Update on Gaffer

[Trinity]

I know I have not posted any updates on Dad here recently. And I apologize, but honestly I have nothing good to report, maybe that's why I haven't updated. He is very weak. He doesn't get out of his bed except to maybe go to the bathroom. He sounds very hoarse. He fell 3 times in one week due to being so loopy with the morphine. Hes ok, he didn't get hurt but I did get on him about using the walker to help him if he does get up.

I did hook a flat screen monitor up to his computer and set it up so he could access his computer from his bed. And he has been on it here and there, but I don't think he has the energy to type anything. I thought about a voice to text program for him, but I don't think he would have the energy for that either.


As much as I hate to say this, it is basically just a waiting game at this point. My sister in law told me he had said to her last week he hopes this only goes on for a couple of more days.

My sister in law has been pretty awesome in all of this, she has stepped up and been his primary caregiver since she is currently not working and my brother and I are both stuck working. Which leads me to guilt, because I want to be there more then I am able to.


Basically this sucks.


I have been keeping him updated on all of you and your well wishes. He always smiles when I tell him what has been said about him or what has been done.

At this point, for those of you that pray or whatever you do. I would say pray for him to have as little pain as possible and that when its time he transitions easily from this world to the next.....with his two by four of course. ;)

[Trinity]

Thought I should add a couple of pics of Gaffer with my boys on Thanksgiving day.....He actually looked pretty good that day.

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=6883&stc=1

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=6884&stc=1

[Kathianne]

Thanks Trinity. I know how hard these days must be, but have first hand experience how important these days will be to the grandkids memories.

I hated that my kids had to see so much illness when they were so young, they however grew to be even more compassionate to young and old alike. They are better people because of their experiences. They brought joy to my mom, later my dad by just spending time with them.

My prayers are for peace for all of you.

[Trinity]

You know what's really funny.....My 18 year old, the one with all the facial hair. Him and Gaffer are just alike, couple of stubborn asses, so they use to butt heads all the time. My mom sent me a pic of my dad when he was younger and I was like holy crap, my youngest looked at it and said who is that? That looks just like William. Notice the smirk on their faces.

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=6885&stc=1

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=6886&stc=1

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I know I have not posted any updates on Dad here recently. And I apologize, but honestly I have nothing good to report, maybe that's why I haven't updated. He is very weak. He doesn't get out of his bed except to maybe go to the bathroom. He sounds very hoarse. He fell 3 times in one week due to being so loopy with the morphine. Hes ok, he didn't get hurt but I did get on him about using the walker to help him if he does get up.

I did hook a flat screen monitor up to his computer and set it up so he could access his computer from his bed. And he has been on it here and there, but I don't think he has the energy to type anything. I thought about a voice to text program for him, but I don't think he would have the energy for that either.


As much as I hate to say this, it is basically just a waiting game at this point. My sister in law told me he had said to her last week he hopes this only goes on for a couple of more days.

My sister in law has been pretty awesome in all of this, she has stepped up and been his primary caregiver since she is currently not working and my brother and I are both stuck working. Which leads me to guilt, because I want to be there more then I am able to.


Basically this sucks.


I have been keeping him updated on all of you and your well wishes. He always smiles when I tell him what has been said about him or what has been done.

At this point, for those of you that pray or whatever you do. I would say pray for him to have as little pain as possible and that when its time he transitions easily from this world to the next.....with his two by four of course. ;)

Thanks so much for the updates and the pictures. Our pm conversations here over these last couple years made a great impression on me and Gaffer always gave me great advice. I had always hope one day to meet him in person, buy him a few beers and shoot the bull so to speak. Spiritually he always reminded me of my father and grandfather, and I can pay no higher compliment than that because none higher exists!
I hope you will relay that to my good friend.... --Tyr

[NightTrain]

Thank you, Trinity.

Gaffer is never far from our thoughts, both Sharon and I.

[aboutime]

Please tell him WE are all praying for him. Can't hold back the tears. God Bless All of You.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Please tell him WE are all praying for him. Can't hold back the tears. God Bless All of You.
That picture of him now so reminded me of my Dad , when he came home from the hospital in 1969. I too, had tears for both..
Nothing in this world is worse than going thru what he and his family are going thru right now. I've know too having been there when I was only 15 years old. It utterly destroyed me until I was 32 years old..
May God bless Gaffer and all his family as only he can...--Tyr

[tailfins]

Which leads me to guilt, because I want to be there more then I am able to.

You shouldn't have any guilt. You're doing your best.

[fj1200]

God bless your dad and all you're doing for him. It's amazing how one can miss someone you've never met.

[Jeff]

Thank you for the update

Prayer have been lifted and will continue to be.

As for feeling guilty , Don't, your Dad is the type of man that knows life must go on bills must be paid and he wouldn't want it any other way !!

Gaffer is in my thoughts quite often and in my prayers even more.

Anyway I can help just let me know.

