gabosaurus
08-11-2009, 10:39 AM
GREELEY, NE—Experts confirmed Monday that a single black crow perched ominously on a fence post in rural Nebraska is almost certainly a harbinger of great doom and despair for all Americans.
"Look, the crow is already upon us, and we can't undo that," the president said at an emergency press conference Monday night. "As our nation faces this unprecedented challenge, it is very important that no one panic, because panicking will only increase the chances of it fidgeting with its talons or perhaps even flapping its wings. And I think we all know what that would mean."
"Oh, crow, why must you taunt us with your unholy knowledge?" the president continued. "Leave us be or make haste with your nefarious doings!"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/97125
"Look, the crow is already upon us, and we can't undo that," the president said at an emergency press conference Monday night. "As our nation faces this unprecedented challenge, it is very important that no one panic, because panicking will only increase the chances of it fidgeting with its talons or perhaps even flapping its wings. And I think we all know what that would mean."
"Oh, crow, why must you taunt us with your unholy knowledge?" the president continued. "Leave us be or make haste with your nefarious doings!"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/97125