Don't Ask

[Kathianne]

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. -Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride

Arrgg, signed mother of the groom.

[SassyLady]

Being the mother of bride or mother of the groom ... which is harder?

[cadet]

Congratulations! :cheers2:



What would you have to do? Isn't the set up usually the brides thing?

[Kathianne]

Being the mother of bride or mother of the groom ... which is harder?

I had one issue with daughter, when she 'requested that I spend the night before at my ex's home.' That got resolved pretty quickly.

This is over the top, this girl is nuts. Not just me, my ex is meeting with my son as we speak. Bottom line, "If your mom and siblings aren't invited to the wedding, we aren't going either. Nor are we contributing and your trust fund will be revoked."

Yeah, spoke with ex earlier.

[SassyLady]

I had one issue with daughter, when she 'requested that I spend the night before at my ex's home.' That got resolved pretty quickly.

This is over the top, this girl is nuts. Not just me, my ex is meeting with my son as we speak. Bottom line, "If your mom and siblings aren't invited to the wedding, we aren't going either. Nor are we contributing and your trust fund will be revoked."

Yeah, spoke with ex earlier.

Good that he is speaking up for you.

[SassyLady]

Mother-in-law from hell award goes to my daughter's MIL ....

My daughter's mother-in-law showed up at the wedding (over 500 attendees) and walked in the room where we were all waiting to take our turns down the aisle. Wanted to speak with her in private. We knew what was coming, because she had done this to her first daughter-in-law. So, my daughter said that no one had to leave and that she was sure that whatever MIL had to say would be nothing but positive and she wanted everyone to benefit from the kind words she knew her MIL was going to share.

MIL became very uncomfortable and then just handed my daughter an envelope. My daughter looked at her and said ... "I'll read it after the wedding" ... and MIL insisted that she read it right then and there. So, my daughter took it out and saw the words "PRENUPTIAL" and said .... "your son and I have already agreed on this". MIL said, this one has to do with what he would be getting from us, his parents. Either you sign, or wedding is off.

Daughter called her fiance, put him on speaker phone for everyone to hear and said "the wedding is off". Mind you, the church is full ... (for a full blown Catholic wedding) and people are waiting. MIL thought that my daughter would be stressed to the point where she would cave. Wrong!!!

Her fiance said "what's wrong?" "Your mother is here with a prenup ... did you know anything about this"? Over the phone, where everyone could hear, he ordered his mother out of the room ... sent his dad to get her and told my daughter that he didn't care if they disowned him ... for her to just get down the aisle and stand beside him.

I wanted to dig the woman's eyes out ... trying to ruin my daughter's day like that!!! Needless to say, I try to stay away from this woman as much as possible during family functions.

Her son, my son-in-law now, got his revenge for his mother. Seems she cried all the next day because her son didn't have a mariachi band at the wedding ..... and also didn't have a "special dance" with her at the wedding and everyone noticed the insult to her. To this day she says the wedding was a disaster for her.

I can honestly tell you that my daughter was shaking in her boots because she knew this was coming and even when you know, and have a plan, it still takes courage to go through with the plan. That moment was a pivotal point in the shift of matriarchal power in that family.

BTW ... my daughter and fiance had lived together for over 8 years before they got married ... so she knew her MIL very well and knew that she had to keep all of in the room so she had witnesses to the callous way the woman approached this.

[Kathianne]

I think my son is beginning to grow a pair to deal with these folks. Let's just say at this point, they are all over facebook! Egads, sliming all of us, while having 'defriending' before. I don't get this. I only read my homepage.

In any case, they went a step too far and now? I don't know where this will lead. My youngest son, who was the spawn of satan as a young one, turned into an ideal child for the most part through high school and college, is now with psycho bridezilla.

[Robert A Whit]

I have had two MIL

#1 was always so kind to me. But she and my then wife did not get along very well at times. That might be normal but my ex carried grudges and it seemed like forever. She got into a word fight with her mom one day and trying to keep it peaceful, i admitted her mom said nothing wrong. That damned near got me unable to use my car to go home. I had the keys and feel i was damned fortunate. When we got home, each time I tried to make peace between her and her Mom, Carole would get super pissed off. I learned to not talk af it.

One day, the mail brought a card from her mom and she apologized. I felt a bit angry since the fault was not hers, but my wife. Her daughter.

#2. This is wild. We got married and I had not met her parents. I figured she would call her mom and dad and mention being married. I think it was over 6 months later that the new wife confessed to me that her parents had no idea she had got married.

