really really down

[darin]

Been having back problems lately - but today I'm quite depressed because of it.


I stopped in to work to hand-off a couple projects to others. See, I can do the work Ihanded off - and want to make my mark, so to speak. maybe its arrogance? pride? but I want to be 'the guy' creating and doing the presentation. The guy in the limelight. My words - my face - my reputation attached.

I REALLY love working for the army - I really love giving a solid effort towards a good product. I like being grilled on what I present; even when I dont know the answers.

In my new job i have a vision for advancement, where I think I can do real, honest GOOD for the organization. I'm on the cusp of reaching what I call a 'successful' pay grade/position. Can finally visualize it. Being hurt though, means I'm failing to carry my load.

Maybe this will be the catalyst that brings me health again. Maybe going thru this will strengthen my resolve, lower my pride. I've got 3 more pay-grades to reach before I retire - that's realistic. The 'dream' position, however, is still there - to become SES - Senior Executive Service; it's the civilian equivalent in duties as 1-star General Officer. Currently there's not direct correlation between my grade and military rank, but it's 'about' the same responsibility/duties as a typical Major (O-4 grade), where-as when I get to 3 -more grades (grade 15) that's +/- Army COL (Navy Captain). Now, I think I make pretty good money - NOT good money if I lived in California or New York probably - but for Detroit, I do pretty good. Especially blessed since I lack even an associate's degree. My desire for achievement and advancement stems from something I learned while I was a Soldier - the desire to affect change, positive change.

I say that to say this - right now on a cocktail of Percosets, valium, and Codeine + tylenol, at 3:27am, I'm a little worried none of that may happen.

Ya know, my boss called tonite just to check in. She wanted me to know she when she asked me to hand-off projects to others in our team it was NOT that she didn't WANT me doing it - she said she knows I'd do the projects very well - she was just trying to help. Really made my day/night, to have a boss so caring and concerned.

So - ya see - when you read about "all the money" gov't ppl make...and how often we screw up, just realize there are a LARGE portion of Govt workers who do this kinda work because we GIVE A SHIT about our country - especially during this time of war. We WANT to do good things. We strive for process improvement and efficiency (currently I'm working heavily in areas of Lean and Six Sigma AND sustainability, as well as Organizational self-assessments),

Sure sounds GOOD to say "Cut the pay of the lazy, no good fed employees!" doesn't it?? Sure sounds good to think we're all slackers, all the time, suckling off the tit of your tax dollars.

Truth is, we're real people, with real thoughts, real fears, and by and large, committed to the Oath we took upon appointment to our positions.

[darin]

Reading that a few hours later, and a little more sober, it's pretty random. Dead-honest...but random.

[chloe]

I always appreciate the Mitlitary, but I think some Politicians make too muh money and spend too much money. I think Military should have more money. It must be hard to have worked up to your position and now struggle with such an ongoing pain that you had to hand projects over.

But you are a hard worker so there is no doubt that no matter what happens you will bounce back somehow, and if your career takes another direction you will be equally succesful. This is only a temporary setback. Also your family cares about you and there is nothing greater in the world then loving and being loved.

[CSM]

Been having back problems lately - but today I'm quite depressed because of it.


I stopped in to work to hand-off a couple projects to others. See, I can do the work Ihanded off - and want to make my mark, so to speak. maybe its arrogance? pride? but I want to be 'the guy' creating and doing the presentation. The guy in the limelight. My words - my face - my reputation attached.

I REALLY love working for the army - I really love giving a solid effort towards a good product. I like being grilled on what I present; even when I dont know the answers.

In my new job i have a vision for advancement, where I think I can do real, honest GOOD for the organization. I'm on the cusp of reaching what I call a 'successful' pay grade/position. Can finally visualize it. Being hurt though, means I'm failing to carry my load.

