”
You ready? Here it is:
“Notice those around you that seem isolated, and engage them.”
If every one of us did this we’d have a culture that was deeply committed to insuring no one was left lonely. And make no mistake, as I’ve written before loneliness is what causes these shooters to lash out (http://mystudentapt.com/2015/06/15/school-shootings-about-loneliness-not-violence/). People with solid connections to other people don’t indiscriminately fire guns at strangers.

[tailfins]

And it's not what you might think. This writer has a point. But the solution is not new legislation or government programs. Read the whole thing. He's done some serious thinking about what's wrong that creates these tragedies.

http://mystudentapt.com/2015/10/06/theres-a-way-to-stop-mass-shootings-and-you-wont-like-it/

That’s right. You’re not going to like it because it’s going to require you to do something personally, as opposed to shouting for the government, or anyone to “do something!”
You ready? Here it is:
“Notice those around you that seem isolated, and engage them.”
If every one of us did this we’d have a culture that was deeply committed to insuring no one was left lonely. And make no mistake, as I’ve written before loneliness is what causes these shooters to lash out (http://mystudentapt.com/2015/06/15/school-shootings-about-loneliness-not-violence/). People with solid connections to other people don’t indiscriminately fire guns at strangers.

What a load of bull crap. I attend support group meetings dominated by lonely people. There's a saying in Brazil "Melhor sozinho que mal acompahado." The people I see at support group meetings know it's better to be alone than messed with. The secret is to find people who take time to learn to avoid what causes one distress. It's a million times better to be alone than be around someone who demands more than you're capable of and retaliates for not meeting impossible expectations. With this one woman, I learned to immediately stop talking if someone was talking from a different direction because failure to do so would trigger an autistic meltdown in her.

[DragonStryk72]

What a load of bull crap. I attend support group meetings dominated by lonely people. There's a saying in Brazil "Melhor sozinho que mal acompahado." The people I see at support group meetings know it's better to be alone than messed with. The secret is to find people who take time to learn to avoid what causes one distress. It's a million times better to be alone than be around someone who demands more than you're capable of and retaliates for not meeting impossible expectations. With this one woman, I learned to immediately stop talking if someone was talking from a different direction because failure to do so would trigger an autistic meltdown in her.

.... You realize that a support group specifically exists to make certain you're not alone, right? It's a group that supports one another. I mean, you literally proves her point in your second sentence.

The entire point of being in a support group is to be with other people, to work through your issues.

[Motown]

The blog author has a good handle on what can't be done but I'm not sure about his conclusion that lonely people are shooting strangers. I found this list of shootings on Wikipedia and in a lot of these cases the shooter did know his victims and the shooting was preceded by some sort of conflict, either disciplinary action or fights with classmates. Not all of them but enough that it's noticeable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

[WiccanLiberal]

The blog author has a good handle on what can't be done but I'm not sure about his conclusion that lonely people are shooting strangers. I found this list of shootings on Wikipedia and in a lot of these cases the shooter did know his victims and the shooting was preceded by some sort of conflict, either disciplinary action or fights with classmates. Not all of them but enough that it's noticeable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

The thing I think is true is that people can be isolated and lonely even if they interact with people all day. We recently had an inservice at work about looking at those around us and realizing that we don't know what others are going through in their internal life. Let's say a coworker has had an argument with their significant other that morning and are already under big stress with a kid whose grades are a concern and an ill mother. I see them getting frustrated about a simple task and have some options but the best may be to say "You look like you need a little help there." At base I think it's about rediscovering kindness. Yes some of these killers may have known the names of some of their victims. In the Columbine case, the killers definitely were aware of who they were killing but, in a larger sense, they were strangers. Apparently there was at least one person, Brooks Brown, who was encouraged to leave because he had recently interacted positively with one of the killers. The remainder were people who were part of the killers' isolation. I thought the blogger addressed the issue well in that complex problems don't have easy solutions. Human behavior in groups is exceedingly hard to change. Modern society now seems to encourage isolation. But think abstractly for a moment. What might be accomplished by following the advice of the Dalai Lama? "Compassion is not religious business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival".

[tailfins]

.... You realize that a support group specifically exists to make certain you're not alone, right? It's a group that supports one another. I mean, you literally proves her point in your second sentence.

The entire point of being in a support group is to be with other people, to work through your issues.

I see what you are saying, but the support group won't change course on someone angry enough for violence. I wish I had access to Adam Lanza before he did his misdeed. The common thread is a sense of having been wronged by society. Get that person justice and you will often defuse the violence. I think Adam Lanza should have filed a lawsuit against his school in Sandy Hook. Getting a check from the school would have relieved his rage at being cheated. I defy anyone here to suggest that suing the school is worse than what he did.

