apparently the idea of being a gentleman has changed

[-Cp]

http://mrparallel.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/slap.jpg?w=510&h=314

[Yurt]

it is an interesting subject. my mom is a strong woman, raised my brother and i pretty much on her own and she got a masters degree while doing so. her persona demands equality, she is smart, strong and doesn't give up. yet she loves it when men are chivalrous, like opening the door. my wife is also strong, independent, educated...etc....yet she, like my mom, loves chilvary.

my dad is definitely an alpha male or old school if you want to stereotype and i do so in order to describe someone for the sake of this post. yet, growing up if i did not open the door or do other chivalrious things for my mother i got a swift kick in the ass, not always, but enough that when i forgot all he had to do was look at me.

for him it is not about what we think equality is, it is just that he is who he is and that is that. my mom explains for her nearly the same, in that, what people throw around as equality really has little to do with her relationships as there will always be inequality in any relationship.

so my thinking is, if that is so, we each have our own unique strengths, then it is simply about the personal relationship and not some societal norm. the woman on the bus is thinking solely about some societal norm and not about the individual relationship. had she taken a moment and considered the man's motives and feelings, it is likely she would find he was only being chivalrous. i suppose if someone feels that chivalry is sexist or whatever,then they would not agree with my post and i would be interested in their response.

[avatar4321]

So being nice to someone implies they are weak?

Sheesh why are these people trying to turn themselves into victims.

[Trigg]

I have 3 sons and they are definitely taught to open doors for myself and their sister.

My oldest is starting to date (:eek:) and I expect him to open doors for the girl he goes out with.

[actsnoblemartin]

shouldnt it go both ways, men should be kind to women, but women could be kind to men?

why should it only go one way?

[manu1959]

i hold doors open all the time for people....seldom does any say thank you......

i always say thank you.......the phrase "no problem" in lieu of you are welcome is beyond anoying......

[crin63]

I hold the door for anyone except a woman if she looks butch or has a big mouth then I just let it slam. The women around here will give you dirty looks, tell you off, punch you out or run into you with their shoulders like they are men for no apparent reasons other than you trying to treat them politely or because you are a middle aged white male. Its gotten to where I cant pretty much tell which ones are gonna be snotty.

[avatar4321]

shouldnt it go both ways, men should be kind to women, but women could be kind to men?

why should it only go one way?

it does go both ways. Women are great to men. Atleast they are great to me.

[sgtdmski]

It is the feminazis out there that are corrupting the youth. While they are busy complaining about Augusta being a predominately male club, real atrocities around the world, especially in the Middle East are ignored.

I am sorry but I was taught to hold open a door for people, to open a door for a women, to stand when a woman comes to a table or to stand when she leaves the table. To say Sir and Ma'am, and to always greet someone, thank someone, or to say your welcome.

Maybe old-fashioned, I have been told off and been given dirty looks. However, I do not take them kindly, I believe in embarassing people. The last time I opened a door for a woman in public she gave me a dirty remark, in which I responded loudly enough for those around to hear:


My mistake I thought you were a lady, I stand corrected.

After which I walked off, and heard the laughter of others around.

dmk

[Trigg]

Maybe it's because I'm in the midwest, but I have never seen a dirty look given to my husband or heard him complain of getting one.

There will be people who won't say thank you. One time my youngest, who loves to get the door, was holding one at the mall and a woman walked through with no thank you and he yelled "you're welcome". She was embarrassed and returned to thank him.

Most people, if someone is coming through the door close behind, them will hold the door open so it doesn't slam in their face and that's men or women. Like I said maybe it's because this is the midwest and a small city.

[Sitarro]

http://mrparallel.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/slap.jpg?w=510&h=314

Irish lesbian........

[crin63]

Maybe it's because I'm in the midwest, but I have never seen a dirty look given to my husband or heard him complain of getting one.

There will be people who won't say thank you. One time my youngest, who loves to get the door, was holding one at the mall and a woman walked through with no thank you and he yelled "you're welcome". She was embarrassed and returned to thank him.

Most people, if someone is coming through the door close behind, them will hold the door open so it doesn't slam in their face and that's men or women. Like I said maybe it's because this is the midwest and a small city.

I live in los Angeles and the feminists here are militant and I despise them with all my being.

I have had women give me dirty looks for holding the door for them.

I had a couple of women that I held the door open for as I was walking into a store and they were walking out wait for me to come back out and pulled up next to me when I got in my truck (while I had my daughter with me) and start making out and groping each other (still haven't figured that one out).

When my friend moved over on the sidewalk to allow a more comfortable space for a woman to walk by she moved over and ran him into a fence with her shoulder.

Another friend of mine was just walking down the street pondering his next sermon and a woman he had never seen before walked up to him, squared off with him and punched him out when he lifted up his head to see who was standing in front of him.

I have also had women hit me with their shoulder intentionally when I held the door open for them.

They won't let my ushers seat them at church even though the ushers seated everyone else in the building.

Now when you consider that I have held the door open for thousands maybe tens of thousands of people since I was a kid that is a small amount, but it happens. Most people say thanks or thank you and smile.

[Nukeman]

I live in los Angeles and the feminists here are militant and I despise them with all my being.

I have had women give me dirty looks for holding the door for them.