See, they all were Jehovah's witness family and in that family you better marry in the religion. I as a Mormon was taboo for a JW. I was married to Roseann for 3 years and it was after the divorce that I finally met her parents. I met them after they bought her a home with a pool and they came to see how well she took care of it. They were angry. They told her to move out. They fixed the house up and sold it. Roseann got hot at me one time when I commented that she could not expect to take advantage of her parents as she was used to doing. Now, Roseann did not keep a pigpen. Don't get the wrong idea. She simply was so lenient on her kids that if they damaged something, she tolerated it and so over time her 7 kids did damage. She defended the kids so her dad and mom took it personal.

What helped Roseann pull off her ruse over the marriage bit was her parents lived in Florida and we did not go to Florida as a family.

When I met her mom, I thought even though the kids had damaged the home, forcing her and the kids out was way over the top. I think it was her mom making the rules and not her dad.

[SassyLady]

Both of my MILs were angels!!! Both were better moms to me than my own........and that's all I can say without crying about it.

[Robert A Whit]

My first MIL treated me wonderful. I was not around the next one at all. Even when she tossed out my 2nd ex wife, I only saw her and the FIL in person that one time. They did call me once on the phone to find out more about the home condition.

My mom was awesome. My moms parents were a bit cool. They were not used to showing much emotion or trying to be close to all the kids. We got pissed off that they favored only my youngest sister.

[logroller]

Both my relationship with my MIL and own mother hit their lowest about year 2/3. Pretty much threw my mil out of my house; just said, its my house, my rules. If my wife wants to stay with me or leave with you she can, but you don't have choice in the matter. Man was she pissed; had her enforcer daughter (wife's oldest sister) right behind her spouting obscenities, calling me on.:laugh: Was rough for bit after, but a mother's love and sense of protection/control are difficult to separate. No grudge for that. Then less than a year after, I had to tell my own mother that I wouldn't stand for her interceding in our marriage; that her time to object sunset on our wedding day-- now she needs to support us both. She took the news well; just nodded and we hugged.

[SassyLady]

Both my relationship with my MIL and own mother hit their lowest about year 2/3. Pretty much threw my mil out of my house; just said, its my house, my rules. If my wife wants to stay with me or leave with you she can, but you don't have choice in the matter. Man was she pissed; had her enforcer daughter (wife's oldest sister) right behind her spouting obscenities, calling me on.:laugh: Was rough for bit after, but a mother's love and sense of protection/control are difficult to separate. No grudge for that. Then less than a year after, I had to tell my own mother that I wouldn't stand for her interceding in our marriage; that her time to object sunset on our wedding day-- now she needs to support us both. She took the news well; just nodded and we hugged.

Well, I'm old enough to have been a MIL twice. First SIL was still too immature to have a wife and child. Kept my nose out of it other than to support my daughter through her divorce. Second son and I have only had serious words once ... when I told him if he ever physically hurt my daughter again he would have to be looking over his shoulder the rest of his life. He knows about my family and their "connections" and hasn't touched her that way since. Doesn't mean they haven't had any serious upsets over the last 13 years, but the only person I talk to about those times is my daughter. Can't see any point in talking to him about how I feel ... it's not my marriage. If I'm asked for my advice, I'll give it...but I won't initiate the conversation.

About five years ago my daughter and I agreed that we wouldn't talk to each other about our day-to-day disgruntlements within our marriages ... because we felt that retelling all the details just kept the negativity going. Helped our relationship, but it seemed we didn't talk as often....seems us humans have a propensity to find more drama in our life than peace.

[Robert A Whit]

Well, I'm old enough to have been a MIL twice. First SIL was still too immature to have a wife and child. Kept my nose out of it other than to support my daughter through her divorce. Second son and I have only had serious words once ... when I told him if he ever physically hurt my daughter again he would have to be looking over his shoulder the rest of his life. He knows about my family and their "connections" and hasn't touched her that way since. Doesn't mean they haven't had any serious upsets over the last 13 years, but the only person I talk to about those times is my daughter. Can't see any point in talking to him about how I feel ... it's not my marriage. If I'm asked for my advice, I'll give it...but I won't initiate the conversation.

About five years ago my daughter and I agreed that we wouldn't talk to each other about our day-to-day disgruntlements within our marriages ... because we felt that retelling all the details just kept the negativity going. Helped our relationship, but it seemed we didn't talk as often....seems us humans have a propensity to find more drama in our life than peace.

