View Full Version : Why wait until marriage to have sex?
gabosaurus
08-05-2009, 05:55 PM
Don't tell me it is in the Bible. There are a ton of people who are either not religious. And I can't mention religion in school anyway.
I know a lot of you conservative lot are behind this one. Give me some logical reasoning.
Not that any of you waited. But that is behind the point. :p
I'm not religious, so I don't think you have to wait until marraige. But I think that more people should wait in general. All to often people start having sex with eachother after only a few weeks or months, and in some cases (gawd only knows why) hours after meeting someone for a one night stand.
If someones religion keeps them from jumping in and out of bed with folk cus they wana be married first then that's fine, but I don't think marriage is a requirement for both the non religious and religious.
gabosaurus
08-05-2009, 06:14 PM
Thank you Noir. That is a very intelligent and well thought out response.
chesswarsnow
08-05-2009, 06:16 PM
Sorry bout that,
1. First you must know what marriage is.
2. Get an understanding for that first, then we can talk.
Regards,
SirJamesofTexas
crin63
08-05-2009, 06:17 PM
There's the possibility of STD's. It may cause temptation to commit adultery later in your life because in your memories of that other person will always remain young while you spouse is getting older. You will always have the sights, smells and sounds of those encounters in your memory which may also lead to the temptation to commit adultery later.
I'm of the opinion that dating is just divorce training anyway because you learn to harden your heart toward people over and over again. It develops a pattern of love 'em and leave 'em so to speak. You learn that when someone is no longer who or what you want at the moment you just dump them as opposed to staying and working at a marriage. You end up with less baggage if you don't date.
The old fashioned method of courting is better.
Mr. P
08-05-2009, 06:26 PM
I don't know which of the above posts is more laughable! Geeeezzzz. :laugh2::laugh2::laugh2:
avatar4321
08-05-2009, 08:21 PM
Thank you Noir. That is a very intelligent and well thought out response.
Gabs, dont take this the wrong way but it looks like you are saying its a very intelligent and well thought out response simply because he agrees with you.
I have a number of reasons why I wait. Religious being the primary ones. I am not sure I should shared detailed explanations with you though because I am not sure you (or some of the others) would treat the topic with the respect it deserves.
Human intimacy is a very sacred matter, whether you believe the Bible or not. Nothing is more sacred in this life than the act of creation and union with another.
Gabs, dont take this the wrong way but it looks like you are saying its a very intelligent and well thought out response simply because he agrees with you.
Are you implying that my post was not intelligent and well thought out!
:p
avatar4321
08-05-2009, 09:01 PM
Are you implying that my post was not intelligent and well thought out!
:p
Im sure it was. I just get the impression she said that cause she liked what you said:-p
I don't know which of the above posts is more laughable! Geeeezzzz. :laugh2::laugh2::laugh2:
Truth be told :laugh2::laugh2::laugh2:
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Mr. P again.
gabosaurus
08-06-2009, 12:32 AM
Gabs, dont take this the wrong way but it looks like you are saying its a very intelligent and well thought out response simply because he agrees with you.
I didn't state my opinion on the subject in my post. How could he agree with me if he didn't know my opinion?
The old fashioned method of courting is better.
Which is, of course, why you didn't do it.
When you inform your kids that they can't date, are you going to let them know that you spent your youth screwing every woman you could find?
crin63
08-06-2009, 12:45 AM
Which is, of course, why you didn't do it.
When you inform your kids that they can't date, are you going to let them know that you spent your youth screwing every woman you could find?
The guidance I had growing up was that I should become a gigolo, so I could get paid to do it.
Because I did things that I am now ashamed of, is the reason why I have the opinions I have. Yes, my kids understand that I did many things, committed many sins for which I am now ashamed of. I don't have to go into all the sordid details for them to get the picture. When they ask direct questions, sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't.
I really didn't expect anyone to agree. I have no problem with that.
The old fashioned method of courting is better.
Excuse my ignorence but what is the old fashioned style of courting?
You end up with less baggage if you don't date.