Maybe this will be the catalyst that brings me health again. Maybe going thru this will strengthen my resolve, lower my pride. I've got 3 more pay-grades to reach before I retire - that's realistic. The 'dream' position, however, is still there - to become SES - Senior Executive Service; it's the civilian equivalent in duties as 1-star General Officer. Currently there's not direct correlation between my grade and military rank, but it's 'about' the same responsibility/duties as a typical Major (O-4 grade), where-as when I get to 3 -more grades (grade 15) that's +/- Army COL (Navy Captain). Now, I think I make pretty good money - NOT good money if I lived in California or New York probably - but for Detroit, I do pretty good. Especially blessed since I lack even an associate's degree. My desire for achievement and advancement stems from something I learned while I was a Soldier - the desire to affect change, positive change.

I say that to say this - right now on a cocktail of Percosets, valium, and Codeine + tylenol, at 3:27am, I'm a little worried none of that may happen.

Ya know, my boss called tonite just to check in. She wanted me to know she when she asked me to hand-off projects to others in our team it was NOT that she didn't WANT me doing it - she said she knows I'd do the projects very well - she was just trying to help. Really made my day/night, to have a boss so caring and concerned.

So - ya see - when you read about "all the money" gov't ppl make...and how often we screw up, just realize there are a LARGE portion of Govt workers who do this kinda work because we GIVE A SHIT about our country - especially during this time of war. We WANT to do good things. We strive for process improvement and efficiency (currently I'm working heavily in areas of Lean and Six Sigma AND sustainability, as well as Organizational self-assessments),

Sure sounds GOOD to say "Cut the pay of the lazy, no good fed employees!" doesn't it?? Sure sounds good to think we're all slackers, all the time, suckling off the tit of your tax dollars.

Truth is, we're real people, with real thoughts, real fears, and by and large, committed to the Oath we took upon appointment to our positions.

Hang in there my friend. I know exactly how you feel and in a similar position. I have been working for the US military all my adult life, either active duty, in the reserves, and now as a contractor. I and those I work with truly do care about what we do for the warfighter. Those who do not aren't around very long. I know that I will accommodate a lot from good workers and have xero tolerance for those who are not. You appear to be a GREAT worker (as evidenced by your GS rating among other things) so just hang in there and keep at it.

[darin]

thank you both. Sergeant Major - words like that from somebody accomplished as you mean a lot.

I think about applying for a director/chief position next year. Am scared - because my peers have BA's and some MBAs...I have PLDC and outside the box thinking...and a love for the army. Here's hoping that's enough.

Hooah. Would have been a pleasure to serve w/ya.

[Binky]

thank you both. Sergeant Major - words like that from somebody accomplished as you mean a lot.

I think about applying for a director/chief position next year. Am scared - because my peers have BA's and some MBAs...I have PLDC and outside the box thinking...and a love for the army. Here's hoping that's enough.

Hooah. Would have been a pleasure to serve w/ya.

Maybe what they'll be looking for is someone with your qualifications rather than just book smarts.....Keep thinking positive as it's gotten you to where you are today. Even if you didn't get the promotion now, you can always shoot for it again in the future.....

[Abbey Marie]

You will make it, D. :salute:

(Btw, you write amazingly well for someone under the influence).

[CSM]

thank you both. Sergeant Major - words like that from somebody accomplished as you mean a lot.

I think about applying for a director/chief position next year. Am scared - because my peers have BA's and some MBAs...I have PLDC and outside the box thinking...and a love for the army. Here's hoping that's enough.

Hooah. Would have been a pleasure to serve w/ya.

In some cases, the government is getting smart. I only got my degree AFTER getting hired and working for some time (15 years!) working in positions that led to where I am now. The technical side of the Army in particular was pretty fed up with a bunch of engineers with lots of education and NO field experience telling them how things should be. When someone comes along with technical savy and opereational expertise (thanks to the NCO creed ...) they are not so concerned wther your degree came from MIT or the school of hard knocks.

I love my job and the impact I am able to provide. I am certain that you will prevail. The road is a bit longer and harder for guys like us, but our value is so much greater...especially to the guys in the foxhole!

[darin]

Maybe what they'll be looking for is someone with your qualifications rather than just book smarts.....Keep thinking positive as it's gotten you to where you are today. Even if you didn't get the promotion now, you can always shoot for it again in the future.....

