I have not posted in awhile, but boy do I have a story

[Trinity]

I guess I'll start with my ex................. as some of you may remember from about 5 years ago. The a#$hole piece of s&^t I was married to for far to long and then divorced.

Part 1..........

So it starts with my 13 year old he starts dropping hints here and there about maybe living with his father, this started about 3 months ago. Knowing this child thought his dad, his words not mine, was an a##hole I was kinda taken aback by these little hints and pretty much ignored them.

About a month ago he busts out with I want to live with my dad. :eek: I was like what? why? his response well because I lived with you all of my life and I want to try to live with my dad for half the time I am growing up. :lame2: I then said ok and? He says well my dads getting older and he wants to spend more time with me and since I'm getting older too. :lame2:

I said ok now whats really going on what is your dad telling you and putting in your head? He says nothing but I'll have more money at my dad's and I can still come and see you. :slap: You have got to be kidding me?! More money?! I told him well he can pay me more child support and you'll have more money. This is the same kid who just got a $300.00 texter dream phone and mom pays his cell phone bill. OK :slap:

He then says well I won't have to deal with all the drama :lmao: that's funny....I said are you serious? what drama? considering my current husband and I never ever argue. And I have talked to my ex's girlfriend a few times and yeah let's just say the man has not changed he still screams and yells and calls people names and it's like walking on eggshells living there....some things never change....I told her yeah good luck with that, thats why we are divorced, to much drama.

But according to my 13 year old his dad has changed he's not like that anymore. I told him ok and you have not lived with him since you were 9. Going and visiting every other weekend is way different then actually living there.

So needless to say about 3 weeks ago I read through my sons text messages and his dad was encouraging him on what to say. I let it go for the moment.

Then one evening me and the boy's went grocery shopping and my ex calls my cell he's being all nice and asking how things are going and wanting to know if I'm ok which is very suspicious to me but whatever I already know he has an ulterior motive for calling my phone........ and I'm waiting for it.


Here it comes.........well he says you know William is starting to get older and he wants to come and live with me I said yeah he's mentioned it. He then goes into how a great dad he is and how he is way better then all the other fathers he knows and I FLIPPED OUT in the middle of krogers. I am sure everyone heard my end of the conversation.

I was like great dad??!!! you have got to be kidding me, where in the f&^k do you get off calling your self a great dad? He says well I pay my child support every week and I get the boy's every other weekend. OH NO stop right there don't even try to pull that paying child support and getting your children 4 days a month, does not earn you father of the year award!!!

I said where the hell were you at in the past five years when I have had to take them to DR. appointments because there sick and I had to call off work, how about football practice and games, basketball practice and games, running them to their friends house's, and all the other running I have done. Where the hell were you at for the entire year Jesse was in counseling once a week that's 52 visits and you never went to one of them. What about parent teacher conferences never saw you at those either. Hell do you even know their teachers names?????? He had no answer.

I then said I am done with this conversation.......and I hung up on him.

So two days later he calls me again and starts on the same crap. I was at home then and put him on speaker phone my husband, my youngest son, and the neighbors daughter were all listening to him go on and on he then starts screaming at me and called me a stupid tramp......ok sure he's changed.

Everyone was sitting there like :eek: my husband says did he just call you a stupid tramp? My 11 year old son looks at me and says mom whats a tramp? and the neighbor girl was like wow ok. At that point I then told my ex he had 30 minutes to bring William home or I was calling the cops it was his weekend however it was after 6pm at this point. And I have full custody. He brought him home quickly.

A week goes by and i am noticing William seems to be distancing himself from me. William and I have always had a very close relationship. So I started thinking about things and decided that I am not going to be the bad guy here which is exactly what they are making me. I told William if you want to go live with your dad and try it out that's fine you can go and if you decide you don't like it you can always move back home. He was thrilled! I was not!

But I realized that he is 13 years old he will be 14 in May and I should actually be proud that he is confident enough to want to move out into the world and find his own place in the world. I believe I have instilled good morals and values in him and I'm confident he will make the right choices when push comes to shove. He is a really good kid with a good head on his shoulders! Now if I could just get him to quit changing girlfriends like he changes underwear. :coffee:

Part 2...........