[Trinity]

Thanks so much for the updates and the pictures. Our pm conversations here over these last couple years made a great impression on me and Gaffer always gave me great advice. I had always hope one day to meet him in person, buy him a few beers and shoot the bull so to speak. Spiritually he always reminded me of my father and grandfather, and I can pay no higher compliment than that because none higher exists!
I hope you will relay that to my good friend.... --Tyr



I most certainly will.

[Trinity]

Just got back from seeing dad....

First I should point out that I had not talked to him in a couple of days, cause his phone was dead. They put it on the charger and I was able to reach him this morning.

When he answered the phone I had no idea it was him....I said who's this? and he says Dad....I was like oh you don't sound to good, he said he was horse. Which he is. I then asked him how he was doing....he said I'm doing pretty good, I'm on vacation....I'm thinking wtf is he talking about.....I said What?....he says yeah I am on vacation. At this point I am like ok this morphine has him hallucinating or something. So I just went with it and said so how is your vacation going? He says pretty good, as he kind of laughs a little bit. At this point I am totally baffled....well I asked him if he was at my brother and sister in laws and he says No I told you I'm on vacation....so then I ask Ok are they there? He says no they left a little while ago. Then it dawns on me that he is in the hospice hospital, my brother and his family had been invited to a Christmas function and had dad transported to hospice for the night.

So I waited to go see him until this afternoon when I knew he would be back home. I walked in and he looks awful compared to a week ago....I did ask him about his vacation and he said it was to short. lol

So in the past week he seems to have deteriorated quite a bit, he looked really pink in the pics from Thanksgiving, now he looks kind of an ashy gray color. He has not been eating and he has been throwing up his meds. They have stopped giving him everything except his pain meds and nausea meds. At this point I figure high blood pressure and cholesterol meds are a moot point. If he can hold down the pain meds then thats all I care about.

He has no energy and totally zones out and just stares off into space. I still try to engage him in convos but he doesn't participate much. And he doesn't remember much of anything from one day to the next.

My brother and I were talking tonight and he seems to think dad is intentionally not eating, so basically starving himself to death. Is he? I don't know. Is this common for this type of cancer? or is it my dad being the stubborn ass that he is? I told my brother I would do some research on it and see what I could find out.


And as depressing as this is, I will try to at least update you all once a week. But honestly I think he has lost his will to live and is ready to move on. I know the Doctor told us 2 to 3 months, exactly one month ago today. I don't think were going to get that.

[tailfins]

My brother and I were talking tonight and he seems to think dad is intentionally not eating, so basically starving himself to death. Is he? I don't know. Is this common for this type of cancer? or is it my dad being the stubborn ass that he is? I told my brother I would do some research on it and see what I could find out.


And as depressing as this is, I will try to at least update you all once a week. But honestly I think he has lost his will to live and is ready to move on. I know the Doctor told us 2 to 3 months, exactly one month ago today. I don't think were going to get that.

Having witnessed similar end of life situations a few times, I don't think it's intentional not to eat. My guess is that his system is developing an aversion to food. For example, you might not want to eat after getting off the ride in the video below:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snHZc8QIdjU

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Just got back from seeing dad....

First I should point out that I had not talked to him in a couple of days, cause his phone was dead. They put it on the charger and I was able to reach him this morning.

When he answered the phone I had no idea it was him....I said who's this? and he says Dad....I was like oh you don't sound to good, he said he was horse. Which he is. I then asked him how he was doing....he said I'm doing pretty good, I'm on vacation....I'm thinking wtf is he talking about.....I said What?....he says yeah I am on vacation. At this point I am like ok this morphine has him hallucinating or something. So I just went with it and said so how is your vacation going? He says pretty good, as he kind of laughs a little bit. At this point I am totally baffled....well I asked him if he was at my brother and sister in laws and he says No I told you I'm on vacation....so then I ask Ok are they there? He says no they left a little while ago. Then it dawns on me that he is in the hospice hospital, my brother and his family had been invited to a Christmas function and had dad transported to hospice for the night.

So I waited to go see him until this afternoon when I knew he would be back home. I walked in and he looks awful compared to a week ago....I did ask him about his vacation and he said it was to short. lol

So in the past week he seems to have deteriorated quite a bit, he looked really pink in the pics from Thanksgiving, now he looks kind of an ashy gray color. He has not been eating and he has been throwing up his meds. They have stopped giving him everything except his pain meds and nausea meds. At this point I figure high blood pressure and cholesterol meds are a moot point. If he can hold down the pain meds then thats all I care about.

He has no energy and totally zones out and just stares off into space. I still try to engage him in convos but he doesn't participate much. And he doesn't remember much of anything from one day to the next.

My brother and I were talking tonight and he seems to think dad is intentionally not eating, so basically starving himself to death. Is he? I don't know. Is this common for this type of cancer? or is it my dad being the stubborn ass that he is? I told my brother I would do some research on it and see what I could find out.


