View Full Version : Redneck Valentine's Day
Gunny
02-13-2012, 12:02 PM
So Jess got a Red Ryder bb gun. Top THAT.:laugh:
AND Dove chocolates.:cool:
Nobody can top that.
jimnyc
02-13-2012, 12:05 PM
"You're gonna shoot your eye out, you're gonna shoot your eye out!"
Just don't lick a frozen pole in the dead of winter. :coffee2:
So Jess got a Red Ryder bb gun. Top THAT.:laugh:
Are you kidding me? That isn't redneck ... that's urban cowboy! A real redneck would have gotten her a pink .357 magnum with 1000 rounds of hollow point.
"You're gonna shoot your eye out, you're gonna shoot your eye out!"
Just don't lick a frozen pole in the dead of winter. :coffee2::laugh:
The gelflings were chanting that last night.
Are you kidding me? That isn't redneck ... that's urban cowboy! A real redneck would have gotten her a pink .357 magnum with 1000 rounds of hollow point.
Patience, CSM.
That's a birthday present.;)
darin
02-13-2012, 12:09 PM
Back when Mary liked me, I got her an air-compressor with two guns (Nail and staple). :)
Gunny
02-13-2012, 12:22 PM
Are you kidding me? That isn't redneck ... that's urban cowboy! A real redneck would have gotten her a pink .357 magnum with 1000 rounds of hollow point.
I can't buy real weapons or ammo in this communist state unless I register myself as a lethal weapon, or some such.
Gunny
02-13-2012, 12:24 PM
I'll just sit here and wait for my one-piece, 4 ft long hand-axe from Farm King. I'm sure it won't be long ........
I'll just sit here and wait for my one-piece, 4 ft long hand-axe from Farm King. I'm sure it won't be long ........
Patience, dear. I'm not made of money, you know.;)
Abbey Marie
02-13-2012, 12:50 PM
"You're gonna shoot your eye out, you're gonna shoot your eye out!"
Just don't lick a frozen pole in the dead of winter. :coffee2:
I can't believe no one commented on this. You guys are def. slipping! :laugh:
ConHog
02-13-2012, 02:28 PM
"You're gonna shoot your eye out, you're gonna shoot your eye out!"
Just don't lick a frozen pole in the dead of winter. :coffee2:
Holy shit, when my niece was like 4 we had the entire family over for a holiday and she wanted to shoot some toy gun my kid had and we wouldn't let her and when she asked why I told her cuz she'd shoot an eye out, well she freaked the fuck out and just started carrying on, well me and my brother just teased her even worse that she'd shoot an eye out, she ended up just freaking out to her papa that we were telling her shed shoot an eye out. Never seen anyone freak out like that over something like that. To this day we aren't allowed to say you'll shoot an eye out around here (not when dad is around anyway LOL)
Ok - there's more to this than meets the eye.
Gunny knows that when I was a kid, I wanted a BB gun. My brother had one and even though this girl could shovel sh*t like the boys, do chores, drive the tractors, bale hay and straw ... girls didn't get to have guns. My mom kept buying me dolls. Ugh.
So I've griped about never getting a BB gun. He remembered and got it. It was a much better gift than diamonds or even chocolate, cuz he got something special. 3275
ConHog
02-14-2012, 10:33 AM
Ok - there's more to this than meets the eye.
Gunny knows that when I was a kid, I wanted a BB gun. My brother had one and even though this girl could shovel sh*t like the boys, do chores, drive the tractors, bale hay and straw ... girls didn't get to have guns. My mom kept buying me dolls. Ugh.
So I've griped about never getting a BB gun. He remembered and got it. It was a much better gift than diamonds or even chocolate, cuz he got something special. 3275
Shit, now MY wife is going to read that and turn it into some "you know when I was a little girl, I wanted a world cruise, but no.........." bullshit.
Thanks for that. :slap::slap:
Ok - there's more to this than meets the eye.
Gunny knows that when I was a kid, I wanted a BB gun. My brother had one and even though this girl could shovel sh*t like the boys, do chores, drive the tractors, bale hay and straw ... girls didn't get to have guns. My mom kept buying me dolls. Ugh.
