Partial testing results for my son

[jimnyc]

If any of you recall, we were having our son go through some diagnostic testing with a clinical psychologist. Due to the availability of this great doctor, and her not being around in the summer, we had the testing over the past 3 weeks, over 3 long separate sessions. The results leave me with mixed emotions. As a parent, it sounds devastating, and I'm not sure how best to respond.

Jordan tested in the upper 130's for his IQ and she stated he is in the 99th percentile of other kids in his age group. She also said his vocabulary is out of this stratosphere. A psychologist telling you that she had "normal" conversations with a 12 year old is cool, especially considering she spoke in another language, as far as I am concerned! I could go on and on about the positives, but nothing parents haven't heard before. So long as we place him on the right track, he should have a very bright and successful future. In the end, I suppose that is all that matters.

He was clinically diagnosed with aspergers now. I've met a lot of people, kids and adults, who have had aspergers over the years. Some show differently than others and it's more obvious with some than others. I never would have guessed this with Jordan, as his "display" of this is minimal. Again, his main thing is social cues, making friends, how to talk to his peers and such. She said 'consider him sitting down at lunch hour with a group of 10. He feels uncomfortable, as his language is different, doesn't like their subjects, and is afraid of bullying or being laughed at if he discusses things above them'. Similar with a fair amount of schoolwork, as he would prefer to just toss it aside if he doesn't like it or understand it. And it's not that he doesn't always understand it, he's just confused by the verbal instructions, and when in that gray area, he just tosses it aside - hence leading to his continually being disorganized. I could go into more depth, but suffice to say he has aspergers and mostly centered around social issues.

She said he is also very depressed, which I don't understand, as he doesn't tell us this and his actions speak differently. Granted, he prefers computer and game time, and isn't running around laughing all the time, but I just don't recognize the depression. Additionally, she says he has a fair amount of pent up anger. Oddly enough, she got a lot of this from having him write essays and drawing pictures, then questioning him on them. The boy has a very vivid imagination, and like his Daddy, like the macabre and horror type stuff. Nothing horrible, but something to be aware of she said. She is more concerned about the depression. She is having him start to go to a psychiatrist in our area and would like him to try some anti-depressants. My first thought before the testing was "no medicine" - thinking like the attention disorders, and that they may turn him into a zombie. But the anti-depressants don't do that. So I'm on the edge. What if I say no, and this stuff can help him? What if I ok it, and it's the wrong choice?

At the end of the day, we just want our son to be happy, no matter what that takes. Our steps are to get his current school involved to help, the psychiatrist, continue with his regular counselor & perhaps a new school down the road. This school is 1/2 an hour away, but she said it may be good, as they will spend more time on what he needs, and capitalize on what his strengths are. Most importantly, he will be better as he will be with like minded peers.

I'm hoping Kathianne will read the following page and give her feedback. Looks good to me, but what do I know about schools? LOL

http://www.spireschool.org/

[aboutime]

If any of you recall, we were having our son go through some diagnostic testing with a clinical psychologist. Due to the availability of this great doctor, and her not being around in the summer, we had the testing over the past 3 weeks, over 3 long separate sessions. The results leave me with mixed emotions. As a parent, it sounds devastating, and I'm not sure how best to respond.

Jordan tested in the upper 130's for his IQ and she stated he is in the 99th percentile of other kids in his age group. She also said his vocabulary is out of this stratosphere. A psychologist telling you that she had "normal" conversations with a 12 year old is cool, especially considering she spoke in another language, as far as I am concerned! I could go on and on about the positives, but nothing parents haven't heard before. So long as we place him on the right track, he should have a very bright and successful future. In the end, I suppose that is all that matters.

He was clinically diagnosed with aspergers now. I've met a lot of people, kids and adults, who have had aspergers over the years. Some show differently than others and it's more obvious with some than others. I never would have guessed this with Jordan, as his "display" of this is minimal. Again, his main thing is social cues, making friends, how to talk to his peers and such. She said 'consider him sitting down at lunch hour with a group of 10. He feels uncomfortable, as his language is different, doesn't like their subjects, and is afraid of bullying or being laughed at if he discusses things above them'. Similar with a fair amount of schoolwork, as he would prefer to just toss it aside if he doesn't like it or understand it. And it's not that he doesn't always understand it, he's just confused by the verbal instructions, and when in that gray area, he just tosses it aside - hence leading to his continually being disorganized. I could go into more depth, but suffice to say he has aspergers and mostly centered around social issues.

She said he is also very depressed, which I don't understand, as he doesn't tell us this and his actions speak differently. Granted, he prefers computer and game time, and isn't running around laughing all the time, but I just don't recognize the depression. Additionally, she says he has a fair amount of pent up anger. Oddly enough, she got a lot of this from having him write essays and drawing pictures, then questioning him on them. The boy has a very vivid imagination, and like his Daddy, like the macabre and horror type stuff. Nothing horrible, but something to be aware of she said. She is more concerned about the depression. She is having him start to go to a psychiatrist in our area and would like him to try some anti-depressants. My first thought before the testing was "no medicine" - thinking like the attention disorders, and that they may turn him into a zombie. But the anti-depressants don't do that. So I'm on the edge. What if I say no, and this stuff can help him? What if I ok it, and it's the wrong choice?

At the end of the day, we just want our son to be happy, no matter what that takes. Our steps are to get his current school involved to help, the psychiatrist, continue with his regular counselor & perhaps a new school down the road. This school is 1/2 an hour away, but she said it may be good, as they will spend more time on what he needs, and capitalize on what his strengths are. Most importantly, he will be better as he will be with like minded peers.

