Revoked independence of the United States of America effective as of today.

[aidy48]

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.
Contact InfoWebsite:

Office:
Foreign & Commonwealth Office
Street:
King James Street
City:
London, England

[avatar4321]

amusing. Considering they never granted us independence, we took it, they cant exactly revoke it. Even if we were a big bunch of morons.

[5stringJeff]

I've seen this before, and I offer a similar response:

Come and make us. :finger3:

[Doniston]

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.
Contact InfoWebsite:
Office:
Foreign & Commonwealth Office
Street:
King James Street
City:
London, England Andamusing and welcomed interlude to this Forum --- "Donka"

[gabosaurus]

The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.

[Bulldog]

The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.

Yes. But do you actually have anything constructive to say in response to the points raised in the original post?

It's attitudes like yours that give your fellow countrymen a bad name and perpetuate the stereotypical viewpoints shown in the original posting. Viewed from the outside, it seems as though America thinks that it not only rules the world, but also owns it.

If it wasn't for our idiot Prime Minister being best buddies with the trained monkey that the USA calls a President, we would have never got involved in the deliberate murdering and torturing of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in Iraq.

I'm truly ashamed of being British since our barbaric behaviour in the Middle East. I'd be interested to know how many Americans feel the same sense of shame and disgust that I do.

How many Americans feel the same sense of shame over the despicable way that the early settlers murdered, tortured and raped true native Americans?

You only represent 5% of the world's population, so it's not a particularly democratic attitude to go telling the rest of the world how to run their lives.

Could we please have an adult debate about America's real position in the world?

Bulldog.

[Mr. P]

Could we please have an adult debate about America's real position in the world?

Bulldog.

Start a thread, yer not gonna be happy with the response though. :laugh2:

[-Cp]

Yes. But do you actually have anything constructive to say in response to the points raised in the original post?

It's attitudes like yours that give your fellow countrymen a bad name and perpetuate the stereotypical viewpoints shown in the original posting. Viewed from the outside, it seems as though America thinks that it not only rules the world, but also owns it.

If it wasn't for our idiot Prime Minister being best buddies with the trained monkey that the USA calls a President, we would have never got involved in the deliberate murdering and torturing of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in Iraq.

I'm truly ashamed of being British since our barbaric behaviour in the Middle East. I'd be interested to know how many Americans feel the same sense of shame and disgust that I do.

How many Americans feel the same sense of shame over the despicable way that the early settlers murdered, tortured and raped true native Americans?

You only represent 5% of the world's population, so it's not a particularly democratic attitude to go telling the rest of the world how to run their lives.

Could we please have an adult debate about America's real position in the world?

Bulldog.



Just what this board needs, another illinformed, arrogant, idiot.... You should go play at DU - you'd fit right in...

[aidy48]

Dear Sirs,

I am instructed by the government of the old country (United Kingdom) to recommend all forum users on this forum please refrain from making childish unintelligent quibble talking drivel.

I.e.: The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.


The main culprit being Gabosaurous the liberal moonbat.

It has come to my understanding that this so called miscreant is causing untold damage in our bid to re-take our old colonies, therefore if you do not refrain from talking nastily we will be forced to segregate you from this forum whereupon you will be forced to eat crumpets and drink tea for the rest of your miserable colonised life.

Does one make oneself clear? :coffee:

[Hagbard Celine]

Dear Sirs,

I am instructed by the government of the old country (United Kingdom) to recommend all forum users on this forum please refrain from making childish unintelligent quibble talking drivel.

I.e.: The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.


The main culprit being Gabosaurous the liberal moonbat.

It has come to my understanding that this so called miscreant is causing untold damage in our bid to re-take our old colonies, therefore if you do not refrain from talking nastily we will be forced to segregate you from this forum whereupon you will be forced to eat crumpets and drink tea for the rest of your miserable colonised life.

Does one make oneself clear? :coffee:

This is the limiest post I've ever read

[Nienna]

If this list comprises the political agenda for our country, I don't think the Brits will do a better job of it than we are. There are much more important issues on which the government should focus, such as the WOT, lowering taxes, aiding citizens in becoming independent of government-subsidized income, and various other things, such as lowering the crime rate, etc.

