Here's a joke for you

[Bilgerat]

A Boy’s First Condom

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at nearby pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt that the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure I apparently still looked confused.

So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,'she said,and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'Sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.


Then she beat the shit out of me....


Women have always been hard for me to figure out.

[LongTermGuy]

And another....:coffee:


"Four boys were fishing. As their boat rounded a point on the lake, they saw a man thrashing in the water.

With no hesitation, they jumped into the water and saved him.

It was not until they pulled him to shore that they noticed the man they had saved was President Obama, who had slipped away from the Secret Service for a swim.

When President Obama caught his breath, he thanked the four boys and offered them anything they wanted in return for saving his life.

The first boy thought about it for a while and finally answered.

"I would like a presidential appointment to West Point so I can serve my country."

The next two thought that was a great idea, but one said he had always wanted to be a pilot so he would rather attend the Air Force Academy.

The third boy chose the Naval Academy.

The president turned to the fourth boy, who was still thinking.

Finally he answered, "Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery"

The president was shocked and asked the boy why he would make such a request at his young age.

The boy replied "Because when my father finds out I saved you, he is going to kill me!"

[Bilgerat]

A husband walks into Victoria ‘s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), ‘I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing.. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, ‘Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!’

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.