I'm hoping Kathianne will read the following page and give her feedback. Looks good to me, but what do I know about schools? LOL

http://www.spireschool.org/


Jim. I am not qualified to offer any kind of help, other than as a mutual parent.
Understanding what seem to be a major problem for all of you as a family.
All I can say is. Keep showing that young man all of the Love, and Positive reenforcement he, as a young man might need while facing the problems he obviously...does not understand, or have any reason to be as concerned with as Mom, and Dad are.
Much good luck, and I congratulate you for seeking the professional assistance.
Being a parent. A Loving Parent IS...the most difficult stumbling block we all get to trip over in life.
God Bless.

[Kathianne]

Jim, check your pm.

[tailfins]

Don't let "professionals" make your son helpless. Nothing teaches better than fighting and winning your own battles. Remind him that being liked by many people is overrated. You do need to find him a friend or two that shares similar interests. Make him as unconcerned as possible what others at school think of him. The more he blazes his own trail, the happier he will be. Teach him to be meet challenges head on and not quit.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

If any of you recall, we were having our son go through some diagnostic testing with a clinical psychologist. Due to the availability of this great doctor, and her not being around in the summer, we had the testing over the past 3 weeks, over 3 long separate sessions. The results leave me with mixed emotions. As a parent, it sounds devastating, and I'm not sure how best to respond.

Jordan tested in the upper 130's for his IQ and she stated he is in the 99th percentile of other kids in his age group. She also said his vocabulary is out of this stratosphere. A psychologist telling you that she had "normal" conversations with a 12 year old is cool, especially considering she spoke in another language, as far as I am concerned! I could go on and on about the positives, but nothing parents haven't heard before. So long as we place him on the right track, he should have a very bright and successful future. In the end, I suppose that is all that matters.

He was clinically diagnosed with aspergers now. I've met a lot of people, kids and adults, who have had aspergers over the years. Some show differently than others and it's more obvious with some than others. I never would have guessed this with Jordan, as his "display" of this is minimal. Again, his main thing is social cues, making friends, how to talk to his peers and such. She said 'consider him sitting down at lunch hour with a group of 10. He feels uncomfortable, as his language is different, doesn't like their subjects, and is afraid of bullying or being laughed at if he discusses things above them'. Similar with a fair amount of schoolwork, as he would prefer to just toss it aside if he doesn't like it or understand it. And it's not that he doesn't always understand it, he's just confused by the verbal instructions, and when in that gray area, he just tosses it aside - hence leading to his continually being disorganized. I could go into more depth, but suffice to say he has aspergers and mostly centered around social issues.

She said he is also very depressed, which I don't understand, as he doesn't tell us this and his actions speak differently. Granted, he prefers computer and game time, and isn't running around laughing all the time, but I just don't recognize the depression. Additionally, she says he has a fair amount of pent up anger. Oddly enough, she got a lot of this from having him write essays and drawing pictures, then questioning him on them. The boy has a very vivid imagination, and like his Daddy, like the macabre and horror type stuff. Nothing horrible, but something to be aware of she said. She is more concerned about the depression. She is having him start to go to a psychiatrist in our area and would like him to try some anti-depressants. My first thought before the testing was "no medicine" - thinking like the attention disorders, and that they may turn him into a zombie. But the anti-depressants don't do that. So I'm on the edge. What if I say no, and this stuff can help him? What if I ok it, and it's the wrong choice?

At the end of the day, we just want our son to be happy, no matter what that takes. Our steps are to get his current school involved to help, the psychiatrist, continue with his regular counselor & perhaps a new school down the road. This school is 1/2 an hour away, but she said it may be good, as they will spend more time on what he needs, and capitalize on what his strengths are. Most importantly, he will be better as he will be with like minded peers.

I'm hoping Kathianne will read the following page and give her feedback. Looks good to me, but what do I know about schools? LOL

http://www.spireschool.org/ First look at the positives and be careful not to overrate the negatives . My advice is to avoid ( if at all possible )medicating your son. His IQ being ok and his not having any disciplinary problems at school are both good signs. As far as the depression goes now that's a concern but you may want to consider getting a second opinion on that if at all possible. Myself, I'd never trust taking just one head doctors verdict on my son. Having said that I know your doubts because I've had such for 6 solid years concerning my son and his medical problems. As long as Mom and Dad seek to best for the son and agree on treatment a huge part of it all has been conquered right there. Next is to make sure he knows how much you care and love him. After that leave the success of whatever treatment you two decide to take/allow in God's hands. I'll say a prayer tonight for the success and happiness for you all. And know this----- your doubts are because you care so much!!! A man may be careless with his own life but when it comes to the life of a child the responsibility is magnified a million fold it seems. Know this, prayer works! -Tyr

[Abbey Marie]

Jim, since this doctor's conclusions do not jibe with your experience as his father, I would want a second opinion if I were you. These are serious, life-changing diagnoses and treatments, and well worth a further look before making any big decisions. And if you do, try to find someone on your own, i. e., not someone the current doctor recommends to you.

Beyond that, I 100% per cent agree with this point made by tailfins:
Remind him that being liked by many people is overrated. It is important not to be a loner, but being an extrovert with a ton of friends is absolutely unimportant, imo.

[Kathianne]

Jim, since this doctor's conclusions do not jibe with your experience as his father, I would want a second opinion if I were you. These are serious, life-changing diagnoses and treatments, and well worth a further look before making any big decisions. And if you do, try to find someone on your own, i. e., not someone the current doctor recommends to you.

Beyond that, I 100% per cent agree with this point made by tailfins: It is important not to be a loner, but being an extrovert with a ton of friends is absolutely unimportant, imo.

I agree, though it's not healthy for child or adult not have at least a friend or two.