So since William wanted to move in with his dad we had to modify the child custody so we went and filed a joint motion to modify it to shared parenting so William could enroll in his dads school district.

We went to court yesterday we had no desire to modify anything but the custody part we have a child support order for $200.00 a month from 5 years ago that we never modified because I hate the child support system i never get the money when I am supposed to it's always a week to two weeks late but then sometimes i do get it when I am supposed to. So I didn't want anymore child support going through the system the two of us had agreed his child support would increase to $500.00 a month and he would give me $150.00 additional every two weeks so I knew I could count on getting it on time. However this was based on what I knew he was making 5 years ago. (my ex pointed out how his girlfriend made the comment about how she wished her kid's dad paid what my ex did and paid it on time) I made the comment well if she would have made better choices in who she choose to father her kids. I said my first ex couldn't keep a job I made it a point to make sure the next husband I had kept a job and made decent money just in case I divorced him too.

While in court yesterday the judge decided he wanted to do a child support worksheet but was ok with us leaving the child support as it stood since my ex is giving me money every other week on top of what goes through the system. My ex and i had already decided that he would continue giving me the same amount he had been giving me even though William was now living with him.

The judge got all of our work info pay and hours and then had us step out into the hall while he computed it.

My ex was sweating bullets :lmao: he kept saying there going to kill me in child support.

We get called back in and the judge had determined that he was to pay me $348.00 a month even with him having one of the kids living with him. Which computes to him paying me $700.00 a month if I have both living with me. Hmmmmm so after court I made it a point to tell him you should have been paying me $700.00 a month for the past year and a half now so yeah we'll just leave it at $500.00 for now.

If William moves back in with me, you can damn well bet it's going up to $700.00 a month. :thumb:

[Joyful HoneyBee]

This reminded me, slightly, of a conversation I once had on the phone with my ex. He had loaded up Quicken on his "compuker" and was quick to announce that he had created a pie chart that showed that he spent 32% of his income on child support (this even though he was seriously in arrears at the time). I didn't hesitate to tell him that I didn't need a freakin' pie chart to tell me that I spent 100% of my earnings supporting our children. He quickly hung up on me. :laugh2:

Seriously though Trinity....Bickering with the ex in the presence of the children is harmful. Bickering with the ex on a cell phone in the presence of other shoppers in the store is self defacing. Bickering with the ex on the speaker phone at home in the presence of minor aged neighbors is kinda weird. :eek:

I'm not accusing you of this, but I have seen family members use their children as weapons to hurt one another and the ones who lose the most in such battles are the children. Childhood is incredibly short. It never matters what went on in the past, when you are trying to move forward with kids in tow it is generally easier to drive if you're hands are not burdened with bludgeoning clubs.

[chloe]

Trinity I missed ya posting here. Yeah some Ex-husbands can be very inconsiderate when it comes to recognizing all the work you have put into raising the child you both brought into the world. Your son sounds old enough to understand the concept of bickering parents. I know what joyfyl bee means and when my kids were little I was careful about badmouthing or fighting with ex in front of them too, but as they get older it doesn't scar them for life, its reality. The truth be told your son will probably be exposed to more from the ex husband then you anyway, it sounds like the ex has a bad temper. My ex had a zillion live in girlfriends and was always going to get engaged to them , and if the girlfriends had kids of their own sometimes they would call my ex husband dad and that used to bug my kids alot, because they knew their dad would be breaking up with the lady in a few months. Neither of my kids ever wanted to live with him. But my oldest went through a phase of wanting to live at her grandma's ( my mom's house) it didnt last long because I let her. LOL then she wanted to come home. Sometimes the grass looks greener elsewhere, sounds like you did a great job being a mom, your son will probably want to come back in a few months once he see's how your ex really is and the honeymoon is over.

[SassyLady]

Sometimes the grass looks greener elsewhere, sounds like you did a great job being a mom, your son will probably want to come back in a few months once he see's how your ex really is and the honeymoon is over.

