How to teach our children to become decent adults..

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

http://catholiceducation.org/articles/parenting/pa0117.htm

Raising Children of Character: 10 PrinciplesTHOMAS LICKONAParenting is arguably the hardest job there is and the one for which we get no training. Here are ten principles of parenting that can guide us in the demanding work of raising children of character.
http://catholiceducation.org/articles/parenting/pa0117.htm

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If we want our nation to survive we had better start teaching our children the true difference between right and wrong.

And there are not a million little nuances to consider/choose from every time that one faces a problem.-Tyr

[Kathianne]

Tyr, great link! #1 is the basics of parenting I learned in Child Dev. 100, my first year of college. Authoritative parents have a few definite rules, when child's behavior breaks a rule, they discuss why (s)he was wrong and why it hurts someone or something. Punishment follows, but is explained why. BTW, discussions should last no more than 30 seconds to 2 minutes at least until the child is over 4.

Following the 10 rules would also be the underpinning for raising a competent student. The '1 chore for each year of age, with no monetary rewards,' is a great start. Obviously walking the dog or cleaning out kitty litter wouldn't hit a priority until 6-7 years of age, when the child would be able to do so.

So many parents fail to give their child an opportunity to have responsibility as part of the family, not just for their own possessions. These are the opportunities that begin the lessons in not being selfish and also in building self-esteem.

I'd probably add an 11th rule: From age 7 or 8, children should have an allowance. It shouldn't be tied to chores, though parents could add 'bonuses' for going above and beyond the normal chores, (helping to clean the garage, basement, pulling weed, etc.) If shouldn't be with held as a punishment, though if there is a financial reason for suspending or cutting, the child should be aware of why-going only into as much detail as parents feel is right.

It should be set high enough to save some, have freedom to buy something wanted within a reasonable amount of time, and give something to less fortunate. Until the 'savings' gets to say $20 or so, the child should keep a record, (like a checkbook), of amount given, amount for savings, etc.

After the savings gets to $20, open a children's savings acct., if your bank still has one. Again, go over it with the child, having him keep track of how it's growing and the value of compound interest. (BTW, most of us have or have had college funds for our children, the monies should NOT be mingled. That will not serve a good purpose for the child, who needs to see their own actions and rewards.) If the child is 'gifted' a savings bond or monetary amount from family or friends under $100, it should be treated as their allowance is-unless given only for education funds or so generous that parents want to keep control. % to savings, % for spending, % for charity.

When the parents feel the child has learned to save from their 'spending money' to buy something 'big' the child wants, (say a DVD or something along those lines), the allowance should be increased, after talking to the child about how well she has been handling her money. Then saying something like, "We've decided to give you more financial freedom and responsibilities. From now on after we buy your 'back-to-school supplies,' you will be responsible for buying anything else related such as loose-leaf paper, pencils, pens, markers, crayons, etc., you need. If you notice your notebook only has 20 pages left, you probably want to ask mom or dad to help you find sales in the next week or 2, otherwise it's going to cost you more. That's what we do." Make sure the child understands that something like a new graphing calculator should be brought to their attention, if required.

By the age of 11 or 12, most kids that have learned how to budget their allowance and learned to add to their 'income' through extra work are ready for a re-loadable debit type card. The first one the parents might give while taking the time to explain how 'very similar' it can be to a credit card. Explain they've been 'so responsible, that we think you are ready for this next step.' This is also the moment where the child is given the responsibility to finding the ads for 'buying school supplies' and 'extras' such as upgrading of clothing, earrings, dvds, itunes, etc. While mom or dad may nix the appropriateness of anything, the purchase and 'deals' is now left up for the child.

At this time too, it may be the time to take a good look at their 'savings' which may have grown to a point of looking for some better rate of return than a passbook. (Still there shouldn't be mingling of college fund and child's savings, that should not happen until they are off to college or whatever their choice is down the road.)

Too many parents that have raised 'good and responsible' kids, are shocked when their children are off on their own, at college or in real life, that they can't handle credit or don't understand financial agreements. While all high schools I know of require a 'consumer class' it's really not that easy for children who've not practiced to apply those concepts.

The cool thing about the 'purchase debit cards?' They can be as low as $25, though realistically I start at at least $50 or $100. Why? Give them enough leeway to make some 'serious' or 'frequent' purchases. If they nickle and dime, dollar and ten dollar too frequently, they will hit a deny when they try to purchase those jeans or shorts. Only takes a time or two of that happening, to make one very aware of what has been spent and what one really wants to do.

[Kathianne]

Weird. Just opened this email. After spending quite a bit of time on the above post. See the difference between parents and schools? When to begin? Anyone, that would be politicians for the most part, that thinks schools can replace good parents?

http://www.scholastic.com/browse/collection.jsp?id=886&eml=SMP/e/20130314////GiveawayNL//Actuarial////&ym_MID=1468418&ym_rid=2123574


Plan, Save, Succeed! Achieving Financial Literacy Goals Welcome to "Plan, Save, Succeed!" a new financial literacy program designed to address important personal finance concepts—such as budgeting, income, saving, and credit—in a real-world context that middle school students will find meaningful.


