Someone please tell me what I was thinking...

[Shadow]

When I said I wanted kids...

The terrible TEENs is about to kill me...seriously. Drama Drama and more freaken Drama. Can I just run away from home??

[Gunny]

When I said I wanted kids...

The terrible TEENs is about to kill me...seriously. Drama Drama and more freaken Drama. Can I just run away from home??

No. Boy or girl?

[ConHog]

When I said I wanted kids...

The terrible TEENs is about to kill me...seriously. Drama Drama and more freaken Drama. Can I just run away from home??

The simple solution to that is to stop visiting USMB. :laugh2:

[Gunny]

The simple solution to that is to stop visiting USMB. :laugh2:

Or not have kids.

[Shadow]

No. Boy or girl?

Girl. With raging hormones that make her fly off the rails into a hysterical rage at the drop of a hat. I have recently learned that part of this is chemical and she can't really control it. But seriously...until I get her into the doctor that her therapist reccomended to me (waiting list for child phychiatrists here is very long...there arent that many) I'm going to lose my damn mind.

[Shadow]

The simple solution to that is to stop visiting USMB. :laugh2:

Yes...well... thankfully their hysterical faux melodrama is someone else's problem.

[Abbey Marie]

Hang in there, Shadow. Kathianne told me it gets better, and she was right. Slowly but surely it is.

[Shadow]

Hang in there, Shadow. Kathianne told me it gets better, and she was right. Slowly but surely it is.

Thanks! She has been making progress with therapy too,but for some reason today was just a bad day (for both of us).

[Kathianne]

Thanks! She has been making progress with therapy too,but for some reason today was just a bad day (for both of us).

How old is she? In general it seems like girls 16-18 are tough, though the 'fun with mom' starts much earlier. ;) I think girls in general really work on those apron strings throughout middle school and high school, mostly with mom. By 20-22, they tend to come back. Think good thoughts: "Someday they'll have a daughter or daughter-in-law in all likelihood. ;)

[Trigg]

Thanks! She has been making progress with therapy too,but for some reason today was just a bad day (for both of us).

It'll get better, girls are hard as teenagers.

My daughter is now 16 and getting easier every day, those hormones are hard to handle.

[PostmodernProphet]

hang in there.....in a few years they'll move out, you can cut them out of your will and things will look better.....

and best of all, when you have grandchildren you can teach them how to misbehave......

[Jess]

When I said I wanted kids...

The terrible TEENs is about to kill me...seriously. Drama Drama and more freaken Drama. Can I just run away from home??

Generally speaking ... or at least in my case ... when we say we want kids, we're NOT thinking. :eek:

We are not allowed to run away, even if it may seem to be a good solution. And it has to get better, right?

[Gunny]

Girl. With raging hormones that make her fly off the rails into a hysterical rage at the drop of a hat. I have recently learned that part of this is chemical and she can't really control it. But seriously...until I get her into the doctor that her therapist reccomended to me (waiting list for child phychiatrists here is very long...there arent that many) I'm going to lose my damn mind.

Nah. It's your daughter. I raised one on my own. Try being a dad and going through the same crap. :laugh:

I don't go for that "chemical" stuff. They'll just stick her on a pill(s). It's behavioral. Tell to STFU and sit the F down and if she rants and raves, put her in her room (after removing ANY form of entertainment). It's a war. If she wins, you lose in the long run.

[Gunny]

Hang in there, Shadow. Kathianne told me it gets better, and she was right. Slowly but surely it is.


True enough. I though my daughter was in league with Satan when she was 15. She's so totally cool now ... an Army vet and has her own daughter.

Now if she'd get rid of that boyfriend thing .....:flameth:

[Jess]

True enough. I though my daughter was in league with Satan when she was 15. She's so totally cool now ... an Army vet and has her own daughter.

Now if she'd get rid of that boyfriend thing .....:flameth:

So she's still in league with Satan? 2619

[Kathianne]

Nah. It's your daughter. I raised one on my own. Try being a dad and going through the same crap. :laugh:

I don't go for that "chemical" stuff. They'll just stick her on a pill(s). It's behavioral. Tell to STFU and sit the F down and if she rants and raves, put her in her room (after removing ANY form of entertainment). It's a war. If she wins, you lose in the long run.

I agree, to an extent. I regret having my daughter in therapy for more than an initial consult while going through the divorce. One of my sons had serious issues, he needed professional help and that worked. My daughter though? She has kept herself in therapy even today. While we get along OK now, she's had so many false memories mingled with real it's nearly impossible to have more than surface conversations with her. She's fine with people that are 'new' but those who've known her since a kid? Not so easy.

Still, only the people involved can address whether the issues are so complicated that the situation cannot be given time for maturity. With my son, wasn't an option. With my daughter? ...

