How to Spot Atheists and Report Them to the FBI

[chloe]

How to Spot Atheists and Report Them to the FBI
"I don't know that Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."
-President George Bush (http://bennyhills.fortunecity.com/hardy/203/nonbeliever/page50.html)

Five Tips on How to Spot an Atheist
<LI style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in" class=MsoNormal>Usually Atheists are pale of skin. They spend a lot of times indoors, because they are afraid to come outside. They believe the preposterous lie that Christians are trying to kill them, when in fact, all that we really want to do is force a quick conversion or to kindly place them in a maximum security prison for their own protection from devout Christians who may try to kill them. Many Atheists will try to throw you off by spending time absorbing carcinogens in tanning beds, so it important to remember in hunting Atheists that many, if not most, have very dark skin (http://www.infidelguy.com/), too. CAUTION: Do not confuse these artificially dark folks with genuine Negroes. Real Coloreds need to be watched carefully around anything of value, but do not need to be brought to the Lord, as they all unblinkingly accepted Jesus as their loving God during Biblically-sanctioned slavery. <LI style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in" class=MsoNormal>Atheists are overweight. The stereotypes (http://www.sfatheists.com/activism/stark.htm) of typical Atheists are the trim (http://www.atheists.org/visitors.center/speakers.html#ej), granola cruncher who jogs and plays racquetball or the vain hedonist, party-goer (http://www.secular-celebrations.com/Downey%20bio.htm) who worships only her full-length mirror, Recent studies have shown, however, that Atheists have become aware of these signifiers of their lack of faith. In order to blend in undetected with evangelical Christians, most Atheists now tend to be morbidly obese and will tell you, whether asked or not, that their enormous girth is the result of an undetectable thyroid condition and not the box of Little Debbie cakes they are holding. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p><LI style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in" class=MsoNormal>Atheists have too many university diplomas! These folks are chock full of secular knowledge. They toss the Bible aside in favor of so-called, "research" and "theories." They spend their days studying and trying to gather facts and data to support their ridiculous scientific theories, such as evolution and gravity. Don't let it fool you, Christian Brothers and Sisters! All the secular knowledge in the world can't disprove that the reason we are all here today was because Eve got some bad advice from a talking snake! Atheists are too full of their silly "logic" to understand that only blind faith leads to sighted Truth (http://www.bettybowers.com/newspi.html). Why, the homo-lovers in England have already accepted that most scientists are naturally Atheists. Don't let it happen in America! Report your Biology professor (http://www.world-of-dawkins.com/Dawkins/Biography/bio.htm) – or any so-called teacher who pollutes the soul with extraneous (non-Biblical) information (http://www.randi.org/) -- to the local authorities before he recruits your child!<o:p></o:p><LI style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 12pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in" class=MsoNormal>Atheists Deceive! Atheists go under many different names, but they don't have the common sense to align themselves yet! Use this to your advantage in reporting them to the police! They call themselves, "humanists (http://www.americanhumanist.org/), agnostics, secular-humanists (http://www.infidels.org/index.shtml), moral relativists, Catholics, free-thinkers, undecided, Unitarians, and more recently, Brights." It is important to note that anyone who has a post-graduate degree or is interested in getting a post-graduate degree, is suspect! Also be warned, Wiccans (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0702/wiccans.html) , Vegans (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/vegans.html), Yogists (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0303/yoga.html), and readers of science fiction (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1100/science.html) are either Atheists or on the road to becoming an Atheist. Our job as True Christians™ is to use this loophole of time under the current Bush Administration to get as many of these God-haters arrested as we can before they do more damage to our country than they already have.<o:p></o:p>
Atheists are afraid! Even though there are as many as 300 active Atheists in the United States, we can safely assume that if recent polls are correct, most Atheists are afraid to come out and say what they don't believe. It's your job to pull it out of them. Put them on the spot. Hound them at restaurants and on cruise ships. Don't take "I'd rather not talk about religion" as a answer. Give them one last chance to save their sorry souls. Then, call the police!
Wow is this Church for real or is this just a joke ? :eek:

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0503/atheists.html

[HogTrash]

I'm not crazy about your new avatar Chloe.

It looks more like a mannequin than a real person.