[Abbey Marie]

I agree, though it's not healthy for child or adult not have at least a friend or two.

Yup, that's why I said it's important not to be a loner.

[jimnyc]

It's difficult enough to imagine all of these changes happening. Then add in us having to get second opinions and making the tough decisions. As a parent, I think we ALWAYS second guess ourselves, and maybe me more than others, knowing I wasn't exactly a model citizen my whole life, and wanting so much better for my son. Luckily the woman has a good head on her shoulders and I think ultimately we will get it right. Gather as much information as we can, verify it and make decisions that offer him the best chances to succeed - and of course what he wants will be fully included.

[jimnyc]

He does make some friends, but never wants to meet up with any anymore or plan things outside of the house. He made a few friends during summer camp this year, because he was in a computer class and had some like minded kids in there. All they do is text one another to meet online in computer games. He even went over the one kids house and they played Xbox all day long. But Jordan isn't big on communication and eventually stops keeping in contact with people, and there goes the friend.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

It's difficult enough to imagine all of these changes happening. Then add in us having to get second opinions and making the tough decisions. As a parent, I think we ALWAYS second guess ourselves, and maybe me more than others, knowing I wasn't exactly a model citizen my whole life, and wanting so much better for my son. Luckily the woman has a good head on her shoulders and I think ultimately we will get it right. Gather as much information as we can, verify it and make decisions that offer him the best chances to succeed - and of course what he wants will be fully included. JIM, IT IS IMPORTANT TO GIVE YOURSELF --ENOUGH TIME- TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. Just as important is getting enough correct information so getting a second opinion before embarking on a medication policy looks like an option well worth further consideration. The key is in being confident that you have gathered enough facts to make the very best decision for you son. Naturally I am including your better half in all that.. Best of luck on a successful decision... Tyr

[Kathianne]

He does make some friends, but never wants to meet up with any anymore or plan things outside of the house. He made a few friends during summer camp this year, because he was in a computer class and had some like minded kids in there. All they do is text one another to meet online in computer games. He even went over the one kids house and they played Xbox all day long. But Jordan isn't big on communication and eventually stops keeping in contact with people, and there goes the friend.

That was part of my reasoning for something more physical, he doesn't seem to need much encouragement for singular activities or electronic ones. ;) The winter sport idea is one that's good for health and more fun with someone. The other has classes, no saying that there can't be something done after class with another.

You can lead to water, but not make drink. That is the hardest part of parenting, IMO.

[tailfins]

He does make some friends, but never wants to meet up with any anymore or plan things outside of the house. He made a few friends during summer camp this year, because he was in a computer class and had some like minded kids in there. All they do is text one another to meet online in computer games. He even went over the one kids house and they played Xbox all day long. But Jordan isn't big on communication and eventually stops keeping in contact with people, and there goes the friend.


Don't treat this as a problem, and don't try to change it. YOU WILL INFLICT DAMAGE IF YOU TRY TO CHANGE IT!! As someone who has walked in the same shoes, your son sees interacting with other people as a transaction. I have 50 years of experience to tell you that this can be gotten used to. Even his interaction with you, his father, is just a series of transactions. You should get used to that. Your son just needs company, not friends. One cue that this is the case is being unfazed by the funeral of someone he's known for years. Social behavior is often governed by "what am I supposed to do" and is often a chore.

[Kathianne]

Don't treat this as a problem, and don't try to change it. YOU WILL INFLICT DAMAGE IF YOU TRY TO CHANGE IT!! As someone who has walked in the same shoes, your son sees interacting with other people as a transaction. I have 50 years of experience to tell you that this can be gotten used to. Even his interaction with you, his father, is just a series of transactions. You should get used to that. Your son just needs company, not friends. One cue that this is the case is being unfazed by the funeral of someone he's known for years. Social behavior is often governed by "what am I supposed to do" and is often a chore.

So that is the type of interactions you have with your wife and sons, a series of transactions?

[jimnyc]

I think it's natural at this stage to question everything. Of course the first question is whether or not he truly has Asperger's or not. I did a bunch of reading last night but will only post this one I found on WebMD. This is an article about symptoms of Asperger's and I'm going to highlight the bunch that Jordan displays. I'm also skipping the past, the childhood years, and moving to the symptoms while an adolescent and teenager.

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms

Symptoms during adolescent and teen years

Most symptoms persist through the teen years. And although teens with Asperger's can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.

Your teen with Asperger's syndrome (like other teens) will want friends but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teens. He or she may feel "different" from others. Although most teens place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teens with Asperger's may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in. They may be immature for their age and be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying.

All of these difficulties can cause teens with Asperger's to become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety.

But some teens with Asperger's syndrome are able to make and keep a few close friends through the school years. Some of the classic Asperger's traits may also work to the benefit of your teen. Teens with Asperger's are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens.

[tailfins]

So that is the type of interactions you have with your wife and sons, a series of transactions?

I would say so. They present what a good dad and/or husband is supposed to do and I study and evaluate it. It's all about achievement. They all agree I do a good job. My wife thinks having a husband that's emotionally "dead" can be a challenge, but it's a world better than anyone she dated before meeting me all of which were drunks and/or batterers. A "Ward Cleaver" type is better than a vice-bitten person any day of the week.

[Abbey Marie]

Jim, I know that I've mentioned this before, but you REALLY need to read this book ASAP:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

It is a fascinating read. Not dry at all. It will show you how difficult it is for Introverts to function well in school. And it will give you a wonderful appreciation of your son, and perhaps of yourself, too!


Amazon summary:
At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to society.