So I've griped about never getting a BB gun. He remembered and got it. It was a much better gift than diamonds or even chocolate, cuz he got something special. 3275
I figured it was thinking it must be something like that. Gunny is too smart to get something the love of his life didn't really want. Plus one for Gunny!
Gunny
02-14-2012, 11:25 AM
I figured it was thinking it must be something like that. Gunny is too smart to get something the love of his life didn't really want. Plus one for Gunny!
A most important note is HER bb gun is bigger than the boys' bb guns. :laugh:
Abbey Marie
02-14-2012, 03:28 PM
World cruise ey? Well, that sounds just about right. :thumb:
Actually, I suggested my hubby come home with a cupcake. That would make me happy.
jimnyc
02-14-2012, 03:35 PM
I can't believe no one commented on this. You guys are def. slipping! :laugh:
Oh, you dirty little girl! I was picturing that dumb little bastard in the movie and never thought of that when I typed it. But now I know how you think sometimes, and I like it. :coffee:
Abbey Marie
02-14-2012, 03:46 PM
Oh, you dirty little girl! I was picturing that dumb little bastard in the movie and never thought of that when I typed it. But now I know how you think sometimes, and I like it. :coffee:
Who, me? :batteyes:
:evillaughsign:
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/102/6/4/Angel_Devil_by_dcretch57.jpg
jimnyc
02-14-2012, 03:49 PM
Reminded me:
Little Johnny's teacher got up in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game! The teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in color and round. It's soft, but it's hard."
Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No Johnny, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think."
The teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's soft, but it's hard," said Johnny's teacher.
Johnny raised his hand again and said, "Teacher teacher, I know, it's an orange rubber ball." The teacher looked at Johnny and said, "No Johnny, it's an orange, but I like the way that you think."
Johnny was now getting the hang of it so he asked the teacher if he could try one. Johnny grabbed an object and put it behind his back and said, "I have something behind my back. It's pink in color and it's loooong. It's soft, but it's haaaard."
The teacher, getting upset, yelled at Johnny, "Now Johnny, I'm going to have to tell the principal about this perverted behavior." Johnny stopped her and said, "But, teacher, all I have is my pink eraser - but I like the way you think!"
jimnyc
02-14-2012, 03:51 PM
I know, unrelated and off topic, but will make your loved one laugh on V-Day anyway!
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.
She brought in a variety of Lifesaver candies and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored Lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy and daddy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, Little Johnnie coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Spit 'em out! Spit 'em out! They're assholes!!"
Gunny
02-14-2012, 04:05 PM
World cruise ey? Well, that sounds just about right. :thumb:
Actually, I suggested my hubby come home with a cupcake. That would make me happy.
I have to LMAO @ that one. My estranged one wanted to go on a cruise. Right after I came back from a 6 month deployment aboard ship. How brilliant is THAT?:laugh:
Abbey Marie
02-14-2012, 04:08 PM
I have to LMAO @ that one. My estranged one wanted to go on a cruise. Right after I came back from a 6 month deployment aboard ship. How brilliant is THAT?:laugh:
Lol, a real giver that one!
Gunny
02-14-2012, 04:18 PM
Lol, a real giver that one!
Yeah, she's a real "thinker". I come home from bobing up and down in the ocean like a cork for 6 months and she wants to cast me back out. :laugh:
You'd have to be there. My accent gets REAL thick when I start getting sarcastic and/or cussing. Needless to say, it REALLY came out for THAT particular occasion.:laugh:
Abbey Marie
02-14-2012, 04:29 PM
Yeah, she's a real "thinker". I come home from bobing up and down in the ocean like a cork for 6 months and she wants to cast me back out. :laugh:
You'd have to be there. My accent gets REAL thick when I start getting sarcastic and/or cussing. Needless to say, it REALLY came out for THAT particular occasion.:laugh:
I guess she didn't realize that her job was to make you happy you were back on land. :cool:
I know, unrelated and off topic, but will make your loved one laugh on V-Day anyway!
Another funny food joke ...
A young man was eating venison for the first time. He was told it was something his mother called his father (dear/deer for those who don't want to think).
Little Johnny yells out "Don't eat it - it's jackass!"
Oddly enough, my father tells that joke all the time. :cool:
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