Religious friends

[cadet]

Alright, this is gonna be a very christian post, so if you don't like it, turn away.

There's this group at my college, a college christian group just off of campus, but they're very involved with the campus. (they're unofficially a part of it) They're mostly about bringing the word to others on campus.

I was basically agnostic until last year when they took me in. Got baptized, and the whole shebang.

One reason why i never went to church before hand, was because back home they're all a bunch of two faced judgmental pricks. "Hey we're holy!" *walk out door* "F___ God ___ son of a ____"
Those kind of people. they were also the ones that would say "I'm not judgmental, but I've lived a far better life they you." They're the only people i'm fine with judging, and I've told them "Church is probably the only place god doesn't look at you."

Now, as you can see, the two faced people that only hang out with other Christians piss me off. And the last thing i want to do is become one of them. So what i do, is i have my close friends that are with the Christian Campus guys, but i hang out with pretty much everyone else.

_____________________________________________

The other day, my friend from the Christian group comes up to me, he tells me that i need to stop that. he tells me there's no point in trying to minister if i'm not even going to hang out. He say's i can't be an outreaching arm of Christ, if i'm not even a part of the body of Christ.

Now, i also tend to be very comfortable around people i don't really know, i make jokes alot. Stuff like *lick finger, poke someone (usually a guy as a joke)* "Let's get you out of those wet cloths."

The girls at the house think i'm a pervert. They think i'm a total douche bag that doesn't do anything except hit on girls/try to get in their pants. Now to be perfectly honest, if i did want to, i wouldn't go for those ugly girls.

_____________________________________________

My parents raised me to not care what people thought of me. They tell me that if someone doesn't like me, i should just ignore them, cause they're not worth my time.

But... I don't know anymore. These guys basically sat me down like it was some sort of intervention. They say I should care what the guys and gals think of me. Lead some sort of example around the Christian Campus group.

_____________________________________________

And one last thing, i got a date with this really sweet girl. Unfortunitally, she's a freshman. the people from back home tell me i shouldn't care what people think, and should only worry about what she thinks. But the Christian Campus group tells me i need to give her time to get used to the school. settle in and whatnot.

But, she's freakin hot. Kind, religious, funny, athletic, etc. Plus she likes me alot.

Now, lets just say that my life is sorta upside down right now. Any suggestions? (and none like, "quit the group")

[fj1200]

Got baptized, and the whole shebang.

One reason why i never went to church before hand, was because back home they're all a bunch of two faced judgmental pricks.

Now, as you can see, the two faced people that only hang out with other Christians piss me off. And the last thing i want to do is become one of them.

_____________________________________________


The girls at the house think i'm a pervert. They think i'm a total douche bag that doesn't do anything except hit on girls/try to get in their pants.

_____________________________________________

My parents raised me to not care what people thought of me. They tell me that if someone doesn't like me, i should just ignore them, cause they're not worth my time.

But... I don't know anymore. These guys basically sat me down like it was some sort of intervention. They say I should care what the guys and gals think of me. Lead some sort of example around the Christian Campus group.

_____________________________________________


Now, lets just say that my life is sorta upside down right now. Any suggestions? (and none like, "quit the group")

I think I'm picking up some mixed messages. You should care what people think if they think that you are living two different lives; a Christian life and one that is more secular. You don't only have to hang out with Christians to be Christian but if you are acting in a non-Christian manner with non-Christians then you are not doing right by your own standard.

As far as the girl? Getting "settled in" with the wrong lifestyle is not going to do her any favors either.

[glockmail]

I think that you misunderstood the message from your parents. It isn't 'don't care what people think of you', it's ''don't care what bad people think of you'.

[tailfins]

Alright, this is gonna be a very christian post, so if you don't like it, turn away.

There's this group at my college, a college christian group just off of campus, but they're very involved with the campus. (they're unofficially a part of it) They're mostly about bringing the word to others on campus.

I was basically agnostic until last year when they took me in. Got baptized, and the whole shebang.

One reason why i never went to church before hand, was because back home they're all a bunch of two faced judgmental pricks. "Hey we're holy!" *walk out door* "F___ God ___ son of a ____"
Those kind of people. they were also the ones that would say "I'm not judgmental, but I've lived a far better life they you." They're the only people i'm fine with judging, and I've told them "Church is probably the only place god doesn't look at you."

Now, as you can see, the two faced people that only hang out with other Christians piss me off. And the last thing i want to do is become one of them. So what i do, is i have my close friends that are with the Christian Campus guys, but i hang out with pretty much everyone else.

_____________________________________________

The other day, my friend from the Christian group comes up to me, he tells me that i need to stop that. he tells me there's no point in trying to minister if i'm not even going to hang out. He say's i can't be an outreaching arm of Christ, if i'm not even a part of the body of Christ.

Now, i also tend to be very comfortable around people i don't really know, i make jokes alot. Stuff like *lick finger, poke someone (usually a guy as a joke)* "Let's get you out of those wet cloths."

