Middle Schoolers: Not Mature, Not Easy

[Kathianne]

Another thread spawns this. It's a unique time. From 11-14 adolescents and even pre-adolescents are looking for 'something.' Their something is often freedom from oversight. At the very same moment they want 'oversight.' Really. They crave parents and schools that will knock them down, consistently, when they push the envelope. Their job is to 'push the envelope.'

In many cases, especially with females, they look like their high school counterparts. They are not. They don't have the experience or the judgment. Boys are even trickier. They look like late elementary, but they are aggressive too often. One is tempted to laugh, but they will see that as a slight, that needs to be addressed.

Some basic rules:

1. School first. It's their responsibility. If parent needs to become involved, the child is doing something wrong. They should be made aware of that. Which is ok, in the sense that parents can still help. By this age, responsible middle school students know their assignments and when they are due. If they don't understand the material, they know they should contact teacher. If a deadline looms for due date and they are lost, they screwed up, unless the teacher is wrong in expectations. Happens once, call the teacher. If not his/her fault, monitor you kid.

2. All middle school aged kids need to have chores beyond making beds and keeping up room. Shoveling snow, cutting grass, getting trash to curb, etc. They need this in order to develop their own sense of competency. Don't deny them that opportunity.

3. Healthy middle school kids should be involved in at least 1 extra-curricular activity. Might be sport or service or something else. At least 1. They should also be making 'pin money' by babysitting or providing some service to someone outside of family. Again, could be lawn or snow coverage, but something.

[DragonStryk72]

Another thread spawns this. It's a unique time. From 11-14 adolescents and even pre-adolescents are looking for 'something.' Their something is often freedom from oversight. At the very same moment they want 'oversight.' Really. They crave parents and schools that will knock them down, consistently, when they push the envelope. Their job is to 'push the envelope.'

In many cases, especially with females, they look like their high school counterparts. They are not. They don't have the experience or the judgment. Boys are even trickier. They look like late elementary, but they are aggressive too often. One is tempted to laugh, but they will see that as a slight, that needs to be addressed.

Some basic rules:

1. School first. It's their responsibility. If parent needs to become involved, the child is doing something wrong. They should be made aware of that. Which is ok, in the sense that parents can still help. By this age, responsible middle school students know their assignments and when they are due. If they don't understand the material, they know they should contact teacher. If a deadline looms for due date and they are lost, they screwed up, unless the teacher is wrong in expectations. Happens once, call the teacher. If not his/her fault, monitor you kid.

2. All middle school aged kids need to have chores beyond making beds and keeping up room. Shoveling snow, cutting grass, getting trash to curb, etc. They need this in order to develop their own sense of competency. Don't deny them that opportunity.

3. Healthy middle school kids should be involved in at least 1 extra-curricular activity. Might be sport or service or something else. At least 1. They should also be making 'pin money' by babysitting or providing some service to someone outside of family. Again, could be lawn or snow coverage, but something.

These days, 3 can be an issue, even more so if you're male. Parents these days are far too paranoid, and want not references, but certificates from CPR courses and the like before allowing you to watch over their kid. If you happen to have been born a male, well just forget it. You're pretty much removed out of hand from consideration.

[Kathianne]

These days, 3 can be an issue, even more so if you're male. Parents these days are far too paranoid, and want not references, but certificates from CPR courses and the like before allowing you to watch over their kid. If you happen to have been born a male, well just forget it. You're pretty much removed out of hand from consideration.

As a teacher, can't say I did this so well as a parent, kids need to be involved in at least one activity, preferably two.

If naturally athletic, sports carry the day. Here's the thing most parents don't get in 5th or 6th grade, the kids have already sorted out their abilities for the most part. If they can't compete, they won't. So find a 'non-team' sport. Cross country and track and field are offered at most middle schools. They compete against themselves. Swimming, when available, also fits in here.

Non-athletic includes: tech, student council, computer club, chess club, debate, service, and leadership. Your school may have more opportunities: volunteering to be lower grade readers, library, messengers, etc.

All of these give opportunities for building self-esteem and friendships.

After school or before school cuts down on video and tv times, always good.

[DragonStryk72]

As a teacher, can't say I did this so well as a parent, kids need to be involved in at least one activity, preferably two.