[Little-Acorn]

I guess we need some humor to start off a Monday. This hilarious "atheist" bigotry, so much in line with Goebbels' published diatribes on "How to Spot Jews", coupled with another fake GWB quote that Bush never said, fills the bill, however distastefully.

[chloe]

I'm not crazy about your new avatar Chloe.

It looks more like a mannequin than a real person.


I'm accomodating by nature so I will change it. But it might be changed to something even more plastic or fake he he. I just assume you only like the blonde haired blue eyed women, yet I think you liked Binky's betty boop huh and that's a cartoon.....I guess I only really need to please Poncho. But I will change it becuase I'm politically correct.:laugh2:....:poke:

[chloe]

I guess we need some humor to start off a Monday. This hilarious "atheist" bigotry, so much in line with Goebbels' published diatribes on "How to Spot Jews", coupled with another fake GWB quote that Bush never said, fills the bill, however distastefully.


ok so it is a joke thanks for clarifying that, this church is sure odd huh?

[Little-Acorn]

ok so it is a joke thanks for clarifying that,

You didn't know it was a joke/farce, until someone else told you???

[chloe]

You didn't know it was a joke/farce, until someone else told you???


nope

[HogTrash]

I'm accomodating by nature so I will change it. But it might be changed to something even more plastic or fake he he. I just assume you only like the blonde haired blue eyed women, yet I think you liked Binky's betty boop huh and that's a cartoon.....I guess I only really need to please Poncho. But I will change it becuase I'm politically correct.:laugh2:....:poke:Much better!...Now please introduce me to these beautiful girls?

[chloe]

Much better!...Now please introduce me to these beautiful girls?


I don't have any friends offline.

[HogTrash]

I don't have any friends offline.I believe you are insecure and your only strength is dependent upon anonimity.

[chloe]

I believe you are insecure and your only strength is dependent upon anonimity.


yeah I'm a loser I admit it. :cool:

[Noir]

yeah I'm a loser I admit it. :cool:


We all are, welcome to the Internet =D

[Noir]

Also I have to spread the rep, but that post is damn funny xD

"Atheists decieve...They call themselves, "humanists, agnostics, secular-humanists, moral relativists, Catholics" :laugh2:

[chloe]

Also I have to spread the rep, but that post is damn funny xD

"Atheists decieve...They call themselves, "humanists, agnostics, secular-humanists, moral relativists, Catholics" :laugh2:


I don't think your a loser Noir. Well that church has done a lot of radical hateful things right? That's why I wasnt 100% sure if they were kidden, sometimes religious groups are so over the top that what seems like a joke is serious. But yeah in light of that I guess its funny.

[HogTrash]

yeah I'm a loser I admit it. :cool:My assumption seemed appropriate to your statement.

If I'm wrong, just say so girlfriend.

Insecurity is not an uncommon affliction.

Everyone is cursed with it to some degree.

Your over-sensitivity makes me insecure as hell.

[chloe]

My assumption seemed appropriate to your statement.

If I'm wrong, just say so girlfriend.

Insecurity is not an uncommon affliction.

Everyone is cursed with it to some degree.

Your over-sensitivity makes me insecure as hell.


I'm sorry but I can't control your feelings if I bother you too much just put me on ignore all you have to do is type my user name and put me as someone to block. I already admitted I am a loser with no friends offline, was there something else you are looking for? I reserve the deeper side of myself , my anguish and my joy are shared with a few close friends online and those people are aware of why I am the way I am and they accept it and they accept me. I really am baffled why I bug you so much but it is what it is eh?

[HogTrash]

I'm sorry but I can't control your feelings if I bother you too much just put me on ignore all you have to do is type my user name and put me as someone to block. I already admitted I am a loser with no friends offline, was there something else you are looking for? I reserve the deeper side of myself , my anguish and my joy are shared with a few close friends online and those people are aware of why I am the way I am and they accept it and they accept me. I really am baffled why I bug you so much but it is what it is eh?Knock off the drama queen/victim persona Chloe.

It is embarrassing and unbecoming of a lady. :slap:

[chloe]

I'm not crazy about your new avatar Chloe.

It looks more like a mannequin than a real person.


I believe you are insecure and your only strength is dependent upon anonimity.


