Noir
10-04-2010, 08:10 AM
These are almost surreal :laugh:
Basicly the guardian gets sent a handful of presidential emails every week to print, here's this weeks 3...
To: All White House Staff
Subject: Rahm
Dear All: What can I say? We all owe Rahm Emanuel so much. Whenever I needed a recalcitrant Democratic senator to be yanked up by the lapels and have his head slammed repeatedly into the stone walls of the Capitol building when nobody was looking, Rahm was there for me. When I needed to convince leftwing supporters that my presidency might actually be as inspiring as that of Jed Bartlet's in The West Wing because my chief of staff was the inspiration for the character of Josh Lyman, Rahm was there for me. And when I needed him to alienate those same leftwingers by having my chief of staff refer to them as "fucking retarded", Rahm was – yeah, OK, that wasn't so helpful. But you take my point: these last two years would have been a far more bruising experience if it hadn't been for Rahm. Unless you're talking about his victims! Anyway, please join me for a send-off in the Roosevelt Room tonight, where, in a cheekily satirical reference to his own hard-charging tactics, we'll lovingly stab him in the ribs with a boxcutter. Man, I'm getting weepy already. Warmly, Barack
To: All White House Staff
Subject: Please welcome my new interim chief of staff, Pete Rouse!
All – I realise you may be surprised to learn from news reports that Pete is closer to me than anyone, and knows everyone in the White House, when you've barely ever heard of him! That's because he's been hiding in a cupboard behind my desk in the Oval Office. As you'll also have read, he "shuns the limelight", so there won't be a welcome party. Sorry if the kegs of beer outside Joe's office misled you. They're just for Joe's personal use, I think. Barack
To: Rahm Emanuel <rahm.emanuel3 @gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Letter of resignation (attached)
Wait, I don't get it. You're exhausted from two years of backroom deal-making, strong-arm tactics, screaming matches filled with vicious verbal abuse and frenetic behind-the-scenes plotting, so you're . . . running for mayor of Chicago? Good luck. Maybe after that you could really opt for the quiet, easygoing, conflict-free life by becoming an international narcotics kingpin. OK, get outta here. Man-hugs, BHO
Basicly the guardian gets sent a handful of presidential emails every week to print, here's this weeks 3...
To: All White House Staff
Subject: Rahm
Dear All: What can I say? We all owe Rahm Emanuel so much. Whenever I needed a recalcitrant Democratic senator to be yanked up by the lapels and have his head slammed repeatedly into the stone walls of the Capitol building when nobody was looking, Rahm was there for me. When I needed to convince leftwing supporters that my presidency might actually be as inspiring as that of Jed Bartlet's in The West Wing because my chief of staff was the inspiration for the character of Josh Lyman, Rahm was there for me. And when I needed him to alienate those same leftwingers by having my chief of staff refer to them as "fucking retarded", Rahm was – yeah, OK, that wasn't so helpful. But you take my point: these last two years would have been a far more bruising experience if it hadn't been for Rahm. Unless you're talking about his victims! Anyway, please join me for a send-off in the Roosevelt Room tonight, where, in a cheekily satirical reference to his own hard-charging tactics, we'll lovingly stab him in the ribs with a boxcutter. Man, I'm getting weepy already. Warmly, Barack
To: All White House Staff
Subject: Please welcome my new interim chief of staff, Pete Rouse!
All – I realise you may be surprised to learn from news reports that Pete is closer to me than anyone, and knows everyone in the White House, when you've barely ever heard of him! That's because he's been hiding in a cupboard behind my desk in the Oval Office. As you'll also have read, he "shuns the limelight", so there won't be a welcome party. Sorry if the kegs of beer outside Joe's office misled you. They're just for Joe's personal use, I think. Barack
To: Rahm Emanuel <rahm.emanuel3 @gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Letter of resignation (attached)
Wait, I don't get it. You're exhausted from two years of backroom deal-making, strong-arm tactics, screaming matches filled with vicious verbal abuse and frenetic behind-the-scenes plotting, so you're . . . running for mayor of Chicago? Good luck. Maybe after that you could really opt for the quiet, easygoing, conflict-free life by becoming an international narcotics kingpin. OK, get outta here. Man-hugs, BHO