Developed by The Actuarial Foundation with Scholastic, the program provides knowledge and skill-building activities through a fun, relatable story line about two siblings saving to buy a car. They construct a budget and learn about earnings and deductions from work, interest from saving, and the cost of credit.


In addition to engaging lesson plans, the program includes:




A classroom poster (PDF) (http://www.scholastic.com/unexpectedmath/pdfs/Actuarial_68_poster.pdf) to reinforce that budgets help realize financial goals.
Alignment with National and Common Core State Standards (http://www.scholastic.com/unexpectedmath/pdfs/Actuarial7_68_standards.pdf) (PDF)
A fun online challenge (http://www.scholastic.com/plansavesucceed/challenge/) in which students race against the clock to answer real-world financial literacy and math questions.

...

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Tyr, great link! #1 is the basics of parenting I learned in Child Dev. 100, my first year of college. Authoritative parents have a few definite rules, when child's behavior breaks a rule, they discuss why (s)he was wrong and why it hurts someone or something. Punishment follows, but is explained why. BTW, discussions should last no more than 30 seconds to 2 minutes at least until the child is over 4.

Following the 10 rules would also be the underpinning for raising a competent student. The '1 chore for each year of age, with no monetary rewards,' is a great start. Obviously walking the dog or cleaning out kitty litter wouldn't hit a priority until 6-7 years of age, when the child would be able to do so.

So many parents fail to give their child an opportunity to have responsibility as part of the family, not just for their own possessions. These are the opportunities that begin the lessons in not being selfish and also in building self-esteem.

I'd probably add an 11th rule: From age 7 or 8, children should have an allowance. It shouldn't be tied to chores, though parents could add 'bonuses' for going above and beyond the normal chores, (helping to clean the garage, basement, pulling weed, etc.) If shouldn't be with held as a punishment, though if there is a financial reason for suspending or cutting, the child should be aware of why-going only into as much detail as parents feel is right.

It should be set high enough to save some, have freedom to buy something wanted within a reasonable amount of time, and give something to less fortunate. Until the 'savings' gets to say $20 or so, the child should keep a record, (like a checkbook), of amount given, amount for savings, etc.

After the savings gets to $20, open a children's savings acct., if your bank still has one. Again, go over it with the child, having him keep track of how it's growing and the value of compound interest. (BTW, most of us have or have had college funds for our children, the monies should NOT be mingled. That will not serve a good purpose for the child, who needs to see their own actions and rewards.) If the child is 'gifted' a savings bond or monetary amount from family or friends under $100, it should be treated as their allowance is-unless given only for education funds or so generous that parents want to keep control. % to savings, % for spending, % for charity.

When the parents feel the child has learned to save from their 'spending money' to buy something 'big' the child wants, (say a DVD or something along those lines), the allowance should be increased, after talking to the child about how well she has been handling her money. Then saying something like, "We've decided to give you more financial freedom and responsibilities. From now on after we buy your 'back-to-school supplies,' you will be responsible for buying anything else related such as loose-leaf paper, pencils, pens, markers, crayons, etc., you need. If you notice your notebook only has 20 pages left, you probably want to ask mom or dad to help you find sales in the next week or 2, otherwise it's going to cost you more. That's what we do." Make sure the child understands that something like a new graphing calculator should be brought to their attention, if required.

By the age of 11 or 12, most kids that have learned how to budget their allowance and learned to add to their 'income' through extra work are ready for a re-loadable debit type card. The first one the parents might give while taking the time to explain how 'very similar' it can be to a credit card. Explain they've been 'so responsible, that we think you are ready for this next step.' This is also the moment where the child is given the responsibility to finding the ads for 'buying school supplies' and 'extras' such as upgrading of clothing, earrings, dvds, itunes, etc. While mom or dad may nix the appropriateness of anything, the purchase and 'deals' is now left up for the child.

At this time too, it may be the time to take a good look at their 'savings' which may have grown to a point of looking for some better rate of return than a passbook. (Still there shouldn't be mingling of college fund and child's savings, that should not happen until they are off to college or whatever their choice is down the road.)

Too many parents that have raised 'good and responsible' kids, are shocked when their children are off on their own, at college or in real life, that they can't handle credit or don't understand financial agreements. While all high schools I know of require a 'consumer class' it's really not that easy for children who've not practiced to apply those concepts.

The cool thing about the 'purchase debit cards?' They can be as low as $25, though realistically I start at at least $50 or $100. Why? Give them enough leeway to make some 'serious' or 'frequent' purchases. If they nickle and dime, dollar and ten dollar too frequently, they will hit a deny when they try to purchase those jeans or shorts. Only takes a time or two of that happening, to make one very aware of what has been spent and what one really wants to do.

