Excerpt: Parents, your kids aren't that special

[-Cp]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/03/03/cafferty.excerpt.2/index.html

LOVE this excerpt:

Exhibit A: My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d' walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.

The parents are going, "Timmy, that's not nice, don't throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose." Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?

Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.

I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren't special, and I don't have to put up with their behavior. If you can't control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.

They don't belong out in public annoying other people, period. I don't remember a generation of kids ever so indulged and enabled to behave so badly. What's going on?

[darin]

absofreakin' lutely. :)

[Nukeman]

I would like to recount a story about dinner my wife and had with our children.

we were out for dinner with our 4 children and they were being very good like they always are when we take them out. (they know if they act up it means a trip to the bathroom or the van). There was a table next to us with 2 children that were running around the table and making a huge mess and being very loud and obnoxious. Our waitress came our table and in a VERY LOUD voice said that she was so impressed how well behaved our 4 children were and that we should be VERY PROUD of the fact that our children were such polite little gentleman and ladies. Needless to say it fell on deaf ears at the other table but it most definitely made my wife and I feel very good about our children and she received a very generous tip for the effort...:beer:

[jackass]

I LOVE it when people compliment my kids behavior. Now I know how my parents felt :)

[Trinity]

I would like to recount a story about dinner my wife and had with our children.

we were out for dinner with our 4 children and they were being very good like they always are when we take them out. (they know if they act up it means a trip to the bathroom or the van). There was a table next to us with 2 children that were running around the table and making a huge mess and being very loud and obnoxious. Our waitress came our table and in a VERY LOUD voice said that she was so impressed how well behaved our 4 children were and that we should be VERY PROUD of the fact that our children were such polite little gentleman and ladies. Needless to say it fell on deaf ears at the other table but it most definitely made my wife and I feel very good about our children and she received a very generous tip for the effort...:beer:

I unfortunately have the combo unit. My oldest (13) is very well behaved and acts like a complete gentleman when we go out to eat. My youngest (10) however is a whole other ballgame. I have to instruct him on what I expect every single time before we go into a restaurant to eat. There have been the rare occasions that I had forgotten before hand and we made a quick trip outside for the reminder. It's not so much that he is obnoxious just very, very hyper. And I usually have to remind him numerous times through out the meal. However if he is on his adderall he is a complete gentleman. It's amazing the difference in this child when he is on his meds compared to when he is not.

[AlbumAddict]

Okay, I'll admit, I might have a slightly unfair advantage because I only have one child, but my husband and I made the decision to only have one BECAUSE of how much work and energy it takes to raise a child that is well-adjusted, well-behaved and will be a strong adult and contributing member of society. Our daughter is VERY strong willed individual, but she is always well behaved in public, has great manners, and never gets in trouble at school. Parenting is a 24 hour job and we recognized that we, personally, weren't strong enough to keep it up if we had more kids.

I think a lot of parents run into this. When they have 2 or 3 or more, they just get tired and stop parenting altogether. I'm not saying that this is all parents of multiple children by ANY means. One of my dearest friends has two children that are amazing and another has four. It's possible, but recognizing your own parental weaknesses and limits is key. If you aren't an exceptionally patient person, if you and your spouse/partner aren't on the same page in parenting, etc. then realize that and STOP HAVING KIDS.

That's my four cents (prices have gone up due to inflation).

[Jeff]

I can take my kids to any restaurant to eat and they will behave, I taught them very early on there is a time and place for everything, and as Nuke I have a van to adjust any attitude, but the thought of no dessert normally gets them in line.

I have had older people tell me when they saw us coming they just knew there night was ruined, but then complimented how well the kids behaved , even had one older woman insist on playing with the baby (and offered to give him the bottle) so my wife could eat.

[Nukeman]

Okay, I'll admit, I might have a slightly unfair advantage because I only have one child, but my husband and I made the decision to only have one BECAUSE of how much work and energy it takes to raise a child that is well-adjusted, well-behaved and will be a strong adult and contributing member of society. Our daughter is VERY strong willed individual, but she is always well behaved in public, has great manners, and never gets in trouble at school. Parenting is a 24 hour job and we recognized that we, personally, weren't strong enough to keep it up if we had more kids.

I think a lot of parents run into this. When they have 2 or 3 or more, they just get tired and stop parenting altogether. I'm not saying that this is all parents of multiple children by ANY means. One of my dearest friends has two children that are amazing and another has four. It's possible, but recognizing your own parental weaknesses and limits is key. If you aren't an exceptionally patient person, if you and your spouse/partner aren't on the same page in parenting, etc. then realize that and STOP HAVING KIDS.

That's my four cents (prices have gone up due to inflation).I understand what your saying here, but I feel you may be mistaken. Most and I mean MOST of the families my wife and I know have 2-10 kids, I have found that a vast majority of the SINGLE child children are....... how do I put this...... more indulged and less likely to share in a meaningful way. Now I am not saying this of all single children...