I say this respectfully, of course. :D

And I DO agree that most Americans need to improve their verbal skills, myself included.

[Bulldog]

Just what this board needs, another illinformed, arrogant, idiot.... You should go play at DU - you'd fit right in...

I apologise for my alleged ignorance regarding this situation. Would you care to expand on your comments in an adult manner?

I didn't display what most normal human beings would consider as arrogance in my post, so why are you being so arrogant and insulting toward me?

And could you please tell me what 'DU' is?

@ Nienna: Thanks for your pleasant response. I would hope that it's an accurate impression of your fellow countrymen's attitude to wanting to sort out our own problems before dictating to others. Love the avatar, by the way. "Beast of Burden". LOL

Bulldog.

[Mr. P]

If this list comprises the political agenda for our country, I don't think the Brits will do a better job of it than we are. There are much more important issues on which the government should focus, such as the WOT, lowering taxes, aiding citizens in becoming independent of government-subsidized income, and various other things, such as lowering the crime rate, etc.

I say this respectfully, of course. :D

And I DO agree that most Americans need to improve their verbal skills, myself included.
I speak pretty good Southern, but English gives me trouble.

[Hagbard Celine]

I apologise for my alleged ignorance regarding this situation. Would you care to expand on your comments in an adult manner?

I didn't display what most normal human beings would consider as arrogance in my post, so why are you being so arrogant and insulting toward me?

And could you please tell me what 'DU' is?

Bulldog.

Show us yer boobs!!!

Hagbard Celine.

[aidy48]

This is the limiest post I've ever read

Of course my dear chap that was ones intention.

5stringjeff, Doniston & Avatar4321 I truly must commend you for your acceptance of my humor (notice the American spelling). You my dear sirs are gentlemen.

[Hobbit]

Yes. But do you actually have anything constructive to say in response to the points raised in the original post?

What points? The article is satire. What's next? A constructive discussion of the revelations about King Arthur in the documentary film "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."


It's attitudes like yours that give your fellow countrymen a bad name and perpetuate the stereotypical viewpoints shown in the original posting. Viewed from the outside, it seems as though America thinks that it not only rules the world, but also owns it.

And it's attitudes like yours that give your fellow countrymen a bad name and perpetuate the stereotypical viewpoints show in the original posting. Viewed form outside, it seems as though Britain thinks that it is the most civilized country in the world and that your average scullery maid is in a position to advise the joint chiefs of staff on foreign policy matters.


If it wasn't for our idiot Prime Minister being best buddies with the trained monkey that the USA calls a President, we would have never got involved in the deliberate murdering and torturing of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in Iraq.

Now you just sound like an idiot. As soon as you bring out the tired "Bush is stupid" argument or especially if you make the monkey comparison, you have revealed yourself to be a dolt. I'd also like to see you back up that claim of 'murdering and torturing' civilians. Remember that 'murder,' 'torture,' and 'civilian' all have very specific meanings, and you are not allowed to change those to fit your argument. I have an Oxford dictionary at home, and I'll call you on it.


I'm truly ashamed of being British since our barbaric behaviour in the Middle East. I'd be interested to know how many Americans feel the same sense of shame and disgust that I do.

You'd be right at home in the Democratic party. Shame on you for pissing on your own home team because they had the balls to stand up to a brutal madman like Saddam.


How many Americans feel the same sense of shame over the despicable way that the early settlers murdered, tortured and raped true native Americans?

Yeah, it's a dark part of our history, but unlike the spoiled black folks who won't sleep until they're pampered by the federal government all day, the American Indians have mostly put it behind them. Everybody responsible is already dead, so there's really no point in arguing over it. Oh, and did I mention I have mixed ancestry? I guess that makes me qualified to speak on this subject, doesn't it?


You only represent 5% of the world's population, so it's not a particularly democratic attitude to go telling the rest of the world how to run their lives.

It's not intended to be Democratic. Our foreign policy is largely based on the best interests of America and Americans, and there's nothing wrong with us telling people how to live when telling people how to live primarily constists of, "Don't kill us or we will shoot you." If we ran the world 'democratically,' the unwashed masses would vote to have the wealth of America taken away and given to a bunch of people who don't deserve it.


