Does Your Child Have A 'Best Friend?'

[Kathianne]

Seems that some schools have decided that's a bad thing, reading the entire article though I'm unsurprised to find that many psychologists disagree with the educators:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/fashion/17BFF.html


...But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?

Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”

“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

That attitude is a blunt manifestation of a mind-set that has led adults to become ever more involved in children’s social lives in recent years. ...

It's 'easier' for the schools, hell with the kids development.

[krisy]

it sounds like there is disreguard for what the parents might think is best...

"Parents sometimes say that Johnny needs a special friend....we say he doesn't need a best friend".....

This is the kind of arrogance that reaaly gets under a parents skin. We are stupid and they are smart. Everything is phsycologically over- analyzed these days. Who cares if a kid has a best friend. When we become adults,we marry our "best friend",that ONE special person.

[HogTrash]

No doubt, this "Best Friend" theory is the result of a liberal mind.

Who else but a liberal could come up with something so rediculous?

[Abbey Marie]

Are we now to share our affections in a Socialistic way too? If the nonsense gets much worse, I may have to go live in a cave somewhere.

[Binky]

it sounds like there is disreguard for what the parents might think is best...

"Parents sometimes say that Johnny needs a special friend....we say he doesn't need a best friend".....

This is the kind of arrogance that reaaly gets under a parents skin. We are stupid and they are smart. Everything is phsycologically over- analyzed these days. Who cares if a kid has a best friend. When we become adults,we marry our "best friend",that ONE special person.


That's right. Who cares? These educators and professionals are idiots. I had four best friends while growing up, then I met my hubby. We actually liked each other and became friends, then married. And 43 years later, we are still friends.

I wonder whether those folks ever had a special friend....

[Kathianne]

That's right. Who cares? These educators and professionals are idiots. I had four best friends while growing up, then I met my hubby. We actually liked each other and became friends, then married. And 43 years later, we are still friends.

I wonder whether those folks ever had a special friend....

Yep, like so many things in life, most are learned in the early years. It would be interesting to see how many people that had 'best friend' growing up, also were able to maintain long-term relationships as adults.

Seems to me that most healthy adults are able to manage many people regarding different roles, while discerning the few that are worthy of more than a working relationship.

The educators speaking of 'lots of friends, with no exclusivity' are actually advocating shallow relationships.

[crin63]

My kids have best-friends. My daughters best-friend is a complete opposite of her but they stick together like glue, she calls me and my wife her 2nd parents because she spends so much time with us. We even take my daughters best-friend out to lunch without our daughter. OTH, my younger sons best-friend is just like him. Were still working on his best-friend since he doesn't just hang out with us.

The relationships have been good for both of them but they will always allow anyone else to hang out with them who wants too as well. We always made our kids let anyone into their group until that person showed them self to be a problem. My daughter and her best-friend have decided to let another girl in particular hang out with them because she needs someone to teach her how to be a friend, they like her enough to take the time with her even though she is a couple years younger.

[PostmodernProphet]

My mother likes to tell a story about me she thinks is cute, I think it annoying....apparently when I was small I had a friend over.....his name was Mike....in our conversation while playing I said "I think CJ is my best friend".....Mike said "Yeah, I think he's my best friend too"....she seemed to have trouble understanding why we didn't tell each other we were best friends.....she still tells this story even though I am 58 now.....

[DragonStryk72]

I've had the same best friend since I was 5, my buddy Chris. We grew up on the same block, with numerous episodes of hilarity and adventure in our time. Chris pushed me out of my shell that I was building around myself as a kid (I was usually the member of the group referred to as "the one who didn't want to go"), and got me to try things that scared the hell out of me. He also got me interested in First Aid, so that he wouldn't die (Everyone who knows Chris understands that line).

Having a best friend is a natural, just like any other preference in life, we have people we greatly prefer to be around than others. It's simple human nature.

[Binky]

Yep, like so many things in life, most are learned in the early years. It would be interesting to see how many people that had 'best friend' growing up, also were able to maintain long-term relationships as adults.

Seems to me that most healthy adults are able to manage many people regarding different roles, while discerning the few that are worthy of more than a working relationship.

The educators speaking of 'lots of friends, with no exclusivity' are actually advocating shallow relationships.



Yeah, shallow as in no depth in the relationship....Nothing lasting....

[gabosaurus]

I met my best friend Lauren when I was 6 years old. I was playing in my front yard and she came over and told me that she was my new best friend. And we are still great friends, 20 years later.
I encourage my daughter to make as many friends as possible. And to value those friendships over everything else. Even boys.
Because in young life, boys are transitory. Best friends are forever.

[Said1]

I think it's important to have lots of friends, and not isolate yourself with one or two people all the time. On the other hand, you really do need a few close friends to develop bonds with while growing up too so you learn how to be a good friend. It's all about balance.