I have been married twice. Each wife had children when we married. I have two happily married daughters. I know of no problems with either marriage.

As to the step kids, wife 1 had a son and daughter. Son got married to a woman who had a temper. But he has a temper too only when provoked. She loved to provoke him. They split up after they left CA to live in Idaho. As it turned out, while he was working all over the USA as well as in Europe, she was hitting the bars in Idaho with the desire to have sex with every man in the bars. He arrived home from TX and she refused to meet him at the airport to pick him up. He took a taxi and when he got to his home, a man was there shacked up with the wife. Well, the step son was hot as hell. She called the cops and they put him in jail.

The upshot? He was a very good citizen pushed over the edge by a wife that did not give a crap. He ended up serving time in jail and called me and I had him come back to CA and helped him get a home. She had ruined his credit and spent his money. He has top credit today, the same home and plenty of cash. She finally grew up a bit and the last time I talked to her in ID, she worked at some factory not far from Oregon.

[tailfins]

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. -Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride

Arrgg, signed mother of the groom.

So who's bankrolling this endeavor? Isn't it supposed to be mostly the father of the bride or the couple themselves?

[tailfins]

As to the step kids, wife 1 had a son and daughter. Son got married to a woman who had a temper. But he has a temper too only when provoked. She loved to provoke him. They split up after they left CA to live in Idaho. As it turned out, while he was working all over the USA as well as in Europe, she was hitting the bars in Idaho with the desire to have sex with every man in the bars. He arrived home from TX and she refused to meet him at the airport to pick him up. He took a taxi and when he got to his home, a man was there shacked up with the wife. Well, the step son was hot as hell. She called the cops and they put him in jail.

The upshot? He was a very good citizen pushed over the edge by a wife that did not give a crap. He ended up serving time in jail and called me and I had him come back to CA and helped him get a home. She had ruined his credit and spent his money. He has top credit today, the same home and plenty of cash. She finally grew up a bit and the last time I talked to her in ID, she worked at some factory not far from Oregon.

Welcome to the wonderful word of feminism, where women have choices (but no responsibilities) and men have responsibilities (but no choices).

[SassyLady]

Welcome to the wonderful word of feminism, where women have choices (but no responsibilities) and men have responsibilities (but no choices).

Are you seriously going to go here? Ever heard of the "dead beat dad" scenario.

There are men AND women who choose to run out on their responsibilities. Do not label all women as not having responsibilities and all men as responsibilities but no choices.

It cracks me up that the majority of lawmakers since America started making laws, were made by men....and yet some men feel they have no choices.

[Robert A Whit]

http://www.debatepolicy.com/images/debate_policy/misc/quote_icon.png
Originally Posted by Robert A Whit http://www.debatepolicy.com/images/debate_policy/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://www.debatepolicy.com/showthread.php?p=605642#post605642)
As to the step kids, wife 1 had a son and daughter. Son got married to a woman who had a temper. But he has a temper too only when provoked. She loved to provoke him. They split up after they left CA to live in Idaho. As it turned out, while he was working all over the USA as well as in Europe, she was hitting the bars in Idaho with the desire to have sex with every man in the bars. He arrived home from TX and she refused to meet him at the airport to pick him up. He took a taxi and when he got to his home, a man was there shacked up with the wife. Well, the step son was hot as hell. She called the cops and they put him in jail.

The upshot? He was a very good citizen pushed over the edge by a wife that did not give a crap. He ended up serving time in jail and called me and I had him come back to CA and helped him get a home. She had ruined his credit and spent his money. He has top credit today, the same home and plenty of cash. She finally grew up a bit and the last time I talked to her in ID, she worked at some factory not far from Oregon.





Welcome to the wonderful word of feminism, where women have choices (but no responsibilities) and men have responsibilities (but no choices).

As with all stories, a lot happened that did not get said by me.

Imagine you buy the wife a very nice home. Then she gets a job. Those displays in stores? She used to put them in various stores.

He had taken her with him to Holland for 6 months of his training.

As a high paid tech with a lot of travel, he also had perks, such as a company car and expense accounts.

His job in TX came to an end so he called her on the phone. Can you pick me up in Boise he says since they lived there? She utters some terrible words.

Imagine on the flight to Boise those words ring in his ears.

DON'T COME HOME!!

He lands at Boise and calls her.

I AM NOT COMING TO GET YOU.

When he gets home, where his daughter is, this mess of a guy is actually in his master bedroom.

What would you do?

I can't recall each detail just now, but somehow the problem ended up with the step son going to jail. He never was good at taking shit off people.

