To my lover and my best friend....

[darin]

I suspect the worst type of an intimate relationship is the type built on friendship; the type where the man and woman start out as BFF's then somehow evolve into intimacy/romance and all that. Friendship-based relationships seem more likely to devolve back into a friendship-based relationship - you've seen the type - where the husband and wife live as, essentially, roommates and pals with almost no real, deep connection. When a relationship starts out as merely friendship, I suspect in times of stress folks revert back to the baseline - friendship. I believe in times of stress - that's when intimacy, closeness, and all that is most-vital towards sustaining a couple. I'm still developing this thought, but that's what I think I think for now. Imagine breaking up with your spouse, and now you have no BFF with whom to counsel or talk or heal. Seems like insult added to injury. Further, might keep people in bad relationships because they may not have feelings for their mate, but they generally like their mate, as a person.

[darin]

further - I believe it's easier to build a friendship than to create feelings of intimacy, desire, love and what-not. Said another way, I can learn to like the specific areas I may not-yet know after initial attraction much easier and more-completely than learn to see somebody as attractive or develop attraction that wasn't there initially. Still thinking through this...

[Perianne]

I have been thinking those very thoughts for many months now.

After my husband died my best guy friend was a shoulder to cry on. He had been my buddy for years and years, seeing me go through things that others had not. A few months later he wanted to take it to another level, and I went along for the ride. We got along so well that we decided to marry.

The marriage did not work out well. He left early this year to take a job in another city about four hours away. He told me in June that he was going to file for divorce. In the meantime I have met someone else and am head over heels.

About ten days ago my husband changed his mind and moved back to Lexington, wanting to give our marriage another chance. I like that he is back, but I want him to be my old best guy friend. What to do???

This sounds like something from an Ann Landers column. Geez.

[Kathianne]

I have been thinking those very thoughts for many months now.

After my husband died my best guy friend was a shoulder to cry on. He had been my buddy for years and years, seeing me go through things that others had not. A few months later he wanted to take it to another level, and I went along for the ride. We got along so well that we decided to marry.

The marriage did not work out well. He left early this year to take a job in another city about four hours away. He told me in June that he was going to file for divorce. In the mean time I have met someone else and am head over heels.

About ten days ago my husband changed his mind and moved back to Lexington, wanting to give our marriage another chance. I like that he is back, but I want him to be my old best guy friend. What to do???

This sounds like something from an Ann Landers column. Geez.

Playing Ann Landers:

If you're 'head over heels' in love with someone else, his hope for another chance is non-starting. As for wanting him to be 'old best friend?' "You can't always get what you want, but get what you need." ;)

[indago]

I have been thinking those very thoughts for many months now.

After my husband died my best guy friend was a shoulder to cry on. He had been my buddy for years and years, seeing me go through things that others had not. A few months later he wanted to take it to another level, and I went along for the ride. We got along so well that we decided to marry.

The marriage did not work out well. He left early this year to take a job in another city about four hours away. He told me in June that he was going to file for divorce. In the mean time I have met someone else and am head over heels.

About ten days ago my husband changed his mind and moved back to Lexington, wanting to give our marriage another chance. I like that he is back, but I want him to be my old best guy friend. What to do???

This sounds like something from an Ann Landers column. Geez.

You're gonna need a bigger bed...

[Perianne]

You're gonna need a bigger bed...

lol

[Drummond]

I have been thinking those very thoughts for many months now.

After my husband died my best guy friend was a shoulder to cry on. He had been my buddy for years and years, seeing me go through things that others had not. A few months later he wanted to take it to another level, and I went along for the ride. We got along so well that we decided to marry.

The marriage did not work out well. He left early this year to take a job in another city about four hours away. He told me in June that he was going to file for divorce. In the mean time I have met someone else and am head over heels.

About ten days ago my husband changed his mind and moved back to Lexington, wanting to give our marriage another chance. I like that he is back, but I want him to be my old best guy friend. What to do???

This sounds like something from an Ann Landers column. Geez.

What you do, Perianne, is whatever gives you the best chance for maximum happiness. It's that simple.

Your husband can't be so great a prospect, if he's been playing a 'will I, won't I' game over divorcing you ... and you say you're 'head over heels' over someone else ?

Just follow your heart, that's what I'd say.