I had a couple of women that I held the door open for as I was walking into a store and they were walking out wait for me to come back out and pulled up next to me when I got in my truck (while I had my daughter with me) and start making out and groping each other (still haven't figured that one out).

When my friend moved over on the sidewalk to allow a more comfortable space for a woman to walk by she moved over and ran him into a fence with her shoulder.

Another friend of mine was just walking down the street pondering his next sermon and a woman he had never seen before walked up to him, squared off with him and punched him out when he lifted up his head to see who was standing in front of him.

I have also had women hit me with their shoulder intentionally when I held the door open for them.

They won't let my ushers seat them at church even though the ushers seated everyone else in the building.

Now when you consider that I have held the door open for thousands maybe tens of thousands of people since I was a kid that is a small amount, but it happens. Most people say thanks or thank you and smile.OK here's the way I see your issue with these "women", they want to act like men. Would YOU let a man treat you that way, give you total disrespect and physically accost you?? I am going to go out on a limb and say NO. If they want to act like men TREAT them like men. Knock them down the next time they run into you, while holding the door if they sneer or give you a dirty look shut the door in their face.

I for one ALWAYS hold the door and have NEVER had to deal with what you discribed but I will say that if I did I would have NO RESERVATIONS about putting them in their place, they can act the part of a man all they want to but I guarentee that if push-comes-to-shove I will win that one.....

These "femanist" are not real femainist if they were they would embrace the fact that they are women and realize they can use the good qualities of men who are being gentlmen to move forward. If you beat a dog it will eventualy bite you..............

[Binky]

Well, there isn't a lot of chivellry left. Ever since womens lib entered the picture and they began running their mouths more and much louder, they have become more mannish in their mannerisms. However, not all of us out there want to be looked at as being less of a woman than we are.

I think it's nice when men open the doors for women. Back in the 1950's and 1960's they did it all the time. And then the world changed and women wanted to do the jobs that men could do etc. Which is all fine and dandy, but at some point, it all took away from the reality that they were still women and had at one time been looked upon as the more gentle of the two. Sadly, that is not so today. Women wanted to prove they could do anything a man could do. They turned it into a competition between the two. They wanted equal pay that men got doing the same job. However, it has taken it's toll and trying to have it all and compete with men for jobs etc., has somewhat hardened the female gender.

There are many that would not agree with me, but the fact remains the same. Men do not open doors and hold them as they once did. What was once a daily practice has turned into an occasional thing.

So when you happen across someone that holds the door open for you it's a nice surprise. It's a shame that practice isn't done as much as it used to be. It's a nice respectful gesture.

[Kathianne]

On this topic that's been done before, manners are important and have a reason for being. Perhaps in the 'olden days' women never held a door open for a male? That would be wrong. If I'm shopping or at work and someone is following me, I hold the door long enough for them to reach it, without it shutting. If someone is burdened with packages, etc., I'll allow them to pass through, while I hold the door open. Why wouldn't I? I'd appreciate the same in return.

I like men with manners, treating me as someone to care for. Opening the car door, waiting for me to get in, then closing it, well that conveys respect, not superiority. When a friend carries my groceries in, I hold the door open, not expecting superior muscle mass gives one more hands. ;) At any given age, most women have less muscle mass than most men of the same age, it's nature. As with the economy, I'm pretty sure many of us boomers and post boomers are in for a wake up call of what has developed over the past 45 years or so. While men and women are equal in most ways intellectually, something unacknowledged through the millennia, each has superior instincts for survival, in different realms.

[emmett]

My philosophy is kill em with kindness anyway whether they appreciate it or not. This allows me to know that I have not made any adjustment to my beliefs what so ever as a result of their rude behavior. Sometimes when I pick up on the above mentioned behavior, I even ratchet it up a notch just to show I refuse to be influenced by it.

It is a wonderful feeling to help someone. Rather it be holding a door for an elderly person or some other act of passing kindness. It allows us to feel good so in essence it isn't always completely for the other person. Maybe that is ego kicking in I don't know but I get off on it!

[Kathianne]

My philosophy is kill em with kindness anyway whether they appreciate it or not. This allows me to know that I have not made any adjustment to my beliefs what so ever as a result of their rude behavior. Sometimes when I pick up on the above mentioned behavior, I even ratchet it up a notch just to show I refuse to be influenced by it.

It is a wonderful feeling to help someone. Rather it be holding a door for an elderly person or some other act of passing kindness. It allows us to feel good so in essence it isn't always completely for the other person. Maybe that is ego kicking in I don't know but I get off on it!

While it may differentiate depending on location, I think most, meaning well over 50% of women would say, "Thank you!". NY or LA? Well they are incredibly rude in any venue. I like that men act like women, children, elderly need a bit of care. At the same time, women should do the same, when able. Likewise able bodied children and elderly, when warranted. In any case, it is good manners likewise for the recipient to give thanks.

[DragonStryk72]

I appreciate they kicked the woman off the bus for being a bitch about it.

To quote Chris Rock, "Whatever happened to crazy?"

This isn't a case of chivalry vs. feminism, this is a matter of nice vs. insane, plain and simple. If someone offers you their seat, then most everyone would smile, and either try to say they don't need it, and/or accept it and say thank you.