Quite true, however, how do you find the person you are going to get married to if you do not date first?
gabosaurus
08-06-2009, 09:19 AM
The guidance I had growing up was that I should become a gigolo, so I could get paid to do it.
Because I did things that I am now ashamed of, is the reason why I have the opinions I have. Yes, my kids understand that I did many things, committed many sins for which I am now ashamed of. I don't have to go into all the sordid details for them to get the picture. When they ask direct questions, sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't.
I really didn't expect anyone to agree. I have no problem with that.
crin, I commend you for facing up to your past. It is not an easy thing to do. You are a much better person and a better parent for having the integrity to admit your fallacies.
I intend to do the same thing. I grew up without God and made a lot of decisions that were entirely wrong. I hope to give my daughter the benefit of learning from my mistakes.
crin63
08-06-2009, 10:02 AM
Excuse my ignorence but what is the old fashioned style of courting?
Quite true, however, how do you find the person you are going to get married to if you do not date first?
Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.
Generally guys and girls know each to some degree from being in public settings, like school, church or whatever without being in a one on one environment. They both know if there is some level of interest.
Usually the guy goes and asks the girls father if its okay for him to court the daughter with the plan of marriage if things work out.
The dad will probably ask his daughter if she has any interest in the guy and determine if the guy is someone suitable for his daughter. The parameters should have already been determined by the father and daughter long before it gets to this point though. Things like does the guy have an education, is he hard working, how does he treat his parents, how does he treat authority over him and so on.
This is all a new approach for me. Me and my 14 year old daughter are talking those things over now. Deciding the kinds things she thinks she wants and the things I think she should look for when the time comes for her to be courted. The initial plan is for her to wait until after college, after she gets her Bachelors degree at least. So she can take care of herself should something ever happen to her husband.
I get allot of input from my daughter and we spend allot of time together. We just sit and talk frequently, go places together and we goof around all the time. She takes her friends with us when we go places also. She really has me wrapped around her little finger but its because I let it happen that way.
PostmodernProphet
08-06-2009, 10:27 AM
which is more personal and intimate....engaging in sex or setting up a joint bank account....yet people will engage in sex with people they wouldn't have a joint bank account with.....you shouldn't engage in sex until you are prepared to make committments that last longer than an orgasm......
gabosaurus
08-06-2009, 11:30 AM
don't feel bad crin. EVERY girl has her dad wrapped around her finger. Even my daughter, who is only eight years old.
I don't think courtship can work in modern society. I regard in the same light as arranged marriages.
Kids need to learn to deal with their own feelings. Your hormones are not going to wait until after college. Your feelings for the opposite sex get fairly urgent.
My parents tied in dating and social relationships with my grades and conduct. I couldn't go anyplace that involved boys by myself until I was in high school. The more I showed I could be trusted, the privileges I received.
Parents work best in an advisory and supervision mode. If you start telling teens "you can't see that boy" or "I don't want you to do anything," then they are going to start sneaking around behind your back.
My parents did it. My sister and I did it. Your kid is going to do it.
crin63
08-06-2009, 11:34 AM
don't feel bad crin. EVERY girl has her dad wrapped around her finger. Even my daughter, who is only eight years old.
I don't think courtship can work in modern society. I regard in the same light as arranged marriages.
Kids need to learn to deal with their own feelings. Your hormones are not going to wait until after college. Your feelings for the opposite sex get fairly urgent.
My parents tied in dating and social relationships with my grades and conduct. I couldn't go anyplace that involved boys by myself until I was in high school. The more I showed I could be trusted, the privileges I received.
Parents work best in an advisory and supervision mode. If you start telling teens "you can't see that boy" or "I don't want you to do anything," then they are going to start sneaking around behind your back.
My parents did it. My sister and I did it. Your kid is going to do it.
Its worked quite well with those I have personally watched do it. I have watched 5 or 6 couples do it that way and none of them have any complaints.
I don't feel bad about letting my daughter wrap me around her little finger. She works at it and I let her succeed. She knows I'm letting her get away with it. Its great fun for both of us.
gabosaurus
08-06-2009, 11:41 AM
I respect your opinion. I think every parent should be able to raise their kids in the manner that they see fit.
