Number One Marriage Mistake

[tailfins]

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/04/19/7-marriage-mistakes-even-smart-couples-make/?intcmp=features#ixzz2Qw5yD912


1. Splitting the housework 50/50. This is often considered the "fairest" way to split the chores, whether it's washing the dishes or walking the dog. But aiming for 50/50 means you're constantly keeping score, making sure that neither of you is getting the short end of the stick, and bickering every time you think you are. Spend too much time fixating on fairness today, and you risk not making it to the long run when things often balance out.

It's better to use a system similar to what economists call "comparative advantage," where each of you is responsible for what you're best at, relative to other tasks. You might handle all the bills, grocery shopping, and laundry, while your spouse sweeps and mops and fixes things when they break. Some weeks, you'll end up doing more, other times it might be 75/25 in his favor—but you don't keep track because if your husband handled the grocery shopping, you might end up with a pantry full of Tostitos.

[Marcus Aurelius]

I would have thought the number one marriage mistake was marriage.

[aboutime]

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/04/19/7-marriage-mistakes-even-smart-couples-make/?intcmp=features#ixzz2Qw5yD912


Calling it a 50 - 50 anything is nothing but another excuse to avoid being personally responsible to someone else.

If you must set up a schedule that you THINK makes marriage FAIR and EQUAL. You will lose all respect for one-another. Right from the get-go.
The biggest mistake of marriage is, and always has been when One, or Both partners declare, instruct, or make deals with the other for personal responsibilities that should be shared without TELLING, or ASKING.
It starts with Mutual Respect, Caring, Dignity, Honor, and Unselfishness...unlike children who must argue over WHO is responsible to do what?
Common sense, dignity, and Love in equal shares simply tell One, or the Other member of the marriage to JUST DO IT, without having to bargain, complain, deal, or argue.
HUMAN DECENCY IS THE BOTTOM LINE.
Without Mutual Respect, and Decency....you have a FAILED partnership...better known as Marriage.

[Abbey Marie]

50/50 is a silly goal in a marriage. We each do what we are good at (or can stand doing, as in cleaning toilets, lol), and take on more if the other is not feeling well, is stressed from work, etc.

If you are keeping score in the first place, something is wrong.

[Thunderknuckles]

My wife is a home maker so the burden falls mostly on her for daily chores. It's probably an 80/20 split in our case. My 20% share however has nothing to do with things I am good at. It is comprised mostly of things involving trash or clearing an offending mass in the toilet or on the lawn :p

[aboutime]

My wife is a home maker so the burden falls mostly on her for daily chores. It's probably an 80/20 split in our case. My 20% share however has nothing to do with things I am good at. It is comprised mostly of things involving trash or clearing an offending mass in the toilet or on the lawn :p

Thunder. Nothing wrong with that at all. My words were directed at those who may have expected their marriage instantly created somebody that would pick up after them, and do all of the work at the partnership like 90% to 10% as long as slavery is called something else.
I have 44 years of that. And most of it became her burden while I was at sea, or oversea's. That Partnership word is really, really important. When one side forgets it...that's when the troubles start..and never end.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Calling it a 50 - 50 anything is nothing but another excuse to avoid being personally responsible to someone else.

If you must set up a schedule that you THINK makes marriage FAIR and EQUAL. You will lose all respect for one-another. Right from the get-go.
The biggest mistake of marriage is, and always has been when One, or Both partners declare, instruct, or make deals with the other for personal responsibilities that should be shared without TELLING, or ASKING.
It starts with Mutual Respect, Caring, Dignity, Honor, and Unselfishness...unlike children who must argue over WHO is responsible to do what?
Common sense, dignity, and Love in equal shares simply tell One, or the Other member of the marriage to JUST DO IT, without having to bargain, complain, deal, or argue.
HUMAN DECENCY IS THE BOTTOM LINE.
Without Mutual Respect, and Decency....you have a FAILED partnership...better known as Marriage.

I agree with that. My wife and I just started doing our house work in accordance to our abilities. She does more inside than I but I do 99.9% of the yard work, so balance came in as well as it could or should naturally. Married nine years with not a single major argument and the few small disagreements we've had were all about how much financial aid to send to her family in the Philippines.
Mutual respect is the key, we both have our strengths and our weaknesses and we try our best to bring out the best in each other. Not perfect but pretty damn good.
And the side benefit is neither one of us uses the old standard sex-withholding as a weapon as is so often done!!--:dance:

Treat a really good woman as she should be treated and life is great, trust me on that.. -Tyr

[Syrenn]

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/04/19/7-marriage-mistakes-even-smart-couples-make/?intcmp=features#ixzz2Qw5yD912

^^all talking points.