My assumption seemed appropriate to your statement.

If I'm wrong, just say so girlfriend.

Insecurity is not an uncommon affliction.

Everyone is cursed with it to some degree.

Your over-sensitivity makes me insecure as hell.


Knock off the drama queen/victim persona Chloe.

It is embarrassing and unbecoming of a lady. :slap:

Quite analyzing me and you won't need to worry about my response. What's the matter was my response politically incorrect? If so then where's my rep cupcake?:laugh2:

[PostmodernProphet]

if chloe is a drama queen, she's obviously in black and white and won Oscars in the 50s......

[SassyLady]

I guess we need some humor to start off a Monday. This hilarious "atheist" bigotry, so much in line with Goebbels' published diatribes on "How to Spot Jews", coupled with another fake GWB quote that Bush never said, fills the bill, however distastefully.

Nicely said. :clap::clap:

[PostmodernProphet]

ok so it is a joke thanks for clarifying that, this church is sure odd huh?

hmmm....you realize that this isn't really a church, right?....

[PostmodernProphet]

I don't think your a loser Noir. Well that church has done a lot of radical hateful things right? That's why I wasnt 100% sure if they were kidden, sometimes religious groups are so over the top that what seems like a joke is serious. But yeah in light of that I guess its funny.

I'm a bit disappointed.....you felt you had to draw attention to the horrible Christians saying nasty things about atheists, but now that you know it's just atheists making fun of Christians you think it's funny.....

[Noir]

I'm a bit disappointed.....you felt you had to draw attention to the horrible Christians saying nasty things about atheists, but now that you know it's just atheists making fun of Christians you think it's funny.....


...I thought it was Christians making fun of themselevs i.e Self satire, no? Though if not it's still funny.

[Jeff]

yeah I'm a loser I admit it. :cool:

Having gotten to know you what little I have , the word loser has never crossed my mind in my thoughts of you Chloe , Sometimes Internet friends turn out to be much better friends than you realize :thumb:

[chloe]

I don't think your a loser Noir. Well that church has done a lot of radical hateful things right? That's why I wasnt 100% sure if they were kidden, sometimes religious groups are so over the top that what seems like a joke is serious. But yeah in light of that I guess its funny.


I'm a bit disappointed.....you felt you had to draw attention to the horrible Christians saying nasty things about atheists, but now that you know it's just atheists making fun of Christians you think it's funny.....


hmmm....you realize that this isn't really a church, right?....


I am sorry I disappointed you Postmodernprophet, no I thought it was a real church, I thought it was the church who protested the military soldiers funeral. I didn't know it was an atheist joking and poking fun at christians, that is probably why I replied with I guess its funny instead of just saying it is funny.

[chloe]

Having gotten to know you what little I have , the word loser has never crossed my mind in my thoughts of you Chloe , Sometimes Internet friends turn out to be much better friends than you realize :thumb:


Yeah my net friends have turned out better then any offline friends from past. I suppose I will meet some of the net friends offline one day too, and that will be wonderful.:cool:

[Noir]

Having gotten to know you what little I have , the word loser has never crossed my mind in my thoughts of you Chloe , Sometimes Internet friends turn out to be much better friends than you realize :thumb:


I cocur totally, net friends pwn IRL friends, it is weird though that there is a kind of social stigma attached to it, hopefully with a full generation coming through with the net as their primary social tool that stigma will become a thing of the past.

[CSM]

I cocur totally, net friends pwn IRL friends, it is weird though that there is a kind of social stigma attached to it, hopefully with a full generation coming through with the net as their primary social tool that stigma will become a thing of the past.

Hopefully not! It is far too easy to be all that you are not via the internet. It is far too easy to simulate human emotions like compassion, understanding, sympathy etc. across the internet. While sometimes the annonymity the internet provides is a good thing, all too often it allows the dark side of human nature to reveal itself. I have seen folks make death threats, use language they would otherwise not use in public, ignore common courtesy (never mind decency!) and so on that face to face relationships tend to restrain.

While I have friends on the internet I do not view them the same as I do real life friends. There are many whom I know of from the internet that I would like to meet in person someday with the hope that we could be true friends; there are many other folks that I would prefer NEVER to meet.