The girls at the house think i'm a pervert. They think i'm a total douche bag that doesn't do anything except hit on girls/try to get in their pants. Now to be perfectly honest, if i did want to, i wouldn't go for those ugly girls.

_____________________________________________

My parents raised me to not care what people thought of me. They tell me that if someone doesn't like me, i should just ignore them, cause they're not worth my time.

But... I don't know anymore. These guys basically sat me down like it was some sort of intervention. They say I should care what the guys and gals think of me. Lead some sort of example around the Christian Campus group.

_____________________________________________

And one last thing, i got a date with this really sweet girl. Unfortunitally, she's a freshman. the people from back home tell me i shouldn't care what people think, and should only worry about what she thinks. But the Christian Campus group tells me i need to give her time to get used to the school. settle in and whatnot.

But, she's freakin hot. Kind, religious, funny, athletic, etc. Plus she likes me alot.

Now, lets just say that my life is sorta upside down right now. Any suggestions? (and none like, "quit the group")

I'm a task oriented person that also doesn't care what people think. It's too much of a distraction. I would say just focus on your goals and carry them out. Focusing on what people think impedes your effectiveness. As an old corporate warhorse, I can tell you that in the long run, results trump posturing. Being part of the campus group is not a binary decision. You could just decide to be a little less involved and give yourself some breathing room.

[gabosaurus]

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Shakespeare has some very wise writings. This is one that should govern any person's life.
Cadet, you can impress a lot of people by being who they want (or expect) you to be. But once you get to know them better, your true self always comes out. If your first impression is not the same as your second, your entire self begins to ring false.
Always present who you are, not who you aren't.

[cadet]

I think I'm picking up some mixed messages. You should care what people think if they think that you are living two different lives; a Christian life and one that is more secular. You don't only have to hang out with Christians to be Christian but if you are acting in a non-Christian manner with non-Christians then you are not doing right by your own standard.

As far as the girl? Getting "settled in" with the wrong lifestyle is not going to do her any favors either.

What i meant is, that I hate hanging out with only christian friends. Like so many of them do. I try not to get so involved that i forget there're people out there.

And I try not to become a stick in the mud, fire and brimstone christian, else i'd have no chance of bringing more people in. I feel i have to continue to relate to them.

[cadet]

I think that you misunderstood the message from your parents. It isn't 'don't care what people think of you', it's ''don't care what bad people think of you'.

the big problem starts when it's not 'bad people', It's just a good majority of girls that seem to think that I'm some sort of terrible person. Mainly, because one girl hated me and spread a bunch of rumors. And you know girls, if one thinks it, they all do.

I just want to get them to change their mind, but i don't know how to go about doing so.

[glockmail]

the big problem starts when it's not 'bad people', It's just a good majority of girls that seem to think that I'm some sort of terrible person. Mainly, because one girl hated me and spread a bunch of rumors. And you know girls, if one thinks it, they all do.

I just want to get them to change their mind, but i don't know how to go about doing so. Most girls want a guy who's a little bit edgy but not overly so. They want a guy who does what he says he'll do, every time. They want a guy who's smart but doesn't shove it in your face and smart enough to know that he doesn't know everything. They want someone who they can feel safe with, can usually read his mind and like what they are reading. They want someone who doesn't assume that he knows what they are thinking, or thinks that they are not unique individuals.

Once the old Glockster figured that out he literally had them lining up.

:dance:

[jimnyc]

To me, religion is a fairly private thing, a relationship between you and God. Absolutely nothing wrong with groups though and they can be very helpful and fun. But I believe any good group, would be accepting of people as is, the way they are, so long as they have love in their hearts and want to be a better person each day. None of us should ever judge one another, that's God's job. And you can very well hang out with Christian friends whenever you want, but you should also be able to hang out with anyone else you like as well, so long as they aren't leading you down the wrong path, like breaking laws or doing drugs. But if you're watching the football game with a bunch of guys, and not a one of them is in the Christian group, you've done nothing wrong. In fact, I think, if you ONLY hung with people from the group, YOU would in fact be judging others, and God wants us to love on another, not turn our backs on some.

I worry every day what others think of me, it's completely natural, just don't get obsessed like I do. Lead your life correctly and impress yourself, and you've won. And I assure you, if you live up to your own expectations, others will love you for who you are.

As for your possible girlfriend. Love is the greatest thing in the world. Just don't hurt her. Give her room to breathe and see life as well. Let her have her friends. Let her do her homework and enjoy her schooling. If she loves you in return, there will be more than enough time for the two of you. And don't ever let anyone interfere in your love, so long as you are doing things right by her. A little age difference will mean nothing when you're in your 40's. Be kind and gentle to her, love her, and the rest will fall into place.

In other words, follow your heart, it simply won't steer you in the wrong direction. You may not always get what you want, and it sure does hurt when the heart is ailing, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Enjoy your life, every single day. And if you see something that's going to make you happy, whether that be a religious group or a girlfriend, grab it and hold onto it for all it's worth.

