Marry Him!

[DragonStryk72]

The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough

by Lori Gottlieb
Marry Him!

Illustration by Lou Brooks

About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.

“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).

To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren’t fish who can do without a bicycle, we’re women who want a traditional family. And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

I ran across this article earlier today, and I thought it was actually really well done, and has a great degree of truth to it. So many people today have completely the wrong idea about what true love and marriage are about.

My current girlfriend and I will likely be getting married sometime soon, and the reason is actually surprisingly simple: Whenever we start talking about the future, we talk like we're already married, talking about "we" instead of "I". We inherently pull together, and this, in my mind at least, is the single biggest part that says we have a good shot, is that we are a natural team.

[glockmail]

About ten years ago a gal I worked with, who was about 25 at the time and an unabashed liberal feminist, told me that she she wasn't in a hurry to get married (good) because she could always raise a kid by herself (bad). I asked her why she would plan to raise her own child with such an obvious disadvantage, raised without a father. I received my answer three years later upon announcement of her wedding.

[chloe]

About ten years ago a gal I worked with, who was about 25 at the time and an unabashed liberal feminist, told me that she she wasn't in a hurry to get married (good) because she could always raise a kid by herself (bad). I asked her why she would plan to raise her own child with such an obvious disadvantage, raised without a father. I received my answer three years later upon announcement of her wedding.


Well I can tell you is because Dr Laura says if you get a divorce and then you have children from that marriage that ended, she says women don't have any rights to be dating men. First of all relationships are no guarantee, and why would you be so slefish to have one that could end just like the marriage did? Why would you put your kids through that? Your duty is to them. Once people marry and have kids they owe their kids. If People dont like they shouldn't marry or have kids then. Is she happy and did the marriage last?

[chloe]

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

I ran across this article earlier today, and I thought it was actually really well done, and has a great degree of truth to it. So many people today have completely the wrong idea about what true love and marriage are about.

My current girlfriend and I will likely be getting married sometime soon, and the reason is actually surprisingly simple: Whenever we start talking about the future, we talk like we're already married, talking about "we" instead of "I". We inherently pull together, and this, in my mind at least, is the single biggest part that says we have a good shot, is that we are a natural team.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding Dragon, I wish you alot of good times !

[glockmail]

Well I can tell you is because Dr Laura says if you get a divorce and then you have children from that marriage that ended, she says women don't have any rights to be dating men. First of all relationships are no guarantee, and why would you be so slefish to have one that could end just like the marriage did? Why would you put your kids through that? Your duty is to them. Once people marry and have kids they owe their kids. If People don't like they shouldn't marry or have kids then. Is she happy and did the marriage last? Doctor Laura isn't always right and what she told an individual that she diagnosed after listening to her for ten seconds doesn't necessarily apply to the remaining population.

Last time I talked to her Dad he said that they were doing well. I didn't have time to ask him about details.

[DragonStryk72]

Congrats on your upcoming wedding Dragon, I wish you alot of good times !

Thank you. I've always been slated toward monogamy, and having been the guy that is the best friend to a number of women, this article was an interesting premise for me. I've felt for a while that women do become too picky about what guy they end up with, and I myself actually got a once because the woman informed me I was "too good", with a bulletted list provided.

If the worst you can say of the guy you're with is that he is a little too good, then maybe you need to start looking at your criteria. Most guys do not have a concrete plan of who they want to be with, and even those of us who think we won't get married for the most part, end up doing so eventually. For myself, there were certain things I knew I didn't want, but aside from that, it's about the connection.

I liked a point that Dr. Phil brought up in his book "Love Smart", when he said to write down a full list of what you want in a man, and then goes on to say to look at it, and realize you're not going to get everything on that list. If you get 70-80% of it, you should consider yourself fortunate.

[chloe]

Thank you. I've always been slated toward monogamy, and having been the guy that is the best friend to a number of women, this article was an interesting premise for me. I've felt for a while that women do become too picky about what guy they end up with, and I myself actually got a once because the woman informed me I was "too good", with a bulletted list provided.