Could we please have an adult debate about America's real position in the world?

Bulldog.

That's up to you, but I seriously doubt it. You might want to take a look at this link between being self-righteous and being self-loathing.

http://codependentcollegian.blogspot.com/2007/05/advice-surviving-vicious-internet-ass.html

[loosecannon]

wow

I just have one question

Do we still hate the French?

[Bulldog]

You might want to take a look at this link between being self-righteous and being self-loathing.

http://codependentcollegian.blogspot.com/2007/05/advice-surviving-vicious-internet-ass.html

This is exactly the kind of problem I was expecting to encounter when originally posting. I had a mild dig at gabosaurus for making a personal attack on me and a third-party dives in and insults me.

No wonder the USA is permanently at war with the rest of the planet if personal disputes become a free-for-all.

Having said that, I do take the majority of your other points on board, Hobbit.

Bulldog.

[aidy48]

wow

I just have one question

Do we still hate the French?

Of course my dear chap once we have you under control the French will be the next to get it.

Then spain and then the netherlands.
Oh yes France, Spain and Netherlands we have not forgotten.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Revolutionary_War

[Hobbit]

This is exactly the kind of problem I was expecting to encounter when originally posting. I had a mild dig at gabosaurus for making a personal attack on me and a third-party dives in and insults me.

No wonder the USA is permanently at war with the rest of the planet if personal disputes become a free-for-all.

Having said that, I do take the majority of your other points on board, Hobbit.

Bulldog.

Wow, you really don't have any sense of humor at all, do you?

[Bulldog]

Wow, you really don't have any sense of humor at all, do you?

I do actually. LOL

I'm even prepared to accept your deliberate misspelling of the word humour as an attempt at, er, humour.

Thanks for being one of a handful of people so far to give a balanced and informative response.

Respect, Bulldog.

[Mr. P]

The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.


This is exactly the kind of problem I was expecting to encounter when originally posting. I had a mild dig at gabosaurus for making a personal attack on me and a third-party dives in and insults me.

No wonder the USA is permanently at war with the rest of the planet if personal disputes become a free-for-all.

Having said that, I do take the majority of your other points on board, Hobbit.

Bulldog.

Bud, if you think THAT was a personal attack by Gabby..you're in for a wake-up call. :laugh2:

[Bulldog]

I'm donning my suit of armour as we type. ROFL

Bulldog.

PS Why does your forum spellchecker pull me up on my spelling of 'armour'?

[aidy48]

My Dear Mr Bulldog

I feel I must refrain you from bowing down to our new colony member, this is outragous behaviour of the sort that lost our nation the colony of America in the first place, I do feel though that you would make an excellent negotiator of peace between our new members and feel it is my duty to offer you the position on offer.

Do you accept?

Hobbit my dear fellow as a stalwart member of this forum and qualified colonist of the USA I feel I may be able to offer you a position also as
War minister.

Do you accept?
Payment of course to you both shall be high.

Hobbit you may have Spain
Bulldog you may have France.

I await your response my dear chaps....

[Mr. P]

My Dear Mr Bulldog

I feel I must refrain you from bowing down to our new colony member, this is outragous behaviour of the sort that lost our nation the colony of America in the first place, I do feel though that you would make an excellent negotiator of peace between our new members and feel it is my duty to offer you the position on offer.

Do you accept?

Hobbit my dear fellow as a stalwart member of this forum and qualified colonist of the USA I feel I may be able to offer you a position also as
War minister.

Do you accept?
Payment of course to you both shall be high.

Hobbit you may have Spain
Bulldog you may have France.

I await your response my dear chaps....

:laugh2: ...aidy, I'd like to invite you to our 4th of July celebrations, they are only 43 days away. Accept? :poke:

[Bulldog]

If you edit your previous post and correct the spelling of the word 'outrageous', I may consider it. :)

Bulldog.

[aidy48]

My dear fellow I accept and would you kindly accept the Netherlands as a special present from me Mr p.

[aidy48]

Bulldog my dear fellow that was not a spelling mistake that is the new way of spelling it.

As you may be aware I am willing to put off our cancellation of your independence until me bulldog and Mr p have a jolly good time on the 4th of july.