My 2 cents.

[Abbey Marie]

...
Now, i also tend to be very comfortable around people i don't really know, i make jokes alot. Stuff like *lick finger, poke someone (usually a guy as a joke)* "Let's get you out of those wet cloths."

The girls at the house think i'm a pervert. They think i'm a total douche bag that doesn't do anything except hit on girls/try to get in their pants. Now to be perfectly honest, if i did want to, i wouldn't go for those ugly girls.
...


Can I give you a Christian woman's perspective?

When you behave as quoted above, you are possiby embarassing the girls in the Christian club. And possibly making them wonder if others will think they did something to deserve the (sexual) double entendres. It probably makes the guys uncomfortable as well. You don't even need to be religious to feel uncomfortable in that way. Any young female can feel weird when these kinds of things are said in front of a group.

I'm guessing all the guys in the house would like to hit on the girls (you are young males after all), but do a good job of behaving more circumspectly in front of them. You can call it hypocritical; I call it respectful.

My advice is very simple- just stop talking that way to the girls and the guys. Use your time with them for fellowship and learning. But keep your other friends. If nothing else, you can't be a Christian witness if you live in a bubble.

[Kathianne]

I've never liked the idea of being limited to making friends by a group. Which group? I'm Catholic, I have very middle class-upper class values, I'm a mom, a teacher, a reader, quite political...

I'm in or have been in:

Young Republicans
Illinois Tea Party
American Association of University Women
League of Women Voters
Parent-Teacher Association
Friends of the Library
Meals-On-Wheels
American Association of The Social Studies
Child Welfare League
Various Catholic groups as both parishioner and educator

When I was in college many years ago, I belonged to the John Newman Center in whichever school I was attending at the time. That's probably pretty close to your 'group.' The thing about Catholic organizations in general, they aren't really exclusive. Certainly not, 'one size fits all' sort of like Jim's post. We tend towards 'examination of conscience' for ourselves and leading by example as the way to bring into the community new members and spread the 'Good News.'

I'm pretty accepting of others in real life, within reason. I wouldn't hang with people that hurt themselves or others. I don't have a problem with others of different thinking though. I've friends, close friends, that are of different religions and no religion. Conservatives, liberals, and libertarians, with most of them I stay away from politics.

The one area was not very tolerant was friends that 'cheated' on spouse or I thought really treated their children badly. I couldn't tolerate their company no matter how much I may have wished to set an example.

[fj1200]

What i meant is, that I hate hanging out with only christian friends. Like so many of them do. I try not to get so involved that i forget there're people out there.

And I try not to become a stick in the mud, fire and brimstone christian, else i'd have no chance of bringing more people in. I feel i have to continue to relate to them.

I know, I caught that. It's just a matter of how you interact with various groups; be consistent in a Christian manner. Besides, being "fire and brimstone" will work in exactly the opposite way if you have any intention of witnessing to non-Christians.

[Kathianne]

Can I give you a Christian woman's perspective?

When you behave as quoted above, you are possiby embarassing the girls in the Christian club. And possibly making them wonder if others will think they did something to deserve the (sexual) double entendres. It probably makes the guys uncomfortable as well. You don't even need to be religious to feel uncomfortable in that way. Any young female can feel weird when these kinds of things are said in front of a group.

I'm guessing all the guys in the house would like to hit on the girls (you are young males after all), but do a good job of behaving more circumspectly in front of them. You can call it hypocritical; I call it respectful.

My advice is very simple- just stop talking that way to the girls and the guys. Use your time with them for fellowship and learning. But keep your other friends. If nothing else, you can't be a Christian witness if you live in a bubble.

I agree with Abbey here, surprisingly so! (we tend to differ at least on expression sometimes of religious discussions).

Treat women in general, the way you'd want your sister or mother treated. I don't think you've a sister, but if you did, treat the young woman verbally and physically the way you'd want an older man treating her.

[avatar4321]

Can I offer some advice? Don't get your advice from an internet message board.

Im totally serious. Im not saying anyone here is going to give you bad advice. I am confident that everyone here will give you sound advice.

The thing is, we don't know what you are going through. You can tell us, but there may be dynamics in play that we can't see. In fact, you might not see them to.

You clearly desire to be a good Christian. And if so, I suggest you follow the direction of the scriptures, "If any of you lack wisdom, let Him ask of God who gives to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given unto you." (James 1:5). It seems that you need some wisdom. As a disciple of Jesus Christ you are entitled to recieve wisdom from the source of all wisdom. Ponder your problem then humble yourself in prayer before Him. Exercise faith and you will recieve the direction you need to go. Seek the direction of the Spirit and not the flesh.

Oh, and my two cents in regards to the girl. If you like her pursue her. I've found in my experience that too many men wait and miss out on great opportunities. Just treat her with respect. Make sure your relationship with her, no matter how it turns out, makes her a better person than when you found her.