In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture. She also introduces us to successful introverts—from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Passionately argued, superbly researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41m0N7IIcsL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

[tailfins]

Jim, I know that I've mentioned this before, but you REALLY need to read this book ASAP:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

It is a fascinating read. Not dry at all. It will show you how difficult it is for Introverts to function well in school. And it will give you a wonderful appreciation of your son, and perhaps of yourself, too!


Amazon summary:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41m0N7IIcsL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg


Some introverts are very talkative. One can talk without conversing. One can carry a sign in front of an abortion clinic, yell at union thugs who show up at a TEA party rally and other similar things and still be an introvert. If one talks "at" people instead of to them, it would be a form of being introverted.

[glockmail]

Jim, reading your OP I'd like to share my experiences with my kids, who are both high IQ and now successful college students.

My son's IQ is off the chart, "born engineer" having two grandfathers very smart (my dad electrical, my wife's chemical). Here, starting at 3rd grade we put these one-percenters in a central county school and get them on the path to one year, then eventually two years', ahead of the normal school. He graduated HS with 39 college credits. So keeping him at an advanced pace academically was good for him.

From a young age he was always an introvert and socially awkward, glued to the computer screen. My cure for this was outdoor activities (like Scouts, plus we did a lot of hiking/ canoeing/ backpacking on our own) and of course, of course, organized sports. Like me he was never much of a field athlete (we tend to get tunnel vision under stress) but could run so we enrolled him in a local track club at a very early age. He continued running in middle and high school, and like me he was good, but hardly great. We also joined a local ski team and competed together. Kids admire athletes and of course with all the outdoor adventures to talk about he became a lot more popular in school. Now he's a senior in college and will graduate with honors, Chemical Engineering with a minor in physics. And he's co-captain of the ski team.

My daughter is smart but not off the chart like my son, much more socially fluent. We enrolled her in special classes with her peers, not the special school like my son. My wife took the lead role in her athletic career, which helped her tremendously as well, probably now with the stress of college and dating more than high school, even though she's not on a college team.

So to summarize these smart kids have to be intellectually challenged, or else they get bored and their minds wander in directions that aren't necessarily the best path. I believe athletics for kids is an extremely important part of their development, even if they don't succeed at it. Most athletes don't come in first place, but a loss teaches you more about life than a win does. Also, the physical conditioning increases their confidence level, especially in stressful personal situations.

[gabosaurus]

I should ask my friend Sharon about this. She teaches at a school in Melbourne, Australia that takes in the most seriously mentally challenged kids in that part of the country. Her patience and skill level is remarkable.

Afraid I don't know much about Aspergers. I am not trained to deal with special needs students.

[glockmail]

The other thing that I forgot to mention about my daughter is that she definitely had some form of attention deficit disorder. Shit about 1/2 the kids these days have it. We don't believe in drugs unless its absolutely necessary so we just kept on her about focus and concentration, doing mental exercises like puzzles and games when she was younger. Her interest in sports really helped because of the intense level of competition, much more so than anything else.

[tailfins]

The other thing that I forgot to mention about my daughter is that she definitely had some form of attention deficit disorder. Shit about 1/2 the kids these days have it. We don't believe in drugs unless its absolutely necessary so we just kept on her about focus and concentration, doing mental exercises like puzzles and games when she was younger. Her interest in sports really helped because of the intense level of competition, much more so than anything else.

When we treat this things as profiles as a shorthand to describe personality types instead of a "disorder" that needs to be treated, we will all be better off.

[glockmail]

When we treat this things as profiles as a shorthand to describe personality types instead of a "disorder" that needs to be treated, we will all be better off.Well said. Too many parents let their kids be diagnosed by stupid pshrinks, when what they typically are are high functioning minds that simply need some direction.

Someone gave us a print with a clever quote on it, nicely framed, and my wife hung it in my son's room when he was a baby. It said: "Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded". The more I thought about that the more a crock of shit I saw it.

But I suppose it can be looked at either way.

[WiccanLiberal]

We are awfully quick to try and label people, pigeonhole them into little boxes. People need scope, not limitations. I worked with a fine gentleman diagnosed as Asperger's, as were his two adult children. He is brilliant, well-spoken and his son and daughter are exceedingly accomplished. The daughter is an attorney but her real love is her other job, at the Field Museum as one of the chiefs in the paleontology department. My thoughts are give your son love and scope and let him explore who he wants to be. He may surprise you. His relationships may not be numerous but they will be valued and genuine. As for anger issues, most teens seem to have those. Hormones and high school wreak havoc on the psyche. Let him know anger is just a feeling like any other and show him appropriate outlets for it. Maybe video games are good for something. Shooting up zombies can be very cathartic.

[SassyLady]

He does make some friends, but never wants to meet up with any anymore or plan things outside of the house. He made a few friends during summer camp this year, because he was in a computer class and had some like minded kids in there. All they do is text one another to meet online in computer games. He even went over the one kids house and they played Xbox all day long. But Jordan isn't big on communication and eventually stops keeping in contact with people, and there goes the friend.

Hey Jim,
This behavior sounds like me my whole life. I have friends as long as they make the effort. I am willing to go anywhere and do anything as long as it's their suggestion and they plan it. I'm just not into spending all my time communicating with everyone. Even my daughter understands this. She is the type that has people dropping by her house 24/7 and I'm the person that tells people "do not come over without an invitation" even for family members.

Some people are comfortable with themselves. I would be more worried about a child that couldn't make friends and internalized it. Sounds like your son does not have a problem making friends but just doesn't want to make the effort to further the friendship. If he wants to put his energy and attention to something that he enjoys and it's not destructive behavior, be happy for him.

[KitchenKitten99]

Jim

Your son is similar to my husband. High IQ, and had to learn social skills.