I totally agree with you on this Chloe!

[Mr. P]

This reminded me, slightly, of a conversation I once had on the phone with my ex. He had loaded up Quicken on his "compuker" and was quick to announce that he had created a pie chart that showed that he spent 32% of his income on child support (this even though he was seriously in arrears at the time). I didn't hesitate to tell him that I didn't need a freakin' pie chart to tell me that I spent 100% of my earnings supporting our children. He quickly hung up on me. :laugh2:

Seriously though Trinity....Bickering with the ex in the presence of the children is harmful. Bickering with the ex on a cell phone in the presence of other shoppers in the store is self defacing. Bickering with the ex on the speaker phone at home in the presence of minor aged neighbors is kinda weird. :eek:

I'm not accusing you of this, but I have seen family members use their children as weapons to hurt one another and the ones who lose the most in such battles are the children. Childhood is incredibly short. It never matters what went on in the past, when you are trying to move forward with kids in tow it is generally easier to drive if you're hands are not burdened with bludgeoning clubs.

What She said!

[chloe]

What She said!

Yeah I suppose it all depends on the person, when my husband left us my kids were only 6 & 3, we never bickered like that but believe me I was devastated. I really didnt want to end the marriage. He had a lot of live-in girlfriends over time and my girls would come home and tell me horrible names they heard daddy call the women while fighting, one girlfriend even drove her car into his house while my kids were over. I suppose kids get exposed to bad things in life no matter what you do. Nowadays tv shows pretty much cover everything imaginable. As a parent myself I can do my part to shelter my girls from it as much as possile but it isn't realistic once they are older.Trinity's son is a teenager,by his age they have heard alot even at school. I'll bet the teenage son will hear his dad argue with more then just the mom. Unfortunately trinity won't be able to control the ex husbands foul mouth or temper eh? Not only that most people I know have lost their cool before because its human to do that. No its not ideal but neither is divorce, or unplanned pregnancies or alot of other things that happen in life. We move through them and learn something.

[emmett]

Playing the phone call for the neighbor kid was a bad idea imho.

I have to point out another thing. "Changes GF's like underwear". Hmmm! How old again.....13 (?).

I attribute my failure in marriage to one thing, my own bad decision process in the selection of my spouse. Maried too young, got what I had coming. Ended up raising kid alone so I do sort of have ability to understand to some degree. Difference is for men than women in this regard is that a man is expected to be able to support child without help. I found this to be true.

Carrying on these battles in front of or involving the children in any degree at all is tacky I think. It teaches them that vindictiveness is acceptable behavior as long as you think you are right. Bad form! Strength is displayed for children when you portray the image that no matter what happens you are capable of handling it and not allowing it to be a force in their lives. This builds their confidence that you are the proper parent to be in charge of their well being and lessens the chance that they will request to live with another parent.

I'm just saying....

[chloe]

Playing the phone call for the neighbor kid was a bad idea imho.

I have to point out another thing. "Changes GF's like underwear". Hmmm! How old again.....13 (?).

I attribute my failure in marriage to one thing, my own bad decision process in the selection of my spouse. Maried too young, got what I had coming. Ended up raising kid alone so I do sort of have ability to understand to some degree. Difference is for men than women in this regard is that a man is expected to be able to support child without help. I found this to be true.

Carrying on these battles in front of or involving the children in any degree at all is tacky I think. It teaches them that vindictiveness is acceptable behavior as long as you think you are right. Bad form! Strength is displayed for children when you portray the image that no matter what happens you are capable of handling it and not allowing it to be a force in their lives. This builds their confidence that you are the proper parent to be in charge of their well being and lessens the chance that they will request to live with another parent.

I'm just saying....


It's a good point on the child support. I have noticed a pattern about that too. I haven;t received any for 5 months now, but me and my ex get along ok because our parents are friends. I even let him live in my house a year for free. But Im making another thread to explore your point Emmett.

[Trinity]

Playing the phone call for the neighbor kid was a bad idea imho.

I have to point out another thing. "Changes GF's like underwear". Hmmm! How old again.....13 (?).