Little-Acorn
08-06-2009, 01:00 PM
Why wait until marriage to have sex?
Indeed.
Why buy a cow, when you can get all the milk you want for free?
Mr. P
08-06-2009, 01:07 PM
Indeed.
Why buy a cow, when you can get all the milk you want for free?
What if you wait and then find the milk is sour or there is NO milk?
Most folks like milk but some cows don't produce.
Little-Acorn
08-06-2009, 01:19 PM
What if you wait and then find the milk is sour or there is NO milk?
Most folks like milk but some cows don't produce.
Quite.
But what I was leading up to, was the idea that maybe the COW doesn't like being treated that way. Maybe she would like to be considered to be worth more than just the "milk" she gives. And that's why she waits until marriage.
Generally guys and girls know each to some degree from being in public settings, like school, church or whatever without being in a one on one environment. They both know if there is some level of interest.
Usually the guy goes and asks the girls father if its okay for him to court the daughter with the plan of marriage if things work out.
The dad will probably ask his daughter if she has any interest in the guy and determine if the guy is someone suitable for his daughter. The parameters should have already been determined by the father and daughter long before it gets to this point though. Things like does the guy have an education, is he hard working, how does he treat his parents, how does he treat authority over him and so on.
This is all a new approach for me. Me and my 14 year old daughter are talking those things over now. Deciding the kinds things she thinks she wants and the things I think she should look for when the time comes for her to be courted. The initial plan is for her to wait until after college, after she gets her Bachelors degree at least. So she can take care of herself should something ever happen to her husband.
I get allot of input from my daughter and we spend allot of time together. We just sit and talk frequently, go places together and we goof around all the time. She takes her friends with us when we go places also. She really has me wrapped around her little finger but its because I let it happen that way.
Hm, I guess if it works for y'all it works. But I wouldn't really be in favour of the idea, too much fatherly influence methinks, like, if I did that I prob would not be with my girlfriend now, as I would not of been deemed acceptable by her father, (out of ignorence more than anything else) , but whatever floats yer boat.
Mr. P
08-06-2009, 02:12 PM
Quite.
But what I was leading up to, was the idea that maybe the COW doesn't like being treated that way. Maybe she would like to be considered to be worth more than just the "milk" she gives. And that's why she waits until marriage.
Goes both ways though..how do you think the Cow would feel is the Bull didn't reveal how much he can produce per yr? Maybe he thinks he should be treated as more that a meal ticket? Would she join him without that knowledge? Not likely in most cases.
The issues in a joining for life are immense and holding major ones back "until after" IMO is a set-up for failure.
crin63
08-06-2009, 02:28 PM
Hm, I guess if it works for y'all it works. But I wouldn't really be in favour of the idea, too much fatherly influence methinks, like, if I did that I prob would not be with my girlfriend now, as I would not of been deemed acceptable by her father, (out of ignorence more than anything else) , but whatever floats yer boat.
When and if that day ever arrives I will listen to the guy and make inquiries about him, if I don't already know him. You would fail immediately for trying to go around me. If you have nothing to hide and you're a stand up guy you shouldn't worry about going through the dad. When getting into her pants is your only or primary goal then yeah, you oughta worry about the dad.
5stringJeff
08-07-2009, 04:27 PM
Don't tell me it is in the Bible. There are a ton of people who are either not religious. And I can't mention religion in school anyway.
I know a lot of you conservative lot are behind this one. Give me some logical reasoning.
Not that any of you waited. But that is behind the point. :p
Because God commanded it. :D
But, aside from that, sex leads to pregnancy, and pregnancy leads to babies, and the best place for a baby is in a home with a mother and father, committed to themselves and their offspring.
EDIT: I read the thread after I posted. Crin's points about STDs (which could be passed on to one's spouse and/or children) and about the memories of past lovers (which can tempt one towards adultery) are also good one.
When and if that day ever arrives I will listen to the guy and make inquiries about him, if I don't already know him. You would fail immediately for trying to go around me. If you have nothing to hide and you're a stand up guy you shouldn't worry about going through the dad. When getting into her pants is your only or primary goal then yeah, you oughta worry about the dad.