All marriages are different. Secessful marriages are about working on a balance... which is not always 50-50, or stacked the same way every time on every subject or chore.



in my opinion the number on mistake in marriage is thinking you can change your partner.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

^^all talking points.

All marriages are different. Secessful marriages are about working on a balance... which is not always 50-50, or stacked the same way every time on every subject or chore.



in my opinion the number on mistake in marriage is thinking you can change your partner.

If a man or a woman starts thinking of marriage it should be with somebody they see little need to change! People resist change and are usually quite comfortable just being themselves.
If ya need to change them then odds are they simply aren't the right guy or gal for you.
Simple but true, tested found to be tried and true.--Tyr

[aboutime]

^^all talking points.

All marriages are different. Secessful marriages are about working on a balance... which is not always 50-50, or stacked the same way every time on every subject or chore.



in my opinion the number on mistake in marriage is thinking you can change your partner.


Syrenn. Gotta agree with you in most part. However. Something most all of us have forgotten, or ignored on this topic is...MONEY.

Hate to say it but. During our marriage over the years. The greatest, most frequent cause...in the early years after our two son's were born...more often than not...became Money...OR THE LACK OF IT.
We learned. Early on. The greatest remedy in dealing with financial problems is being Realistic, and Sharing our thoughts...WHEN THEY OCCUR.
It seems. Most of the people we have known with failed marriages...always withheld tiny problems, or quirks that their spouse had. But they always kept them PILING UP. For that one day when a simple argument over something stupid..OPENED THE FLOODGATES, AND everything withheld previously...spilled out into a major argument.
Oddly enough. Those arguments always pointed BACK at financial problems....MONEY, and either the LACK of it, or OVERSPENDING of it.
All young couples should prepare to admit...before they get married. There will be problems, and to SHARE THEM instantly.
That saves big problems later.

[Robert A Whit]

Syrenn. Gotta agree with you in most part. However. Something most all of us have forgotten, or ignored on this topic is...MONEY.

Hate to say it but. During our marriage over the years. The greatest, most frequent cause...in the early years after our two son's were born...more often than not...became Money...OR THE LACK OF IT.
We learned. Early on. The greatest remedy in dealing with financial problems is being Realistic, and Sharing our thoughts...WHEN THEY OCCUR.
It seems. Most of the people we have known with failed marriages...always withheld tiny problems, or quirks that their spouse had. But they always kept them PILING UP. For that one day when a simple argument over something stupid..OPENED THE FLOODGATES, AND everything withheld previously...spilled out into a major argument.
Oddly enough. Those arguments always pointed BACK at financial problems....MONEY, and either the LACK of it, or OVERSPENDING of it.
All young couples should prepare to admit...before they get married. There will be problems, and to SHARE THEM instantly.
That saves big problems later.

That is good advice should both parties remember it and actually do it.

Too often, emotion takes over and such things get shunted aside.

[tailfins]

50/50 is a silly goal in a marriage. We each do what we are good at (or can stand doing, as in cleaning toilets, lol), and take on more if the other is not feeling well, is stressed from work, etc.

If you are keeping score in the first place, something is wrong.

That's exactly how we do it. I don't know where she got it, but my wife has an aversion to learning/studying. I have an aversion to mindless tasks. She adds to that my almost paranoia about getting ripped off. I think she overdid it once by asking me to go down to the supermarket and give the manager an earful for the cashier not accepting a coupon (it turns out he gave me the item free). It's kind of a Jack Sprat arrangement.



Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so betwixt the two of them
They licked the platter clean Jack ate all the lean,
Joan ate all the fat.
The bone they picked it clean,
Then gave it to the cat Jack Sprat was wheeling,
His wife by the ditch.
The barrow turned over,
And in she did pitch. Says Jack, "She'll be drowned!"
But Joan did reply,
"I don't think I shall,
For the ditch is quite dry."

[glockmail]

I'm simply not qualified to do laundry. I clean the shit out of toilets. I do 90% of the yard work. She keeps the insects at bay in the garden. I clean her car interior and detail the outside when the car wash she goes to doesn't cut the mustard. I make dinner during the week and she generally captains the chore on weekends. I clean the dishes. The garage is my man-cave. She irons. We split the vacuuming. I clean the shower. I don't dust at all.