[Gunny]

I agree, to an extent. I regret having my daughter in therapy for more than an initial consult while going through the divorce. One of my sons had serious issues, he needed professional help and that worked. My daughter though? She has kept herself in therapy even today. While we get along OK now, she's had so many false memories mingled with real it's nearly impossible to have more than surface conversations with her. She's fine with people that are 'new' but those who've known her since a kid? Not so easy.

Still, only the people involved can address whether the issues are so complicated that the situation cannot be given time for maturity. With my son, wasn't an option. With my daughter? ...

People remember what they want to. The old and the young. It sucks, but not much you can do. My brother lived a childhood that the rest of the world wasn't privy to. My mother tried to tell me something once and I detailed the facts of the issue and my Ex said she looked at me like she didn't know what I was talking about.

Just have to let them go and believe what they want.

[Shadow]

True enough. I though my daughter was in league with Satan when she was 15. She's so totally cool now ... an Army vet and has her own daughter.

Now if she'd get rid of that boyfriend thing .....:flameth:


We are at the Satan point..that's for sure (and.. yep sounds about right...she is 15),we are just now starting to deal with the boyfriend thing too...which is a relatively new development so he hasn't really had a chance to annoy me ...yet. It's the father's of her friends (and said friends) that create a lot of the drama by aliging themselves with her and undermining my authority. So instead of running to her dad (when she doesn't get her way)...like normal kids...she runs to these other men she knows. I now have to deal with a couple of do gooders who won't mind their own buisiness. Anyone else ever have this problem? Hopefully the cool stage will come along soon though...I'm ready for a break.

[Shadow]

I agree, to an extent. I regret having my daughter in therapy for more than an initial consult while going through the divorce. One of my sons had serious issues, he needed professional help and that worked. My daughter though? She has kept herself in therapy even today. While we get along OK now, she's had so many false memories mingled with real it's nearly impossible to have more than surface conversations with her. She's fine with people that are 'new' but those who've known her since a kid? Not so easy.

Still, only the people involved can address whether the issues are so complicated that the situation cannot be given time for maturity. With my son, wasn't an option. With my daughter? ...


That is part of the problem that we are working out in therapy with my daughter. And I know she is frustrated because it effects every aspect of her life...and when she can't deal...she blows up. It's very hard.

The chemical aspect I'm told is inherited...and since my side of the family has never has these issues...I will assume she gets it from her father' side. I know they've had issues with substance abuse,verbal abuse,suicide etc...

[Gunny]

We are at the Satan point..that's for sure (and.. yep sounds about right...she is 15),we are just now starting to deal with the boyfriend thing too...which is a relatively new development so he hasn't really had a chance to annoy me ...yet. It's the father's of her friends (and said friends) that create a lot of the drama by aliging themselves with her and undermining my authority. So instead of running to her dad (when she doesn't get her way)...like normal kids...she runs to these other men she knows. I now have to deal with a couple of do gooders who won't mind their own buisiness. Anyone else ever have this problem? Hopefully the cool stage will come along soon though...I'm ready for a break.

Confront THEM. Tell them to butt the f- out. When they start paying the bills, THEN they can have a say. You CANNOT allow her to circumvent your authority. Period. If she can, she's play you for the bad guy EVERY time. If it comes down to she can't even speak to them, so be it.

It sucks to be the parent that comes down on your kid, but if you're a single parent, you have to play the heel. Again, you can't imagine how hard it was for Daddy to come down on his little Princess. But I did.

[Shadow]

hang in there.....in a few years they'll move out, you can cut them out of your will and things will look better.....

and best of all, when you have grandchildren you can teach them how to misbehave......

What's wierd is I have two (only a year apart in age). And their personalities are like night vs day...they even look nothing alike.

I just know that when they do finally move out, I am going to take the month off and live it up (or sleep a lot).:thumb:

[Jess]

This too shall pass. :)

[DragonStryk72]

Girl. With raging hormones that make her fly off the rails into a hysterical rage at the drop of a hat. I have recently learned that part of this is chemical and she can't really control it. But seriously...until I get her into the doctor that her therapist reccomended to me (waiting list for child phychiatrists here is very long...there arent that many) I'm going to lose my damn mind.

Just approach it like the SWAT team does: When you get up to the door, crack it open, and toss and bag of Lindt chocolates into the center of the room like a gas grenade, lol. It worked on my sister, and she once broke a lacrosse stick across a guy's back for grabbing her ass during a game.

