What to do about Jesse!?!?!?!?

[Trinity]

I'm' sure most of you know Jesse pretty well by now. All the issues I have had with this child. He did finally get an official diagnosis as being ADHD, ODD and a possible mood disorder. I am still trying to figure out exactly how they determined this diagnosis? It would have had to been made strictly on observing him and his actions, because he certainly does not talk to his therapists, nor his psychologist, nor the psychiatrist. He flat out refused to take the tests they had for him to determine his IQ and numerous other things.

As a matter of fact the therapist he is seeing now is going to transfer him to another therapist because he has gotten no where with him in the past two months.

Jesse for the most part is a good kid, he gets A's and B's in school unless he does not turn in homework which is becoming more regular as of late. He has had 5 detention for not turning in homework assignments. So the detentions are not working because he is still not turning them in.

This child is so smart and could be pulling straight A's if he would turn in the homework. He just doesn't care though. He is reading at a 7th grade level and is in the 4th grade.

My concern now is his attitude towards my husband and I whenever we try to correct him or punish him he pulls this attitude and acts like he's going to come at us. He did this to me the other night and I flipped out on him and told him if you ever lay a hand on me I promise you I will beat your ass, and you will wish that you had never even thought about it.

He is 10 years old, granted he is very stubborn and bullheaded like I was when I was younger maybe even more so. I make it a point to not be like my parent's were with me, because I know what I did at the age of 14 I ran away and went back to Cali for two years.

His therapist told me if he ever gets psychical with me to call the police.......I am seriously considering calling the local juvenile detention facility to see if he can get a tour of what could happen if he continues the way he is going with his attitude.

In case your wondering he is currently on Vyvanse for the ADHD and he is taking seroquel at night to help him sleep.

Please don't suggest busting his ass, I have already been down that road it does not work with this child. Of course nothing else I have tried works either. Any suggestions?

I see a juvenile delinquent in the making and I have done everything in my power to prevent it. Damn it this is my youngest the other three turned out just fine, what happened? Is this my penance? They say you get back three times what you did to your own parent's, when you have children.

Kathianne!!!????? I believe your the expert in this area!

[Mr. P]

I'm' sure most of you know Jesse pretty well by now. All the issues I have had with this child. He did finally get an official diagnosis as being ADHD, ODD and a possible mood disorder. I am still trying to figure out exactly how they determined this diagnosis? It would have had to been made strictly on observing him and his actions, because he certainly does not talk to his therapists, nor his psychologist, nor the psychiatrist. He flat out refused to take the tests they had for him to determine his IQ and numerous other things.

As a matter of fact the therapist he is seeing now is going to transfer him to another therapist because he has gotten no where with him in the past two months.

Jesse for the most part is a good kid, he gets A's and B's in school unless he does not turn in homework which is becoming more regular as of late. He has had 5 detention for not turning in homework assignments. So the detentions are not working because he is still not turning them in.

This child is so smart and could be pulling straight A's if he would turn in the homework. He just doesn't care though. He is reading at a 7th grade level and is in the 4th grade.

My concern now is his attitude towards my husband and I whenever we try to correct him or punish him he pulls this attitude and acts like he's going to come at us. He did this to me the other night and I flipped out on him and told him if you ever lay a hand on me I promise you I will beat your ass, and you will wish that you had never even thought about it.

He is 10 years old, granted he is very stubborn and bullheaded like I was when I was younger maybe even more so. I make it a point to not be like my parent's were with me, because I know what I did at the age of 14 I ran away and went back to Cali for two years.

His therapist told me if he ever gets psychical with me to call the police.......I am seriously considering calling the local juvenile detention facility to see if he can get a tour of what could happen if he continues the way he is going with his attitude.

In case your wondering he is currently on Vyvanse for the ADHD and he is taking seroquel at night to help him sleep.

Please don't suggest busting his ass, I have already been down that road it does not work with this child. Of course nothing else I have tried works either. Any suggestions?

I see a juvenile delinquent in the making and I have done everything in my power to prevent it. Damn it this is my youngest the other three turned out just fine, what happened? Is this my penance? They say you get back three times what you did to your own parent's, when you have children.

Kathianne!!!????? I believe your the expert in this area!

Just who is making this juvenile delinquent? I really don't mean to be harsh but this is...check out the mirror, that's my only advise. No one here really knows the situation. On the other hand he may be one that just goes outta control that no one can reach, although I don't believe in that.

Yes, I've followed this all along and wish you and your son the best.

[Kathianne]

I'm' sure most of you know Jesse pretty well by now. All the issues I have had with this child. He did finally get an official diagnosis as being ADHD, ODD and a possible mood disorder. I am still trying to figure out exactly how they determined this diagnosis? It would have had to been made strictly on observing him and his actions, because he certainly does not talk to his therapists, nor his psychologist, nor the psychiatrist. He flat out refused to take the tests they had for him to determine his IQ and numerous other things.

As a matter of fact the therapist he is seeing now is going to transfer him to another therapist because he has gotten no where with him in the past two months.

Jesse for the most part is a good kid, he gets A's and B's in school unless he does not turn in homework which is becoming more regular as of late. He has had 5 detention for not turning in homework assignments. So the detentions are not working because he is still not turning them in.

This child is so smart and could be pulling straight A's if he would turn in the homework. He just doesn't care though. He is reading at a 7th grade level and is in the 4th grade.

