Eating Meals Together

[Kathianne]

Right up there with parents that assign chores and let their kids go out to play. Recipe for happy children and better school performance:

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-importance-of-eating-together/374256/


The Importance of Eating TogetherFamily dinners build relationships, and help kids do better in school.
​CODY C. DELISTRATY (http://www.theatlantic.com/cody-c-delistraty/)
JUL 18 2014, 12:05 PM ET

After my mother passed away and my brother went to study in New Zealand, the first thing that really felt different was the dinner table. My father and I began eating separately. We went out to dinners with our friends, ate sandwiches in front of our computers, delivery pizzas while watching movies. Some days we rarely saw each other at all. Then, a few weeks before I was set to leave for university, my father walked downstairs. “You know, I think we should start eating together even if it’s just you and me,” he said. “Your mother would have wanted that.” It wasn’t ideal, of course—the meals we made weren’t particularly amazing and we missed the presence of Mom and my brother—but there was something special about setting aside time to be with my father. It was therapeutic: an excuse to talk, to reflect on the day, and on recent events. Our chats about the banal—of baseball and television—often led to discussions of the serious—of politics and death, of memories and loss. Eating together was a small act, and it required very little of us—45 minutes away from our usual, quotidian distractions—and yet it was invariably one of the happiest parts of my day.


Sadly, Americans rarely eat together anymore. In fact, the average American eats one in every five meals in her car, (http://news.stanford.edu/news/multi/features/food/eating.html)one in four Americans eats at least one fast food (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/americans-are-obsessed-with-fast-food-the-dark-side-of-the-all-american-meal/) meal every single day, and the majority of American families report eating a single meal together (http://www.harrisinteractive.com/NewsRoom/HarrisPolls/tabid/447/ctl/ReadCustom%20Default/mid/1508/ArticleId/1319/Default.aspx) less than five days a week. It’s a pity that so many Americans are missing out on what could be meaningful time with their loved ones, but it’s even more than that. Not eating together also has quantifiably negative effects both physically and psychologically.


Using data from nearly three-quarters of the world’s countries, a new analysis (http://www.oecd.org/pisa/pisaproducts/pisainfocus/PISA-in-Focus-n35-(eng)-FINAL.pdf) from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) found that students who do not regularly eat with their parents are significantly more likely to be truant at school. The average truancy rate in the two weeks before the International Program for International Student Assessment (PISA), a test administered to 15-year-olds by the OECD and used in the analysis as a measure for absenteeism, was about 15 percent throughout the world on average, but it was nearly 30 percent when pupils reported they didn’t often share meals with their families.

...

[gabosaurus]

Right up there with parents that assign chores and let their kids go out to play. Recipe for happy children and better school performance

I found that report to be both interesting and sad. The reason my dad never took a better or higher paying job was because he was devoted to being home with his family every night. Unless we were involved with a school activity (or something else that was approved in advance), we were expected to be present for dinner. My mom cooked dinner every night.
It is the same with my family. I either cook at night or I bring something home that is not fast food, which is not allowed in our house. If my daughter wants to eat with someone else, I need to know what it is. She knows she is not allowed to eat junk meals.

If you allow your kids to do whatever they want for dinner, or to eat a junk diet, you deserve what you get in return. Which is often disrespect and disobedience.

[Kathianne]

I found that report to be both interesting and sad. The reason my dad never took a better or higher paying job was because he was devoted to being home with his family every night. Unless we were involved with a school activity (or something else that was approved in advance), we were expected to be present for dinner. My mom cooked dinner every night.
It is the same with my family. I either cook at night or I bring something home that is not fast food, which is not allowed in our house. If my daughter wants to eat with someone else, I need to know what it is. She knows she is not allowed to eat junk meals.

If you allow your kids to do whatever they want for dinner, or to eat a junk diet, you deserve what you get in return. Which is often disrespect and disobedience.

Several of us parents, back when, put the kabash on 'extending practice' until 8pm. High school track, I could understand 2 hours before school, 2-3 hours after school. After 8? No. Dinner became 8 pm for a couple years.

It's not 'what you eat' but how you eat it. While like your mom, I cooked, even if it'd been a bucket of KFC, we'd have eaten together.

There were times, due to school organizations that all the kids couldn't be there, but choir/chorus/math teams weren't like X-country in that if you gave an inch, it would be all over. That was with not 'out of control' coaches too!

[Jeff]

As a kid we needed to be ready ( hands washed and at the table ) at 5 30 every night, we could go out after dinner ( provided our homework and chores where done ) until the street lights came on, I also want my family to sit down every chance we get together for dinner, when I was on the road that was impossible but when I was home it was a give me we would all sit down together .


When a family breaks bread together it is a special time, it is a time to hear what each other did all day, IMO it is a very important to raising children. I have friends that sit in front of the TV or the kids will eat earlier because they where hungry, as I said it is just my opinion but I don't agree with that.

