What does "spanking" have to do with good sex?

[Psychoblues]

I ask this question seriously. I've seen and heard about this all my adult life but have never been inclined for that kind of violence even if only playful striking.

I have also been close to women in my life that if something like that is mentioned they go into zombie mode and stop communicating. Seriously, I dunno.

My worry is that "spanking" leads to more harsh behavior which leads to even more harsh behavior. I view "spanking" as not about sex but more about power and control. And it goes for both sexes.

I am not trying to illicit any personal information from anybody here but I have always wondered about the "spanking" thing. Now "chasing around the bedroom? I understand that!!!!!!!!

Psychoblues

[chloe]

I have no idea I have never spanked anyone or been spanked, In fact raising kids alone for 11 yrs I had no sex period. If someone says are you a naughty girl or are you a naughty boy, I see that as a flirtatious kind of verbage the same way as saying you need a spanking, I dont think saying such a thing means I really think the person is naughty or really think the person needs to be spanked. Clearly that upset you Psycho I apologized about it but I have never participated in any weird over the top things, I was married at 16 until I was 20 something and then I got married again in my 20's, I had two husbands and thats it, I raised my daughters alone 11 yrs and had no boyfriends and no sexual relations whatsoever. I am really just a jokester online it does not reflect who I am offline. I am sorry that triggered something heavy and horrible for you.

[Psychoblues]

I have no idea I have never spanked anyone or been spanked, In fact raising kids alone for 11 yrs I had no sex period. If someone says are you a naughty girl or are you a naughty boy, I see that as a flirtatious kind of verbage the same way as saying you need a spanking, I dont think saying such a thing means I really think the person is naughty or really think the person needs to be spanked. Clearly that upset you Psycho I apologized about it but I have never participated in any weird over the top things, I was married at 16 until I was 20 something and then I got married again in my 20's, I had two husbands and thats it, I raised my daughters alone 11 yrs and had no boyfriends and no sexual relations whatsoever. I am really just a jokester online it does not reflect who I am offline. I am sorry that triggered something heavy and horrible for you.

No, no, no, chloe. You haven't triggered anything traumatic in me. My concern is for those that it might. I don't care what cranks the tractors of different folks but in this instance I see it on TV, on music videos, in movies, and hear about it everywhere. I just don't understand it.

Like you, I've heard the "naughty" thing all my life as well. I don't understand that either. I will share this with you. My Mother taught all of us boys in the family that sex was evil, unpleasant, inexcusable, etc. I am still somewhat traumatized by that to this day and I'm 60 years old and Mother has been gone since 1984.

I ask the question honestly and I am NOT upset by your mention of the action. I merely want to know how it appeals to some people. That's it.

Thanks, chloe. You're a genuine peach!!!!!!

Psychoblues

[chloe]

Oh I am sorry about your pain and also your mom making you feel guilty and dirty about sex. I am sensitive to your feelings. I understand. I also had strange messages from my parents about that topic only my dad was creepy, it has taken me a very very long time to even feel any interest in sex. When you mention those things for yourself I begin to feel bad inside too and think i am a horrible person for joking around about sex, maybe I am doing projection or something.

It's as if you pulled back a curtain and showed me horrible detestable things and I feel somehow my joking connected to that kind of picture for you and it makes me feel sick inside to be honest with you. I feel guilty about it and then I feel I shouldn't joke because thats where it leads to ugly things and ugly memories for people. I don't like to hurt anyone and I wouldn't purposely trigger any unpleasant experience for anyone. I just feel bad about it now that's all.

[logroller]

I think there are two distinct motives: physical and emotional. The physical side stems from the adrenal rush that the body releases when pain is felt; a compounding climax that comes from heightened sensation. The emotional side is more psychoanalytical; that somehow we are doing something which is naughty and being punished for it; like an improvised role play- breaking out of traditional views of sex being for procreation and not to be enjoyed. Either of these motives could be taken to the extreme of course; but mostly these acts are rebelling against the protestant character of our country's founding which denounce sex as an act of pleasure.

[Psychoblues]

Oh I am sorry about your pain and also your mom making you feel guilty and dirty about sex. I am sensitive to your feelings. I understand. I also had strange messages from my parents about that topic only my dad was creepy, it has taken me a very very long time to even feel any interest in sex. When you mention those things for yourself I begin to feel bad inside too and think i am a horrible person for joking around about sex, maybe I am doing projection or something.

It's as if you pulled back a curtain and showed me horrible detestable things and I feel somehow my joking connected to that kind of picture for you and it makes me feel sick inside to be honest with you. I feel guilty about it and then I feel I shouldn't joke because thats where it leads to ugly things and ugly memories for people. I don't like to hurt anyone and I wouldn't purposely trigger any unpleasant experience for anyone. I just feel bad about it now that's all.