If the worst you can say of the guy you're with is that he is a little too good, then maybe you need to start looking at your criteria. Most guys do not have a concrete plan of who they want to be with, and even those of us who think we won't get married for the most part, end up doing so eventually. For myself, there were certain things I knew I didn't want, but aside from that, it's about the connection.

I liked a point that Dr. Phil brought up in his book "Love Smart", when he said to write down a full list of what you want in a man, and then goes on to say to look at it, and realize you're not going to get everything on that list. If you get 70-80% of it, you should consider yourself fortunate.

Sounds Good Dragon !

[chloe]

Doctor Laura isn't always right and what she told an individual that she diagnosed after listening to her for ten seconds doesn't necessarily apply to the remaining population.

Last time I talked to her Dad he said that they were doing well. I didn't have time to ask him about details.

Yeah but don't you think its good advice? I see alot of girls I work with go in and out of relationships with men, and they never even think about their kids, they only think about their own happiness. They should stay out of a relationship until their kids are grown.

[glockmail]

Yeah but don't you think its good advice? I see alot of girls I work with go in and out of relationships with men, and they never even think about their kids, they only think about their own happiness. They should stay out of a relationship until their kids are grown. It depends. My most favorite great aunt divorced a loser then found a great guy with a huge heart that helped raise her daughter. Guys like that may be rare but they're not imaginary.

[chloe]

It depends. My most favorite great aunt divorced a loser then found a great guy with a huge heart that helped raise her daughter. Guys like that may be rare but they're not imaginary.

Oh. Well I could never do that myself but thats neat for your aunt.:beer: I just mean't Ive seen single moms have new men every year and it does damge their kids. The safest way for some people is just not to do that. Plus dateline NBC had a show about predators that looks for single moms so they can molest their children.

[DragonStryk72]

It depends. My most favorite great aunt divorced a loser then found a great guy with a huge heart that helped raise her daughter. Guys like that may be rare but they're not imaginary.

Right but, she knew what she really wanted, especially by having what she didn't want spelled out for her the first time.

[chloe]

Right but, she knew what she really wanted, especially by having what she didn't want spelled out for her the first time.


She was Glocks Aunt, so she was probably an upright religious woman who is blessed in life. The girls I know from work meet them at bars and move them in right away no marriage and then when it ends they get another man, all the while putting their kid through attaschments and breakups. I just think its wrong to do. shrug.

[glockmail]

She was Glocks Aunt, so she was probably an upright religious woman who is blessed in life. The girls I know from work meet them at bars and move them in right away no marriage and then when it ends they get another man, all the while putting their kid through attaschments and breakups. I just think its wrong to do. shrug.

In fact, she still is, and at 88 still blessed with a solid intellect. During WW2 she was a "Rosie the Riveter" and operated an overhead crane at the Watertown Arsenal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watertown_Arsenal), assembling artillery.

[chloe]

In fact, she still is, and at 88 still blessed with a solid intellect. During WW2 she was a "Rosie the Riveter" and operated an overhead crane at the Watertown Arsenal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watertown_Arsenal), assembling artillery.

You and your family are pretty neat people Glock. :beer:

[glockmail]

You and your family are pretty neat people Glock. :beer:
I don't compare to this past generation. My Dad graduated HS in 1948 and signed up for the Army. They tested him then would not let him go overseas, instead put State-side him in the missile design program along with the college educated officers. During that stint he witnessed a cannon launched nuclear test, three miles from ground zero.

[chloe]

I don't compare to this past generation. My Dad graduated HS in 1948 and signed up for the Army. They tested him then would not let him go overseas, instead put State-side him in the missile design program along with the college educated officers. During that stint he witnessed a cannon launched nuclear test, three miles from ground zero.