I attribute my failure in marriage to one thing, my own bad decision process in the selection of my spouse. Maried too young, got what I had coming. Ended up raising kid alone so I do sort of have ability to understand to some degree. Difference is for men than women in this regard is that a man is expected to be able to support child without help. I found this to be true.

Carrying on these battles in front of or involving the children in any degree at all is tacky I think. It teaches them that vindictiveness is acceptable behavior as long as you think you are right. Bad form! Strength is displayed for children when you portray the image that no matter what happens you are capable of handling it and not allowing it to be a force in their lives. This builds their confidence that you are the proper parent to be in charge of their well being and lessens the chance that they will request to live with another parent.

I'm just saying....

The phone call wasn't played for the neighbor girl she walked in while I had the phone on speaker so my husband could listen to the conversation. My ex has a huge problem with saying something and then swearing up and down he never said it. So I have gotten to the point that whenever I talk to my ex I put him on speaker phone so that I have a witness to what he says, so when he tries to say I never said that, yeah ya did I have a witness.


As for the phone call when I was called a name I was actually quite polite on that call, unlike him. I didn't feel the need to call him names and scream and carry on like he does. Matter of fact I am usually the one who is calm while he is screaming and carrying on. The phone call in the store was a first, and I had had enough of his I'm a great father spiel.

[glockmail]

I don't understand why you let your son move in with this scumbag. Kids don't get to make parenting choices- that's solely your job. Every 13 year old boy thinks he knows it all, and developmentally they're as dumb as a bag or rocks. I know because I was one.

[Trinity]

I don't understand why you let your son move in with this scumbag. Kids don't get to make parenting choices- that's solely your job. Every 13 year old boy thinks he knows it all, and developmentally they're as dumb as a bag or rocks. I know because I was one.

Thats the whole point.........It will take him about 3 months and he will be calling me up saying wow mom you were right he really hasn't changed and I want to move back home. :coffee:

The bonus is he will then be thinking, mom let me make my own decision and it ended up not working out like I thought, hmmmm maybe next time I will take her advice.

[glockmail]

Thats the whole point.........It will take him about 3 months and he will be calling me up saying wow mom you were right he really hasn't changed and I want to move back home. :coffee:

The bonus is he will then be thinking, mom let me make my own decision and it ended up not working out like I thought, hmmmm maybe next time I will take her advice.I see your point. I believe in having a "long leash" as well, and in this case he's still in relative safety. I hope it works.

[HogTrash]

Wow, I can't believe I read the whole thing?...And enjoyed it?! :wtf:

Oh No?...What's happening to me?...What's next?...........Oprah? :eek:

Holly shit, I'm turning into my sister! :alcoholic:

[Mr. P]

Wow, I can't believe I read the whole thing?...And enjoyed it?! :wtf:

Oh No?...What's happening to me?...What's next?...........Oprah? :eek:

Holly shit, I'm turning into my sister! :alcoholic:

Oprah? NO..ya gotta start with Jerry Springer and move up to Oprah.
Geeeezzzzzzzz!

[HogTrash]

Oprah? NO..ya gotta start with Jerry Springer and move up to Oprah.
Geeeezzzzzzzz!The sight of all those lefty loon democrats in Oprah's and Jerry's studios is enough to disgust any normal decent intelligent white human being that has more than one tooth.

[glockmail]

Wow, I can't believe I read the whole thing?...And enjoyed it?! :wtf:

Oh No?...What's happening to me?...What's next?...........Oprah? :eek:

Holly shit, I'm turning into my sister! :alcoholic:

Its about time you got in touch with your feminine side. :poke:

Maybe you'll do a Meridith Baxter....

[Trinity]

I see your point. I believe in having a "long leash" as well, and in this case he's still in relative safety. I hope it works.

Yep long leash....if you recall I also mentioned something about his cellphone and me paying the bill in the OP. I have the family watch on my phones which means at any time I can locate my child through the gps system on his phone either with my own phone or through the internet.:coffee: So I always know where he is. And I do check regularly.