You're laying an awful lot on me there, chloe and it appears I have laid an awful lot more on you. I have never had anyone to talk to about any of this. My wife wouldn't touch this kind of conversation with a ten foot pole. I do not mean to hurt you, chloe. And you have not hurt me. I only wanted to discuss this subject of sexual "spanking". logroller above has some good things to think about, don't you think?

Psychoblues

[chloe]

You chose to be concerned about the " spanking" phrase, but just as easily I could say anything and it could offend anyone or even drudge up something traumatic for them. I know that is the case. My point to you is choosing not to have sex for 11 yrs isn't just because I am some high moral person, it is also because of underlying pain. Yet as I have met someone about a year ago I have worked through some of my inhibitions.

When I joke like that it is because I am human and have desires, when you bring up the dark side of loving acts or pleasant acts it triggers guilt for me for behaving in the manner I was. I see nothing wrong with you wanting to discuss what interested you from it, but at the same token I see nothing wrong with me discussing how I felt initially about you turning something I was just kidden around about into a serious discussion. Capiche?

Short of that I have no interest in understanding what spanking does for anyone.

[Noir]

All sex is about power TBH, anything from spanking to biting to who goes on top or who wears what, all triggers desires within us that are totally animalistic and as such driven by power and dominance.

[Psychoblues]

You chose to be concerned about the " spanking" phrase, but just as easily I could say anything and it could offend anyone or even drudge up something traumatic for them. I know that is the case. My point to you is choosing not to have sex for 11 yrs isn't just because I am some high moral person, it is also because of underlying pain. Yet as I have met someone about a year ago I have worked through some of my inhibitions.

When I joke like that it is because I am human and have desires, when you bring up the dark side of loving acts or pleasant acts it triggers guilt for me for behaving in the manner I was. I see nothing wrong with you wanting to discuss what interested you from it, but at the same token I see nothing wrong with me discussing how I felt initially about you turning something I was just kidden around about into a serious discussion. Capiche?

Short of that I have no interest in understanding what spanking does for anyone.

chloe, I did not mean to upset you on this subject. I KNOW that you never had any intention of upsetting anyone by your remark but you did mention something that I am interested in having heard about it all my life but never having been attracted to it.

It looks like I have now made you angry and that is just sad and I sincerely apologize for that. This is just a subject of interest for me, not a point of contention.

Psychoblues

[Psychoblues]

All sex is about power TBH, anything from spanking to biting to who goes on top or who wears what, all triggers desires within us that are totally animalistic and as such driven by power and dominance.

For a multitude of reasons I do not agree, Noir, but I do appreciate your comments.

Psychoblues

[Thunderknuckles]

For a multitude of reasons I do not agree, Noir, but I do appreciate your comments.

Psychoblues


All sex is about power TBH, anything from spanking to biting to who goes on top or who wears what, all triggers desires within us that are totally animalistic and as such driven by power and dominance.

Gotta go with Psycho on this one at least in the context of a long term relationship like marriage. However, I can see where Noir is coming from if we are just talking about casual sex.

[fj1200]

All sex is about power TBH, anything from spanking to biting to who goes on top or who wears what, all triggers desires within us that are totally animalistic and as such driven by power and dominance.

You're doing it wrong.

[chloe]

chloe, I did not mean to upset you on this subject. I KNOW that you never had any intention of upsetting anyone by your remark but you did mention something that I am interested in having heard about it all my life but never having been attracted to it.

It looks like I have now made you angry and that is just sad and I sincerely apologize for that. This is just a subject of interest for me, not a point of contention.

Psychoblues



chloe, although I have heard about the "spanking" thing all my adult life I don't know anything about it and could never accept it as reasonable adult entertainment. I am far too tender for that. I do, however, have someone very close to me that is into hardcore S&M. So much so that he has lost his wife and 2 boys over it, several girlfriends and has even served a 3 year prison sentence for sexual battery (rape). He cannot understand that what he likes to do is dangerous, could easily cause death and is generally illegal if presented in a negative profile.

I don't mean to scold but I think "spanking" could be very traumatic for some people especially those who have been abused at the hands of someone their physical superior.

Psychoblues


http://www.debatepolicy.com/showthread.php?30280-SO-Sassy-has-the-legs-Chloe-the-breasts-Abbey-the-Sexy-Panties....what-about


Actually I am just clarifying that while I jest with no deeper meaning to it, you did sorta scold me about it did you not? You did take it from my lighthearted off the cuff joking to a serious tone from the get go a little bit and I apologized, You shared about your moms rigid beliefs and I shared about some kind of trauma without stating what it was. I don't think that is angry as much as making sure the communication is direct.

