jimnyc
01-31-2010, 08:21 AM
So you might have read that I've been stressed the past few weeks, and also had to deal with the Flu. The Flu, and the meds of course, seemed to slow down the stress, but since the Flu went away the stress/anxiety has returned.
I wholly admit these issues are of my own doing, and now I must suffer in order to get better.
Smoking the magical herb for so long has killed me. Quitting it fully has wreaked havoc on my system. Insomnia and 300 trips to the bathroom a day with a foul stomach is the worst of the symptoms, but I vowed to stick with it and God as my witness I WILL NOT be looking back.
I was sick as a dog last night and wanted to cut out my belly. I've also noticed that I have the stamina of a pair of bookends. Doing menial tasks have been leaving me out of breath and dizzy. I've gained too much weight. I've lost my self esteem from the weight gain, feeling ill, and knowing I am suffering and the hands of my own doing.
Last evening I finally reached my limit and was ready to break down. Before bed, I took my last pack of cigarettes and mutilated them as if they were my worst enemy. I bought the nicotine patch and am now going to try and rid myself of another 22 year addiction. I know the patch is just a crutch sort of, but I know cold turkey will only last about 45 minutes for me.
My goal is to continue eating and drinking things that will cleanse and replenish my system, and unfortunately deal with the constant sickness that comes with it. As I slowly, day by day, rid my system of the toxins in the cigarettes, my stamina should slowly increase (I know this as fact as I've tried quitting before, and once made 5 weeks and felt like a new person before I screwed up and went back). As my stamina increases, my goal is to slowly start exercising more and more. Starting with walks, home exercise and work my way up to bicycling and jogging, and then when I can handle it start back at the gym full time.
I am scared to death to face the upcoming months, but am more scared of having a heart attack, or dying, and missing out on so many important things in my life that I have yet to achieve.
Ok, I know I'm rambling, but that's also the withdrawals running rampant through my confused and chemically altered brain, and fat filled body. I weighed myself last evening, and fully clothed I was 199lbs - and I should be around 170-175 for my frame.
So if you see me posting and think it's an impostor from the local mental health hospital, it's just me trying to get myself better and going through delusional periods! LOL
I wholly admit these issues are of my own doing, and now I must suffer in order to get better.
Smoking the magical herb for so long has killed me. Quitting it fully has wreaked havoc on my system. Insomnia and 300 trips to the bathroom a day with a foul stomach is the worst of the symptoms, but I vowed to stick with it and God as my witness I WILL NOT be looking back.
I was sick as a dog last night and wanted to cut out my belly. I've also noticed that I have the stamina of a pair of bookends. Doing menial tasks have been leaving me out of breath and dizzy. I've gained too much weight. I've lost my self esteem from the weight gain, feeling ill, and knowing I am suffering and the hands of my own doing.
Last evening I finally reached my limit and was ready to break down. Before bed, I took my last pack of cigarettes and mutilated them as if they were my worst enemy. I bought the nicotine patch and am now going to try and rid myself of another 22 year addiction. I know the patch is just a crutch sort of, but I know cold turkey will only last about 45 minutes for me.
My goal is to continue eating and drinking things that will cleanse and replenish my system, and unfortunately deal with the constant sickness that comes with it. As I slowly, day by day, rid my system of the toxins in the cigarettes, my stamina should slowly increase (I know this as fact as I've tried quitting before, and once made 5 weeks and felt like a new person before I screwed up and went back). As my stamina increases, my goal is to slowly start exercising more and more. Starting with walks, home exercise and work my way up to bicycling and jogging, and then when I can handle it start back at the gym full time.
I am scared to death to face the upcoming months, but am more scared of having a heart attack, or dying, and missing out on so many important things in my life that I have yet to achieve.
Ok, I know I'm rambling, but that's also the withdrawals running rampant through my confused and chemically altered brain, and fat filled body. I weighed myself last evening, and fully clothed I was 199lbs - and I should be around 170-175 for my frame.
So if you see me posting and think it's an impostor from the local mental health hospital, it's just me trying to get myself better and going through delusional periods! LOL