What it comes down to is STRUCTURE, plain and simple. without structure your children will run rampent, be that 1 or 20, it doesn't matter. I for one have never understood the only one child, I could not imagine growing up without a brother or a sister or cousins or any number of relatives, yes it may be easier in the begining but quite lonely in later life. How sad for them...

Sacrifice and structure and always being there for your children will make them good, honest, productive, contributing memebers of society....

[AlbumAddict]

I understand what your saying here, but I feel you may be mistaken. Most and I mean MOST of the families my wife and I know have 2-10 kids, I have found that a vast majority of the SINGLE child children are....... how do I put this...... more indulged and less likely to share in a meaningful way. Now I am not saying this of all single children...

What it comes down to is STRUCTURE, plain and simple. without structure your children will run rampent, be that 1 or 20, it doesn't matter. I for one have never understood the only one child, I could not imagine growing up without a brother or a sister or cousins or any number of relatives, yes it may be easier in the begining but quite lonely in later life. How sad for them...

Sacrifice and structure and always being there for your children will make them good, honest, productive, contributing memebers of society....

I'm certainly not saying that parents with only one child are good parents. What it comes down to, imo, is PARENTING. There are way too many lazy parents. That's the point I was trying to make. And I do think that it gets harder the more you have because it requires more effort.

And I certainly understand you're perspective on having multiple children. However, I would rather have one bright, respectful, and well-raised child than two that are nightmares. And in MY family, that's most likely what would've happened if we kept going. We made the decision that was right for us and I would never attempt to tell another couple how many children is right for them.

I have many friends that are only children and they turned out just fine. They aren't lonely at all. No siblings doesn't mean no family. For example, my daughter has nine first cousins. She loves them more than many kids love their siblings. My two brothers and I barely have a relationship and my husband's relationship with his siblings is even more lacking.

In regards to "more indulged" I think more indulged is sometimes true. I work in a school and it's also true with the mom of 5 kids who gives them whatever they want so they don't bug her or so they'll stop crying. In regards to "less likely to share in a meaningful way." I think that's a bunch of hogwash. "Now I am not saying this of all single children..." I'm glad, because no good usually comes from sterotyping, especially children.

Again it all comes down to parenting. You teach your kids the morals and life skills you want them to know, or you don't. The number of children you have is irrelevant. You either parent or you don't and I think the problem addressed in the original post is the parents that don't.

[Nukeman]

again it all comes down to parenting. You teach your kids the morals and life skills you want them to know, or you don't. The number of children you have is irrelevant. You either parent or you don't and i think the problem addressed in the original post is the parents that don't.exactly!!!!!!

[Abbey Marie]

...
What it comes down to is STRUCTURE, plain and simple. without structure your children will run rampent, be that 1 or 20, it doesn't matter. I for one have never understood the only one child, I could not imagine growing up without a brother or a sister or cousins or any number of relatives, yes it may be easier in the begining but quite lonely in later life. How sad for them...
...



So you assume our outgoing, top 5% of her class, beautiful and popular daughter will lead a sad and lonely life, just because she has no siblings? Stereotype much? Have you seen how many people with siblings are miserable, don't talk to them, etc.?

Way to go.

[Nukeman]

So you assume our outgoing, top 5% of her class, beautiful and popular daughter will lead a sad and lonely life, just because she has no siblings? Stereotype much? Have you seen how many people with siblings are miserable, don't talk to them, etc.?

Way to go.
Nope not at all. last I cheked YOU weren't in the conversation at the time!:beer:



I for one have never understood the only one child, I could not imagine growing up without a brother or a sister or cousins or any number of relatives
This is for ME not everyone......

Sensitive much????????

[Abbey Marie]

Nope not at all. last I cheked YOU weren't in the conversation at the time!:beer:



This is for ME not everyone......

Sensitive much????????

Anyone who has one child is automatically in the conversation. In fact, anyone who wants to be in the conversation is welcome. Are you not aware that you are posting on a message board? Or did you think you were sending someone a private letter?

And what you condescendingly call "sensitive", I call trying to open your eyes and expand your narrow view. Nice deflection, though.

[Nukeman]

Anyone who has one child is automatically in the conversation. In fact, anyone who wants to be in the conversation is welcome. Are you not aware that you are posting on a message board? Or did you think you were sending someone a private letter?

And what you condescendingly call "sensitive", I call trying to open your eyes and expand your narrow view. Nice deflection, though.

Abbey I am not going to argue with you! I NEVER made a reference to YOU or your child, infact I was unaware that you have one child. If you took offense than I am truely sorry.

I don't think your "Are you not aware that you are posting on a message board? Or did you think you were sending someone a private letter" is particulary called for but hey that is your choice.

What you have called condescending I would like to redirct your attention to the "stereotype much" comment of yours.....