Should infidelity be illegal?

[Noir]

This question was posed to me a few weeks ago, and it has played heavy on my mind, there is the typical response of 'ofcourse it shouldn't be illegal' but the more you look into it, the more ya wonder why it's not, and when you compare it with things that are illegal, it looks odder still that it's not.

Take 2 examples.

A) Mr A lives with Miss B and Miss C, Mr A loves both Miss B and C, and they are happy to live knowing that the love of Mr A is spilt between them.
They are allowed to do as they please, live together, have sex with eachother, have children ect. Then Mr A turns to Miss B and C and tells them that he wants to marry both of them. But he can't, it's illegal. A man can not have two wives, even if all the adult parties argee that it is what they want, and if Mr. A tries to work around the system to have two wives, he could find himself in trouble with the law.

B) Mr A and Mrs B are happily married, or so Mrs B thinks, Mr A has been getting bored of his wife, but did not want to break up for the ske of their clildren, and so he has been cheating on his wife, having multiple meet ups with other women for sex, and he even became involved with one women after getting her preggers and he is now leading a double life. When it all comes to light and he is found out, Mrs B is an emotional wreck, she must go through a divorce, discover the details of the past few years, and try and move on with her life, while Mr. A is legaly free to do as he pleases.

Surly if anything you would think that the law should come down on B) not A) and yet for some reason we just accept cheating as part of our society, on which can cause massive personal distress to the person being cheated on, and yet the cheater is never held to account by society.

[chloe]

This question was posed to me a few weeks ago, and it has played heavy on my mind, there is the typical response of 'ofcourse it shouldn't be illegal' but the more you look into it, the more ya wonder why it's not, and when you compare it with things that are illegal, it looks odder still that it's not.

Take 2 examples.

A) Mr A lives with Miss B and Miss C, Mr A loves both Miss B and C, and they are happy to live knowing that the love of Mr A is spilt between them.
They are allowed to do as they please, live together, have sex with eachother, have children ect. Then Mr A turns to Miss B and C and tells them that he wants to marry both of them. But he can't, it's illegal. A man can not have two wives, even if all the adult parties argee that it is what they want, and if Mr. A tries to work around the system to have two wives, he could find himself in trouble with the law.

B) Mr A and Mrs B are happily married, or so Mrs B thinks, Mr A has been getting bored of his wife, but did not want to break up for the ske of their clildren, and so he has been cheating on his wife, having multiple meet ups with other women for sex, and he even became involved with one women after getting her preggers and he is now leading a double life. When it all comes to light and he is found out, Mrs B is an emotional wreck, she must go through a divorce, discover the details of the past few years, and try and move on with her life, while Mr. A is legaly free to do as he pleases.

Surly if anything you would think that the law should come down on B) not A) and yet for some reason we just accept cheating as part of our society, on which can cause massive personal distress to the person being cheated on, and yet the cheater is never held to account by society.


The problem with infidelity is that you risk sexually transmitted diseases. If you contract aids and then give it to your spouse its a death sentence. But short of that no why should it be illegal? On your example A scenario my question is wy can't polygamy be legal? I will never understand why the government censors adults entering that kind of marraige agreement.

[PostmodernProphet]

misspelling infidelity in thread titles should be illegal....

[Noir]

misspelling infidelity in thread titles should be illegal....

Aw damn, can a mod change it pl0x

[Noir]

The problem with infidelity is that you risk sexually transmitted diseases. If you contract aids and then give it to your spouse its a death sentence. But short of that no why should it be illegal? On your example A scenario my question is wy can't polygamy be legal? I will never understand why the government censors adults entering that kind of marraige agreement.

True, that being the flip side, both should be legal.

Personally, thinking along the lines that the las is there to protect us, why should it not seek justice for those who may have had there lives ripped apartby a cheating spouse.

A marriage, or civil partnership, is a legal contract, surly braking such a contract by cheating deserves punishment.

Now I won't think for a second that this will ever be enforced. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't be, just that it won't.

[bullypulpit]

There are, however, legal remedies for situation B. It's called Mrs. B divorcing Mr. A's skeevy ass and taking him for everything he has.

As for situation A, the state has no compelling interest in the relationship between the parties so long as they are consenting adults who all find the arrangement agreeable. If they wish to enter into a civil union, which is all marriage is from legalistic perspective...the state has no compelling reason to forbid it.

Granted, there are numerous and egregious abuses of individuals, namely women, in polygamous relationships. But in the US they are limited to the lunatic fringers of the Mormon faith and their scribble-in-their-own-shit crazy off-shoots. In such cases, the government is obliged to step in as physical, psychological and sexual abuse are occurring in these instances, as happened recently in Texas.