My DH is 46 and only truly mastered the social and inter-personal skills he has now, while going through graduate school getting his MBA about 10 years ago. There are classes that teach certain life skills that don't come naturally for everyone. When he was younger, he wasn't very social. He had friends, but very few in his age group. All of his friends were actually his brother, and guys in his brother's grade, 2 grades under him. Even then, he never goes 'out with the guys' because he really just is not interested in all that. He says in high school, he didn't even go to Prom, nor did he have steady girlfriends until after high school. He was more focused on his athletics, especially martial arts (he's a level 2 blackbelt).

He also has ADD, diagnosed at about 7yrs old. He actually took Ritalin for a short time while young. His mom has told me all sorts of fun stories of his antics growing up.

And... now he makes $75+/hour as a professional consultant for Fortune 300 companies with his 15+ years experience as a Director of Project Management. He is successful because he learned how to use his ADD to his advantage. In corporate America, especially finance, you have to be able to multi-task. And his ADD allows him to do it. He just had to learn how to harness that disability and turn it into a skill.

[KitchenKitten99]

Hey Jim,
This behavior sounds like me my whole life. I have friends as long as they make the effort. I am willing to go anywhere and do anything as long as it's their suggestion and they plan it. I'm just not into spending all my time communicating with everyone. Even my daughter understands this. She is the type that has people dropping by her house 24/7 and I'm the person that tells people "do not come over without an invitation" even for family members.

Some people are comfortable with themselves. I would be more worried about a child that couldn't make friends and internalized it. Sounds like your son does not have a problem making friends but just doesn't want to make the effort to further the friendship. If he wants to put his energy and attention to something that he enjoys and it's not destructive behavior, be happy for him.

I am like that too. I am just not into mindless socialization or idle chatter. I don't call people to talk on the phone about nothing. I actually hate phonecalls and prefer text or email because it allows me to respond at my pace. My family knows (after many years) now that I don't call to just say 'hi' because then that would be all I say. If anyone wants to know what's going on in my life, they are free to ask and such. I am not going to just call them up and tell them every single detail. There just isn't that much to tell that's not everyday life BS. If I call, I have a reason to, such as a birthday or life event, etc.

Same with friends. I have one female friend that I would consider my best friend, and I have known her only for about 2.5 years. She's also 19 years older than me. However she is almost just like me. And she phrased my personality perfectly. I (and she) are anomalies within the female gender. We think more like guys, while loving being girly-girls. We appreciate men for what they are and don't try to change them. We have other female friends, but prefer to keep them at arms-length because we have enough drama in our lives and multiple females just multiply it. We prefer the lesser-stress company of males. Not for attention or feeling attractive, but because guys don't need to 'meet for lunch' to gossip or stay close, nor do they need constant reassurance that decisions are correct. Not to mention I really cannot trust other females. Definitely proven to me again just a couple months ago...

[SassyLady]

Wow, you've described me much better than I described myself. I have always believed that my life is much more interesting to me than to anyone else so why would I want to bore them!?! :laugh:

[KitchenKitten99]

Wow, you've described me much better than I described myself. I have always believed that my life is much more interesting to me than to anyone else so why would I want to bore them!?! :laugh:
I just don't like to talk about nothing and everything. Not to mention I am always busy doing things. When I am at my shop, I don't like to be on the phone because when customers come in, I don't want to neglect them.

If I am not in the shop, I am usually in my car, running errands or in a store, shopping. At that point, I prefer to focus on the task at hand, not talk on the phone for everyone to hear. My biggest pet peeve is people talking on the phone while doing their business IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM! Anyone who knows me knows if I hear anything resembling any kind of bathroom habit in the background (public or private), I am going to hang up. The last thing I need to hear is you dropping a deuce and hearing the flush after during a conversation...

I don't even like going shopping with anyone other than my husband. Yes ladies, he is a rare specimen who LOVES taking me shopping when he can. He appreciates nice clothes and shoes and loves to see me try on all sorts of things. He likes shopping for himself too, but mostly for me when I try on dresses from Bebe or WhiteHouseBlackMarket.

Honestly, the only opinion I care about is his anyway. I have my own style, my own taste (a love for simple elegance and vintage pin-up). I don't care what any other female (or male) thinks, and that includes the few close female friends I do have. My husband's opinion is the only one that matters to me.

[jimnyc]

As we learn more, it's obvious that all decisions pertaining to this decisions will be costly.

The first thing is to get him aligned with a psychiatrist for children. The psychologist recommended someone who she said was one of the best, and he charges like so! We, the parents, met with him for an introductory session, to gather information, prior to Jordan's first appointment. That session was one hour and cost $450. Jordan has his first session tomorrow afternoon, and a secondary appointment already for the following Friday. We prepaid and both of these sessions are $300 apiece.

Another discussion is perhaps having him go to a specialized school as I mentioned already. These schools have less kids, so they have better interactions with the teachers. These schools also specialize with kids who have aspergers and similar, and work with them in different manners than in public schools. Anyway, the first recommended to us would be $37k for 8th grade, which he is in now, and then $45k per year for 9-12th grade! The 2nd on the list is in NYC and that damn school is $60,000 per year! Damn colleges are cheaper than this. And then we have to worry about transportation too, as the first is in Connecticut and the second in NYC. Neither are easy to get to, especially for a kid who now walks to school and it takes him like 8 minutes to get there.

Anyway, after the psychiatrist sees him for a bit, then the next step will be his recommendation, which will likely be looking for accommodations of some sort from his current school. I'm hoping he can stick it out there, quite frankly. His grades don't suffer much and he's actually picked up a little speed so far this year. I guess we'll find out a bit more when his 1st quarter grades are released. He's also been having more dialogue with friends, both in school, on the phone and on the computer.