Thanks Binky - I know the promotion will come when I deserve it. Honestly, Im not even 'that good' of a GS12 now; so will work harder and try to get healthier so I can be more valuable to my organization



You will make it, D. :salute:

(Btw, you write amazingly well for someone under the influence).

As you'll see in certain other places, toots - am under a lot of influence right now; health, work, and significant other.

Day at a time....right?

[crin63]

Been having back problems lately - but today I'm quite depressed because of it.


I stopped in to work to hand-off a couple projects to others. See, I can do the work Ihanded off - and want to make my mark, so to speak. maybe its arrogance? pride? but I want to be 'the guy' creating and doing the presentation. The guy in the limelight. My words - my face - my reputation attached.

I REALLY love working for the army - I really love giving a solid effort towards a good product. I like being grilled on what I present; even when I dont know the answers.

In my new job i have a vision for advancement, where I think I can do real, honest GOOD for the organization. I'm on the cusp of reaching what I call a 'successful' pay grade/position. Can finally visualize it. Being hurt though, means I'm failing to carry my load.

Maybe this will be the catalyst that brings me health again. Maybe going thru this will strengthen my resolve, lower my pride. I've got 3 more pay-grades to reach before I retire - that's realistic. The 'dream' position, however, is still there - to become SES - Senior Executive Service; it's the civilian equivalent in duties as 1-star General Officer. Currently there's not direct correlation between my grade and military rank, but it's 'about' the same responsibility/duties as a typical Major (O-4 grade), where-as when I get to 3 -more grades (grade 15) that's +/- Army COL (Navy Captain). Now, I think I make pretty good money - NOT good money if I lived in California or New York probably - but for Detroit, I do pretty good. Especially blessed since I lack even an associate's degree. My desire for achievement and advancement stems from something I learned while I was a Soldier - the desire to affect change, positive change.

I say that to say this - right now on a cocktail of Percosets, valium, and Codeine + tylenol, at 3:27am, I'm a little worried none of that may happen.

Ya know, my boss called tonite just to check in. She wanted me to know she when she asked me to hand-off projects to others in our team it was NOT that she didn't WANT me doing it - she said she knows I'd do the projects very well - she was just trying to help. Really made my day/night, to have a boss so caring and concerned.

So - ya see - when you read about "all the money" gov't ppl make...and how often we screw up, just realize there are a LARGE portion of Govt workers who do this kinda work because we GIVE A SHIT about our country - especially during this time of war. We WANT to do good things. We strive for process improvement and efficiency (currently I'm working heavily in areas of Lean and Six Sigma AND sustainability, as well as Organizational self-assessments),

Sure sounds GOOD to say "Cut the pay of the lazy, no good fed employees!" doesn't it?? Sure sounds good to think we're all slackers, all the time, suckling off the tit of your tax dollars.

Truth is, we're real people, with real thoughts, real fears, and by and large, committed to the Oath we took upon appointment to our positions.

I don't think when most people are complaining about government employees that they are talking about our military or military support personnel. They are complaining about the ever expansive and intrusive parts of our government that try to regulate our lives and subdue our rights.

I empathize with your pain and situation. After 23 years of construction and 7 years to go until retirement so I could go to college or just do something else if I wanted too, I had all that taken away with one injury. All it took was one electrical injury and it changed everything. I was prescribed a pain cocktail but I refused to take it and just kept taking 800mg of Ibuprofen to just make it marginally bearable. The neck and back pain was so intense that it nearly brought tears to my eyes just sitting in a recliner. The chiropractor and MRT (massage therapist) made a huge difference for me. I started out going twice a week and now after about 2 years I'm down to twice a month but that's also because I was re-injured in a fall at a gas station after I got down to once a month. I highly recommend chiropractic but its going to take some time.

[darin]

thanks brother...appreciate the insights.


Part of the reason for this late-nite rant; just read where some asshat politician "to send a sign" is calling for a 10% pay cut for all fed employees to 'bring us inline" with the civ sector. (sigh).

I doubt I'd make my salary in civ sector - true, because my experiences are army-centric. But to say "There'd be no practical benefit to our country's financial problems (caused by Liberal spending), but it'd just show 'solidarity' with the rest of the country" makes me wanna punch somebody in the face. :(

:)

[CSM]

thanks brother...appreciate the insights.


