Contemplative Buddhist Practice: Friend, Enemy and Stranger

[Wind Song]

Mahayana Buddhist Practice includes contemplation on topics, and is followed by meditation.

"The three objects of friend, enemy and stranger are false and have been labeled incorrectly for extremely temporal reasons. The current friend, enemy and stranger have not always been friend, enemy and stranger in my countless, previous lives. Even the enemy of last year can this year become my friend and yesterday’s friend become my enemy today. It can all change within an hour and does so because of attachment to food, clothing and reputation.
A scripture says, “If you try for a moment to befriend an enemy, he will become your friend. The opposite occurs if you treat a friend like an enemy. Therefore, the wise, understanding the impermanent nature of temporal relationships, are never attached to food, clothing or reputation.”

Buddha said, “In another life, the father becomes the son; the mother, the wife; the enemy, a friend. It always changes. In cyclic existence, nothing is certain.”

Therefore, there is no reason to be attached to friends or to hate enemies.
If the ignorant, self-I conception and its objects were true, the three designations of friend, enemy and stranger should have existed from countless previous lives and should continue to exist through the present to beyond enlightenment."


http://www.lamayeshe.com/index.php?sect=article&id=250



Discuss what you mean when YOU use the three terms, friend, enemy and stranger and notice what the three have in common.

[Dilloduck]

my ex-wife

[Wind Song]

my ex-wife


Probably a great example. Before you knew her she was a stranger. Then you met, and married. You were on friendly terms with her. Then that changed and you became "enemies", you no longer felt you liked or loved each other.

Now you're either enemy or stranger again.

None of these designations is permanent, or solid or inherently true. They change all the time. The labels self reference to ME ME ME ME.

[Dilloduck]

Probably a great example. Before you knew her she was a stranger. Then you met, and married. You were on friendly terms with her. Then that changed and you became "enemies", you no longer felt you liked or loved each other.

Now you're either enemy or stranger again.

None of these designations is permanent, or solid or inherently true. They change all the time. The labels self reference to ME ME ME ME.

Thank you for that lesson.

[Wind Song]

Thank you for that lesson.


I would love to believe that, but I know you think you already know everything.

[Dilloduck]

I would love to believe that, but I know you think you already know everything.



Well actually I was aware that just because someone is your friend today doesn't mean they will be your friend forever. Things can change .

[logroller]

Well actually I was aware that just because someone is your friend today doesn't mean they will be your friend forever. Things can change .
And sometimes they shouldn't change from stranger.

[Dilloduck]

And sometimes they shouldn't change from stranger.

It's just one big crazy mixed up world ain't it ! :laugh:

[logroller]

It's just one big crazy mixed up world ain't it ! :laugh:
Many has Zen master has, egotistically, claimed to know nothing; when in fact they're just completely ignorant.

[Dilloduck]

Many has Zen master has, egotistically, claimed to know nothing; when in fact they're just completely ignorant.

I wasn't even aware of that. I swear !

[Wind Song]

Well actually I was aware that just because someone is your friend today doesn't mean they will be your friend forever. Things can change .

All the time. Some people we can see rarely and still feel close to and others become strangers again over time.

[Dilloduck]

All the time. Some people we can see rarely and still feel close to and others become strangers again over time.

We used to hate Viet Nam. Now we like em.

[Wind Song]

We used to hate Viet Nam. Now we like em.


That's right.

[SassyLady]

That's right.

Sometimes I feel am a friend, sometimes a stranger and sometimes an enemy to myself.

And, if I am that way to myself, I believe I am that way to others who are a part of my life.

[Wind Song]

Sometimes I feel am a friend, sometimes a stranger and sometimes an enemy to myself.

And, if I am that way to myself, I believe I am that way to others who are a part of my life.


Hmm, it usually clear to me whether someone is a friend, or an enemy or a stranger. The whole point of the contemplation on these three impermanent roles is to get to the point where you treat each one with equal kind regard.

It would be quite wonderful to allow whatever arises inside to be received with interested curiosity and warmth.

[fj1200]

We used to hate Viet Nam. Now we like em.

Like or generally indifferent to because they make stuff? They're still Commie-Pinkos last I checked.

[Wind Song]

Like or generally indifferent to because they make stuff? They're still Commie-Pinkos last I checked.

You're still a RWNut last time I checked.

[fj1200]

You're still a RWNut last time I checked.