Kath, we did pretty much the same method when teaching our daughter about personal finance. She is now 23 years old, with one year at her new job as a dental hygienist and just closed last week on her new house(over 250,000 dollar) in Nashville. She asked for no help from my ex-wife or myself.
Additionally as a teenager we instructed her to find ways to add to her allowance by babysitting etc. She did that and did quite well.
Too many Americans leave too much parenting up to the schools. The schools are only interested in their own best interests despite the banshee cries about the welfare of the children. Instead government interests and money are the prime focus of most public schools IMHO.--Tyr

[PostmodernProphet]

Tyr, great link! #1 is the basics of parenting I learned in Child Dev. 100, my first year of college. Authoritative parents have a few definite rules, when child's behavior breaks a rule, they discuss why (s)he was wrong and why it hurts someone or something. Punishment follows, but is explained why. BTW, discussions should last no more than 30 seconds to 2 minutes at least until the child is over 4.

Following the 10 rules would also be the underpinning for raising a competent student. The '1 chore for each year of age, with no monetary rewards,' is a great start. Obviously walking the dog or cleaning out kitty litter wouldn't hit a priority until 6-7 years of age, when the child would be able to do so.

So many parents fail to give their child an opportunity to have responsibility as part of the family, not just for their own possessions. These are the opportunities that begin the lessons in not being selfish and also in building self-esteem.

I'd probably add an 11th rule: From age 7 or 8, children should have an allowance. It shouldn't be tied to chores, though parents could add 'bonuses' for going above and beyond the normal chores, (helping to clean the garage, basement, pulling weed, etc.) If shouldn't be with held as a punishment, though if there is a financial reason for suspending or cutting, the child should be aware of why-going only into as much detail as parents feel is right.

It should be set high enough to save some, have freedom to buy something wanted within a reasonable amount of time, and give something to less fortunate. Until the 'savings' gets to say $20 or so, the child should keep a record, (like a checkbook), of amount given, amount for savings, etc.

After the savings gets to $20, open a children's savings acct., if your bank still has one. Again, go over it with the child, having him keep track of how it's growing and the value of compound interest. (BTW, most of us have or have had college funds for our children, the monies should NOT be mingled. That will not serve a good purpose for the child, who needs to see their own actions and rewards.) If the child is 'gifted' a savings bond or monetary amount from family or friends under $100, it should be treated as their allowance is-unless given only for education funds or so generous that parents want to keep control. % to savings, % for spending, % for charity.

When the parents feel the child has learned to save from their 'spending money' to buy something 'big' the child wants, (say a DVD or something along those lines), the allowance should be increased, after talking to the child about how well she has been handling her money. Then saying something like, "We've decided to give you more financial freedom and responsibilities. From now on after we buy your 'back-to-school supplies,' you will be responsible for buying anything else related such as loose-leaf paper, pencils, pens, markers, crayons, etc., you need. If you notice your notebook only has 20 pages left, you probably want to ask mom or dad to help you find sales in the next week or 2, otherwise it's going to cost you more. That's what we do." Make sure the child understands that something like a new graphing calculator should be brought to their attention, if required.

By the age of 11 or 12, most kids that have learned how to budget their allowance and learned to add to their 'income' through extra work are ready for a re-loadable debit type card. The first one the parents might give while taking the time to explain how 'very similar' it can be to a credit card. Explain they've been 'so responsible, that we think you are ready for this next step.' This is also the moment where the child is given the responsibility to finding the ads for 'buying school supplies' and 'extras' such as upgrading of clothing, earrings, dvds, itunes, etc. While mom or dad may nix the appropriateness of anything, the purchase and 'deals' is now left up for the child.

At this time too, it may be the time to take a good look at their 'savings' which may have grown to a point of looking for some better rate of return than a passbook. (Still there shouldn't be mingling of college fund and child's savings, that should not happen until they are off to college or whatever their choice is down the road.)

Too many parents that have raised 'good and responsible' kids, are shocked when their children are off on their own, at college or in real life, that they can't handle credit or don't understand financial agreements. While all high schools I know of require a 'consumer class' it's really not that easy for children who've not practiced to apply those concepts.

The cool thing about the 'purchase debit cards?' They can be as low as $25, though realistically I start at at least $50 or $100. Why? Give them enough leeway to make some 'serious' or 'frequent' purchases. If they nickle and dime, dollar and ten dollar too frequently, they will hit a deny when they try to purchase those jeans or shorts. Only takes a time or two of that happening, to make one very aware of what has been spent and what one really wants to do.

I would add this.....when each of my kids turned 16 and started driving, I gave them a credit card......use was strictly controlled but when they needed clothes, gas, etc I had them use the credit card, which I paid......when my son graduated and bought a house the bank loan officer looked at him and said "how did you get a better credit rating than I have at your age"........he now owns a house and has two roommates who pay him rent more than twice his monthly payment.....

[WiccanLiberal]

My personal opinion is that the fourth rule is the most important. Do anything else you like but if the child doesn't see that you live your life in the way you expect them to do, you have lost. And be aware that they see everything you do. Forget to pay for something at the grocery? Better be prepared to take it back. Nick somebody's car in the parking lot? Better leave a note. Call in sick to work? Don't plan on playing golf. Want the kids in church or temple every week? Take them there. In other words, you have to live the life you want your kids to live.

[avatar4321]

I would read the scriptures with them. Help them find a love for the Word of God. Teach them the Ten commandments. It's amazing how many people who profess faith know nothing about the scriptures and cant even name the Ten Commandments. Family prayer is good too.