There has been a couple of times now you have mistaken my joking for some serious meaning or you have decided to turn it into a serious meaning. That is fine but if I am wanting to be in a silly mood it does make me feel inhibited when your logged in. I will own that as my own feeling and additionally you can own your own feelings that my joking causes for you. This way neither of us is required to change who we are for the other. I just wanted to be open about it with you.:salute:

[Psychoblues]

http://www.debatepolicy.com/showthread.php?30280-SO-Sassy-has-the-legs-Chloe-the-breasts-Abbey-the-Sexy-Panties....what-about


Actually I am just clarifying that while I jest with no deeper meaning to it, you did sorta scold me about it did you not? You did take it from my lighthearted off the cuff joking to a serious tone from the get go a little bit and I apologized, You shared about your moms rigid beliefs and I shared about some kind of trauma without stating what it was. I don't think that is angry as much as making sure the communication is direct.

There has been a couple of times now you have mistaken my joking for some serious meaning or you have decided to turn it into a serious meaning. That is fine but if I am wanting to be in a silly mood it does make me feel inhibited when your logged in. I will own that as my own feeling and additionally you can own your own feelings that my joking causes for you. This way neither of us is required to change who we are for the other. I just wanted to be open about it with you.:salute:

Oh my, oh my, oh my. This has gone far beyond anything I expected or can handle with you, chloe. As always I own my feelings. I accepted your joking around from the very start. My concern was never about me or you. It was not and is not now my intention to scold anyone about anything. I am apologetic to you, the board, the whole world for having made such a mess of this curiosity and complete failure and ignorance on my part.

Psychoblues

[SassyLady]

While I cannot surmise what "spanking" does for anyone I can tell you that each of my husband's have only smacked me in a playful manner, on my behind, once ... and each one barely lived through it. What's mine is mine and I, AND ONLY I, will decide who touches where and when.

I have a very primitive and visceral reaction when smacked on my behind. It was used extensively as a means of punishment as a child (belts, switches, spoons, hands) and it immediately takes me back to those humiliations as a child. But, I'm also a very sensual person and who knows .... if I had not gotten into so much trouble as a child, I might like being "spanked" as an adult. Who knows what triggers people have?

[Noir]

Gotta go with Psycho on this one at least in the context of a long term relationship like marriage. However, I can see where Noir is coming from if we are just talking about casual sex.

I think it applies long term as well, I fail to see anything in sex that is not link back to power of somesort, for example any sort of role-play creates a submissive/dominative set up. We know (all too well on this site ;D ) about cougars, again comes down to power, and as a cororally the same can be said for jailbait.
I'd defy anyone to be able to think of any sexual fantasy that does not reduce to power.

[chloe]

Oh my, oh my, oh my. This has gone far beyond anything I expected or can handle with you, chloe. As always I own my feelings. I accepted your joking around from the very start. My concern was never about me or you. It was not and is not now my intention to scold anyone about anything. I am apologetic to you, the board, the whole world for having made such a mess of this curiosity and complete failure and ignorance on my part.

Psychoblues

That doesn't seem very honest, my first line was a joke about kathianne possibly getting a cute ass avatar and making a wise crack about a spanking, your first reply was what I quoted above about rape and s & m and stuff, if there had been any flirting mood going on that is an instant downer:laugh2:, Is it that wrong to point it out to you? If you say you aren't hurt or offended then don't be, but if you are offended then say so and accept the apology.

It is important for me to talk it out with you because I don't want every joking thread to have a serious reprimend from you or some kind of downer story over it. If it offends you i said I would stop it, and if it doesn't offend you then please don't bring up it in my joking thread as being possibly offensive to others let them say it themselves.

[Psychoblues]

While I cannot surmise what "spanking" does for anyone I can tell you that each of my husband's have only smacked me in a playful manner, on my behind, once ... and each one barely lived through it. What's mine is mine and I, AND ONLY I, will decide who touches where and when.

I have a very primitive and visceral reaction when smacked on my behind. It was used extensively as a means of punishment as a child (belts, switches, spoons, hands) and it immediately takes me back to those humiliations as a child. But, I'm also a very sensual person and who knows .... if I had not gotten into so much trouble as a child, I might like being "spanked" as an adult. Who knows what triggers people have?

My experience as a child is much the same as yours, SL. Thank you forever for sharing that as I find it helpful and reflective on many levels.