But after, the spelling of USA shall be dramatically changed to West Yorkshire county.

Our new flag shall contain the following picture which I shall insert into this post.

Also your whole country shall change its dialect to Yorkshire speak that includes up yonder, sithe and aye lad.
Hope this is okay with you guys.

[Bulldog]

@ Aidy. :)

I guess that we're perfectly entitled to spell words exactly as we please. Most other 'English' speaking nations seem to derive deep joy from deliberately perverting our language, so why should we miss out on all the fun!

May I propose that we set up temporary headquarters here...

http://www.sealandgov.org/history.html

Ecky-thump, Bulldog. :laugh2:

[aidy48]

Aye Bulldog lad that piece of land up yonder shall be fine, yorkshire puddings all around but we shall have to change the logo on the web page to our beloved west yorkshire world for the sake of all our fellow northerners.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Yorkshire

For our new colony members here is a link to your new dialect enjoy sithe....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yorkshire_dialect

This new dialect coupled with your own deep south dialect I feel would be ecky thump smashing to the point where
I feel I could crush a grape

[loosecannon]

I am taking NONE of this malarkey seriously till you can provide a corroborating article from the NewYorkshireTimes.

[Bulldog]

Could I have Lamb and roast tatties with my Yorkshire pudding please? :)

Ye gads! The spellchecker even pulls me up on the word 'tatties'. Is there an online Yorkshire-to-American translation service available to point our new pals at?

I'm convinced that the majority of the antagonism shown to us in this thread is simply down to a complete misunderstanding of the English language on the part of our new found friends.

Bulldog.

@ Loosecannon: Very funny! LMAO. :laugh2:

[aidy48]

I am taking NONE of this malarkey seriously till you can provide a corroborating article from the NewYorkshireTimes.

Eeh thats grand lad I shall find it out sithe....

[glockmail]

Enough of this limey bull! I will continue to support our President, our troops, and my honor! Prepare to die British maggots!

:laugh2:

[Bulldog]

At least have the decency to spell 'honour' correctly if you're going to give me a good beating! LOL :laugh:

Bulldog.

[aidy48]

Enough of this limey bull! I will continue to support our President, our troops, and my honor! Prepare to die British maggots!

:laugh2:

Eeeh lad theres no need for that, theres enough yorkshire pudding to go round sithe....

Aye and I will even throw in some dripping for thee sithe...

[glockmail]

Eeeh lad theres no need for that, theres enough yorkshire pudding to go round sithe....

Aye and I will even throw in some dripping for thee sithe... Save your English swill and turds for the bloody French. Its only your fine young wenches worthy of me passage.

[Birdzeye]

At least have the decency to spell 'honour' correctly if you're going to give me a good beating! LOL :laugh:

Bulldog.

I think you'll find us Yanks to be a rather stubborn bunch! :laugh2:

Honor. Center. Color. :finger3:

[Hobbit]

I do actually. LOL

I'm even prepared to accept your deliberate misspelling of the word humour as an attempt at, er, humour.

Thanks for being one of a handful of people so far to give a balanced and informative response.

Respect, Bulldog.

In America, it's spelled 'humor.' We dropped a lot of the funky spellings as part of our independance. Just to prove it to you, here's the entry from Webster's.


Main Entry: 1hu·mor
Pronunciation: 'hyü-m&r, 'yü-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English humour, from Anglo-French umor, umour, from Medieval Latin & Latin; Medieval Latin humor, from Latin humor, umor moisture; akin to Old Norse vokr damp, Latin humEre to be moist, and perhaps to Greek hygros wet
1 a : a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the blood or lymph) b : a secretion (as a hormone) that is an excitant of activity
2 a in medieval physiology : a fluid or juice of an animal or plant; specifically : one of the four fluids entering into the constitution of the body and determining by their relative proportions a person's health and temperament b : characteristic or habitual disposition or bent : TEMPERAMENT <of cheerful humor> c : an often temporary state of mind imposed especially by circumstances <was in no humor to listen> d : a sudden, unpredictable, or unreasoning inclination : WHIM <the uncertain humors of nature>
3 a : that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing

[Doniston]

Dear Sirs,

I am instructed by the government of the old country (United Kingdom) to recommend all forum users on this forum please refrain from making childish unintelligent quibble talking drivel.