[Luna Tick]

Infidelity is bad and it's a terrible thing to do to your partner, but it's not the government's business and therefore should be legal. When infidelity happens, it's an issue that should be settled between the two partners, not in the courts. We've all got to be adults and handle these kind of things ourselves without running to lawyers. Infidelity hurts people's egos, but it's not the job of the government to repair them. That's our job as mature adults.

[Little-Acorn]

Let the people decide.

It would be interesting if some of the states made it illegal. Who would move into or out of the state that made it illegal? I wonder if the net migration would be positive or negative.

Not everybody who wanted to have an affair, would move out of the state, of course. But some might.

Should it be illegal on a Federal level? Of course not. One-size-fits-all solutions "for the person's own good" rarely work, and usually create more problems than they solve.... if they solve any. See: Prohibition, War on Drugs.

[Noir]

Let the people decide.

It would be interesting if some of the states made it illegal. Who would move into or out of the state that made it illegal? I wonder if the net migration would be positive or negative.

Not everybody who wanted to have an affair, would move out of the state, of course. But some might.

Should it be illegal on a Federal level? Of course not. One-size-fits-all solutions "for the person's own good" rarely work, and usually create more problems than they solve.... if they solve any. See: Prohibition, War on Drugs.


Indeedy, that's something like what I was thinking,
I mean, everyone sees cheating as bad, no matter who you are or were you are from, and allot of people will have been cheated upon,
I'm not saying these poeple should be put to jail, but maybe something like comunity service ect.

[Trigg]

Indeedy, that's something like what I was thinking,
I mean, everyone sees cheating as bad, no matter who you are or were you are from, and allot of people will have been cheated upon,
I'm not saying these poeple should be put to jail, but maybe something like comunity service ect.

I think in some muslim countries it's a death sentence for infidelity. Now that's a deterrent!!!!!

[Luna Tick]

I think in some muslim countries it's a death sentence for infidelity. Now that's a deterrent!!!!!

That shows how shallow and vindictive countries like that are. Of course, they would say we're immoral for not outlawing it, but that's short-sighted. Keeping something legal is not the same thing as condoning it. I've been cheated on before and can vouch for how much it hurts, but I would be a sad and pathetic person if I advocated killing the person for hurting me like that. The countries that do have the death penalty for infidelity are just that: sad and pathetic.

[Noir]

I think in some muslim countries it's a death sentence for infidelity. Now that's a deterrent!!!!!

Yars, I wouldn't be lookin any heads chopped off, just some street litter picked up.

[bullypulpit]

That shows how shallow and vindictive countries like that are. Of course, they would say we're immoral for not outlawing it, but that's short-sighted. Keeping something legal is not the same thing as condoning it. I've been cheated on before and can vouch for how much it hurts, but I would be a sad and pathetic person if I advocated killing the person for hurting me like that. The countries that do have the death penalty for infidelity are just that: sad and pathetic.

Not so much countries, as the misguided, simple-minded and cruel ideologies that influence their rulers. Of course, if so-called social conservatives are REALLY interested in defending the sanctity of marriage...instead of pursuing a narrow and petty agenda against same gender couples...they should be all for banning divorce and punishing infidelity in the harshest manner. A good stoning for the perpetrators comes to mind.

[glockmail]

Divorce reinforces the sanctity of marriage by ending bad marriages. Infidelity is simply an indicator of a bad marriage and excellent legal grounds for divorce.

Queer marriage on the other hand denigrates the sanctity of marriage so it should never be sanctioned any state that I choose to live in.

[PostmodernProphet]

the obvious solution to the problem of infidelity isn't to keep the bedroom private or to permit people to make thier own choices......the solution is to cause society to redefine marriage to include people who have no desire to be together.....just think, total strangers could "marry" online and never have to meet....the perfect solution....

[HogTrash]

We cannot and should not attempt to legislate morality.

Instead, as individuals we should not condone it as it destroys families and lives.

Infidelity, the same as homosexuality, should be kept in the gutters and backallies where it belongs.

[Noir]

We cannot and should not attempt to legislate morality.

Instead, as individuals we should not condone it as it destroys families and lives.

Infidelity, the same as homosexuality, should be kept in the gutters and backallies where it belongs.

Surly almost all laws legislate morality? Like not murdering, not stealing, not lying ect

I don't think anyone, except maybe those who are cheating, will condone it, but surly if someone is given sentence of comunity service ect it will add a greater stigma to something that seems to be far too readily accepted as a norm

[MtnBiker]

Surly almost all laws legislate morality? Like not murdering, not stealing, not lying ect



There is legislation against all lying?? Stealing envolves property rights and one could argue that murder is also a violation of property rights.