[Trinity]

Wow, I can't believe I read the whole thing?...And enjoyed it?! :wtf:

Oh No?...What's happening to me?...What's next?...........Oprah? :eek:

Holly shit, I'm turning into my sister! :alcoholic:

:laugh2:

[Trinity]

Oprah? NO..ya gotta start with Jerry Springer and move up to Oprah.
Geeeezzzzzzzz!

Oh god no Jerry Springer....please...

[crin63]

I don't understand why you let your son move in with this scumbag. Kids don't get to make parenting choices- that's solely your job. Every 13 year old boy thinks he knows it all, and developmentally they're as dumb as a bag or rocks. I know because I was one.

Here in California 14 year olds get to decide where they want to live. If a 14 year old wants to live with the other parent all they have to do is figure out a way to get in front of a judge.

I wouldn't argue wit my ex-wife when she would call to pick a fight. I would tell her that I paid good money never to have to argue with her again and hung up.
Here you can get in trouble with the court if you allow children to hear disparaging comments made about the other parent. The court really frowns on that. Its hard, but best to teach the kids values and then let them find out on their own how screwed up the other parent is. I would always tell my boys to honor and love their mother to the best of their abilities.

I found that every other weekend of letting the boys go to their moms was too much so I took her back to court. She got Saturdays from 8am to 7pm when and if she showed up, she had a 30 minute window to pick them up in as well. She got no holidays and no over night visits. She had to drive 50 miles to my house to pick up the boys and I had to drive to her house to bring them back home. The judge wanted me to see the living conditions at the ex's when I picked them up and they were never late getting home.

[Jeff]

Here in California 14 year olds get to decide where they want to live. If a 14 year old wants to live with the other parent all they have to do is figure out a way to get in front of a judge.

I wouldn't argue wit my ex-wife when she would call to pick a fight. I would tell her that I paid good money never to have to argue with her again and hung up.
Here you can get in trouble with the court if you allow children to hear disparaging comments made about the other parent. The court really frowns on that. Its hard, but best to teach the kids values and then let them find out on their own how screwed up the other parent is. I would always tell my boys to honor and love their mother to the best of their abilities.

I found that every other weekend of letting the boys go to their moms was too much so I took her back to court. She got Saturdays from 8am to 7pm when and if she showed up, she had a 30 minute window to pick them up in as well. She got no holidays and no over night visits. She had to drive 50 miles to my house to pick up the boys and I had to drive to her house to bring them back home. The judge wanted me to see the living conditions at the ex's when I picked them up and they were never late getting home.

It is the same in SC, 13 or 14 I can't remember , MY Oldest wanted to come live but he had a younger brother, the law stated he could come to live with me at that age, but he had a younger brother , as long as there is a younger sibling he had to stay

Both my boys have come to live with me, my 21 year old has moved back to SC cause his friends are up there, but my 15 year old has been with me for 3 years now and is doing great

Kids have a way of eventually doing the right thing , sometimes ya have to give them that long leash so they can see both sides

Trinity I hope everything works I out just right for ya

[Mr. P]

Yep long leash....if you recall I also mentioned something about his cellphone and me paying the bill in the OP. I have the family watch on my phones which means at any time I can locate my child through the gps system on his phone either with my own phone or through the internet.:coffee: So I always know where he is. And I do check regularly.

:thumb:

[glockmail]

Yep long leash....if you recall I also mentioned something about his cellphone and me paying the bill in the OP. I have the family watch on my phones which means at any time I can locate my child through the gps system on his phone either with my own phone or through the internet.:coffee: So I always know where he is. And I do check regularly. I used to have that on mine and should reinstate it.

[Trinity]

I used to have that on mine and should reinstate it.

It is a wonderful thing. I love knowing I can check on the boys were ever they are, and they have no idea I am checking up on them. I pay like $5.00 extra a month on my cell phone bill, but it's $5.00 well spent for peace of mind.


I should also mention that I get text messages and emails for times and locations I have set up in the system, so if I set up for them to be at school at a certain time I will get a message telling me where there location is at that specific time.

[glockmail]

I was paying $20 for my two kids on Verizon; maybe the costs have gone down.