And as depressing as this is, I will try to at least update you all once a week. But honestly I think he has lost his will to live and is ready to move on. I know the Doctor told us 2 to 3 months, exactly one month ago today. I don't think were going to get that.

My dad stopped eating except the very small amount my mom could beg him into eating the final few weeks before he passed on, this was after weeks of throwing up most of what he ate. Eventually he could only keep down liquids and very few of those. It was horrific and she kept it from we kids, we only found out the details when we were grown and discussed it with her as adults.
Mom said Dad told her that he had zero appetite near the end. Our Dad was at home the last months of his life. I spoke to him the last time as a fifteen year old kid the week before he passed on. -Tyr

[Kathianne]

Like many above, saw the same. My mom was a long term patient, she'd never been over 110 lbs, by the time she died she was under 70 lbs. The last 15 lbs over the last year, after a 10 year illness. She just couldn't.

Now my dad always had a vorocious appetite, at one point a 44" waist! He was diagnosed with cancer in January, died in August of the same year. In January he probably weighed 180. By August he was down to 160. In July he joked he was heading to his enlistment weight of 130. He was 6'2". He never stopped eating, the thing is that a bite or two of a sandwich or a bit of dinner, tired him out.

My feelings are that all the caregivers can do is try to provide what the loved one really loves, that may change from 'their norm.' My mom loved shrimp, lobster, and chips-yes! Chips! Over the years of her illness, these would tempt her to eat. The last couple years? Not so much. Then it was shakes, sodas, soups, stews. Even them, the soups and stews were a few spoonfulls. The shakes and sodas? Mostly would be gone. Needless to say, nutrition was ignored for calories.

[stephanie]

Trinity,


I just saw this thread and didn't know the "gaffer" was ill.

Please let him know I am thinking of him. :salute:

[darin]

My most-sincere wishes and prayers for you, your family and friends - and for Gaffer.

[jimnyc]

Another speechless moment. But I think such moments lend to the character of the person we are discussing. I find it also a bit remarkable what kind of impression one person can have on folks - folks he/we have never met face to face. I'm sure Gaffer has made a few enemies over the years. No doubt he was never shy about speaking his feelings and knowledge. And I think it was that honesty and knowledge that makes him so likeable as well. Just what I refer to as a "nice guy". I think Gaffer has earned an immense amount of respect from fellow members in addition to friendship. I know he has earned both from me.

Hang in there, Trinity. Tell Dad we are all asking for him and that he's in our thoughts.

[Jeff]

Trinity this is very hard times I know, I have been through it with a few loved ones, my Mom basically quit eating as did my Grandmother, I think it gets to the point they know when they eat they are going to get sick so why bother, they know the outcome, sometimes I wondered if that wasn't there way of saying OK I am ready. But either way Hun understand my prayers are there for Gaffer and the family, stay strong and know God has this.

[Trinity]

Well I was going to do weekly updates....but things have went from... he had me laughing yesterday morning..... to he is completely lethargic.

They have called in 24/7 care and we are down to hours, maybe days.

This shit sucks I am mentally and emotionally wore out.



I expect my next post will be of his passing. :-(

[tailfins]

Well I was going to do weekly updates....but things have went from... he had me laughing yesterday morning..... to he is completely lethargic.

They have called in 24/7 care and we are down to hours, maybe days.

This shit sucks I am mentally and emotionally wore out.



I expect my next post will be of his passing. :-(

The psychological healing will come sooner and faster than you expect.

[aboutime]

Well I was going to do weekly updates....but things have went from... he had me laughing yesterday morning..... to he is completely lethargic.

They have called in 24/7 care and we are down to hours, maybe days.

This shit sucks I am mentally and emotionally wore out.



I expect my next post will be of his passing. :-(


Our prayers are with you and Gaffer. Let the Lord take care of the details none of us can control.

God Bless.

[Kathianne]

Well I was going to do weekly updates....but things have went from... he had me laughing yesterday morning..... to he is completely lethargic.

They have called in 24/7 care and we are down to hours, maybe days.

This shit sucks I am mentally and emotionally wore out.



I expect my next post will be of his passing. :-(
Prayers continue. Peace for all.

[Jeff]

Trinity my heart and Love are with y'all tonight, I pray God's hand is there to guide things and to help with what ever comes up, my prayers and heart are with you.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Well I was going to do weekly updates....but things have went from... he had me laughing yesterday morning..... to he is completely lethargic.

They have called in 24/7 care and we are down to hours, maybe days.

This shit sucks I am mentally and emotionally wore out.



I expect my next post will be of his passing. :-(

Such sad words to read. Yet if he is ready to go to be relieved of the pain then that may be a decision he made and why the sudden change for the worse.
Prayers for Gaffer and all his family my friend.
I shall miss him greatly as he surely seemed like an older brother to me when we exchanged pms here.
Although we never met face to face I feel as if he is a great friend and know for sure he is an honorable man that held firm to the right set of principles in life..-Tyr