I think putting him in another school is a HUGE issue to be decided and would rather not make this decision unless absolutely necessary. Even though he has some social issues to deal with, at least for now, I'd rather he have the options that the larger public schools offer. I just think it needs to be monitored. I don't want these people making rash decisions FOR him and pushing him towards something for 4+ years that he may not need.

[Trinity]

As we learn more, it's obvious that all decisions pertaining to this decisions will be costly.

The first thing is to get him aligned with a psychiatrist for children. The psychologist recommended someone who she said was one of the best, and he charges like so! We, the parents, met with him for an introductory session, to gather information, prior to Jordan's first appointment. That session was one hour and cost $450. Jordan has his first session tomorrow afternoon, and a secondary appointment already for the following Friday. We prepaid and both of these sessions are $300 apiece.

Another discussion is perhaps having him go to a specialized school as I mentioned already. These schools have less kids, so they have better interactions with the teachers. These schools also specialize with kids who have aspergers and similar, and work with them in different manners than in public schools. Anyway, the first recommended to us would be $37k for 8th grade, which he is in now, and then $45k per year for 9-12th grade! The 2nd on the list is in NYC and that damn school is $60,000 per year! Damn colleges are cheaper than this. And then we have to worry about transportation too, as the first is in Connecticut and the second in NYC. Neither are easy to get to, especially for a kid who now walks to school and it takes him like 8 minutes to get there.

Anyway, after the psychiatrist sees him for a bit, then the next step will be his recommendation, which will likely be looking for accommodations of some sort from his current school. I'm hoping he can stick it out there, quite frankly. His grades don't suffer much and he's actually picked up a little speed so far this year. I guess we'll find out a bit more when his 1st quarter grades are released. He's also been having more dialogue with friends, both in school, on the phone and on the computer.

I think putting him in another school is a HUGE issue to be decided and would rather not make this decision unless absolutely necessary. Even though he has some social issues to deal with, at least for now, I'd rather he have the options that the larger public schools offer. I just think it needs to be monitored. I don't want these people making rash decisions FOR him and pushing him towards something for 4+ years that he may not need.


Jim I don't know if you remember or not, my 15 year old was diagnosed as ADHD, ODD, and possible mood disorder when he was 7. Saw multiple doctors, psychiatrists, etc. etc. Put him on adderall for a time and it did seem to help to some degree in regards to his hyperactivity but he was never prescribed anything for his mood disorders. And me being the research queen that I am when I am focused on a subject, started doing my own research into these different diagnosis and other afflictions.

After spending hundreds of hours researching I came to the conclusion that it was a very good possibility that Jesse did not have any mood disorders or ODD, he most likely had aspergers syndrome. But there was one small description that always gave me doubt.

Jesse had and still has every single symptom listed for aspergers except one. This one "Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor."

This one always made me reconsider because this child was riding a 2 wheel bike no training wheels 8 days after he turned 3 years old. When he played football for 2 years he was the star player on the team. The kid is athletically gifted. Jesse was also fanatical about his handwriting if it was not perfect he would erase and erase till it was, sometimes leaving holes in his papers.

I struggled with him and school for so many years when I finally said enough is enough and yanked him out in the 6th grade to homeschool him.

Jesse has not been on adderall since 6th grade. Jesse is now 15 and is still socially awkward to a degree, but he has really started coming out of his shell socially this past year, and will actually come out and interact and chat with his older brothers friends.

Jesse has also made quite a few online friends who are homeschooled some as far away as England, he actually talks with them and interacts with them online playing minecraft and runescape.

Jesse has one friend who he sees in person from time to time, he will go stay with this kid for the weekend or vise versa.

I have come to realize over the years, Jesse will not be a social being, it is not in his makeup. Is he unhappy about that? No he is completely fine with the people he interacts with in his life and has no desire to become a social butterfly like his older brother.

Sometimes you just have to let them be who they are and not what you or society thinks they should be.

[jimnyc]

Jim I don't know if you remember or not, my 15 year old was diagnosed as ADHD, ODD, and possible mood disorder when he was 7. Saw multiple doctors, psychiatrists, etc. etc. Put him on adderall for a time and it did seem to help to some degree in regards to his hyperactivity but he was never prescribed anything for his mood disorders. And me being the research queen that I am when I am focused on a subject, started doing my own research into these different diagnosis and other afflictions.

After spending hundreds of hours researching I came to the conclusion that it was a very good possibility that Jesse did not have any mood disorders or ODD, he most likely had aspergers syndrome. But there was one small description that always gave me doubt.

Jesse had and still has every single symptom listed for aspergers except one. This one "Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor."

This one always made me reconsider because this child was riding a 2 wheel bike no training wheels 8 days after he turned 3 years old. When he played football for 2 years he was the star player on the team. The kid is athletically gifted. Jesse was also fanatical about his handwriting if it was not perfect he would erase and erase till it was, sometimes leaving holes in his papers.

I struggled with him and school for so many years when I finally said enough is enough and yanked him out in the 6th grade to homeschool him.

Jesse has not been on adderall since 6th grade. Jesse is now 15 and is still socially awkward to a degree, but he has really started coming out of his shell socially this past year, and will actually come out and interact and chat with his older brothers friends.

Jesse has also made quite a few online friends who are homeschooled some as far away as England, he actually talks with them and interacts with them online playing minecraft and runescape.

Jesse has one friend who he sees in person from time to time, he will go stay with this kid for the weekend or vise versa.

I have come to realize over the years, Jesse will not be a social being, it is not in his makeup. Is he unhappy about that? No he is completely fine with the people he interacts with in his life and has no desire to become a social butterfly like his older brother.