[Kathianne]

As a kid we needed to be ready ( hands washed and at the table ) at 5 30 every night, we could go out after dinner ( provided our homework and chores where done ) until the street lights came on, I also want my family to sit down every chance we get together for dinner, when I was on the road that was impossible but when I was home it was a give me we would all sit down together .


When a family breaks bread together it is a special time, it is a time to hear what each other did all day, IMO it is a very important to raising children. I have friends that sit in front of the TV or the kids will eat earlier because they where hungry, as I said it is just my opinion but I don't agree with that.

I wholeheartedly agree. Nearly every night we had dinner together. Yes, I'd accommodate late practices, but not beyond 8 pm, was so glad other parents felt the same.

A decade later, two married and all, now I'm living near a continent away. Still if they come, rules won't change. I'll or we'll cook, phones and such are off. We converse over meals and not argue.

Arguing and debate are for dessert and drinks, not meals. ;)

[gabosaurus]

There were times, due to school organizations that all the kids couldn't be there, but choir/chorus/math teams weren't like X-country in that if you gave an inch, it would be all over. That was with not 'out of control' coaches too!

California has rules governing how long you can practice and when. I think it was two hours per day and 8.5 hours per week.


When a family breaks bread together it is a special time, it is a time to hear what each other did all day, IMO it is a very important to raising children. I have friends that sit in front of the TV or the kids will eat earlier because they where hungry, as I said it is just my opinion but I don't agree with that.

You are totally channeling my parents with this. I got one hour of TV per night (approved by my mom) and that was it. No activity on a school night unless approved by my mom. No TV or phone in our rooms. You ate what my mom cooked and when it was put out or not at all.

[Jeff]

California has rules governing how long you can practice and when. I think it was two hours per day and 8.5 hours per week.



You are totally channeling my parents with this. I got one hour of TV per night (approved by my mom) and that was it. No activity on a school night unless approved by my mom. No TV or phone in our rooms. You ate what my mom cooked and when it was put out or not at all.

Gabby it was the same at my house and I guess it was twice a year or so my Mother would make pea soup ( my father liked it and I guess it was good because my mom would give some to all the neighbors ) but I hated it ( as well as my sister and I think one of my brothers ) and we would sit in front of that bowl of pea soup until we ate it or it was bath time, if we waited it out it would be sitting on the table in the morning, God I still hate the stuff and to this day have never tried it . :laugh:

[Trigg]

I grew up eating dinner every night with family. If practice was late or dad was running behind, dinner waited, within reason.

It is very rare for us to NOT sit down to dinner and discuss the day's events, even if my 16yr old's answer to "how was school? is "Schoolie". :laugh:

It's a time for families to reconnect at the end of the day. The TV is off and cell phones are sat on the counters. The house phone doesn't get answered either. It can all wait the 30 minutes or so that it takes for us to sit down and have dinner.

With my oldest 2 gone at college, it's hard to see those chairs empty all year. I LOVE the summer because we are all back to together again, even if it is only for 3 months.

[jimnyc]

As a kid we needed to be ready ( hands washed and at the table ) at 5 30 every night, we could go out after dinner ( provided our homework and chores where done ) until the street lights came on,

5:30 - on the second! I remember many nights running home like a track star, as I knew that if I was late that it was the end of the world! :) Now 5:30 feels too damn early. We eat between 7:00-7:30 mostly here, and then scatter to our respective chairs, couches and recliners with the food - unless it's a special day or holiday.

I agree with all of you though, and know we should be not only eating together at the table every night, but even extending the time. I should make a note of this thread and make an effort to change things up a bit.


Gabby it was the same at my house and I guess it was twice a year or so my Mother would make pea soup

And that crap was nasty, in that big ass pot that held like 90 gallons of that green glop from hell. Mom sure as hell could cook - but there was nothing she could have done to that stuff to make it taste any better! :lol:

[Jeff]

5:30 - on the second! I remember many nights running home like a track star, as I knew that if I was late that it was the end of the world! :) Now 5:30 feels too damn early. We eat between 7:00-7:30 mostly here, and then scatter to our respective chairs, couches and recliners with the food - unless it's a special day or holiday.

I agree with all of you though, and know we should be not only eating together at the table every night, but even extending the time. I should make a note of this thread and make an effort to change things up a bit.



And that crap was nasty, in that big ass pot that held like 90 gallons of that green glop from hell. Mom sure as hell could cook - but there was nothing she could have done to that stuff to make it taste any better! :lol:

Jim when Mom was down here she would tell people about it and everyone would say how good it sounded, just thinking about that thick green goo makes me wanna :puke: But she was one heck of a cook, I can't really think of anything else off hand I didn't like or shall I say despised :laugh:

[Kathianne]

Split pea soup is one of my favorites, though not as a kid. I make it pretty often when cool weather sets in. Ok, the color is off putting, but the taste is divine!