I'm sorry that liberty annoys you.

[Wind Song]

I'm sorry that liberty annoys you.

I don't care if you're RW, I care that you pretend not to be.

[SassyLady]

Hmm, it usually clear to me whether someone is a friend, or an enemy or a stranger. The whole point of the contemplation on these three impermanent roles is to get to the point where you treat each one with equal kind regard.

It would be quite wonderful to allow whatever arises inside to be received with interested curiosity and warmth.

It is quite wonderful.

[Wind Song]

It is quite wonderful.

Aren't you evolved? You can do that all the time? Good for you. I have nothing further to share. If it was your intention to shut down the discussion, it worked.

[SassyLady]

Aren't you evolved? You can do that all the time? Good for you. I have nothing further to share. If it was your intention to shut down the discussion, it worked.

I really don't understand your anger. I agreed with you. When one is able to experience this state it is wonderful. Does it happen each and every time ... of course not. If it did I would be at total peace.

[Wind Song]

I really don't understand your anger. I agreed with you. When one is able to experience this state it is wonderful. Does it happen each and every time ... of course not. If it did I would be at total peace.






It seemed you were saying you'd already arrived at being able to accept everything that arises in you every moment.

You probably don't understand my anger because it's not ok with you that I get angry. How friendly are you to your own anger?

[Kathianne]

Hmm, it usually clear to me whether someone is a friend, or an enemy or a stranger. The whole point of the contemplation on these three impermanent roles is to get to the point where you treat each one with equal kind regard.

It would be quite wonderful to allow whatever arises inside to be received with interested curiosity and warmth.

I hate jumping in, but am reading from the bottom up, so may be way clueless, making that clear from the get go.

You made it clear you 'hate me', very unBuddhist like. You called my a myriad of names. More Buddhist like, though I'm not, I didn't respond in kind. Instead chose over time to explain myself. At some point you made it clear you would always hate me.

So now, today do you hate me? Am I friend, enemy, someone you are holding at bay or trying to figure out? Perhaps you misjudged my posts or myself? Perhaps it was both of us?b

[fj1200]

I don't care if you're RW, I care that you pretend not to be.

Have I pretended not to be a small government conservative?

[Wind Song]

I hate jumping in, but am reading from the bottom up, so may be way clueless, making that clear from the get go.

You made it clear you 'hate me', very unBuddhist like. You called my a myriad of names. More Buddhist like, though I'm not, I didn't respond in kind. Instead chose over time to explain myself. At some point you made it clear you would always hate me.

So now, today do you hate me? Am I friend, enemy, someone you are holding at bay or trying to figure out? Perhaps you misjudged my posts or myself? Perhaps it was both of us?b


Frankly, you play a completely different tone in PM's than you do in posts. Yesteday you were acting like we were on some kind of friend tract and today you're calling me out for my past rhetoric.

I wouldn't say you're acting friendly today. I think you like to toy with people. I don't trust you.

[SassyLady]

It seemed you were saying you'd already arrived at being able to accept everything that arises in you every moment.

Perhaps that is what you would have meant had you said the same thing. You cannot always judge what others say from your own perspective. Try looking at things from a 180 degree perspective sometime.


You probably don't understand my anger because it's not ok with you that I get angry. How friendly are you to your own anger?

Well, anger has been my biggest motivator most of my life. We are on good terms. What I have learned is to use it in a positive way so it didn't eat me alive or cause rifts in my relationships.

If you look up the #8 on the Enneagram you'll understand more of what I'm talking about.

[Wind Song]

Perhaps that is what you would have meant had you said the same thing. You cannot always judge what others say from your own perspective. Try looking at things from a 180 degree perspective sometime.



Well, anger has been my biggest motivator most of my life. We are on good terms. What I have learned is to use it in a positive way so it didn't eat me alive or cause rifts in my relationships.

If you look up the #8 on the Enneagram you'll understand more of what I'm talking about.


I'm a #6.

I keep getting the impression that you have to one up me on everything. If you were a true 8 you would love fighting and would not be criticising me for getting angry.

[Kathianne]

Perhaps that is what you would have meant had you said the same thing. You cannot always judge what others say from your own perspective. Try looking at things from a 180 degree perspective sometime.



Well, anger has been my biggest motivator most of my life. We are on good terms. What I have learned is to use it in a positive way so it didn't eat me alive or cause rifts in my relationships.