If naturally athletic, sports carry the day. Here's the thing most parents don't get in 5th or 6th grade, the kids have already sorted out their abilities for the most part. If they can't compete, they won't. So find a 'non-team' sport. Cross country and track and field are offered at most middle schools. They compete against themselves. Swimming, when available, also fits in here.

Non-athletic includes: tech, student council, computer club, chess club, debate, service, and leadership. Your school may have more opportunities: volunteering to be lower grade readers, library, messengers, etc.

All of these give opportunities for building self-esteem and friendships.

After school or before school cuts down on video and tv times, always good.

Scouts is a good program, or if not that, Explorers. I like playing baseball, but I'm not competitive at it, I just think it's fun. Scouts I was far better off in, as well as Junior Achievement, both of which I did throughout high school. I started into scouts when I was in 1st grade, and stayed in til I was 18, and had to leave for boot.

[Abbey Marie]

As a teacher, can't say I did this so well as a parent, kids need to be involved in at least one activity, preferably two.

If naturally athletic, sports carry the day. Here's the thing most parents don't get in 5th or 6th grade, the kids have already sorted out their abilities for the most part. If they can't compete, they won't. So find a 'non-team' sport. Cross country and track and field are offered at most middle schools. They compete against themselves. Swimming, when available, also fits in here.

Non-athletic includes: tech, student council, computer club, chess club, debate, service, and leadership. Your school may have more opportunities: volunteering to be lower grade readers, library, messengers, etc.

All of these give opportunities for building self-esteem and friendships.

After school or before school cuts down on video and tv times, always good.

For our daughter, it was music. All sorts of bands (marching, jazz, brass choir), and competing for and making, All-District and All-State on trumpet. Between that and academics, there wasn't much time for anything else. Which was fine, as she never liked any sports except middle school tennis, somewhat. I do worry about that. I think we all need to find a lifetime sport.

[Robert A Whit]

Maybe I should say nothing but I feel I can add a bit.

My youngest daughter is 25. And married.

When I was a boy, I played basketball with some of the boys when we decided to do so. We used to hike a lot too. We lived close to some decent hills. And we learned camping out in the Boy Scouts. In the 6th grade, my parents sent me to a summer camp that the Y provided. It was good to be living in a camp setting in the redwoods. Later in boy scouts, we also camped in the woods a lot. We constructed a wood bridge over a creek. We learned cooking with aluminum foil in the campgrounds. Boy Scouts is a very good activity for boys.

My oldest daughter's two boys do very well. Her oldest will soon be an Eagle Scout and he gets well above A grades. Says his plans are to be an engineer that works on desiging space rockets.

For those with small children, sounds to me like she gave good information.

[jimnyc]

Another thread spawns this. It's a unique time. From 11-14 adolescents and even pre-adolescents are looking for 'something.' Their something is often freedom from oversight. At the very same moment they want 'oversight.' Really. They crave parents and schools that will knock them down, consistently, when they push the envelope. Their job is to 'push the envelope.'

Damn, I just posted about this in the other thread, that's too weird! My son has told others that he needs this oversight to keep from abusing his game playing time and to do his homework, but then fights us every step of the way if we try and do just that.

[Kathianne]

Damn, I just posted about this in the other thread, that's too weird! My son has told others that he needs this oversight to keep from abusing his game playing time and to do his homework, but then fights us every step of the way if we try and do just that.

Yep, they are pulling away and sometimes parents let them go beyond their comfort zone. They really do want parents stronger than the teen will. Asking a lot of parents, but they don't know that. You need to though.

[Kathianne]

For our daughter, it was music. All sorts of bands (marching, jazz, brass choir), and competing for and making, All-District and All-State on trumpet. Between that and academics, there wasn't much time for anything else. Which was fine, as she never liked any sports except middle school tennis, somewhat. I do worry about that. I think we all need to find a lifetime sport.

My daughter, like yours was music. My youngest son was cello through 8th, along with sports. When high school came, he gave up cello to make time for cross country and track. He made all-state, so I guess that was worth it. He recently bought a cello again though. ;)

My older son though, not much of a participant in anything. He played AYSO as grammar school child, but never competitive. I think after watching the younger one, he was sorry he hadn't found something earlier. Weird thing is, he would have been fantastic in math club, key club, etc., just never went for them. He did lots of volunteering in community, but not through school. Young Life.