I.e.: The current limeys and poofs do not have the collective nads to occupy a country, much less take one over. Go play with your bangers and mash.


The main culprit being Gabosaurous the liberal moonbat.

It has come to my understanding that this so called miscreant is causing untold damage in our bid to re-take our old colonies, therefore if you do not refrain from talking nastily we will be forced to segregate you from this forum whereupon you will be forced to eat crumpets and drink tea for the rest of your miserable colonised life.

Does one make oneself clear? :coffee: I am now wondering how many of these posters missed the ironic sarcasm of the opening OP.

[Hagbard Celine]

Could I have Lamb and roast tatties with my Yorkshire pudding please? :)

Ye gads! The spellchecker even pulls me up on the word 'tatties'. Is there an online Yorkshire-to-American translation service available to point our new pals at?

I'm convinced that the majority of the antagonism shown to us in this thread is simply down to a complete misunderstanding of the English language on the part of our new found friends.

Bulldog.

@ Loosecannon: Very funny! LMAO. :laugh2:

Mmm, lamb. I will ravage some lamb tenderloin. A few asparagus spears and a glass of red wine...mmm

[glockmail]

I am now wondering how many of these posters missed the ironic sarcasm of the opening OP. Perhaps you missed the return sarcasm.

[Doniston]

Of course my dear chap that was ones intention.

5stringjeff, Doniston & Avatar4321 I truly must commend you for your acceptance of my humor (notice the American spelling). You my dear sirs are gentlemen. Thank you for the condemnation (opps) commendation. HEH HEH. I thought you carriage was good--- "quite"

[glockmail]

Mmm, lamb. I will ravage some lamb tenderloin. A few asparagus spears and a glass of red wine...mmm Only the tender loins of the fine Page3 maidens for me, young lad.

[Doniston]

wow

I just have one question

Do we still hate the French? Yep,












as least "ME"does. :)

[Doniston]

In America, it's spelled 'humor.' We dropped a lot of the funky spellings as part of our independance. Just to prove it to you, here's the entry from Webster's.
That's a 'Bloody" way to spell it. HEH HEH

[Abbey Marie]

Welcome, Aidy. Good-natured humor, esp. of the dry British variety, is always welcome.

Toad in the hole, anyone? :D

[Doniston]

In America, it's spelled 'humor.' We dropped a lot of the funky spellings as part of our independance. Just to prove it to you, here's the entry from Webster's.
That's a 'Bloody" way to spell it. HEH HEH

You people act like medical interns who have yet to discover their own sense of humor.

[Bulldog]

I have no intention of arguing with the Webster's dictionary, but I would have chosen to drop the silent letter rather than the one that's actually heard. It's funny how different people interpret the same language isn't it? :D

Colour - colur, Armour - Armur, etc.

I'm glad that the general tone of this thread has at least risen to the level where we can call each other knobheads with a smile on our faces. LOL :laugh2:

Bulldog.

[5stringJeff]

Of course my dear chap that was ones intention.

5stringjeff, Doniston & Avatar4321 I truly must commend you for your acceptance of my humor (notice the American spelling). You my dear sirs are gentlemen.

My mother is quite an Anglophile, and I've developed a taste for British humor over the years.

And frankly, you can have all your former colonies north and east of Pennsylvania back for all I care. That's six of your original 13, plus we'll throw in Vermont for free! :D

[glockmail]

I have no intention of arguing with the Webster's dictionary, but I would have chosen to drop the silent letter rather than the one that's actually heard. It's funny how different people interpret the same language isn't it? :D

Colour - colur, Armour - Armur, etc.

I'm glad that the general tone of this thread has at least risen to the level where we can call each other knobheads with a smile on our faces. LOL :laugh2:

Bulldog.

I see you've met gabosaurus. She and other libs have brought down the average IQ of this board by about 1/2 of its past glory.:laugh2:

[Bulldog]

Bringing it down by 1/2 is the same as doubling it, so consider yourselves lucky to have her around! :banana:

Bulldog.

[avatar4321]

Of course my dear chap that was ones intention.