She had crushed his bank account and credit.

To his credit, once he got back to CA, things worked out. He always was a super dedicated hard worker.

[Robert A Whit]

Are you seriously going to go here? Ever heard of the "dead beat dad" scenario.

There are men AND women who choose to run out on their responsibilities. Do not label all women as not having responsibilities and all men as responsibilities but no choices.

It cracks me up that the majority of lawmakers since America started making laws, were made by men....and yet some men feel they have no choices.


What do you think happened to their kids when she was out hitting bars trying to get laid by every man in town?

He was the responsible one.

Later when he had bought the home in CA, trying to rebuild his life, he gets a call one day.

The two kids are on a bus headed your way. (click)

Well, he loved both.

They are on the bus for most of 2 days.

She gave them nothing to eat. No money to buy food.

When he picked them up, both were very hungry.

Wait, let's worry over her.

[gabosaurus]

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. -Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride

Arrgg, signed mother of the groom.

I almost feel bad for having a normal, drama free wedding now. :laugh:
It was how weddings usually are. My family made all the arrangements. My dad took the hit to his bank account. My husband to be showed up at the right time and brought the ring. His oldest sister made sure he didn't forget it. :p
My sister's wedding was even simpler. A JP married them in a public hall. My sister wore a simple sun dress. Her husband to be wore a borrowed suit. The service was conducted in English and Spanish, for the benefit of the groom's friends. The reception featured pork chops cooked by my mom and a neighbor and Mexican food prepared by neighbors of the groom. The punch was heavily flavored with tequila.

[SassyLady]

What do you think happened to their kids when she was out hitting bars trying to get laid by every man in town?

He was the responsible one.

Later when he had bought the home in CA, trying to rebuild his life, he gets a call one day.

The two kids are on a bus headed your way. (click)

Well, he loved both.

They are on the bus for most of 2 days.

She gave them nothing to eat. No money to buy food.

When he picked them up, both were very hungry.

Wait, let's worry over her.

SHE was irresponsible .... not ALL women. I certainly hope the intelligent men on this forum can understand the difference ... but, perhaps not. Perhaps they will let their own misery with a woman color their thoughts about all women.

[gabosaurus]

You don't expect Robert to marry a responsible woman, do you?
I am guessing he was looking for an obedient plaything, not an actually partner.

[Kathianne]

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. -Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride

Arrgg, signed mother of the groom.

SassyLady just saw this thread, a guest was reading it. This ended up being the 'practice wedding.' It lasted about 4 months and it was annulled by the court.

Son is now with a girl I already love as a daughter. They are getting married in October. I spoke with her last night, asking if her mom had found a dress yet? She is like, "Who cares, you should wear what you wore to Vince's wedding, it was gorgeous!" I think she'd wear jeans if she could. ;)

[SassyLady]

@SassyLady (http://www.debatepolicy.com/member.php?u=83) just saw this thread, a guest was reading it. This ended up being the 'practice wedding.' It lasted about 4 months and it was annulled by the court.

Son is now with a girl I already love as a daughter. They are getting married in October. I spoke with her last night, asking if her mom had found a dress yet? She is like, "Who cares, you should wear what you wore to Vince's wedding, it was gorgeous!" I think she'd wear jeans if she could. ;)

So, you're going back to Chicago area in October? For how long?

[Kathianne]

So, you're going back to Chicago area in October? For how long?

Likely a week. I may extend a couple days to watch the granddog if the kids go to FL for 'mini-honeymoon.' They're holding off for Europe for a year or so, but D thought 5 days in Disney would be a good surprise if he can swing it. Lindsay's been at her job since graduating law school. Derek just began his new job earlier this year. Next year he'll get 2 weeks vaca, 3 weeks won't come for another 2 years. I know they'd rather do the longer trip, so who knows what they'll do?

[Gunny]

I had one issue with daughter, when she 'requested that I spend the night before at my ex's home.' That got resolved pretty quickly.

This is over the top, this girl is nuts. Not just me, my ex is meeting with my son as we speak. Bottom line, "If your mom and siblings aren't invited to the wedding, we aren't going either. Nor are we contributing and your trust fund will be revoked."

Yeah, spoke with ex earlier.That sounds kind of weird. I'm cinfused though ... the son is yours, or the daughter? Never mind. I just read the rest of the posts.

I DID get married in jeans. :)

[gabosaurus]

I DID get married in jeans. :) Was there a shotgun involved in any way? :p