If you look up the #8 on the Enneagram you'll understand more of what I'm talking about.

Well said. Anger, hurt can get us through a lot, but ultimately we need to reconcile, forgive to some extent that allows us to move on.


Frankly, you play a completely different tone in PM's than you do in posts. Yesteday you were acting like we were on some kind of friend tract and today you're calling me out for my past rhetoric.

I wouldn't say you're acting friendly today. I think you like to toy with people. I don't trust you.

Hey Sky, I was always and still am willing to meet you at some point. May be at 50%, might be at 90/10. You are the one that seems to think it's all or nothing.

[SassyLady]

I'm a #6.

I keep getting the impression that you have to one up me on everything. If you were a true 8 you would love fighting and would not be criticising me for getting angry.

I do love fighting ... I'm just taking it easy on you because you said you are fragile. And, I must say, you have tried my patience a time or two.

Also, I have not criticized you for your anger. If you remember, I don't like it when you constantly make everything about yourself and then become the victim when we refuse to enable your behavior.

As for the one-up ..... are you really that insecure that you need to be on the top all the time? It's a game Windsong .... people have been playing it for millenniums. It's always good to be the top dog, even if only for a brief moment.

[SassyLady]

I'm a #6.

I keep getting the impression that you have to one up me on everything. If you were a true 8 you would love fighting and would not be criticising me for getting angry.

So you are a fear based person. I can see that.

[Wind Song]

I do love fighting ... I'm just taking it easy on you because you said you are fragile. And, I must say, you have tried my patience a time or two.

Also, I have not criticized you for your anger. If you remember, I don't like it when you constantly make everything about yourself and then become the victim when we refuse to enable your behavior.

As for the one-up ..... are you really that insecure that you need to be on the top all the time? It's a game Windsong .... people have been playing it for millenniums. It's always good to be the top dog, even if only for a brief moment.

Ok, thanks.

[Wind Song]

So you are a fear based person. I can see that.

And you are an anger based person.

[SassyLady]

And you are an anger based person.

Yes, that is what I said. I own it, I use it, I respect it, but I don't fear it anymore.

[Wind Song]

Yes, that is what I said. I own it, I use it, I respect it, but I don't fear it anymore.

Good for you.

I have a close friend who's an 8. She's a therapist. We talk shop together. She's nothing like you.

[SassyLady]

Good for you.

I have a close friend who's an 8. She's a therapist. We talk shop together. She's nothing like you.

I have a friend who is a Navy Seal, and a 6 and he is nothing like you either.

Sixes have a tendency to overcompensate for their fears. So, he became a Seal.

Your therapist might have a different dominant wing than I have which would make us seem different. Also, there are different levels of development within each number.


More profoundly, the Enneagram is a map of wholeness, a way of recognizing and investigating different dimensions of our inner experience. Quite literally, all nine of the Enneagram types operate within each of us. Some of them are part of our familiar self-image, while others remain more unconscious and obscure. But when we say, for instance, that “I am an Enneagram Seven,” we are really saying that type Seven is dominant in our personalities — not that it is the only type we need concern ourselves with. In other words, it would be more accurate to say that our type is really ourbasic type and that the other eight types are energies that also manifest themselves in our overall psyches to varying degrees. Understanding this has profound implications for how we use the Enneagram on ourselves and with others.

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/DevelopmentLevels.asp




You really do have to quit stereotyping from such a black and white perspective. There are 50 shades of gray to everything.

[Wind Song]

Are you trying to get to know me or telling me your Navy Seal is the kind of 6 you'd befriend. I'm no different from your Navy Seal. I'm a counterphobic 6.

I move toward what I'm afraid of.

[SassyLady]

Are you trying to get to know me or telling me your Navy Seal is the kind of 6 you'd befriend. I'm no different from your Navy Seal. I'm a counterphobic 6.

I move toward what I'm afraid of.

I was using it to show you that there are all kinds of levels of #6, just as there are all kinds of levels of #8 because you insinuated that your therapist was way different than me and that she is an 8. I was agreeing with your premise that not all the numbers have the same exact personality.

I am not a therapist but I am a personal, executive and business coach, which is a lot like being a therapist. Except coaches don't dwell on what is wrong .... we work to help clients achieve the goals they set for themselves ... like changing habits.

You are not a Seal, but you are courageous in your passions.

[SassyLady]

I love this quote by Marianne Williamson:



“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/