Sometimes you just have to let them be who they are and not what you or society thinks they should be.

I think even doctors are learning more and more about these things, and they probably make up half of it as they go along. I also don't think any 2 kids are alike, so the symptoms should vary.

Jordan is certainly not a very athletic kid, but he doesn't have delayed motor abilities, just not really an interest in those things anymore. But he does fit SO many indicators that I am mostly sold on the diagnosis. And Jordan too, I think he's content on various levels with his social take on things.

I just want to make sure we avail to him all the tools he may need to learn and succeed in HS and into college. Also giving any and all assistance we can in efforts to help him with various social skills, so that he is able to learn, and make decisions on his own.

Like I said from the beginning, I just want him to be HAPPY. I'm 45 now, and if I had 2 great friends I would consider it a blessing and I'm content to very rarely go out. He may be similar. And that's cool with me if so. If he is afforded all opportunities, is taught properly and is educated and is given all the support he needs - I'll just continue to be happy, so long as what he is doing is making him happy.

[Trinity]

I think even doctors are learning more and more about these things, and they probably make up half of it as they go along. I also don't think any 2 kids are alike, so the symptoms should vary.

Jordan is certainly not a very athletic kid, but he doesn't have delayed motor abilities, just not really an interest in those things anymore. But he does fit SO many indicators that I am mostly sold on the diagnosis. And Jordan too, I think he's content on various levels with his social take on things.

I just want to make sure we avail to him all the tools he may need to learn and succeed in HS and into college. Also giving any and all assistance we can in efforts to help him with various social skills, so that he is able to learn, and make decisions on his own.

Like I said from the beginning, I just want him to be HAPPY. I'm 45 now, and if I had 2 great friends I would consider it a blessing and I'm content to very rarely go out. He may be similar. And that's cool with me if so. If he is afforded all opportunities, is taught properly and is educated and is given all the support he needs - I'll just continue to be happy, so long as what he is doing is making him happy.


Yep.... Jesse is just like me, most everyone I socialize with is online. Close friends hmmmm maybe 1 or 2. Personally I would rather stay home then go out socializing, unless I have had a couple of drinks then it's all good, but that is only because I now feel comfortable and not so awkward.

[Abbey Marie]

If you read the book that I suggested, Introvert, one of the many things you will learn is that this pressure to be a social butterfly, to be noticed, is a relatively new thing in society. For example, schools are now hell-bent on putting kids into groups to do their school work and projects. They even have to sit at tables all day and work together. Those of us who like or need to work alone are feeling stressed every day over it.

It is all too possible that we are not really wired to be extroverted, and the people who are, actually are the unusual ones.

[jimnyc]

If you read the book that I suggested, Introvert, one of the many things you will learn is that this pressure to be a social butterfly, to be noticed, is a relatively new thing in society. For example, schools are now hell-bent on putting kids into groups to do their school work and projects. They even have to sit at tables all day and work together. Those of us who like or need to work alone are feeling stressed every day over it.

It is all too possible that we are not really wired to be extroverted, and the people who are, actually are the unusual ones.

I did download the ebook, no lie!! It's in PDF format and I just haven't gotten around to reading it yet. But I made a text not when you told me and downloaded that same day! :beer:

[Abbey Marie]

I did download the ebook, no lie!! It's in PDF format and I just haven't gotten around to reading it yet. But I made a text not when you told me and downloaded that same day! :beer:

Cool! I felt like I was reading about myself so often. It's so good to know that a) you are far from alone, and b) it's actually a positive to be introverted.

[tailfins]

If you read the book that I suggested, Introvert, one of the many things you will learn is that this pressure to be a social butterfly, to be noticed, is a relatively new thing in society. For example, schools are now hell-bent on putting kids into groups to do their school work and projects. They even have to sit at tables all day and work together. Those of us who like or need to work alone are feeling stressed every day over it.

It is all too possible that we are not really wired to be extroverted, and the people who are, actually are the unusual ones.

I'm more of a social skunk. Go ahead and put me in a group, just don't complain about the outcome.


Those of us who like or need to work alone are feeling stressed every day over it.

You took the words right out of my mouth. One would think saying "get the f$%k away from me" would be enough of a hint.


Jim I don't know if you remember or not, my 15 year old was diagnosed as ADHD, ODD, and possible mood disorder when he was 7. Saw multiple doctors, psychiatrists, etc. etc. Put him on adderall for a time and it did seem to help to some degree in regards to his hyperactivity but he was never prescribed anything for his mood disorders. And me being the research queen that I am when I am focused on a subject, started doing my own research into these different diagnosis and other afflictions.

After spending hundreds of hours researching I came to the conclusion that it was a very good possibility that Jesse did not have any mood disorders or ODD, he most likely had aspergers syndrome. But there was one small description that always gave me doubt.

Jesse had and still has every single symptom listed for aspergers except one. This one "Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor."

This one always made me reconsider because this child was riding a 2 wheel bike no training wheels 8 days after he turned 3 years old. When he played football for 2 years he was the star player on the team. The kid is athletically gifted. Jesse was also fanatical about his handwriting if it was not perfect he would erase and erase till it was, sometimes leaving holes in his papers.

I struggled with him and school for so many years when I finally said enough is enough and yanked him out in the 6th grade to homeschool him.

Jesse has not been on adderall since 6th grade. Jesse is now 15 and is still socially awkward to a degree, but he has really started coming out of his shell socially this past year, and will actually come out and interact and chat with his older brothers friends.

Jesse has also made quite a few online friends who are homeschooled some as far away as England, he actually talks with them and interacts with them online playing minecraft and runescape.

