Chloe, I need your help. They're trying to take my baby away!

[Luna Tick]

For those who didn't know, I had a 14-pound baby girl, who I named Holy. (Holy Tick has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) Anyway, that night I went out drinking with Gaffer, I left Houdini in charge of watching her and now social services is breathing down my neck about it. I mean, puh-leaze! Houdini is very gentle and capable of watching a child. I don't know what I would do without him. He doesn't bark much and never tears up the furniture. I need you as a character witness to help me prove to those imbeciles that I'm a fit mother.

[ConHog]

For those who didn't know, I had a 14-pound baby girl, who I named Holy. (Holy Tick has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) Anyway, that night I went out drinking with Gaffer, I left Houdini in charge of watching her and now social services is breathing down my neck about it. I mean, puh-leaze! Houdini is very gentle and capable of watching a child. I don't know what I would do without him. He doesn't bark much and never tears up the furniture. I need you as a character witness to help me prove to those imbeciles that I'm a fit mother.

If my last name was Tick, I would have definitely named my kid Tock.

Just saying.

By the way , fit mothers usually do not spend their Friday nights in a kiddy pool full of banana pudding surrounded by naked female midgets who have foot fetishes. I'm just saying, you might want to stop that.

[Luna Tick]

If my last name was Tick, I would have definitely named my kid Tock.

Just saying.

By the way , fit mothers usually do not spend their Friday nights in a kiddy pool full of banana pudding surrounded by naked female midgets who have foot fetishes. I'm just saying, you might want to stop that.

Hey, motherhood does not mean I can't still enjoy my life.

I'll hang onto that name in case I have a baby boy. I have decided for the next baby I want to know who the father is. I want to find out who fathered Holy, but I would have to have 38 different DNA tests done, which would be expensive, and even then I might not find out for sure because it could have happened when I was passed out.

Anyway, enough of those assholes calling me an unfit mother. I mean, the nerve.

[ConHog]

Hey, motherhood does not mean I can't still enjoy my life.

I'll hang onto that name in case I have a baby boy. I have decided for the next baby I want to know who the father is. I want to find out who fathered Holy, but I would have to have 38 different DNA tests done, which would be expensive, and even then I might not find out for sure because it could have happened when I was passed out.

Anyway, enough of those assholes calling me an unfit mother. I mean, the nerve.

Okay, well then don't stop doing it, just stop recording it and posting it on the internet.

As far as who fathered you child, you sound like a girl I went to HS with. She got pregnant and her dad demanded to know who the father was she told him the best she could do was narrow it down to a list of 10 guys.

That was an uncomfortable moment when I told my parents I had a 10% chance of being a father, let me tell you that.

[chloe]

Hey, motherhood does not mean I can't still enjoy my life.

I'll hang onto that name in case I have a baby boy. I have decided for the next baby I want to know who the father is. I want to find out who fathered Holy, but I would have to have 38 different DNA tests done, which would be expensive, and even then I might not find out for sure because it could have happened when I was passed out.

Anyway, enough of those assholes calling me an unfit mother. I mean, the nerve.

the problem is the dog you went with I told you shih tzu's aren't good babysitters, should have stuck with the saint bernard. At any rate Reynaldo is definately the father of that fat baby, they have the same overbite.

[logroller]

For those who didn't know, I had a 14-pound baby girl, who I named Holy. (Holy Tick has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) Anyway, that night I went out drinking with Gaffer, I left Houdini in charge of watching her and now social services is breathing down my neck about it. I mean, puh-leaze! Houdini is very gentle and capable of watching a child. I don't know what I would do without him. He doesn't bark much and never tears up the furniture. I need you as a character witness to help me prove to those imbeciles that I'm a fit mother.

Maybe Chloe will speak to your character; but I'll speak to that of Houdini. Besides, I've been itchin for a court-approved outing. I thinking I'll tell the story of how he single-handedly (or is it four-pawedly) rescued that school bus of kids sinking into a lake. He chewed through the seat belts and dragged them to shore. The prosecution will assuredly bring up how he mauled those two medics. But in his defense, to a dog, giving mouth to mouth to an unconscious child looks pretty heinous. Don't worry, I'll leave out the part about you driving the bus on our way back from that "field trip" to the distillery. That was a blast, as soon as I get this ankle-monitor removed we should do it again!

[ConHog]

Maybe Chloe will speak to your character; but I'll speak to that of Houdini. Besides, I've been itchin for a court-approved outing. I thinking I'll tell the story of how he single-handedly (or is it four-pawedly) rescued that school bus of kids sinking into a lake. He chewed through the seat belts and dragged them to shore. The prosecution will assuredly bring up how he mauled those two medics. But in his defense, to a dog, giving mouth to mouth to an unconscious child looks pretty heinous. Don't worry, I'll leave out the part about you driving the bus on our way back from that "field trip" to the distillery. That was a blast, as soon as I get this ankle-monitor removed we should do it again!

I have heard that you are in fact right at the top of the list of 38 possible dads. Shame on you sir for spreading your seed so indiscriminately.

[darin]

miracle - guy giving birth?

[logroller]

I have heard that you are in fact right at the top of the list of 38 possible dads. Shame on you sir for spreading your seed so indiscriminately.

I knew I shouldn't have reused the same condom, but tick said it'd be fine if I just turned it inside out; failing to mention, of course, I should have washed it first. But whatever, it's not like I pay the court-mandated child support I have now--why do these women keep coming after me for DNA tests?