[PostmodernProphet]

...I thought it was Christians making fun of themselevs i.e Self satire, no? Though if not it's still funny.

no....landover baptist is a website created by atheists to mock Christians.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church

[Noir]

Hopefully not! It is far too easy to be all that you are not via the internet. It is far too easy to simulate human emotions like compassion, understanding, sympathy etc. across the internet. While sometimes the annonymity the internet provides is a good thing, all too often it allows the dark side of human nature to reveal itself. I have seen folks make death threats, use language they would otherwise not use in public, ignore common courtesy (never mind decency!) and so on that face to face relationships tend to restrain.

While I have friends on the internet I do not view them the same as I do real life friends. There are many whom I know of from the internet that I would like to meet in person someday with the hope that we could be true friends; there are many other folks that I would prefer NEVER to meet.

As I think Shakespeare once said, we are all actors. The Internet is just another stage, will it be abused by some? Yes, however it has far much more to offer in the way of benifits than it does drawbacks.

[Noir]

no....landover baptist is a website created by atheists to mock Christians.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church


Oh wells, it's funny no matter it's creator. And as they say, if you can't laugh at yourself you may be missing the joke of the century.

[PostmodernProphet]

Oh wells, it's funny no matter it's creator. And as they say, if you can't laugh at yourself you may be missing the joke of the century.

you see, that's the problem.....when you say I should be able to laugh at myself, it means that you think I should see myself in Landover Baptist.....but I don't see myself there, anywhere....I don't see Christianity there anywhere.....all I see is hatred.....and I see hatred from atheists, directed to Christians.....

[Noir]

you see, that's the problem.....when you say I should be able to laugh at myself, it means that you think I should see myself in Landover Baptist.....but I don't see myself there, anywhere....I don't see Christianity there anywhere.....all I see is hatred.....and I see hatred from atheists, directed to Christians.....

Oh chill the bap mate, if you look through the OP and see hatred your a bit of a weirdo IMO, but heh, satire isn't for everyone.

Though as a side note, it may be in your nature, I was watching a programme about different world cultures not too long ago, and how the bristish culture and American culture are so different, by the way that we pride ourselves on self-deprecation, and as such have a much dryer sense of humour and makes satire much more welcomed in Britian, where the same text may not be considered satire in America.

[PostmodernProphet]

Oh chill the bap mate, if you look through the OP and see hatred your a bit of a weirdo IMO, but heh, satire isn't for everyone.

Though as a side note, it may be in your nature, I was watching a programme about different world cultures not too long ago, and how the bristish culture and American culture are so different, by the way that we pride ourselves on self-deprecation, and as such have a much dryer sense of humour and makes satire much more welcomed in Britian, where the same text may not be considered satire in America.


Satire is often strictly defined as a literary genre or form, although in practice it can be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are censured by ridicule, derision, burlesque, irony, or other methods, ideally with the intent of improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its purpose is often not so much humour for its own sake as an attack on something strongly disapproved by the satirist, using the weapon of wit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

if you think you see truthful 'vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings' in the LB site, then you are in fact operating from a position of hate.....I for one have had enough of it this week....I've been attacked from all directions because of my religious beliefs......as things stand, fuck you all...

[Noir]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

if you think you see truthful 'vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings' in the LB site, then you are in fact operating from a position of hate.....I for one have had enough of it this week....I've been attacked from all directions because of my religious beliefs......as things stand, fuck you all...

Like I said mate, chill the bap, if you wana know what it's like to be attacked from all directions take a look back at my posts over the past few months, between religon, being a veggie, being European/non American, liberal, young ect ect I am outnumbered and heavily out gunned in every respect.
You have had a week of it and are throwing swear words left right and centre, man-up and take it on the chin. There is more to life than letting things like this upset you.
The day you take the Internet too seriously is a bad day indeed, so don't.

[Abbey Marie]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire

if you think you see truthful 'vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings' in the LB site, then you are in fact operating from a position of hate.....I for one have had enough of it this week....I've been attacked from all directions because of my religious beliefs......as things stand, fuck you all...

I didn't attack your beliefs, Pmp. :) Btw, your analysis in this thread is excellent, hence the rep for it.