Part of the reason for this late-nite rant; just read where some asshat politician "to send a sign" is calling for a 10% pay cut for all fed employees to 'bring us inline" with the civ sector. (sigh).

I doubt I'd make my salary in civ sector - true, because my experiences are army-centric. But to say "There'd be no practical benefit to our country's financial problems (caused by Liberal spending), but it'd just show 'solidarity' with the rest of the country" makes me wanna punch somebody in the face. :(

:)

If they truly want to "send a sign" then all politicians should take a 50% pay cut, regardless of whether they are local, state or federal! I might take them a little more seriously if they did that (but not much!)

[Gaffer]

When congress votes themselves a big pay cut then they can talk about somebody else. Until then they need to be quiet and wait to get booted out of office.

[Abbey Marie]

Thanks Binky - I know the promotion will come when I deserve it. Honestly, Im not even 'that good' of a GS12 now; so will work harder and try to get healthier so I can be more valuable to my organization




As you'll see in certain other places, toots - am under a lot of influence right now; health, work, and significant other.

Day at a time....right?

I hear you. I am in pain almost every day from my hip/leg/back/who knows.
I'm no expert, as I get down too, but I guess all we can do is go one day at a time.
And hopefully have good people in our lives. (You are good people)

[Kathianne]

I hear you. I am in pain almost every day from my hip/leg/back/who knows.
I'm no expert, as I get down too, but I guess all we can do is go one day at a time.
And hopefully have good people in our lives. (You are good people)

I hear you both! Today had a meeting, (institute) held at a huge banquet facility. Even though I walked a few miles this morning and worked out in therapy pool, sitting in one place was more than getting to my back and neck.

It appeared the speaker was good, people were laughing and clapping, but we were sitting in the back and even with the aids, I couldn't hear. I made it through the first two hours by looking at a magazine and writing my grocery list, then I was done. Started fidgeting, then just sort of conked out. When they went for break, told the principal I wasn't well and I was going home. Couldn't have stood another three hours.

The arthritis doesn't bother me much at school, I'm up walking, sitting on stool, or at my desk on nice chair. Movement seems to keep it ok, sitting too long? Nope. Even online, I'll empty dishwasher, then load it. Same with laundry or vacuuming a room. If I make it 1/2 hour, that's tops.

[gabosaurus]

Darin, go lay on a heating pad and forget about the government. They are all crooks and liars (both sides).

You can get a lower dose of pain medication and supplement it with prescription strength aspirin. Ask your doctor about it. It sure helps my husband make it through the day.

If nothing else, ask about those thin heating pads that you can wear under a suit coat or jacket. It might help.

[jimnyc]

I hope you get to feeling better soon, Darin! I'm not as bad as you sound, but my brittle arm started falling apart a few nights back. I think it's a rotator cuff injury. I sorta injured it many, many years ago playing baseball, but kept it in check for years. 2 nights ago I went to plop myself on the couch to watch the tube and placed all my weight on my arm as I laid down, and a streak of pain shot down my arm. It stiffened up quickly and then I had trouble "rotating" it or lifting it up laterally. The pain brought on a stiff neck, probably from favoring it, which lead to a headache, which lead to very little sleep. In the morning yesterday my wife recommended I take an Aleve. After a few hours and no difference I took myself to the walk-in clinic. I explained the whole thing to the doctor, including the medication I was taking. He said he wanted to start conservatively with medication, and if that didn't help we would move on to X-rays and possibly and MRI. He said he would prescribe me a muscle relaxer and pain killer. He prescribed me Valium, which I won't take because I already take Xanax (same family) and don't want to overdose! He also prescribed me "Naproxen Sodium" - which I come home and look up on the internet to find out that it's a fancy name for Aleve!! Bastard prescribed me what I was already taking without a prescription!!

Anyway, took my meds before bed last night, went to bed at 11:30 and was on-line at 2am! Shit killed my sleep!!

Sorry to hijack your thread, but at least you know you aren't the only miserable bastard out there.