[Trinity]

I was paying $20 for my two kids on Verizon; maybe the costs have gone down.

I have sprint, and the family locator for $5.00 a month was a big reason why I went with sprint. From the searching I did, non of the others offered that feature.

[glockmail]

Verizon has it but you have to plug in each kid independently them wait 90 seconds.

[Trinity]

Thats the whole point.........It will take him about 3 months and he will be calling me up saying wow mom you were right he really hasn't changed and I want to move back home. :coffee:

The bonus is he will then be thinking, mom let me make my own decision and it ended up not working out like I thought, hmmmm maybe next time I will take her advice.


I love when I'm right..;) took a little longer then 3 months but.....

Thought I should update this thread..

My son came to this realization about a year ago, but really loves his school and friends, and since I lived about 30 minutes away he chose to continue living with his dad.

About a month ago we signed a lease option to buy on a 3 bedroom house on an acre of land with a huge barn at the back of the property. We are now about 10 to 15 minutes from my sons school, we are still in a different school district.

In light of the recent events in my son's life with his best friend committing suicide, he has been doing a lot of thinking and realized his father really is a selfish, inconsiderate, and uncaring individual.

He called me this past Wednesday evening and said mom I really need to come over for the weekend. I don't have school Friday can you come get me Thursday after school. I said yeah, why, what's going on? He says it's been really stressful here and I need to get away. My husband went and picked him up Thursday since I was still at work when he got out of school.

I got home from work and said ok let's talk what's going on? He broke down and told me how much he hates living with his dad and how his dad didn't care that he had just lost his best friend and how he is always getting blamed for everything and he feels like a slave. I sat there and listened and then told him well you do have other options...he said yeah I know but I really like my school. So my husband and I told him that since we only live 10 to 15 minutes from your school now, I am sure we can arrange for you to get back and forth to school from here. And by next school year you should have your drivers license and a car so you will be able to drive yourself then. His eyes lit up so big...he was like seriously really!!! When can we make this happen? I told him just as soon as I get to the courthouse to file the paper work.


and my child now realizes that mom is usually right.:coffee:

[ConHog]

I love when I'm right..;) took a little longer then 3 months but.....

Thought I should update this thread..

My son came to this realization about a year ago, but really loves his school and friends, and since I lived about 30 minutes away he chose to continue living with his dad.

About a month ago we signed a lease option to buy on a 3 bedroom house on an acre of land with a huge barn at the back of the property. We are now about 10 to 15 minutes from my sons school, we are still in a different school district.

In light of the recent events in my son's life with his best friend committing suicide, he has been doing a lot of thinking and realized his father really is a selfish, inconsiderate, and uncaring individual.

He called me this past Wednesday evening and said mom I really need to come over for the weekend. I don't have school Friday can you come get me Thursday after school. I said yeah, why, what's going on? He says it's been really stressful here and I need to get away. My husband went and picked him up Thursday since I was still at work when he got out of school.

I got home from work and said ok let's talk what's going on? He broke down and told me how much he hates living with his dad and how his dad didn't care that he had just lost his best friend and how he is always getting blamed for everything and he feels like a slave. I sat there and listened and then told him well you do have other options...he said yeah I know but I really like my school. So my husband and I told him that since we only live 10 to 15 minutes from your school now, I am sure we can arrange for you to get back and forth to school from here. And by next school year you should have your drivers license and a car so you will be able to drive yourself then. His eyes lit up so big...he was like seriously really!!! When can we make this happen? I told him just as soon as I get to the courthouse to file the paper work.


and my child now realizes that mom is usually right.:coffee:

Glad things worked out. In a lot of ways I'm lucky that my ex wife just walked away from her kid when he was 2. I didn't have to deal with any of that crap.

[Binky]

Every once in awhile we, as parents, are cornered into doing and saying things we don't want to say and do. A given situation can maike tempers flair and as a result, often times our young hear what is being said or sees how we are acting. We are all human and imperfect ones at that. Raising children is no easy task and can try ones patience. I hope things work out for you and yours.:coffee: