Angry Streak

[jimnyc]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?

[aboutime]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?


Sounds like it's time for some REALLY TOUGH LOVE. Something he isn't willing to talk to you about...NEEDS to be discussed.
Seems like your description of his moods has all been tied to ......THE INTERNET.....computer, games, or whatever he is doing there.
Bribery, and trying to be his Friend....rather than his Dad...never works. They always place more demands on you, and the bribes get bigger as they CONTROL the situation.
TOUGH LOVE comes hard. But...it must come soon.
Let him know. YOU are in charge, not him.
If he refuses to accept your help.
Instead of Bribes. TAKE THE COMPUTER AWAY, and the PHONE, and any other items HE CONTROLS.
Make them the bargaining chips for the MUCH NEEDED DISCUSSION between the two of you.
Without communications between the two of you. ONE on ONE.
Nothing will be accomplished, and the problems will just get worse. Driving HIM out of the house, and
toward others...like his peers, whom you know...WILL INSIST ONLY THEY KNOW what is best.
It's a tough road. But...if you let it slide, and just appease him.
YOU WILL LOSE HIM.
Now, you can tell me to mind my own business if you like.
BUT...YOU put it here on your Forum where it seems you were asking for help.
Take it, or leave it Jim.

[Kathianne]

It's normal for kids to snap at their parents when puberty hits. On top of the norm, he's an only. Top that off with all the 'problems' that more likely than not means you are paying way more attention to him than even onlies are used to or comfortable with.

I know it's been discussed here before, but imo kids shouldn't have computers in their rooms or behind closed doors. Yes, same now with the smartphones, ipads, etc. No, you can't monitor all he does, nor should you. However, there is nothing wrong in at least a hint that you and mom may be watching. Can't do that if the door is closed.

[Marcus Aurelius]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?

not that it sounds like it matters much, but... did you knock first?

It is seen in boys with Asperger's (I say boys, because statistically, the vast majority of Asperger's sufferers are male). My son was like that, not quite as bad though. The social skills classes he's been taking in school because of his IEP have helped tremendously, and he rarely flies off the handle anymore.

[jimnyc]

Sounds like it's time for some REALLY TOUGH LOVE. Something he isn't willing to talk to you about...NEEDS to be discussed.
Seems like your description of his moods has all been tied to ......THE INTERNET.....computer, games, or whatever he is doing there.
Bribery, and trying to be his Friend....rather than his Dad...never works. They always place more demands on you, and the bribes get bigger as they CONTROL the situation.
TOUGH LOVE comes hard. But...it must come soon.
Let him know. YOU are in charge, not him.
If he refuses to accept your help.
Instead of Bribes. TAKE THE COMPUTER AWAY, and the PHONE, and any other items HE CONTROLS.
Make them the bargaining chips for the MUCH NEEDED DISCUSSION between the two of you.
Without communications between the two of you. ONE on ONE.
Nothing will be accomplished, and the problems will just get worse. Driving HIM out of the house, and
toward others...like his peers, whom you know...WILL INSIST ONLY THEY KNOW what is best.
It's a tough road. But...if you let it slide, and just appease him.
YOU WILL LOSE HIM.
Now, you can tell me to mind my own business if you like.
BUT...YOU put it here on your Forum where it seems you were asking for help.
Take it, or leave it Jim.

I think I know inside that much of what you write is correct. He's often getting electronics taken away from him, but obviously gets them back. I feel like he's been "spanked" or worse when I punish him. I literally will come here to my computer and it'll eat away at me, thinking he is sad somewhere in the house, it's all my fault, and he's going to hate me as a result. The funny thing is, I know that's not true. I got it 50x worse when I was a kid and it never once affected how I felt about my parents, and it DID make me correct my behavior. I don't think all of his problems are computer related, but I admit it is a part of it.

Tough love is difficult to give, especially when a parent starts to question their own parenting. That's why I like to discuss it at times, get another perspective. I only get one chance at this and want to make sure I'm doing it right. But seeing the kid angry, sad and otherwise emotional, it hurts and I end up bending. The woman is the disciplinarian of the house. :)

[jimnyc]

It's normal for kids to snap at their parents when puberty hits. On top of the norm, he's an only. Top that off with all the 'problems' that more likely than not means you are paying way more attention to him than even onlies are used to or comfortable with.

I know it's been discussed here before, but imo kids shouldn't have computers in their rooms or behind closed doors. Yes, same now with the smartphones, ipads, etc. No, you can't monitor all he does, nor should you. However, there is nothing wrong in at least a hint that you and mom may be watching. Can't do that if the door is closed.

That's kinda where I was leaning, that a lot of it is a kid being a kid, and Dad being over-worried about things he is clueless about - but no doubt the "being a troll" and hiding in his dark room all the time with electronics doesn't help.

I WISH he had friends his age right here on our block. The only friends are people that need rides here or the other way around - but they prefer to hop on games and meet there! When I was his age, on a weekend, I was out of the house at about 8am, back home at lunch for a quick snack, back home at 6 for dinner and then in for the night when the street lights came on.

[jimnyc]

not that it sounds like it matters much, but... did you knock first?

It is seen in boys with Asperger's (I say boys, because statistically, the vast majority of Asperger's sufferers are male). My son was like that, not quite as bad though. The social skills classes he's been taking in school because of his IEP have helped tremendously, and he rarely flies off the handle anymore.

Yeah, I try to respect his privacy. But maybe he doesn't always hear it, with the $150 pair of headphones I bought him, cranking out his games on Steam! LOL

His social skills aren't the greatest with other kids, he seems to hit it off with the adults at school better (teachers, counselors and even the VP!). And I think a lot of this is socially related too. Sometimes when I scold him for something, I can see the glossiness in his eyes as if he's very upset, and also come confusion.

[aboutime]

I think I know inside that much of what you write is correct. He's often getting electronics taken away from him, but obviously gets them back. I feel like he's been "spanked" or worse when I punish him. I literally will come here to my computer and it'll eat away at me, thinking he is sad somewhere in the house, it's all my fault, and he's going to hate me as a result. The funny thing is, I know that's not true. I got it 50x worse when I was a kid and it never once affected how I felt about my parents, and it DID make me correct my behavior. I don't think all of his problems are computer related, but I admit it is a part of it.

Tough love is difficult to give, especially when a parent starts to question their own parenting. That's why I like to discuss it at times, get another perspective. I only get one chance at this and want to make sure I'm doing it right. But seeing the kid angry, sad and otherwise emotional, it hurts and I end up bending. The woman is the disciplinarian of the house. :)


Jim. You gotta remember how kids, kids in general of that age know what buttons to push to get the results THEY KNOW will work best. When they feel that much control works. It never stops. If he is sad, or angry...but won't tell you why he is sad, or angry. That's their way of getting what they want from you.
They know, from past experience...even when they were tiny. How crying, making noise, jumping up and down, and sulking when they look at you...they will eventually get what they want.
The TOUGH LOVE is harder on the Parent than the child. Take my word for it.
Not only did I have to deal with our two son's as they grew up. I caught most of the anger, and other sad stuff after my wife on those few periods of time when I wasn't deployed on a ship, and away from home.
If you BEND as he expects. That steals most of the discipline power from your wife. So he will test both of you to see WHICH OF YOU GIVES-IN first.
Kids, especially teens, are smarter than we give them credit for. But..WE as parents must NEVER give up on our responsibilities...which they expect, and hope we will do.
I know it's tough. But you are THE DAD. Dad's cannot be friends all the time. That's just how life is.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Tough love is difficult to give, especially when a parent starts to question their own parenting.

It's when you do NOT question your own parenting to a degree, that you need to watch out. I raised 3 children, and I've question my parenting quite a bit at times. They are all turning out just fine, so I guess I did okay.

[tailfins]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?

Like they say in the military ... PT (Physical Training) ... so good! I see a kid that should be doing some push-ups ... just saying.

[Abbey Marie]

It's normal for kids to snap at their parents when puberty hits. On top of the norm, he's an only. Top that off with all the 'problems' that more likely than not means you are paying way more attention to him than even onlies are used to or comfortable with.

I know it's been discussed here before, but imo kids shouldn't have computers in their rooms or behind closed doors. Yes, same now with the smartphones, ipads, etc. No, you can't monitor all he does, nor should you. However, there is nothing wrong in at least a hint that you and mom may be watching. Can't do that if the door is closed.

Exactly. We never allowed our daughter to have a computer or a TV in her bedroom. She used a computer in the office just like us. Believe me, they survive it just fine. Also, no listening to headphones when with us in the car (unless a long road trip), restaurant, etc. It's a respect thing imo. Speaking of which, we did not allow any yelling at us. I think that a parent must do these two things at all times: show love, and demand respect. Children need those, and they really want the boundaries whether they realize it at the time or not.

[Anton Chigurh]

Maybe he is getting to know you as well as we do? *ducks*

:laugh::salute:

[aboutime]

Like they say in the military ... PT (Physical Training) ... so good! I see a kid that should be doing some push-ups ... just saying.


For this I agree with you tailfins. Today's kids, of all ages SHOULD GET OUTSIDE, more than just from going to, or from school.
It seems..IMO. Our children are so accustomed to being confined to a Monitor, and Keyboard at home. The rest of the world, and other human beings in their family becomes somewhat of an OFF LIMITS kind of place. Consequently. If their communications skills are limited to being like we are here...on DP, as anonymous. They never really learn to co-exist with other human beings...unless it serves their generally sterile, selfish world of "ME".

Parents should enforce the NO COMPUTER until after the homework, and Dinner rules. And ENFORCE them strictly.
Otherwise. They will be unable to deal with the REAL WORLD later on.

Need and example? Listen to any HIP HOP star that gets ALL OF THEIR ATTENTION...when you aren't around.

[WiccanLiberal]

Gotta say I agree with the electronics out of the bedroom that others have mentioned. My sister's two children just graduated college. For the entire time they were growing up, there was no TV and no computer in the bedrooms. They finally got laptops when they were going off to college. From the time they were very young, they had an enforced bed time and were given the option of listening to the radio quietly or reading before bed. They occasionally complained about how old-fashioned this all was but they got a good night's sleep every night and my sister and her husband never had much worry about their behavior.

[Trinity]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?

Yep sounds about right he has officially become a moody teen, and as close as I am to my boy's, I still get the moodiness. If I walk into there room and they are in the middle of something, I get attitude...however I have started paying closer attention to myself and realized I am the same way....do not interrupt me when i am in the middle of something or I will wig out on you. :coffee:

[Trinity]

I am going to have to disagree on the tv's, computers, in their rooms. Both of my boy's have tv's, ps3's and computers in their rooms and I have never had any issues with them. However I have also talked to my boy's openly about every kind of scenario they may run into and they have always come to me with any kind of problem they have had whether online or anywhere else...Most would disagree with my type of parenting... I don't agree with authoritarian parenting I prefer the attachment style parenting...and so far it has worked very well for both of my boy's.... you can't force respect out of your child if you don't respect them.....yes you are the parent, but you are also the person they are learning from. What do you want them to learn?

[Kathianne]

Gotta say I agree with the electronics out of the bedroom that others have mentioned. My sister's two children just graduated college. For the entire time they were growing up, there was no TV and no computer in the bedrooms. They finally got laptops when they were going off to college. From the time they were very young, they had an enforced bed time and were given the option of listening to the radio quietly or reading before bed. They occasionally complained about how old-fashioned this all was but they got a good night's sleep every night and my sister and her husband never had much worry about their behavior.

I agree. It started with wanting tv's in their rooms, like all of their friends. We always had a television in kitchen, living room, and family room. The two 'family tv's' had all the mom approved video games and various systems. Their dad agreed no tv's in room, but when we separated he offered to buy them each one, IF mom agreed. Yeah, cute. I didn't and he was forced to explain to the kids why I did so.

My youngest was seriously oppositional disordered and under psychiatric care for over 3 years, 2X a week, sometimes 3. While placed in gifted classes rather than BD, he had a violent streak for more than 2 years. He loved the most violent of video games. They were NOT allowed in my home. He sought them out on computer, but since I could see the screen, wasn't for long. At home he was always on a behavior plan, break a rule on computer, so many days off. Do it again within 3 weeks, double the time off. Do it again within 3 weeks, double THAT time off. Never got to the 3rd one.

Mine complained, especially about the cell phone rule and texting while in high school in their rooms at night, they never did spend much time in rooms during day. On top of that, they'd bought the phones themselves! My house, my rules. (Besides I paid their car insurance through college, that would have been a biggie to take away. If forced, would have done it and not ever gone back.) Yes, they complained. Now that the youngest is 26, all 3 have said they are glad I taught them 'how' to limit the constant use of 'being connected.' So many of their friends don't recognize that it's rude to constantly be looking at phone, checking emails, etc., texting...

Indeed they have been working on teaching their now spouses just how rude these behaviors are. My one son just about freaked when he got an email invite to a wedding, to be the best man! I heard him call his friend and say something like, "Dude, do you know how rude that is? This is one day, not a get together with friends. C'mon, you got to step up." Listening to him listen, he then responded, "Yeah, I get that it's too late to go with formal invites, but really you can go to Hallmark and send handwritten ones. At least call people and say that you'd really like them to be there. You really don't want to be a doofus."

Having kids plugged in or constantly taking in but not having to respond is NOT the way to build social skills. Would they prefer to listen to music or play games to communicating with parents or friends? Most of the time for too many the answer is, yes. While the days, hours, minutes often seem very long, the actual time to parent is very short.

[Jeff]

My son seems to be lashing out at times, to his parents, with very little provocation. Simply reminding him to shower, brush teeth, do homework, dinner is ready - and he gets angry and starts complaining. You try to simmer him down and he just gets angrier. Sometimes it's because he is in the midst of a video game, and sometimes he's just on the internet, or watching TV, or just staring at the wall. No rhyme or reason, just doesn't like to be bugged at times, or so it seems. I tried the bribery route, I would take him out to get a little something for his varied efforts, then get some ice cream on the way back, then he happily disappears into his room. I approach him 30 mins later and he bites me!

Another example... Went to the store 2 nights ago and while there I bought him a Twix bar, as I know he loves them. I opened his bedroom door, and I understand he was on the computer with his headphones on, but he yanks them off in a huff and "I'm not in the mood for this, what now?" And I'm like, whats the issue? He tells me he is annoyed that I am bugging him. I'm like, WTF? I opened the door is all! Needless to say I gave the candy to my dogs! (ok, really gave it to the woman).

Is this normal for kids to turn into little trolls with big teeth and big mouths?


Jim I have two at that age , and maybe I took the wrong road but it seems to work

#1 doors can be removed ( this is my house including there room )

#2 Computers, X box games, Phones TV and all the other things these kids now a days have that we never had at there age can be taken away (a month with no X box changes attitudes real quick )

#3 ( some may disagree ) but a well placed foot in the A$$ works wonders

[jimnyc]

Jim I have two at that age , and maybe I took the wrong road but it seems to work

#1 doors can be removed ( this is my house including there room )

#2 Computers, X box games, Phones TV and all the other things these kids now a days have that we never had at there age can be taken away (a month with no X box changes attitudes real quick )

#3 ( some may disagree ) but a well placed foot in the A$$ works wonders

Jordan seems to think at times that he is an equal in the household, that he should be able to talk like us, negotiate like us and make demands! He thinks HE owns everything that has been afforded to him in his young life! You KNOW how I argue, Jeff, and you KNOW I can be a bastard - but this one has even me outdone!

And it's certainly not that we taught him to be disrespectful or anything like that. I work VERY hard to teach him right from wrong, how to be polite, to respect elders, not to curse...

Outside the results of any testing we get done, and any "physical" issues he may have, I think the biggest issue is the computer. He has the Nintendo WII but pretty much never uses it. His electronics are his computer, one of my laptops, he has a Kindle and also an Ipod.

I wish I could get better at this tough love stuff and not let it eat away at me when I punish him. I also wish he had a ton of friends right nearby. Then I could take the stuff away, then kick him in the ass and tell him to go play with his friends!

[Kathianne]

Jordan seems to think at times that he is an equal in the household, that he should be able to talk like us, negotiate like us and make demands! He thinks HE owns everything that has been afforded to him in his young life! You KNOW how I argue, Jeff, and you KNOW I can be a bastard - but this one has even me outdone!

And it's certainly not that we taught him to be disrespectful or anything like that. I work VERY hard to teach him right from wrong, how to be polite, to respect elders, not to curse...

Outside the results of any testing we get done, and any "physical" issues he may have, I think the biggest issue is the computer. He has the Nintendo WII but pretty much never uses it. His electronics are his computer, one of my laptops, he has a Kindle and also an Ipod.

I wish I could get better at this tough love stuff and not let it eat away at me when I punish him. I also wish he had a ton of friends right nearby. Then I could take the stuff away, then kick him in the ass and tell him to go play with his friends!

Have him call up some friends and set up a meet at their homes or yours. Offer to drive if necessary. It sounds like a 'play date' but don't call it that! LOL!

While I'm all in favor of developing the kids interests, such as electronics based summer camp, perhaps he could try something outside of his comfort zone, such as a culinary course or sailing course or golf lessons? Since social skills are something he needs to work on and sports isn't his thing, maybe something else is in order?

You've pretty much have been worried about 'obsessive use' of devices, YOU need to start limiting his time with them. That means finding alternatives for him or letting him sulk. It could be you and he go running or walking to a driving range or to a gym, he leaves the toys at home. Go to the library and check out two or three of the same book, kid and parent(s) read and discuss. Could be a classic, current novel, designing gardens, building a summer house, anything at all. Any of these provide an opportunity for opinions and discussions. All you can do is offer, if he prefers to sulk, be ok with that.

Bottom line is you KNOW his isn't going to develop social skills with doing what he's been doing. From what you've described he's good at knowing kids that may bother him, yet is failing to see the kids he might relate to, via interests or similar lack of friends. All kids have more than one strength, does he doodle while wired up? Art classes or photographic art classes. He's really at the perfect age to pick up golf, few at his age have 'developed' skills like many do in other sports. He can start at the beginning and it doesn't involve strength or speed. It's also very good for business. ;)

He should have chores to do around the house, more than just his room. Considering that his 'obsessions' are pretty much your own, he obviously values you. So, "Let's get the garage/basement/lawn done and then you pick a lunch place." Then go to someplace not related to his obsessions. Have him help prepare dinner, then let him be.

You can't and shouldn't be his friend replacement for very long, you can however help wean him from so much time wired up. You can encourage him to develop some skills outside of his now limited world. He never met you as a kid, just has observed the adult you. Show him other sides, perhaps more outside and a bit less wound tight.

[Abbey Marie]

I am going to have to disagree on the tv's, computers, in their rooms. Both of my boy's have tv's, ps3's and computers in their rooms and I have never had any issues with them. However I have also talked to my boy's openly about every kind of scenario they may run into and they have always come to me with any kind of problem they have had whether online or anywhere else...Most would disagree with my type of parenting... I don't agree with authoritarian parenting I prefer the attachment style parenting...and so far it has worked very well for both of my boy's.... you can't force respect out of your child if you don't respect them.....yes you are the parent, but you are also the person they are learning from. What do you want them to learn?

When I said we demand respect, I never said that we don't also give it. It's a two-way street.

[Kathianne]

When I said we demand respect, I never said that we don't also give it. It's a two-way street.

Indeed, the clue is to teach them before puberty that respect is earned from both sides.

Self-discipline comes from effective discipline/parenting. Kids should know and understand the reasons for rules. Rules should be as few as behavior and age warrants. 'Don't jump on furniture' may be necessary at 3 or 4, by 5 they should have learned respect for possessions and the rule is no longer needed.

There's a huge difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. Authoritarians do not give reasons for behaviors or rules, "I said so," are all the words necessary. Authoritative parents as mentioned above, make rules that are not only to socialize children, but engender empathy with family and others. Actions have consequences, both good and bad. Since all kids are good more often than bad, they should be receiving many more positive words than negative. Children that are well disciplined and have gained self-discipline are a pleasure to be around. They have self-confidence, are able to set goals and a plan to achieve them, and are used to helping and asking for help from others.

Kids with few limits, learn few limits. They often are at a loss to come up with plans to make their dreams come true as they get older. Because they are used to doing what they wish, they do not take directions/guidance needed, even when it would be constructive to attaining what they want.

[Gaffer]

Jordan seems to think at times that he is an equal in the household, that he should be able to talk like us, negotiate like us and make demands! He thinks HE owns everything that has been afforded to him in his young life! You KNOW how I argue, Jeff, and you KNOW I can be a bastard - but this one has even me outdone!

And it's certainly not that we taught him to be disrespectful or anything like that. I work VERY hard to teach him right from wrong, how to be polite, to respect elders, not to curse...

Outside the results of any testing we get done, and any "physical" issues he may have, I think the biggest issue is the computer. He has the Nintendo WII but pretty much never uses it. His electronics are his computer, one of my laptops, he has a Kindle and also an Ipod.

I wish I could get better at this tough love stuff and not let it eat away at me when I punish him. I also wish he had a ton of friends right nearby. Then I could take the stuff away, then kick him in the ass and tell him to go play with his friends!

Joffery comes to mind here.

[BillyBob]

Smack him around when he gets shitty. Watch how fast he stops getting shitty.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Smack him around when he gets shitty. Watch how fast he stops getting shitty.

why would you suggest a member beat their child?

[Jeff]

Jordan seems to think at times that he is an equal in the household, that he should be able to talk like us, negotiate like us and make demands! He thinks HE owns everything that has been afforded to him in his young life! You KNOW how I argue, Jeff, and you KNOW I can be a bastard - but this one has even me outdone!

And it's certainly not that we taught him to be disrespectful or anything like that. I work VERY hard to teach him right from wrong, how to be polite, to respect elders, not to curse...

Outside the results of any testing we get done, and any "physical" issues he may have, I think the biggest issue is the computer. He has the Nintendo WII but pretty much never uses it. His electronics are his computer, one of my laptops, he has a Kindle and also an Ipod.

I wish I could get better at this tough love stuff and not let it eat away at me when I punish him. I also wish he had a ton of friends right nearby. Then I could take the stuff away, then kick him in the ass and tell him to go play with his friends!


Jim its not disrespect it him trying to find himself , testing the waters , all kids try to see how far they can go and what they can get away with , Not long ago at dinner we where having hot dogs and Colt decided to ask me WHO I THOUGHT I WAS :laugh: I must admit for a second I was shocked but then I just picked up his hot dog shoved it in my mouth and told him I am the man that just ate your dang dinner now get the heck away from my table , the look on his face was priceless I am sure he wont ask that question again :laugh:

AS far as yall teaching Jordan as I said before I don't get to see him near enough and he still treats me with respect as his uncle and a elder he is a great kid that is just going through the same things we all did , he will eventually settle down , Heck look at Zach and Trav God knows I had issues with both of them ,now Trav is here everyday he is home and has grown into a fine young man ( and still growing ) Zach on the other hand well you know the deal there, kids do learn what we teach them even if at the time it seems like they hadn't , they all have to stretch the wings a bit to become a adult , just don't give in or then you will have issues later on in life , I watched this first hand with the X and Zach is paying the price now .

[Kathianne]

Jordan seems to think at times that he is an equal in the household, that he should be able to talk like us, negotiate like us and make demands! He thinks HE owns everything that has been afforded to him in his young life! You KNOW how I argue, Jeff, and you KNOW I can be a bastard - but this one has even me outdone!

And it's certainly not that we taught him to be disrespectful or anything like that. I work VERY hard to teach him right from wrong, how to be polite, to respect elders, not to curse...

Outside the results of any testing we get done, and any "physical" issues he may have, I think the biggest issue is the computer. He has the Nintendo WII but pretty much never uses it. His electronics are his computer, one of my laptops, he has a Kindle and also an Ipod.

I wish I could get better at this tough love stuff and not let it eat away at me when I punish him. I also wish he had a ton of friends right nearby. Then I could take the stuff away, then kick him in the ass and tell him to go play with his friends!

Regarding bolded, I don't think this is unusual regarding onlies, but that is ok when things are going according to plan. When not, and they are not here, one needs to step up and say something like, 'Son, we love and respect you, but you are a 12 year old, not at 22 year old. It's you mom and my responsibility to help you attain adult thinking and behavior in the next 6 years. We will. Even if you don't like all that encompasses. We love you and will help to prepare you. You may make mistakes, we're pretty sure we will too. In the end, we're all in this ride together and will not only survive, you will thrive.'