[DragonStryk72]

We are at the Satan point..that's for sure (and.. yep sounds about right...she is 15),we are just now starting to deal with the boyfriend thing too...which is a relatively new development so he hasn't really had a chance to annoy me ...yet. It's the father's of her friends (and said friends) that create a lot of the drama by aliging themselves with her and undermining my authority. So instead of running to her dad (when she doesn't get her way)...like normal kids...she runs to these other men she knows. I now have to deal with a couple of do gooders who won't mind their own buisiness. Anyone else ever have this problem? Hopefully the cool stage will come along soon though...I'm ready for a break.

Well, outright forbidding is out, because really, it just doesn't work. I watched every time my dad "laid down the law" with Heather, and any time he forbid something outright, it just pushed her at it more forcefully. It was seriously like waving a red cape at an angry bull. As for the do gooders... either ignore them, hang up, or ask them to leave the house, period.

If she continues at it, inform her that if she does go to them, it's an automatic grounding, and increase the penalties each time. It's sort of a dirty tactic, but basically my Mom made the consequences for misbehavior progressively steep enough to make sure we weren't willing to chance it. The one that really got Heather was this one, "If you even attempt to skip one more time, I swear to you, I will quit my job and take you to school, personally. I will stand next to your desk, and I will follow you between classes. I will sit with you in the middle of the cafeteria, and I will cut up your food for you. I will pin notes to your shirt."

The problem, Mom NEVER bluffs. Don't even think that she is, cause she will carry out any punishment she lays down. An addendum to this is to literally follow her to these fathers, and correct her story as it goes along. I've noticed that, generally, the details seem to get a might bit fuzzy in teen girls' minds when they're enlisting aid. When one of these guys is coming forward with suggestions, ask him what exactly he thinks the situation is, because they may not be in possession of the full facts of the incidents.

[Shadow]

Just approach it like the SWAT team does: When you get up to the door, crack it open, and toss and bag of Lindt chocolates into the center of the room like a gas grenade, lol. It worked on my sister, and she once broke a lacrosse stick across a guy's back for grabbing her ass during a game.

Heck yeah...Lindt chocolate truffles work on EVERYTHING! :laugh2:

As for the do gooders...one pissed me off so bad by picking up my kid so often without permission...I tried getting a restraining order. Cops said no though...because my daughter would walk freely and get in his car...even if he parked down the street (my daugther and his used to be best friends). The other likes to invite her over for dinner or to spend time with his daughter (another good girlfriend) then give them permission to go to a party,concert,movie...without asking me (he thinks I am too strict...or that he has the authority to be in charge,not sure which). Then when I go to pick her up...he plays dumb with the..."oh...I thought you knew" routine.

They think this stuff is pretty funny though...or they wouldn't do it. I have had multiple talks with them...told them she is not allowed over past 5 pm on school nights (can't do much about it while I am at work). Told them she is not allowed over when grounded...can't go to parties etc. And trust me...I have dragged her butt home on multiple occasions kicking and screaming too. They will usually go along with my wishes for a few weeks...then it's back to business as usual. I WISH I had the free time to follow her ass around all day long though and make sure her butt was parked in class after class or wherever she was supposed to be...because I definately WOULD.

[DragonStryk72]

Heck yeah...Lindt chocolate truffles work on EVERYTHING! :laugh2:

As for the do gooders...one pissed me off so bad by picking up my kid so often without permission...I tried getting a restraining order. Cops said no though...because my daughter would walk freely and get in his car...even if he parked down the street (my daugther and his used to be best friends). The other likes to invite her over for dinner or to spend time with his daughter (another good girlfriend) then give them permission to go to a party,concert,movie...without asking me (he thinks I am too strict...or that he has the authority to be in charge,not sure which). Then when I go to pick her up...he plays dumb with the..."oh...I thought you knew" routine.

They think this stuff is pretty funny though...or they wouldn't do it. I have had multiple talks with them...told them she is not allowed over past 5 pm on school nights (can't do much about it while I am at work). Told them she is not allowed over when grounded...can't go to parties etc. And trust me...I have dragged her butt home on multiple occasions kicking and screaming too. They will usually go along with my wishes for a few weeks...then it's back to business as usual. I WISH I had the free time to follow her ass around all day long though and make sure her butt was parked in class after class or wherever she was supposed to be...because I definately WOULD.

"No, I did not know, and you knew as much because we've had this talk before. She no longer has permission to be here, under any circumstance or condition. If you violate this at any time, you will be charged with kidnapping, and I will not rescind the charges. My daughter is aware of this fact, so if she attempts to go with you or be with you, then she is trying to get you arrested. She is not your daughter, you have no legal authority over her. I do, and I am informing you that you do not have permission to watch over my daughter, authority that she does not have. Are we clear?"

Do not ask for approval, do not let it become a discussion.

As for accompanying her, Do it for just one day. Take one day off, and follow it through. When she asks why, "Because you've made it so I can't trust you."