26 years and getting stronger every day. :coffee:

[aboutime]

I'm simply not qualified to do laundry. I clean the shit out of toilets. I do 90% of the yard work. She keeps the insects at bay in the garden. I clean her car interior and detail the outside when the car wash she goes to doesn't cut the mustard. I make dinner during the week and she generally captains the chore on weekends. I clean the dishes. The garage is my man-cave. She irons. We split the vacuuming. I clean the shower. I don't dust at all.

26 years and getting stronger every day. :coffee:


glockmail. The important thing is...."Both of you are happy. Right?"

Nothing else matters, and IS NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.....Right?

Nuff said.

[Abbey Marie]

glockmail. The important thing is...."Both of you are happy. Right?"

Nothing else matters, and IS NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.....Right?

Nuff said.

You have just insulted Sociologists everywhere! (j/k, I get your point) :cool:

[aboutime]

You have just insulted Sociologists everywhere! (j/k, I get your point) :cool:


Abbey. YEAH! I know! I don't care either. Unless a Sociologist steps forward, and offers to pay off my mortgage, and all of our bills...
for LIFE. Then....I apologize for insults.

[Marcus Aurelius]

My wife is a home maker so the burden falls mostly on her for daily chores. It's probably an 80/20 split in our case. My 20% share however has nothing to do with things I am good at. It is comprised mostly of things involving trash or clearing an offending mass in the toilet or on the lawn :p

which implies there are non-offending masses in toilets... odd concept :laugh:

[aboutime]

which implies there are non-offending masses in toilets... odd concept :laugh:


Marcus. Just the fact such a thing being discussed is a "CONCEPT" really scares the daylights out of us.

Ya know? Like we all wish we could FLUSH Congresscritters away with such a "CONCEPT"?

[Syrenn]

If a man or a woman starts thinking of marriage it should be with somebody they see little need to change! People resist change and are usually quite comfortable just being themselves.
If ya need to change them then odds are they simply aren't the right guy or gal for you.
Simple but true, tested found to be tried and true.--Tyr


i agree, which is why i advocate living with someone before you marry them.

[Syrenn]

Syrenn. Gotta agree with you in most part. However. Something most all of us have forgotten, or ignored on this topic is...MONEY.

Hate to say it but. During our marriage over the years. The greatest, most frequent cause...in the early years after our two son's were born...more often than not...became Money...OR THE LACK OF IT.
We learned. Early on. The greatest remedy in dealing with financial problems is being Realistic, and Sharing our thoughts...WHEN THEY OCCUR.
It seems. Most of the people we have known with failed marriages...always withheld tiny problems, or quirks that their spouse had. But they always kept them PILING UP. For that one day when a simple argument over something stupid..OPENED THE FLOODGATES, AND everything withheld previously...spilled out into a major argument.
Oddly enough. Those arguments always pointed BACK at financial problems....MONEY, and either the LACK of it, or OVERSPENDING of it.
All young couples should prepare to admit...before they get married. There will be problems, and to SHARE THEM instantly.
That saves big problems later.

true, but money does not a marriage make. Money does not make you happy with your partner.... yes it can make things a lot easier in terms of comfort, but for all the money in the world you can still HATE the person you are with. I actually think couples that dont have the world on a silver platter have a stronger relationship, its the struggle that makes them and a relationship strong.

Bitching about everything that is on your mind the moment it is on your mind is not the way to go. Speaking your mind the instant you have some irritating thought can case more problems then it solves. Problems, real problems need to be discussed as quickly as possible in a way that is constructive and not judgmental.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

i agree, which is why i advocate living with someone before you marry them.

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr

[aboutime]

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr


Tyr. Before I became a married man back in the late sixties. We single guys in the Navy relied on the expression "Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?"

Obviously today. The morals are different, attitudes, responsibility, accountability and general human kindness is no longer eligible, or acceptable when talking about relationships.

So. Rather than get the scorn from those younger than me, with less experience in life who will tell me I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I'll just surrender, and feel assured about my own life, and what I have left of it. While letting everyone else learn the hard way. Free of suggestions, wisdom, common sense, and just tell everyone SUFFER.

[logroller]

50/50 is a silly goal in a marriage. We each do what we are good at (or can stand doing, as in cleaning toilets, lol), and take on more if the other is not feeling well, is stressed from work, etc.

If you are keeping score in the first place, something is wrong.
Point for abbey...:laugh2:

[Syrenn]

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr


so better to figure it out before you are married, dont you think?

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

so better to figure it out before you are married, dont you think?

O'yes. Saved my young ass a few times...;)
Third time is charm, 9 years now going strong , cruising right along!