Sounds like he is a very intelligent man, glad he's on our countries side.:salute:

[glockmail]

Sounds like he is a very intelligent man, glad he's on our countries side.:salute: He is, and was. He got a full-boat academic scholarship to Boston College High School. After the Army he looked through the engineering discipline for the best pay then chose that one: which at that time was electrical. Went to night school for ten years while driving a cab during the day and on weekends to pay the rent and feed the family which at that time grew to three kids. They lived in an upper flat above my grandparents, which is a story in itself.

My grandfather worked every day during the depression. When the boss would announce another pay cut, he'd just work harder. He had at least one company go bankrupt while he was the last blue collar worker. My grandmother wanted to buy a house then because the prices were so low and he was afraid to. One Saturday she had him drive to a double-decker two family and he refused to get out of the car because he didn't even want to look. She told him to get out, because he need to help clean it before he move their furniture in. She had signed the mortgage papers herself the day before. They lived upstairs because they could get a higher rent for the downstairs unit.

When my parents came back from Texas after his Army stint they moved into the upstairs flat and my grandparents moved downstairs.

[chloe]

He is, and was. He got a full-boat academic scholarship to Boston College High School. After the Army he looked through the engineering discipline for the best pay then chose that one: which at that time was electrical. Went to night school for ten years while driving a cab during the day and on weekends to pay the rent and feed the family which at that time grew to three kids. They lived in an upper flat above my grandparents, which is a story in itself.

My grandfather worked every day during the depression. When the boss would announce another pay cut, he'd just work harder. He had at least one company go bankrupt while he was the last blue collar worker. My grandmother wanted to buy a house then because the prices were so low and he was afraid to. One Saturday she had him drive to a double-decker two family and he refused to get out of the car because he didn't even want to look. She told him to get out, because he need to help clean it before he move their furniture in. She had signed the mortgage papers herself the day before. They lived upstairs because they could get a higher rent for the downstairs unit.

When my parents came back from Texas after his Army stint they moved into the upstairs flat and my grandparents moved downstairs.

Oh I like your Grandma much:laugh2:, Bossy women are awesome !!!

[glockmail]

Oh I like your Grandma much:laugh2:, Bossy women are awesome !!! She used to chase me around and not able to catch me. LOL

[Binky]

Thank you. I've always been slated toward monogamy, and having been the guy that is the best friend to a number of women, this article was an interesting premise for me. I've felt for a while that women do become too picky about what guy they end up with, and I myself actually got a once because the woman informed me I was "too good", with a bulletted list provided.

If the worst you can say of the guy you're with is that he is a little too good, then maybe you need to start looking at your criteria. Most guys do not have a concrete plan of who they want to be with, and even those of us who think we won't get married for the most part, end up doing so eventually. For myself, there were certain things I knew I didn't want, but aside from that, it's about the connection.

I liked a point that Dr. Phil brought up in his book "Love Smart", when he said to write down a full list of what you want in a man, and then goes on to say to look at it, and realize you're not going to get everything on that list. If you get 70-80% of it, you should consider yourself fortunate.



Well, I met my hubby on a blind date. It was the proverbial "love at first sight." We met. We chased each other around. We teased. And it all came out as falling in love. Six months later he was drafted into the army. Two months later, before his AIT (Advanced Individual Training) kicked in, we got married, honeymooned and then he headed off to Viet Nam.... We're still married and at the end of Oct. we'll be celebrating our 46th wedding anniv.....


Picking a spouse is much like looking for a home. You figure out your what you want, then eliminate some items and then you finalize it....

[chloe]

Well, I met my hubby on a blind date. It was the proverbial "love at first sight." We met. We chased each other around. We teased. And it all came out as falling in love. Six months later he was drafted into the army. Two months later, before his AIT (Advanced Individual Training) kicked in, we got married, honeymooned and then he headed off to Viet Nam.... We're still married and at the end of Oct. we'll be celebrating our 46th wedding anniv.....


Picking a spouse is much like looking for a home. You figure out your what you want, then eliminate some items and then you finalize it....


Pretty cool Binky !