[tailfins]

What a load of bull crap. I attend support group meetings dominated by lonely people. There's a saying in Brazil "Melhor sozinho que mal acompahado." The people I see at support group meetings know it's better to be alone than messed with. The secret is to find people who take time to learn to avoid what causes one distress. It's a million times better to be alone than be around someone who demands more than you're capable of and retaliates for not meeting impossible expectations. With this one woman, I learned to immediately stop talking if someone was talking from a different direction because failure to do so would trigger an autistic meltdown in her.

By the way, after sleeping on it, I noticed that I was too abrupt. That abruptness is NOT rooted in antagonism towards the original poster, but rather my own frustration of people demanding more of me socially than I'm able to deliver.

[Abbey Marie]

The blog author has a good handle on what can't be done but I'm not sure about his conclusion that lonely people are shooting strangers. I found this list of shootings on Wikipedia and in a lot of these cases the shooter did know his victims and the shooting was preceded by some sort of conflict, either disciplinary action or fights with classmates. Not all of them but enough that it's noticeable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States


You can know a ton of people and still be lonely. I'd wager there is a lot more going on in these sick minds that just feelings of loneliness. Taking time to engage with them could alleviate some of those "less than" feelings that they appear to suffer from. (Or, I suppose you could be setting yourself up to be an eventual target yourself). In any event, I expect that doing so when they are still fairly young is key.

[Abbey Marie]

By the way, after sleeping on it, I noticed that I was too abrupt. That abruptness is NOT rooted in antagonism towards the original poster, but rather my own frustration of people demanding more of me socially than I'm able to deliver.

Why, tf, is that an apology? It sounds more like one, than an "It won't happen again". :cool:

So, as a "small-i" introvert myself, I find extended periods of small talk wear me out. In fact, other than my husband and daughter, I prefer not to go out socially with just one other person. A group of 3 or more lets me fade from the conversation when I want. If I am stuck in small-talk hell, or extended 1 on 1 conversation, I come home kind of exhausted, and need some alone time. From my reading, this is classic introvert behavior.

[Gunny]

Why tf, is that an apology? It sounds more like one, than an "It won't happen again". :cool:

So, as a "small-i" introvert myself, I find extends periods of small talk wear me out. In fact, other than my husband and daughter, I prefer not to go out socially with just one other person. A group of 3 or more lets me fade from the conversation when I want. If I am stuck in small-talk hell, or extended 1 on 1 conversation, I come home kind of exhausted, and need some alone time. From my reading, this is classic introvert behavior.

I always got called an arrogant, stuck up a-hole for doing that. I'm sensing discrimination here.:laugh:

We always went out where the ex always wanted to hang with a group of about 6 other people. I stood against the wall and watched. Sounded like a chicken cage to me. Then my ex would get in my ass about it. I'm like, you girls talk about your latest internal issues and the guys stand there with their chests stuck out bragging about golf like they're some kind of actual sportsmen. And every one has caught the biggest fish EVER.

No thanks.

[tailfins]

I always got called an arrogant, stuck up a-hole for doing that. I'm sensing discrimination here.:laugh:

We always went out where the ex always wanted to hang with a group of about 6 other people. I stood against the wall and watched. Sounded like a chicken cage to me. Then my ex would get in my ass about it. I'm like, you girls talk about your latest internal issues and the guys stand there with their chests stuck out bragging about golf like they're some kind of actual sportsmen. And every one has caught the biggest fish EVER.

No thanks.

If I were in that situation, I would produce a Chess game, set up the pieces and wait for someone to make the first move.

[Gunny]

If I were in that situation, I would produce a Chess game, set up the pieces and wait for someone to make the first move.

In a country bar? You know how many people in country bars can actually play chess? :laugh: Me. And I ain't playing chess with some lame-a-zoid I could beat in the 2nd grade. That's more boring than listening to golf and fish stories.:laugh:

[Abbey Marie]

It IS discrimination! Extroverts are considered better than us quieter types, because they are loud and in love with themselves.

But we introverts get the important work done, and make the world go-round.

:coffee:

[Motown]

So, as a "small-i" introvert myself, I find extended periods of small talk wear me out. In fact, other than my husband and daughter, I prefer not to go out socially with just one other person. A group of 3 or more lets me fade from the conversation when I want. If I am stuck in small-talk hell, or extended 1 on 1 conversation, I come home kind of exhausted, and need some alone time. From my reading, this is classic introvert behavior.

I'm not introverted but I also dislike small talk. If I'm out because my wife insisted I go out with her and some friends and I'm stuck with a really boring group of guys who are also kind of douchy I always get them drunk. If I have to listen to meaningless babble I like it to at least be interesting.

[Gunny]

I'm not introverted but I also dislike small talk. If I'm out because my wife insisted I go out with her and some friends and I'm stuck with a really boring group of guys who are also kind of douchy I always get them drunk. If I have to listen to meaningless babble I like it to at least be interesting.

I used to get them drunk and break out a deck of cards and tell them to put their money on the table. :laugh:

[Motown]

I used to get them drunk and break out a deck of cards and tell them to put their money on the table. :laugh:

I wish I'd thought of that.