[HogTrash]

Surly almost all laws legislate morality? Like not murdering, not stealing, not lying ectI'm sure given enough time you will see the flaw in your comparison of these crimes to infidelity.


I don't think anyone, except maybe those who are cheating, will condone it, but surly if someone is given sentence of comunity service ect it will add a greater stigma to something that seems to be far too readily accepted as a normYou would be surprised at the friends and family who not only condone but in many cases assist and enable infidelity.

[-Cp]

I believe part of the problem is that all too many folks have a limited view of what infidelity really is..

[HogTrash]

I believe part of the problem is that all too many folks have a limited view of what infidelity really is..I assumed we were talking about the most popular kind.

[-Cp]

I assumed we were talking about the most popular kind.

That's part of the problem - folks believe that it only manifests itself in one having sex w/ someone outside the relationship.....

[Noir]

There is legislation against all lying?? Stealing envolves property rights and one could argue that murder is also a violation of property rights.

Not all lying, I mean like fraud and stuff, 'lying' to the taxman ect.
Also lying in court, perverting justice ect.

[Noir]

I'm sure given enough time you will see the flaw in your comparison of these crimes to infidelity.

Infidelity ruins lives. That you can surly not deny.


You would be surprised at the friends and family who not only condone but in many cases assist and enable infidelity.

So that makes it ok? Obviously people that are involved in it will find some way to justify it to themselves, but that does not make it right.

[Noir]

I believe part of the problem is that all too many folks have a limited view of what infidelity really is..

Can you mention the other types, just so I'm certain we're on the same train of thoughts, you mean as in flirting with someone ect?

[KarlMarx]

I don't think that infidelity should be illegal, but the "third party" in a divorce, i.e. the one that helped to break up the marriage, should also be on the hook financially. If he screwed around with your wife, then he should be fined... a lot.

After all, marriage is a contract. In cases of other types of contracts, those who break them or cause them to be broken can be held liable. I don't see why marriage should be any different.

[HogTrash]

I don't think that infidelity should be illegal, but the "third party" in a divorce, i.e. the one that helped to break up the marriage, should also be on the hook financially. If he screwed around with your wife, then he should be fined... a lot.

After all, marriage is a contract. In cases of other types of contracts, those who break them or cause them to be broken can be held liable. I don't see why marriage should be any different.I agree that allowing it to be treated as a civil matter should be OK and in fact believe I have heard a case where it has happened?!

[crin63]

If a spouse cheats on the other spouse, the cheater should get nothing in the divorce (if it comes to that) and the 3rd party should be liable for alienation of affection resulting in paying through the nose for damaging a family. If the offended spouse chooses to remain married to the cheater then they forfeit any claim to anything that occurred prior to the decision to stay together, in other words they start with a clean slate so to speak.

[Abbey Marie]

In the end, God will take care of the unrepentant cheater. In the meantime, the cheater usually pays the price for behaving badly, in ways that society via the government couldn't possibly mete out. Loss of self-respect, amd loss of the respect of your children, being just two. Also, "live by the sword, die by the sword", applies to more than just the metal type of weapon, lol.

As for the 3rd party paying financially, can you imagine the mess in the courts if that law were enacted? Ultimately, it is the cheating spouse who is the most wrong, as he/she has broken the vows, and I am satisfied if that person pays. On that note, I saw one of Tiger Woods' mistresses interviewed, and when asked point blank if she thought she should apologize to Elin Woods, she said "No, I have nothing to apologize for". Nice, huh?

[crin63]

As for the 3rd party paying financially, can you imagine the mess in the courts if that law were enacted? Ultimately, it is the cheating spouse who is the most wrong, as he/she has broken the vows, and I am satisfied if that person pays. ?

From my understanding the 3rd party used to be liable for alienation of affection until no-fault divorce came along. It didn't cause a mess in the courts then.

[Abbey Marie]

From my understanding the 3rd party used to be liable for alienation of affection until no-fault divorce came along. It didn't cause a mess in the courts then.

Liable in what way? Monetarily? Didn't the spouse have free will to cheat or not to cheat? Also, that seems to take responsibility away from the spouse. "It's not my fault- my mistress made me do it". Not liking that at all.

[crin63]

Liable in what way? Monetarily? Didn't the spouse have free will to cheat or not to cheat? Also, that seems to take responsibility away from the spouse. "It's not my fault- my mistress made me do it". Not liking that at all.

Of course the spouses had the free will to cheat or not but they also lost out financially during the divorce if there was proof of infidelity. I have no problem with both the cheating spouse and the 3rd party taking a financial hit. It might make someone think twice before messing around with someone who is married.