I would not of been worried going through the dad based on my personality or anything like that, cus I know I have no smears against my name, however other factors, such as an age difference and living in seperate countries could of cause her father to rejct me, even though that would not of been in his daughters interests. And so I'm glad I did not have to do so.
DragonStryk72
08-07-2009, 07:29 PM
Don't tell me it is in the Bible. There are a ton of people who are either not religious. And I can't mention religion in school anyway.
I know a lot of you conservative lot are behind this one. Give me some logical reasoning.
Not that any of you waited. But that is behind the point. :p
Eh, to be honest, there are much worse sins out there, but the big thing about waiting till marriage isn't so much about conservative versus liberal. It's about intimacy being truly special, there are plenty of liberals who are straight edge these days, eschewing drugs, cigs, alcohol, and even sex. I think the obsession over sex, on both ends of the argument, are silly, and honestly demeaning to what is supposed to be the most intimate act between two people. I mean, honestly, doesn't it seems these days like its just assumed most couple are having sex. If a friend of yours came up, said he'd been with this girl for 6 months, and said that they hadn't had sex yet, what would be your honest reaction?
PostmodernProphet
08-08-2009, 05:02 PM
Don't tell me it is in the Bible. There are a ton of people who are either not religious. And I can't mention religion in school anyway.
I know a lot of you conservative lot are behind this one. Give me some logical reasoning.
Not that any of you waited. But that is behind the point. :p
now, can you give me a logical reason FOR engaging in sex before marriage?.....
Nukeman
08-08-2009, 05:16 PM
now, can you give me a logical reason FOR engaging in sex before marriage?.....
Here let me give it a try......
You wouldn't buy a car without kicking the tires or revving the engine and taking it out for a test drive :coffee::dance:
That should be about appropriate for a Gabs answer!!!
gabosaurus
08-08-2009, 11:20 PM
You wouldn't buy a car without kicking the tires or revving the engine and taking it out for a test drive
And a very appropriate reply at that! If you are making the most important decision of your life, why go into it deaf, dumb and blind?
Please tell me how many marriages succeed if the couple is sexually incompatible. It's not going to happen.
There is nothing about getting married that makes a couple that more ready to have sex. You are still the same person. Your partner remains the same person.
now, can you give me a logical reason FOR engaging in sex before marriage?.....
Did YOU wait? If not, what were your reasons for not waiting?
One of my best friends wait for marriage to have sex. My other best friend did not. I did not. All of us have wonderful happy marriages.
My parents did not wait. They have been married for 31 years.
Here let me give it a try......
You wouldn't buy a car without kicking the tires or revving the engine and taking it out for a test drive :coffee::dance:
That should be about appropriate for a Gabs answer!!!
It's complete stupidity to compare a spouse with a car... but I'll humor you..
Of course you can rev her engine and take her out on dates... but you can't wrap it around a telephone pole until it's yours... :P
PostmodernProphet
08-09-2009, 05:57 AM
Did YOU wait? If not, what were your reasons for not waiting?
I answered your question already....now answer mine....saying you didn't isn't giving me an answer....
PostmodernProphet
08-09-2009, 05:59 AM
Of course you can rev her engine and take her out on dates... but you can't wrap it around a telephone pole until it's yours... :P
omigorsh.....that has to be recorded in "the best of DP".......
5stringJeff
08-09-2009, 07:08 AM
Please tell me how many marriages succeed if the couple is sexually incompatible. It's not going to happen.
The concept of "sexual compatibility" is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. If there's a man and a woman, the couple is sexually compatible. Preferences about frequency of sex or specific acts are things the couple ought to discuss and agree upon. To say that a marriage will never work because one of the partners won't do a certain thing under the covers is nonsense.
Nukeman
08-09-2009, 09:13 AM
It's complete stupidity to compare a spouse with a car... but I'll humor you..
Of course you can rev her engine and take her out on dates... but you can't wrap it around a telephone pole until it's yours... :P
:lol::lol::beer::lol::lol:
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