Serve it with some toasted rye garlic cubes and really is the best.

[gabosaurus]

My mom wouldn't make meals that my dad objected to. Which included liver and onions, asparagus, broccoli and anything involving cream cheese. About the only thing my sister and I turned our nose up at was sauerkraut. My mom made that more tolerable by cooking it with bacon, ham hocks and onions.
Jeff and Jim, you would go running for the pea soup if you were faced with my great aunt's pickled herring and curried cabbage. My daughter saw the latter on the table once and ask "is that food?" :confused:

[Kathianne]

For a good part of my young person life, my mom accommodated my limited palate. She'd make me something other than what she made for family, problem was for her, I really just didn't want to eat.

My dad wasn't so accommodating, he was like, "here it is, eat." I wasn't that kind of kid. My brother was better, but even he had his 'hate foods,' his were fish, mine were like everything else.

Luckily my dad was generally a calm man, though he really took umbrage at us not respecting my mom through her cooking or anything else. He was more challenging on my brother than me, probably because he knew my brother worshiped him, while I was more than less than enamored.

It would take years, both my dad and I growing into adults, before I recognized the really wonderful in him.

Considering this thread, my dad was an advertisement for not eating meals together. Once he became enraged at my brother's love of spaghetti! He was basically inhaling it. My dad threw his plate on the floor, "If you're going to act like a pig, eat like one," Yeah, not his finest hour.

Mind you, same man many years later danced with my mom in her wheelchair. Same man told his grand daughter to dance like bubbles are keeping you airborne! at her wedding.

[Said1]

Omg, the soup. Thankfully my mother did't make pea soup, just this nasty turkey/chicken soup after holidays. And she used rice......just the look of it made want to vomit. Plus she left the bones in it, claimed it was the French way, you know, since we,re NOT French!!! Gross. I feel like calling her and giving her crap right now.

[gabosaurus]

For a good part of my young person life, my mom accommodated my limited palate. She'd make me something other than what she made for family, problem was for her, I really just didn't want to eat.


You were fortunate. My mom's response to a limited palate would have been "good luck finding something else to eat." :laugh:
Of course, my mom deceived us at a young age by saying that eating whatever was on our plate would make us bigger and stronger. She blissfully overlooked the limitations of heredity.
My mom was more honest at other times. When I first posed a sensitive question, she told me "the Boob Fairy doesn't stop at every house. Some of us get left out."
I've been cursing the Boob Fairy ever since. :cool:

[Trigg]

The rule at my house growing up was, you eat what is put on your plate. I remember sitting for HOURS trying to choke down spinich. Nasty stuff.

I make my kids at least try everything on their plate. There are a few things that they hate and I will let them choose somthing else to eat. But that's rare, I try to make things that I know they will enjoy.

I don't want to fight at the table it just isn't worth it.

[Kathianne]

The rule at my house growing up was, you eat what is put on your plate. I remember sitting for HOURS trying to choke down spinich. Nasty stuff.

I make my kids at least try everything on their plate. There are a few things that they hate and I will let them choose somthing else to eat. But that's rare, I try to make things that I know they will enjoy.

I don't want to fight at the table it just isn't worth it.

Growing up my dad used to get upset with my brother's manners and my pickiness, occasionally going postal. Probably to ward off his upsets, my mom would 'anticipate' my choices; she really couldn't do much with my brother he often was 'starving' and would just shovel food in.

My dad had been raised in pretty 'strict' family, dinner was dressed for. He felt that we were disrespecting my mom if we complained or were not on best manners. He did chill at some point, the blow ups were infrequent, but enough to bother my mom.

Those instances of instant indigestion though made me choose to have non-confrontational dinners. Even if there were problems at school or with friends, no discussion on those during dinner.

I cooked nearly all meals and knew who hated what. The kids could have two 'hate' foods at a time, instant exemption from eating that. If I made fish, the boys knew they could make a sandwich or eggs instead. I wasn't making separate meals, but we wouldn't fight over fish that my husband, later my parents, my daughter and I all liked. The boys still sat down and ate.

I always make at least two vegetables, never brussel sprouts, (it's not just kids with hate foods, the cook just gets to pick. ;) ).

What I think the article is actually addressing is that meals eaten together, without tv, phones, computer, reading a book or magazine, provides at least 20-30 minutes of speaking to each other. Sharing concerns, high and low points of one's day.

That can be a multi-course meal or tomato soup and grilled cheese, it's the talking that nourishes the spirit of the family.

If dinner time consists of expressing displeasure over grades, friends, parents' boss, etc., it's unlikely to be pleasant.

On the other hand it's to share news, high points, vacation plans or dreams, much can be learned about one another.

Truth is if parents make the rules of no phones/ipads/etc., clear for kids and selves, the kids and both spouses know that this time together means they are a priority.