Jesse has one friend who he sees in person from time to time, he will go stay with this kid for the weekend or vise versa.

I have come to realize over the years, Jesse will not be a social being, it is not in his makeup. Is he unhappy about that? No he is completely fine with the people he interacts with in his life and has no desire to become a social butterfly like his older brother.

Sometimes you just have to let them be who they are and not what you or society thinks they should be.


How do know those without Aspergers aren't the defective ones? I like being smart and focused. This is the message I have for those that refer to us as defective @0:37:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJNXiNSEiGA

[Kathianne]

I'm more of a social skunk. Go ahead and put me in a group, just don't complain about the outcome.



You took the words right out of my mouth. One would think saying "get the f$%k away from me" would be enough of a hint.




How do know those without Aspergers aren't the defective ones? I like being smart and focused. This is the message I have for those that refer to us as defective @0:37:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJNXiNSEiGA

Indeed, the world would be a much better place if everyone were like you. It's what we all want our progeny to aspire to. Contracts with spouse and kids, you give what I want, I'll support you. A match made in heaven.

[Kathianne]

Indeed, the world would be a much better place if everyone were like you. It's what we all want our progeny to aspire to. Contracts with spouse and kids, you give what I want, I'll support you. A match made in heaven.

I wish to thank those that gave me rep w/o 'thanks.' I'm assuming they don't want to 'diss' Tailfins and his like posters, whomever they may be.

[tailfins]

I wish to thank those that gave me rep w/o 'thanks.' I'm assuming they don't want to 'diss' Tailfins and his like posters, whomever they may be.

So, have you done as Redd Foxx suggested with Fugg soap?

[jimnyc]

I wish to thank those that gave me rep w/o 'thanks.' I'm assuming they don't want to 'diss' Tailfins and his like posters, whomever they may be.

I thanked you publicly, on both posts. Not to diss anyone, but wanted to be braver than the rest! :lol:

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I wish to thank those that gave me rep w/o 'thanks.' I'm assuming they don't want to 'diss' Tailfins and his like posters, whomever they may be. haha, just now read your posts.. I thanked you on both because I agree with both. I always do what I consider to be right and let the cards fall where they may myself. Life is to short to be trying to kiss everybody's ass. Best to just kiss the ones that suit you! That is when such kissing is called for which to me seems to be "intimate time with your wife or girlfriend". ;) Gave my wife her first hicky ever directly on the center of her lower right buttock on our wedding night. She didn't complain at all. :laugh: However should she ever read this post I'll get blasted but good. :laugh:--Tyr

[tailfins]

Well, Jim. I don't know about your son's manifestation of it. But parts of the condition are a real plus. For example, my brain doesn't process embarrassment. For example one of my pet peeves is someone trying to occupy two checkout lanes so they can choose which one is shortest. Nevermind anyone who wants to get in line. I loudly ask, "Why are you trying to occupy two lines?" I then pick a line to get into and loudly remind the offender that we can make it a law enforcement issue if they want to take it that far. Such people generally cower from embarrassment. It works pretty good. Calling someone out in public is a very effective weapon.

[tailfins]

I wish to thank those that gave me rep w/o 'thanks.' I'm assuming they don't want to 'diss' Tailfins and his like posters, whomever they may be.

I will just respond to you with some Montgomery Gentry. I can just see you as one of those in the video with a fake smile and fake wave:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tJixs2FoZ_Y#t=3

[jimnyc]

Well, Jim. I don't know about your son's manifestation of it. But parts of the condition are a real plus. For example, my brain doesn't process embarrassment. For example one of my pet peeves is someone trying to occupy two checkout lanes so they can choose which one is shortest. Nevermind anyone who wants to get in line. I loudly ask, "Why are you trying to occupy two lines?" I then pick a line to get into and loudly remind the offender that we can make it a law enforcement issue if they want to take it that far. Such people generally cower from embarrassment. It works pretty good. Calling someone out in public is a very effective weapon.

I'm not sure if Jordan gets embarrassed easily or not. I know he can be shy, but doing something embarrassing, or similar, doesn't seem to phase him.

Right now I am still trying to understand everything, and learn things about him. What things are due to the condition? That's a difficult thing to analyze. But that's where "I" am at so far, the learning stage. I want to learn, and I want HIM to learn. I think having knowledge is the key. It won't instantly make him a social butterfly - but understanding how he responds to things, and why, may help him understand things and be better at it the next time around.

Still positive things from school, 'cept for Chinese class where he is running a C-D average. He could easily get a B if he tried, but seems to not care much about that class. I need to push him every day in that one.

He's also gotten 3-4 new friends this year, even if 95% of the communication is playing games with them and talking through the microphones while they play.

[Kathianne]

I'm not sure if Jordan gets embarrassed easily or not. I know he can be shy, but doing something embarrassing, or similar, doesn't seem to phase him.

Right now I am still trying to understand everything, and learn things about him. What things are due to the condition? That's a difficult thing to analyze. But that's where "I" am at so far, the learning stage. I want to learn, and I want HIM to learn. I think having knowledge is the key. It won't instantly make him a social butterfly - but understanding how he responds to things, and why, may help him understand things and be better at it the next time around.

Still positive things from school, 'cept for Chinese class where he is running a C-D average. He could easily get a B if he tried, but seems to not care much about that class. I need to push him every day in that one.

He's also gotten 3-4 new friends this year, even if 95% of the communication is playing games with them and talking through the microphones while they play.

Good that he's got a few friends, doesn't take more than 1 or 2. Chinese is what he struggled with last year, no? Does he enjoy it? Are there alternatives? With all his strides, why let one subject be a source of friction?