I want my stereotypical Harlequin romance boyfriend

[Luna Tick]

I'm so sick and tired of dating boys (yes, boys, not men) who turn out to be human beings. They're always so uptight with all their stupid passions and dreams and boring goals. I'm looking for a man with a muscley hairy chest that he always finds excuses to show off, and he has long, flowing shiny dark hair and brown eyes, and he CANNOT be a boring American boy who you meet in every day life. No way. He needs to be from some exotic Latin American country or from a French language one, and he should worship my eyes, always telling me, "Your eyes are ze colour of ze sky" and he shows up with a single red rose in his mouth, and he sweeps me off my feet, dips me, and gives me a passionate kiss. He has numerous heartthrob stories that he tells me with passion, all of which begin with, "In my country ..." Of course he's always misunderstood by everyone else, and only I can see how wonderful he is. He's usually in some kind of trouble with the law, and I have the challenge of proving him innocent or helping him to escape. Of course, there's a creepy bad guy who does all kinds of evil things like trying to rape me or kill little puppies and kittens, but my romance guy swoops in and defends me at great personal sacrifice. In fact, he gets so injured in his defense of me, that he winds up in the hospital in critical condition and I sob by his bedside and confess my pure love and read him poetry while a callous doctor scoffs, "Stop that, he's gonna croak, baby, and I'll have to father your children," and then cackles in evil reverberating laughter. However, undeterred, I stay with my man every day and read super meaningful and sappy poetry to him, holding his hand and begging him to get better, even though everyone tells me he's guaranteed to kick the bucket at any moment. However, he doesn't, he miraculously recovers instantly and gazes at me saying his fav line, "Your eyes or ze colour of ze sky, my darling Luna. Will you marry me?" I cry and hug him and sob and say yes, and he immediately stands up and hugs me, dips me, and smoochey wooches me, and is in perfect health, all musclely and hunky, despite having been in a coma for 6 months. In that time, I've fixed all his legal problems, and we sail together to a romantic beach together in Mexico, where we fall onto the sand together and make out while a big wave comes in and drenches us. And then there's romantic extra sentimental music while it fades to black. The end.

I don't know why the stupid men I date can't live up to this. It's what I want, damn it!!!!!

[chloe]

Is this about wanting to have a baby? Women always romanticize motherhood and marriage, I would just think that after your past 5 failed marriages you would realize ain't no such thing as a true romance. :rolleyes:

[Thunderknuckles]

If you can't land a man like that, the problem is clearly on your end :p

[darin]

Luna...you're gay???


... ain't no such thing as a true romance. :rolleyes:

You haven't dated ME. :D

[chloe]

Luna...you're gay???



You haven't dated ME. :D

Luna might be gay, I know she has boob envy she's always fondling my bras and trying them on:laugh2:

Oh I thought you only dated those purty Jessica alba model types, Lord Knows your wife should be on the cover of Sport Illustrated, not everyone can be YOU G !!! Wink.....

[KarlMarx]

I'm so sick and tired of dating boys (yes, boys, not men) who turn out to be human beings. They're always so uptight with all their stupid passions and dreams and boring goals. I'm looking for a man with a muscley hairy chest that he always finds excuses to show off, and he has long, flowing shiny dark hair and brown eyes, and he CANNOT be a boring American boy who you meet in every day life. No way. He needs to be from some exotic Latin American country or from a French language one, and he should worship my eyes, always telling me, "Your eyes are ze colour of ze sky" and he shows up with a single red rose in his mouth, and he sweeps me off my feet, dips me, and gives me a passionate kiss. He has numerous heartthrob stories that he tells me with passion, all of which begin with, "In my country ..." Of course he's always misunderstood by everyone else, and only I can see how wonderful he is. He's usually in some kind of trouble with the law, and I have the challenge of proving him innocent or helping him to escape. Of course, there's a creepy bad guy who does all kinds of evil things like trying to rape me or kill little puppies and kittens, but my romance guy swoops in and defends me at great personal sacrifice. In fact, he gets so injured in his defense of me, that he winds up in the hospital in critical condition and I sob by his bedside and confess my pure love and read him poetry while a callous doctor scoffs, "Stop that, he's gonna croak, baby, and I'll have to father your children," and then cackles in evil reverberating laughter. However, undeterred, I stay with my man every day and read super meaningful and sappy poetry to him, holding his hand and begging him to get better, even though everyone tells me he's guaranteed to kick the bucket at any moment. However, he doesn't, he miraculously recovers instantly and gazes at me saying his fav line, "Your eyes or ze colour of ze sky, my darling Luna. Will you marry me?" I cry and hug him and sob and say yes, and he immediately stands up and hugs me, dips me, and smoochey wooches me, and is in perfect health, all musclely and hunky, despite having been in a coma for 6 months. In that time, I've fixed all his legal problems, and we sail together to a romantic beach together in Mexico, where we fall onto the sand together and make out while a big wave comes in and drenches us. And then there's romantic extra sentimental music while it fades to black. The end.

I don't know why the stupid men I date can't live up to this. It's what I want, damn it!!!!!

You mean you're going to do all that after you save the plantation from those scurilous carpetbaggers?

"Oh Ashley, Ashley.. you know I love you I do!"
" Oh Scarlett, you must say such things! After all I'm married to Mellie and I have my honor!"

"Scarlett, a woman like you needs to be kissed and kissed often!" " You wouldn't be happy with that Ashley Wilkes."
" And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

[darin]

Luna might be gay, I know she has boob envy she's always fondling my bras and trying them on:laugh2:

Oh I thought you only dated those purty Jessica alba model types, Lord Knows your wife should be on the cover of Sport Illustrated, not everyone can be YOU G !!! Wink.....

Luna is a dude, Chloe.
:)

I wouldn't 'date' J.Alba types...I'd MARRY her ;)

[chloe]

Luna is a dude, Chloe.
:)

I wouldn't 'date' J.Alba types...I'd MARRY her ;)


Ohh I see, I was thinking your wife resembled a young Denise Richards ;)

Now if Luna were a man, he'd make a great lover, I mean afterall he plays a woman so well it means he really gets me huh?

[darin]

Ohh I see, I was thinking your wife resembled a young Denise Richards ;)

uh...my wife is attractive and all, at least to me...but...yeah...not DR.



Now if Luna were a man, he'd make a great lover, I mean afterall he plays a woman so well it means he really gets me huh?

Luna's a guy. it's true.

[chloe]

uh...my wife is attractive and all, at least to me...but...yeah...not DR.



Luna's a guy. it's true.

She has a killer body as good as Denise Richards in my opinion.


Well Luna is always going to be my Gal Pal and Sorority Sister, and that's that:cool:

[Luna Tick]

She has a killer body as good as Denise Richards in my opinion.


Well Luna is always going to be my Gal Pal and Sorority Sister, and that's that:cool:

Wow, me a guy, that's creative, and after all our talk about making our boobs look great. No matter what you're going to keep using my safety pin trick. I'd offer to get a sex change into being a man to be your lover, but I'm not a lesbian. Of course, if I got that sex change then I'd be a homosexual male, and they get beaten up, so that would be a dumb thing to do. That's all way too complicated. Let's just stay best girlfriends. And help me find my romance guy, alright?

[chloe]

Wow, me a guy, that's creative, and after all our talk about making our boobs look great. No matter what you're going to keep using my safety pin trick. I'd offer to get a sex change into being a man to be your lover, but I'm not a lesbian. Of course, if I got that sex change then I'd be a homosexual male, and they get beaten up, so that would be a dumb thing to do. That's all way too complicated. Let's just stay best girlfriends. And help me find my romance guy, alright?

Well I hesitate to tell you the really romantic men at this very board because I know you, and you will be ALL over them like mustard on a corndog.

Do you think I should just blow off running 5 miles as day and get a tummy tuck it seems ALOT easier to do.:laugh2:

[darin]

Wow, me a guy, that's creative, and after all our talk about making our boobs look great. No matter what you're going to keep using my safety pin trick. I'd offer to get a sex change into being a man to be your lover, but I'm not a lesbian. Of course, if I got that sex change then I'd be a homosexual male, and they get beaten up, so that would be a dumb thing to do. That's all way too complicated. Let's just stay best girlfriends. And help me find my romance guy, alright?

I think you're faking it.

[Luna Tick]

I think you're faking it.

And maybe you think I killed Jimmy Hoffa. Maybe you think I wrote the boob smash virus. Maybe you think I beamed back in time to kill Lincoln. Time to show your proof. Do you have any DNA or photos or recordings of my voice? Anything at all to prove your claim? If not, you have not met your burden and reasonable doubt applies.

Wow, I sounded really like a lawyer, didn't I, Chloe? I think I learned stuff in that argument and debate class. Maybe I should have gone to law school. I would still use my safety pin boob trick.

[darin]

And maybe you think I killed Jimmy Hoffa. Maybe you think I wrote the boob smash virus. Maybe you think I beamed back in time to kill Lincoln. Time to show your proof. Do you have any DNA or photos or recordings of my voice? Anything at all to prove your claim? If not, you have not met your burden and reasonable doubt applies.

Wow, I sounded really like a lawyer, didn't I, Chloe? I think I learned stuff in that argument and debate class. Maybe I should have gone to law school. I would still use my safety pin boob trick.


The burden is preponderance of the evidence.

First - you talk like a dude trying to sound like a chick.

Prosecution rests.

:)

[chloe]

Wow, me a guy, that's creative, and after all our talk about making our boobs look great. No matter what you're going to keep using my safety pin trick. I'd offer to get a sex change into being a man to be your lover, but I'm not a lesbian. Of course, if I got that sex change then I'd be a homosexual male, and they get beaten up, so that would be a dumb thing to do. That's all way too complicated. Let's just stay best girlfriends. And help me find my romance guy, alright?

Just saying DMP's right, you do seem like a man at times when your not crying about a man. Also you sometimes seem like a real masculine Butch-dyke type who likes to fondle my bras, and sometimes when you type I notice your knuckles are rather big (maybe you popped them alot as a teen is what I was thinking) but you got manly hands, Sven even agrees with me on that. But on the bright side you are SOOOOO SKinny, I mean your like a freakin bullimic superstar, I am in awe of how you binge at arbys and then upchuck ready to go to a desert bar 30 minutes later. I know those Bitches at the Ana Mia website are Seriously jealous of you. WINK!

[KartRacerBoy]

You mean you're going to do all that after you save the plantation from those scurilous carpetbaggers?

"Oh Ashley, Ashley.. you know I love you I do!"
" Oh Scarlett, you must say such things! After all I'm married to Mellie and I have my honor!"

"Scarlett, a woman like you needs to be kissed and kissed often!" " You wouldn't be happy with that Ashley Wilkes."
" And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

Life is often a disappointment. Actually, the last line of the novel (not that sheephead movie) is, "Frankly Scarlet, I don't care."

What a damn letdown. That's why I married a lawyer. I really do love my evening beatdown.

[KartRacerBoy]

Oh. And do try to eat more fish. The flakey variety. Not Cod. God I hate Cod.

[ConHog]

Luna is a dude, Chloe.
:)

I wouldn't 'date' J.Alba types...I'd MARRY her ;)



My wife makes Alba look plain.

[chloe]

My wife makes Alba look plain.


Sounds like you did marry up sir !!! Well DONE:clap:


Now if we could just marry off my trampy friend Luna:laugh2:

[ConHog]

Sounds like you did marry up sir !!! Well DONE:clap:


Now if we could just marry off my trampy friend Luna:laugh2:



I did indeed. A hot , smart, funny, sexy Mexican attorney who believes in doing what her husband tells her to do. LOL don't get better than that.

[chloe]

I did indeed. A hot , smart, funny, sexy Mexican attorney who believes in doing what her husband tells her to do. LOL don't get better than that.

Now who do you think from this very board would be a splendid man to match my good friend Luan Tick with? :rolleyes:

[Shadow]

Now who do you think from this very board would be a splendid man to match my good friend Luan Tick with? :rolleyes:

I'm afraid to say...I might get banned. :laugh2:

[Shadow]

I'm so sick and tired of dating boys (yes, boys, not men) who turn out to be human beings. They're always so uptight with all their stupid passions and dreams and boring goals. I'm looking for a man with a muscley hairy chest that he always finds excuses to show off, and he has long, flowing shiny dark hair and brown eyes, and he CANNOT be a boring American boy who you meet in every day life. No way. He needs to be from some exotic Latin American country or from a French language one, and he should worship my eyes, always telling me, "Your eyes are ze colour of ze sky" and he shows up with a single red rose in his mouth, and he sweeps me off my feet, dips me, and gives me a passionate kiss. He has numerous heartthrob stories that he tells me with passion, all of which begin with, "In my country ..." Of course he's always misunderstood by everyone else, and only I can see how wonderful he is. He's usually in some kind of trouble with the law, and I have the challenge of proving him innocent or helping him to escape. Of course, there's a creepy bad guy who does all kinds of evil things like trying to rape me or kill little puppies and kittens, but my romance guy swoops in and defends me at great personal sacrifice. In fact, he gets so injured in his defense of me, that he winds up in the hospital in critical condition and I sob by his bedside and confess my pure love and read him poetry while a callous doctor scoffs, "Stop that, he's gonna croak, baby, and I'll have to father your children," and then cackles in evil reverberating laughter. However, undeterred, I stay with my man every day and read super meaningful and sappy poetry to him, holding his hand and begging him to get better, even though everyone tells me he's guaranteed to kick the bucket at any moment. However, he doesn't, he miraculously recovers instantly and gazes at me saying his fav line, "Your eyes or ze colour of ze sky, my darling Luna. Will you marry me?" I cry and hug him and sob and say yes, and he immediately stands up and hugs me, dips me, and smoochey wooches me, and is in perfect health, all musclely and hunky, despite having been in a coma for 6 months. In that time, I've fixed all his legal problems, and we sail together to a romantic beach together in Mexico, where we fall onto the sand together and make out while a big wave comes in and drenches us. And then there's romantic extra sentimental music while it fades to black. The end.

I don't know why the stupid men I date can't live up to this. It's what I want, damn it!!!!!


Oh geez...that sounds like way to much work and effort. You should just skip straight to the throbbing man sword and call it day IMO.

[Luna Tick]

Oh geez...that sounds like way to much work and effort. You should just skip straight to the throbbing man sword and call it day IMO.

Just like a man to think that way. We want a slow buildup with lots of suspense leading to a final climax, not an instant hop in the sack. No quick flames that fizzle out quickly -- instead, fires that build up slowly, that's the way. Right, Chloe?

[Shadow]

Just like a man to think that way. We want a slow buildup with lots of suspense leading to a final climax, not an instant hop in the sack. No quick flames that fizzle out quickly -- instead, fires that build up slowly, that's the way. Right, Chloe?



Not this woman...I don't want to work that hard (been there done that). Just skip straight to chapter two where things get juicy already....times a wasting. :laugh:

[Luna Tick]

Just saying DMP's right, you do seem like a man at times when your not crying about a man. Also you sometimes seem like a real masculine Butch-dyke type who likes to fondle my bras, and sometimes when you type I notice your knuckles are rather big (maybe you popped them alot as a teen is what I was thinking) but you got manly hands, Sven even agrees with me on that. But on the bright side you are SOOOOO SKinny, I mean your like a freakin bullimic superstar, I am in awe of how you binge at arbys and then upchuck ready to go to a desert bar 30 minutes later. I know those Bitches at the Ana Mia website are Seriously jealous of you. WINK!

I pulled down my pants and took off my knickers and checked just to be sure. Nope, no penis there (though a lot of them have been there). I do have that strap on one that Carlos el Brillo Cachonda used to like me to use on him. Remember him? He's the one who used to like me to [CENSORED]

[chloe]

I pulled down my pants and took off my knickers and checked just to be sure. Nope, no penis there (though a lot of them have been there). I do have that strap on one that Carlos el Brillo Cachonda used to like me to use on him. Remember him? He's the one who used to like me to [CENSORED]

At any rate Shadows a Woman, a beautiful heterosexual WOMAN, so quit flirting with her and trying to seduce her with your anaconda milton bradleys:slap:

Remember when carlos made us special "tacos" and kept drunkly spouting off about how the Lord likes him to "eat tacos" Gawd he was so groosss sometimes, and his whole hanging chillipeppers PULEAZE !!!! No Carlos I don't want to see them hanging around and no I never had anything hotter than a JalePeno......:rolleyes:


I'm afraid to say...I might get banned. :laugh2:

Now you gotta say, we got a sense of humor so just blurt it out...wink

[ConHog]

Now who do you think from this very board would be a splendid man to match my good friend Luan Tick with? :rolleyes:



Does Luan have a penis and enjoy shoving it in guy's asses? If so, I say that the next time JT is here for his 10 minute posting session between bans, you hook them up :D

[chloe]

Does Luna have a penis and enjoy shoving it in guy's asses? If so, I say that the next time JT is here for his 10 minute posting session between bans, you hook them up :D

L.T. and J.T. ????????? whoa...........Now I got to rethink this whole thing.



twins?

[jimnyc]

So am I reading this correctly - we have a man here, pretending to be a woman, and looking for a fairy tale type boyfriend? Making believe gayness! yuk!

[ConHog]

So am I reading this correctly - we have a man here, pretending to be a woman, and looking for a fairy tale type boyfriend? Making believe gayness! yuk!


You transvestitephobe.

:laugh:

[Luna Tick]

I'm going to have to create a sock account in which I impersonate a man since people are so determined to believe I have a penis. I don't want a penis. With what I have I can get as many of those as I want.

Actually, I'm a bisexual space alien hermaphrodite. j/k

[chloe]

I'm going to have to create a sock account in which I impersonate a man since people are so determined to believe I have a penis. I don't want a penis. With what I have I can get as many of those as I want.

Actually, I'm a bisexual space alien hermaphrodite. j/k

I mean you do seem attracted to some of the women here, Im not calling you a lez but.....:rolleyes:


OHHHH GOOD NEWS shadow has a MAN at this very board she wants to "hook" you up with for marriage !!! He's real old fashioned like a romance novel.

[darin]

I'm going to have to create a sock account in which I impersonate a man since people are so determined to believe I have a penis. I don't want a penis. With what I have I can get as many of those as I want.

Actually, I'm a bisexual space alien hermaphrodite. j/k

naw - you're just a guy who wants attention at all costs. :) It's okay.

[Luna Tick]

Sorry dmp is a moderator/admin and you are not allowed to ignore him or her.

No, I don't want your attention. I attempted to put you on ignore, but I guess I'm not allowed to. So who's really obsessed with attention?

Just put me on ignore if you don't like my posts. Or change the scripts so that I'm allowed to ignore you.

[darin]

No, I don't want your attention. I attempted to put you on ignore, but I guess I'm not allowed to. So who's really obsessed with attention?

Just put me on ignore if you don't like my posts. Or change the scripts so that I'm allowed to ignore you.

wow. Better Avatar for you:

http://www.popeyefreshfoods.com/images/wimpy.gif

Relax dude.

[chloe]

No, I don't want your attention. I attempted to put you on ignore, but I guess I'm not allowed to. So who's really obsessed with attention?

Just put me on ignore if you don't like my posts. Or change the scripts so that I'm allowed to ignore you.

Oh that ain't what you said the other night when I showed you his picture, I seem to remember you going on and on about how you were going to get His erect Attention at all costs.......your just jealous that me n sassy have his salute and you don't !

:salute:

[ConHog]

This Luna chick/dude seems confused about his/her sexuality.

[chloe]

This Luna chick/dude seems confused about his/her sexuality.

Luna Tick is a real SLUT trust me on that, God's honest truth there




lol, don't get mad Luna.....by my standards you know your a slut....heh....I ain't judging

[ConHog]

Luna Tick is a real SLUT trust me on that, God's honest truth there




lol, don't get mad Luna.....by my standards you know your a slut....heh....I ain't judging

Luna, are you my ex wife?