Hillary Clinton Jokes...........

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Q: Do you know what Bill Clinton said to Hillary right after sex? ..

A: Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes.

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She actually ate a street vendor hot dog.

Sees Statue of Liberty and asks, "Oh, is that new?"

Believes the Mets can take it all the way this year.

Gave speech to Hasidic Jews in which she promised to "fight for the rights of you Amish folk."

Had an exploratory committee look into what an extended middle finger means.

Looks at Twin Towers, rubs eyes and yells, "Dang! Mama's seeing things!"

Keeps asking when she'll get to meet Batman.

Featured guest at her fundraisers: Reggie Miller.

Thinks the "subway" is just some place Bill takes her for their anniversary dinner.

Paid $25,000 for a sidewalk Rolex.

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Q: How do you make the Hillary Sandwich?

A:Your bread and a whole lot of baloney. :laugh2:

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Clintons Dining Out...

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

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10 Japanese businessmen address Clinton as "Tubby-san."

For a hundred bucks Al Gore rubs a funder's chest with Vap-O-Rub.

President starts meeting by saying, "My name is Bill Clinton, and I'm a bribe-aholic."

Each video begins with the words, "Directed by Oliver Stone."

Clinton keeps peering into camera and saying, "Lookee! I'm on the tee-vee!"

Ted Kennedy's recipe for "Irish coffee" contains no coffee.

Videos now available in Blockbuster's "Corruption" section.

Whenever anyone says, "Sanka," Clinton says, "You're welcome!" and laughs his ass off.

Pantsless President stirs his coffee without using his hands.

1 Bill drinks coffee Hillary drinks Colt

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"At last we'll cut through the lies and get to the embellished, politically motivated truth"

"Do we get a discount if we've had sex with Bubba?"

"Hey, the Whitewater chapter is all shredded"

"Why ain't your husband king no more?"

"Hillary Clinton? Crap, I thought it was the new Harry Potter book"

"That Barnes and Noble cashier looks a lot like Al Gore"

"I hear the section about Bill is a pop-up book"

"The last time I was at one of these, Rosalyn Carter showed up drunk"

"Twenty-eight bucks for a book? That Lewinskys"

"I feel weird doing this with your wife right there, Mr. Clinton"

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Q. What is Clinton's codename?
A. 'The Unibanger'

Q. What do you call Clinton's fly?
A. U.S. Open

Q. What did Clinton say when asked about the scandal?
A. I was trying to keep my campaign promise by putting more women on my staff.

Q. Do you know who Hillary has asked to stay at the White House?
A. Lorena Bobbitt

Q. Why are they asking for $3.00 Presidential funds in this year's tax returns (Last year it was only $1.00)
A. Because condom prices have gone up!

Q. What is the difference between the president and the titanic?
A. They know exactly how many people went down on the titanic.

Q. When can you tell that the country is in trouble?
A. Clinton has been caught with Al thinking it was Mal.

Q. What did Clinton say to the new female intern?
A. I haven't come across your face.

Q. What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story?
A. NOW she decides to open her mouth!

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Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"

Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."

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Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek.

The blonde thinks: "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face"

The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him."

Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."

George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."

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Top Ten Things That Have Crossed President Clinton's Mind
10 "Nicole Kidman? Nude? One ticket, please!"

"How about a new meal between lunch and dinner called 'linner'"

"I hope no one finds out about me and Vernon Jordan"

"I'm sure glad no one can read my thoughts -- oh, let's see what tonight's Top Ten list is"

"If I can just find an intern from Wyoming, I'll have all fifty states!"

"When did the Marine Corps band switch from 'Hail to the Chief' to 'Taps'?"

"How am I gonna be able to sneak chicks into prison?"

"Isn't it weird -- we drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway"

"I wonder what the precedent is on nuking Ken Starr to kingdom come"

1 "I hope that wrestling Governor guy doesn't hurt me"