Monogamy isn't normal.

[Noir]

A friend of mine posted this on another board, so i thought i'd share to hear your thoughts,


note; this isn't me trying to justify anything, it's a discussion.

I was in a lecture today and were were discussing evolution/natural instincts and humans etc.

One point that was brought up was about the hormone oxytocin, which is released during orgasm (in sex) it's also a bonding hormone (for women mostly) After the sex is over the oxytocin levels in men drops rapidly (which explains why they just roll over and sleep) whereas in women it's slowly decreases over time (which explains why we always want to cuddle for hours after).

The reason for this is mainly to do with increasing the males gene pool. Obviously if he has sex with a woman and never see's her again, he wouldn't know if he's produced a child, obviously she'd know. The main reason the oxytocin levels in men drops so rapidly is so men can't "bond" as much after sex, and move onto their next partner to increase there gene pool.

So, in society today, it's encouraged that a relationship is 2 people only. Monogamy is the "right" thing to do, even though our biology is designed for serial relationships - in men anyway.

-Discuss this.
-Is this a good enough reason why men cheat?
-partner for life Vs serial relationships
-Oxytocin is the hormone which causes contractions/lactating

[KarlMarx]

1. Monogamy IS normal, polygamy is not. That means that the "norm" is to have a single spouse whereas the practice of having more than one spouse is not common place.

2. To quote a line from "The Nile Queen".. "human nature is something we were put on this Earth to rise above"

It is natural to steal, cheat, lie or do whatever it takes to survive or to feel good. It is unnatural to put the good of others ahead of yours. Nature has never been a good justification for sin because our very nature is to sin.

[chloe]

I don't think Monogamy is natural, but I think if you make a commitment to someone and in that agreement it is exlcusive and monogamous then you should stick to it.

[Abbey Marie]

If monogamy is "unnatural", then why is it all-but-universal for anyone to feel so horrible, right down to the pit of their stomach, when their loved one sleeps with another person?

[Little-Acorn]

If monogamy is "unnatural", then why is it all-but-universal for anyone to feel so horrible, right down to the pit of their stomach, when their loved one sleeps with another person?

Because we were't included as a threesome?

[DragonStryk72]

Because we were't included as a threesome?

lol, seriously though, so what if men don't bond by sex? Sex and marriage are not the same thing. Love may include sex, but not necessarily, because men do still bond, we just don't bond through sex.

[PostmodernProphet]

The main reason the oxytocin levels in men drops so rapidly is so men can't "bond" as much after sex

I thought it was so women could get some sleep.....

[darin]

If monogamy is "unnatural", then why is it all-but-universal for anyone to feel so horrible, right down to the pit of their stomach, when their loved one sleeps with another person?

As an aside - wouldn't it be great if folks felt just as horrible when they realized they may not have been living up to any of the OTHER vows in a marriage? I'd say, at least often, people feel bad because they want to be the victim. I'd argue "violating the vows to love-honor-cherish is usually the cause/stimulus for the other one to violate the forsake all others vow."

Of course, those other three vows aren't NEARLY as exciting if broken...

Interesting part of the OP - that's absolutely reversed in my life - the 'falling off' of chemicals. Sex w/o bonding (not bondage, pervs) can be fun, but I hate feeling empty afterward.

[DragonStryk72]

As an aside - wouldn't it be great if folks felt just as horrible when they realized they may not have been living up to any of the OTHER vows in a marriage? I'd say, at least often, people feel bad because they want to be the victim. I'd argue "violating the vows to love-honor-cherish is usually the cause/stimulus for the other one to violate the forsake all others vow."

Of course, those other three vows aren't NEARLY as exciting if broken...

Interesting part of the OP - that's absolutely reversed in my life - the 'falling off' of chemicals. Sex w/o bonding (not bondage, pervs) can be fun, but I hate feeling empty afterward.

That's my problem as a guy, I don't view it as being "tied down", and most guys wouldn't if we were really left to our own devices, but we are continuously bombarded by it on a near daily basis. Yes, we think about sex constantly, but it is much as the same as how some women think about their wedding day. It is not necessarily attached to an immediate want, but we still think about it.

This is not to say that marriage is for everyone, male or female. There are people who are legitimately not made for marriage, but this does not mean that marriage is "abnormal", it merely states that people are diverse. If you are happier not married than you are married, then that's all well and good for you, just let the rest of us alone, and if someone is trying to push marriage on you, tell them that you don't believe in it and move along.

However, of note is that nearly all the guys I know who said they "weren't into marriage" are now married, fairly happily. So I believe some of the angst against marriage is built upon an ignorance of what marriage is really all about.

[Abbey Marie]

That's my problem as a guy, I don't view it as being "tied down", and most guys wouldn't if we were really left to our own devices, but we are continuously bombarded by it on a near daily basis. Yes, we think about sex constantly, but it is much as the same as how some women think about their wedding day. It is not necessarily attached to an immediate want, but we still think about it.

This is not to say that marriage is for everyone, male or female. There are people who are legitimately not made for marriage, but this does not mean that marriage is "abnormal", it merely states that people are diverse. If you are happier not married than you are married, then that's all well and good for you, just let the rest of us alone, and if someone is trying to push marriage on you, tell them that you don't believe in it and move along.

However, of note is that nearly all the guys I know who said they "weren't into marriage" are now married, fairly happily. So I believe some of the angst against marriage is built upon an ignorance of what marriage is really all about.

:clap: Wish I could rep you double for this.

[darin]

:clap: Wish I could rep you double for this.


got him for ya!

[Abbey Marie]

got him for ya!

:beer:

[Trigg]

There's never a "good reason" to cheat and there really is no excuse for it. Break up if your in an unhappy relationship!

[darin]

By cheating you mean...to either stop loving, cherishing, OR forsaking all others?