Question about estranged family members

[Shadow]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?

[tailfins]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?

Thankfully my old man divorced decades before I was born. I had the same situation. I told this half sister family is family. She was just curious and disappeared into the fog from whence she came. Just have your guard up about being asked for favors. Or worse still: favor after favor after favor.

[Shadow]

Thankfully my old man divorced decades before I was born. I had the same situation. I told this half sister family is family. She was just curious and disappeared into the fog from whence she came. Just have your guard up about being asked for favors. Or worse still: favor after favor after favor.

That's kind of why I am leary. The first time my fathers family contacted me it was to try and buy land he left to me (unbeknown to me) when he died. It was apparently very important to them that they buy it from me ASAP so his then wife could continue living on it. Once I sold it...they never spoke to me again.

I just am wondering what this person's motives are I guess.

[WiccanLiberal]

My advice is to keep an open mind and a closed wallet. See what they are all about. Might be just understandable curiosity.

[darin]

I agree w/ the open mind approach. Just feel this out - see where it goes. Protect yourself, however.

[glockmail]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?
I would meet them. I have a good friend who was given up by her teenage mom for adoption, and she tracked the old gal down. Through her birth mom she connected with her younger siblings and its all been positive.

I have another friend who got divorced two years ago and his wife is a control freak, and has worked diligently to turn their two kids against him. He has custody every other weekend and they always turn into fighting and crying matches. My advice to him was to stop trying to see his kids until they grow up into at least college age. Communicate with them by letter once/ week, email, text but don't initiate contact unless they request it. Knowing what I know about the folks involved this is the best advice that I can give him, even though it could end up with some feeling of abandonment for the kids. In the future hopefully they can get together as adults instead of as children who can be easily manipulated.

[aboutime]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?


Shadow. You bet I would. Thankfully, I knew both of my parents. Both are gone. And shortly after they died. Following 911. I lost both of my younger brothers, and only sister...all within 3 years.

Having brothers, and sisters who can share the good, and the bad times of your childhood after so many years. Seems to be a welcome kind of thing, anyone would want to experience.

The greatest thing most of us often forget, while growing up. Either with both, or only one parent, and one, or many siblings is....

Remind yourself to always tell them YOU LOVE THEM.

That makes every day you may have spent with them, before they were gone. A memory that never goes away.

[SassyLady]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?

I know my dad had more children with a woman ..... but I never met her or my siblings. I often wonder how many, what gender and how they are doing.

It wouldn't bother me to meet them because I have no problem saying "no" if I don't want to do something.

[007]

I, possibly one day being in that situation, due to my fathers infidelity and selfish irresponsibility may find myself in that position one day.
i don't really care, the person is more if a stranger to me than my old man was.
my old man , the **** is still alive, a great sadness.
my mother died aged 58 possibly due to his violent attacks on her.
if I meet him or any kids of his, I will probably just finish what I started in 1983 when I put the fucker in hospital permanently.
I would probably injure his other offspring too, teach him what it feels like to see a person you care about beaten to a pulp.

He is a ****, I'm betting any of his blood who approach me will be ****s also!

[gabosaurus]

My paternal grandfather was an old school conservative who would think all of you were liberals. He had two sons, my dad and my uncle.
When one of his sons married a German and the other married a Mexican immigrant, he said to hell with all of us and moved to South Carolina. His sons knew his new address and sent him regular updates, but he never replied.
The first I ever heard was when I sent him an engagement picture of my husband and I. He sent back a "Congratulations" card signed by him and my grandmother. I then sent him a wedding invitation and, to my surprise, he accepted.
My grandfather actually came to my wedding (my grandmother was too infirm to attend), but became very unhappy when he found out that my sister had married a Mexican guy.
We haven't heard from him since. Though the continuing care home where he lived did write my dad a few years back to inform him that my grandmother had passed away.

My moral of the story is that you should never write off anyone.

[Robert A Whit]

Lets say you grew up never knowing one of your parents due to a divorce...after which they never tried to keep in contact with you or get to know you. Years later... after they have passed away... you learn that you have a brother or sister (older) that you never even knew existed,but they have hired a private investigator to find you. Would you want to meet them or talk to them?

I was 12 when I suddenly learned I had an older sister and enjoyed meeting her. I doubt it can hurt you.

[Abbey Marie]

My paternal grandfather was an old school conservative who would think all of you were liberals. He had two sons, my dad and my uncle.
When one of his sons married a German and the other married a Mexican immigrant, he said to hell with all of us and moved to South Carolina. His sons knew his new address and sent him regular updates, but he never replied.
The first I ever heard was when I sent him an engagement picture of my husband and I. He sent back a "Congratulations" card signed by him and my grandmother. I then sent him a wedding invitation and, to my surprise, he accepted.
My grandfather actually came to my wedding (my grandmother was too infirm to attend), but became very unhappy when he found out that my sister had married a Mexican guy.
We haven't heard from him since. Though the continuing care home where he lived did write my dad a few years back to inform him that my grandmother had passed away.

My moral of the story is that you should never write off anyone.

Gabby, you are confusing Conservative with racist.

[Robert A Whit]

The guy does not like either Germans or Mexicans and breaks off contact when a member of his family marries either.

That is not conservative.

As to being a racist, let's establish a few facts right now.

I want to preface this by saying I am not going to ever advocate racism.

That is off the table.

I do favor freedom.

If any person decided to make decisions that are conditioned on race or any other factor, that in my opinion is up to them.

Many of us fight too hard for freedom to see some so called good guys decide how somebody else ought to act.

We know stealing is wrong. Murder is wrong.

So how is that reflected?

Both are against the law.

Racism is not against the law.

If you hate vegetables and decide using strange logic you do not like green people, that is up to you.

We may stand back and not admire that choice.

If we stop defending things like free speech and thought, we give away some of our own freedom.

We fight hard to keep gun rights. A lot of people despise guns. Would you want your right to a gun trashed or removed because some person hates guns?

Well, we have to respect the right of racists to do it their way.

Right?

Actually a study of racism will prove that it has been democrats playing the race card and not conservatives.

If you conserve family values, is that wrong?
If you conserve freedom, why would that be in error?

Conservatives goals are to preserve your freedom.