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gabosaurus
05-21-2009, 11:51 PM
You guys are going to LOVE this one! :laugh2:


ARNDALE, OK - Sheriff's investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play-Shirley Dent's death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident "after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered," Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff's Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway "struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section." The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostitution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent's alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, "She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time."

jimnyc
05-22-2009, 02:27 PM
Wouldn't want to have a go with her. I know I'm a stud but I don't think I can compare to a jackhammer! :laugh2:

Kathianne
05-22-2009, 06:00 PM
Wouldn't want to have a go with her. I know I'm a stud but I don't think I can compare to a jackhammer! :laugh2:

I'm looking for a link. ;)

Missileman
05-22-2009, 06:46 PM
You guys are going to LOVE this one! :laugh2:

I'm going to call this one BS...there's no way it's true.

Kathianne
05-22-2009, 09:08 PM
I'm going to call this one BS...there's no way it's true.

Really? Gabby is that sick? LOL! No question about it.

Agnapostate
05-22-2009, 09:56 PM
Old news is old...but real.

glockmail
05-23-2009, 06:56 AM
I'm looking for a link. ;)Ain't gonna find one. And too twisted for Snopes to bother.

hjmick
05-23-2009, 05:39 PM
There is no such place as Arndale, Oklahoma. This story is pure bullshit.

Agnapostate
05-23-2009, 05:58 PM
So? I say it's real if there's an Onion link. :laugh2:

hjmick
05-23-2009, 05:59 PM
So? I say it's real if there's an Onion link. :laugh2:

At least the stuff on The Onion sounds believable.