Psychoblues

[chloe]

Oh my, oh my, oh my. This has gone far beyond anything I expected or can handle with you, chloe. As always I own my feelings. I accepted your joking around from the very start. My concern was never about me or you. It was not and is not now my intention to scold anyone about anything. I am apologetic to you, the board, the whole world for having made such a mess of this curiosity and complete failure and ignorance on my part.

Psychoblues


chloe, although I have heard about the "spanking" thing all my adult life I don't know anything about it and could never accept it as reasonable adult entertainment

You did not accept it.

[Noir]

You're doing it wrong.

I'm not doing it at all, thanks :laugh:

[SassyLady]

That doesn't seem very honest, my first line was a joke about kathianne possibly getting a cute ass avatar and making a wise crack about a spanking, your first reply was what I quoted above about rape and s & m and stuff, if there had been any flirting mood going on that is an instant downer:laugh2:, Is it that wrong to point it out to you? If you say you aren't hurt or offended then don't be, but if you are offended then say so and accept the apology.

It is important for me to talk it out with you because I don't want every joking thread to have a serious reprimend from you or some kind of downer story over it. If it offends you i said I would stop it, and if it doesn't offend you then please don't bring up it in my joking thread as being possibly offensive to others let them say it themselves.

Hey Chloe ... I totally agree with you .... every now and then us girls get into a playful and "naughty" mood and it's fun to come here and flirt, to walk that fine line .... and then there always seems to be someone who gets in an offensive huff and it's like having cold water thrown in the face.

[chloe]

Hey Chloe ... I totally agree with you .... every now and then us girls get into a playful and "naughty" mood and it's fun to come here and flirt, to walk that fine line .... and then there always seems to be someone who gets in an offensive huff and it's like having cold water thrown in the face.

Psycho is newly sober and he is learning about boundaries, I don't mind if he sets them, but I want him to acknowledge that is what he's doing. If someone is offended out there and doesn't want to say so they can tell Kathianne, Jim, Abbey, DMP or RSR and the staff will handle it. If Psycho is offended its important I acknowledge his feelings and apologize and respect his boundaries. If Kathianne was offended she can throw wine in my face and call me a despicable beast with whom she never wants to post with again.....lights fading.....and curtain !!!!!:laugh2:

[SassyLady]

Psycho is newly sober and he is learning about boundaries, I don't mind if he sets them, but I want him to acknowledge that is what he's doing. If someone is offended out there and doesn't want to say so they can tell Kathianne, Jim, Abbey or DMP and the staff will handle it. If Psycho is offended its important I acknowledge his feelings and apologize and respect his boundaries. If Kathianne was offended she can throw wine in my face and call me a despicable beast with whom she never wants to post with again.....lights fading.....and curtain !!!!!:laugh2:

Oh.....that explains the schitzo nature of the posts over the last couple of years. :bang:

[Psychoblues]

Psycho is newly sober and he is learning about boundaries, I don't mind if he sets them, but I want him to acknowledge that is what he's doing. If someone is offended out there and doesn't want to say so they can tell Kathianne, Jim, Abbey, DMP or RSR and the staff will handle it. If Psycho is offended its important I acknowledge his feelings and apologize and respect his boundaries. If Kathianne was offended she can throw wine in my face and call me a despicable beast with whom she never wants to post with again.....lights fading.....and curtain !!!!!:laugh2:

Boundaries are the least of my concerns and you are a piss poor psychoanalyst, chloe. There is no way now for this conversation to end amicably as I had hoped and it now appears that I will never discover the attraction of some to "spanking" for sexual gratification. Perhaps you are correct. Maybe you have a "dark" side of the sexual equation that you feel threatened about now. I don't know but I do know for certain that I did not mean to open that side of your personality or the side that you are showing now.

I haave tried, failed miserably, admitted it and apologized. I don't know what else I can do in this respect.

Psychoblues

[Psychoblues]

You did not accept it.

Oh contraire. I always accepted your words as joking around. My words were directed towards myself not accepting violence for sexual gratification. "Spanking" for me is a curiosty, nothing more. I'm afraid the entire subject has gotten out of hand and although I share the blame for that I will not accept the entire blame for it. I care very much for you and everyone on this board, chloe. I do not desire at all this kind of misunderstanding and apparent to me animosity.

Psychoblues

[chloe]

Boundaries are the least of my concerns and you are a piss poor psychoanalyst, chloe. There is no way now for this conversation to end amicably as I had hoped and it now appears that I will never discover the attraction of some to "spanking" for sexual gratification. Perhaps you are correct. Maybe you have a "dark" side of the sexual equation that you feel threatened about now. I don't know but I do know for certain that I did not mean to open that side of your personality or the side that you are showing now.