5stringjeff, Doniston & Avatar4321 I truly must commend you for your acceptance of my humor (notice the American spelling). You my dear sirs are gentlemen.

Thank you for calling me Sir. I appreciately the knightly title.

[aidy48]

May I interrupt thee for one second my good fellows :poke: As we are currently allies ( see Iraq) may I be the first to congratulate you on getting ones English humor (bow down to American spelling). Until after 4th July.

I hope this day is a fine one for all the forum users and that this topic has brightened ones day in a fashion sithe.....

God bless you all and god bless American forum posters. ( soon to be West Yorkshire folk).

Abbey thankyou for your welcome !!

On a more serious note

May god also bless and bring home safeley the soldiers of our two nations whether we believe the cause or not.

[avatar4321]

wow

I just have one question

Do we still hate the French?

hate is such a strong word.

but then again, even the French hate the French.

[avatar4321]

This is exactly the kind of problem I was expecting to encounter when originally posting. I had a mild dig at gabosaurus for making a personal attack on me and a third-party dives in and insults me.

No wonder the USA is permanently at war with the rest of the planet if personal disputes become a free-for-all.

Having said that, I do take the majority of your other points on board, Hobbit.

Bulldog.

The irony of it all is Gabs is on your side.

[avatar4321]

I'm donning my suit of armour as we type. ROFL

Bulldog.

PS Why does your forum spellchecker pull me up on my spelling of 'armour'?

We have a forum spellchecker???

[Bulldog]

We have a forum spellchecker???

Yes. But it seems to have been corrupted. :D

Bulldog.

[aidy48]

Corrupted to spell the wrong ways of the lords original spelling my dear Bulldog.

[Birdzeye]

Yes. But it seems to have been corrupted. :D

Bulldog.

At least we don't drive on the wrong side of the street like the Brits do. :coffee:

[aidy48]

I am now wondering how many of these posters missed the ironic sarcasm of the opening OP.

My dear sir us English West Yorkshire folk invented irony, We had no choice what with the cockneys of our country cor blimey.

[Bulldog]

Did you have to invent irony because you ran out of coppery? :laugh2:

And on the subject of metals, for Zaphod's sake guys, PLEASE put the missing 'i' back into 'aluminium'.

Bulldog.

[glockmail]

Did you have to invent irony because you ran out of coppery? :laugh2:

And on the subject of metals, for Zaphod's sake guys, PLEASE put the missing 'i' back into 'aluminium'.

Bulldog.

I pronounce it al-u-min-e-um lately. Gets a lot of laughs here in God's Country.

[Doniston]

Did you have to invent irony because you ran out of coppery? :laugh2:

And on the subject of metals, for Zaphod's sake guys, PLEASE put the missing 'i' back into 'aluminium'.

Bulldog. But they still have plenty of Brass. HEH HEH (sorry, but I just hadda say that)

[5stringJeff]

May god also bless and bring home safeley the soldiers of our two nations whether we believe the cause or not.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[gabosaurus]

My best friend Lauren lives just outside of Liverpool with her very English husband and newly English son. Very English hubby has read this thread and replied as such:


Tell those ruggit prats to stop being such biffs. They are obviously binning the entire community and should go back to their normal course of being needhams. No self-respecting Brit would go on jibbing as such. They appear to be ring raiders whose dads should be incarcerated for failing to use jimmy hats.

As soon as I get that statement translated into a readable form of American English, I will let you know. :laugh2:

[loosecannon]

My best friend Lauren lives just outside of Liverpool with her very English husband and newly English son. Very English hubby has read this thread and replied as such:



As soon as I get that statement translated into a readable form of American English, I will let you know. :laugh2:

Your freind said that the English imposters are jimmy hagging the spoils. And should be rug bandied like common ruffle squatters. And have their noses pruned like dumpling stringers.

(everybody knows that Roomy is behind this sinister plot)

[aidy48]

My best friend Lauren lives just outside of Liverpool with her very English husband and newly English son. Very English hubby has read this thread and replied as such:



As soon as I get that statement translated into a readable form of American English, I will let you know. :laugh2:

When you get it translated into a readable form of English can you repost it too because I don't understand a word of that scouse dialect drivvle!!!
Sithe my dear sirs....