I haave tried, failed miserably, admitted it and apologized. I don't know what else I can do in this respect.

Psychoblues

Your being defensive, you hijacked my lighthearted thread with a serious dark topic, then you feigned you had no problem with the joking. Now your upset because you feel your topic is hijacked.

You purposely brought up a dark topic in a light hearted thread. I never said I have any dark side I alluded I had experienced something that traumatized me that means I didn't enjoy whatever it was. You also shared that your mother was very rigid and fearbased about sex period, just because either of us shared something personal doesn't make it right to use or twist in any way because of feeling somehow threatened by my posting style.

You said you had no problem with joking like I did and then when I showed you the post where you said you do have a problem with that kind of joke you refuse to acknowledge it.

Now you are getting upset at me. I can't control that.

[chloe]

Oh contraire. I always accepted your words as joking around. My words were directed towards myself not accepting violence for sexual gratification. "Spanking" for me is a curiosty, nothing more. I'm afraid the entire subject has gotten out of hand and although I share the blame for that I will not accept the entire blame for it. I care very much for you and everyone on this board, chloe. I do not desire at all this kind of misunderstanding and apparent to me animosity.

Psychoblues


There is NO animosity towards you, If I didn't like you I wouldn't spend more then a minute on trying to make sure you are ok with the joking. I put more energy into it because I know life has been very hard for you and because I am a caring person, and I am your friend.

[Psychoblues]

There is NO animosity towards you, If I didn't like you I wouldn't spend more then a minute on trying to make sure you are ok with the joking. I put more energy into it because I know life has been very hard for you and because I am a caring person, and I am your friend.

Although I am not altogether happy with how our conversations in several of our threads have transpired and been wrecked for whatever reason, chloe, can we now close it up, respect each other knowing that we know more about each other than we ever intended and that we do care about the feelings of each other as well as those that may be gazing upon the things we write and care about? As I said in an earlier post, you are one of my favorite posters here and absolutely the most fun poster here!!!!!! Even dmp thanked me on that one!!!!!!!!

Over and out on this subject, chloe!

Psychoblues

[chloe]

Although I am not altogether happy with how our conversations in several of our threads have transpired and been wrecked for whatever reason, chloe, can we now close it up, respect each other knowing that we know more about each other than we ever intended and that we do care about the feelings of each other as well as those that may be gazing upon the things we write and care about? As I said in an earlier post, you are one of my favorite posters here and absolutely the most fun poster here!!!!!! Even dmp thanked me on that one!!!!!!!!

Over and out on this subject, chloe!

Psychoblues

It's fine with me, I am not happy with any of the threads being wrecked whether by me dragging it on or by you being a downer in one that was trying to start off lighthearted and fun.

But it is truthful that if I didn't find something about you meaningful I wouldn't have wasted my time and that is a compliment whether you see it or not. Done.

[logroller]

I'm glad you worked it out on your own. Thought I might have to get involved and prescribe timeouts!:laugh2:

[Abbey Marie]

Why do adults like spanking each other?

Beats me. ;)

[Abbey Marie]

So, all kidding aside, I had a roommate in our suite in college whose boyfriend would come over a lot, and we would hear lots of noises from her room, including loud spanking. Although we couldn't be certain whether the boyfriend was doing the spanking, I can tell you that the other 5 of us roomies found the sounds rather disturbing. I think there is something primal about being hit in any way, that affects especially those who were beaten as children.

In regards to the turn the thread has taken, and not directed towards anyone in particular, I refuse to let anyone stop me from being light-hearted when I want to be. I simply will not give anyone that power over me. :salute:

[Psychoblues]

So, all kidding aside, I had a roommate in our suite in college whose boyfriend would come over a lot, and we would hear lots of noises from her room, including loud spanking. Although we couldn't be certain whether the boyfriend was doing the spanking, I can tell you that the other 5 of us roomies found the sounds rather disturbing. I think there is something primal about being hit in any way that affects especially those who were beaten as children.

In regards to the turn the thread has taken, and not directed towards anyone in particular, I refuse to let anyone stop me from being light-hearted when I want to be. I simply will not give anyone that power over me. :salute:

Beautiful, Abbey. Or should I say beautiful Abbey?

Thanks and I appreciate your thoughts.

Psychoblues

[Thunderknuckles]

...

In regards to the turn the thread has taken, and not directed towards anyone in particular, I refuse to let anyone stop me from being light-hearted when I want to be. I simply will not give anyone that power over me. :salute:
Damn well said.
Much respect!