My concern now is his attitude towards my husband and I whenever we try to correct him or punish him he pulls this attitude and acts like he's going to come at us. He did this to me the other night and I flipped out on him and told him if you ever lay a hand on me I promise you I will beat your ass, and you will wish that you had never even thought about it.

He is 10 years old, granted he is very stubborn and bullheaded like I was when I was younger maybe even more so. I make it a point to not be like my parent's were with me, because I know what I did at the age of 14 I ran away and went back to Cali for two years.

His therapist told me if he ever gets psychical with me to call the police.......I am seriously considering calling the local juvenile detention facility to see if he can get a tour of what could happen if he continues the way he is going with his attitude.

In case your wondering he is currently on Vyvanse for the ADHD and he is taking seroquel at night to help him sleep.

Please don't suggest busting his ass, I have already been down that road it does not work with this child. Of course nothing else I have tried works either. Any suggestions?

I see a juvenile delinquent in the making and I have done everything in my power to prevent it. Damn it this is my youngest the other three turned out just fine, what happened? Is this my penance? They say you get back three times what you did to your own parent's, when you have children.

Kathianne!!!????? I believe your the expert in this area!

OMG, I was reading with mounting horror and saw my callout.I'm not an 'expert' in any area. Damn, truth to tell. My initial reaction is home school. I do not know if you can do financially, or scholastically, thought the later can be aided. At the same time, there are behavior issues here, that might cause you more problems than the schools. (I am so sorry, and I'm praying for you and Jesse tonight.)

You are half-way there, with the idea of taking him for a tour of jail. Not a bad first idea. I'd also consider taking him to a 'closed classroom' if available and a possibility. I do know that your being 'stronger' than he will help you. If he chooses not to do homework, you chose not to let him to to basketball practice or go online, whatever works. Not easy, being in your house would suck. LOL, but realize the longterm.

As a mom, not a teacher, I've been there. I know how difficult.


Truth is, I wished I could have homeschooled. I should have.

[Trinity]

Just who is making this juvenile delinquent? I really don't mean to be harsh but this is...check out the mirror, that's my only advise. No one here really knows the situation. On the other hand he may be one that just goes outta control that no one can reach, although I don't believe in that.

Yes, I've followed this all along and wish you and your son the best.

Oh believe me I have thought that......... but in all honesty I have done everything in my power to raise my boys to be good law abiding citizens. I raised both William and Jesse exactly the same.........Who to blame....... I'm thinking there is really no one to blame, he was an angel as an infant and then he turned one.....and from the point on it has been a difficult journey. This isn't something new, I have been dealing with this his entire life. His father (who I finally got them away from when he was six) I am positive did not help the situation. And is still not helping the situation. But I am the one left dealing with the situation.

[Trinity]

OMG, I was reading with mounting horror and saw my callout.I'm not an 'expert' in any area. Damn, truth to tell. My initial reaction is home school. I do not know if you can do financially, or scholastically, thought the later can be aided. At the same time, there are behavior issues here, that might cause you more problems than the schools. (I am so sorry, and I'm praying for you and Jesse tonight.)

You are half-way there, with the idea of taking him for a tour of jail. Not a bad first idea. I'd also consider taking him to a 'closed classroom' if available and a possibility. I do know that your being 'stronger' than he will help you. If he chooses not to do homework, you chose not to let him to to basketball practice or go online, whatever works. Not easy, being in your house would suck. LOL, but realize the longterm.

As a mom, not a teacher, I've been there. I know how difficult.


Truth is, I wished I could have homeschooled. I should have.

I'm sorry I was not trying to call you out....I just remembered the difficulties you had with your son and figured you would have some words of wisdom. He actually has no issues at school other then the homework. I tried the homeschooling thing at the end of last school year and it was hell trying to get him to even do any of his work. He passed but I spent majority of the day hounding him just to get him to do 1 assignment. You can make the child sit down at the table and give him every thing he needs to be successful but you can't force him to do the work, this I learned last year. His head goes down and he shuts me out completely then it becomes a battle of the wills. Who can hold out longer?

Being in my house does suck, not all of the time, only when it turns into a battle of the wills. Which is at least once daily.

[Mr. P]

Oh believe me I have thought that......... but in all honesty I have done everything in my power to raise my boys to be good law abiding citizens. I raised both William and Jesse exactly the same.........Who to blame....... I'm thinking there is really no one to blame, he was an angel as an infant and then he turned one.....and from the point on it has been a difficult journey. This isn't something new, I have been dealing with this his entire life. His father (who I finally got them away from when he was six) I am positive did not help the situation. And is still not helping the situation. But I am the one left dealing with the situation.

They're NOT all the same though..

[Trinity]

I shouldn't make Jesse sound like a horrible child he really isn't, for the most part he is a good kid, he's loving when he wants to be, I just see things in him that scare the hell out of me. Especially when he has these anger flare ups when he does not want to do something, like when I am making him do homework. Or his brother he can snap in a second and all William has to do is look at him.

We have already determined he has some serious anger issues with William.

[Trinity]

They're NOT all the same though..

my bad....... let me re-phrase that I raised them with the same morals and values, same discipline, same rewards, they were treated equally I didn't ever one up anyone.

Believe me I am fully aware of they are not the same. Jesse and William are as different as night and day in everything, from looks to personalities to sports etc. etc.

[Kathianne]

I'm sorry I was not trying to call you out....I just remembered the difficulties you had with your son and figured you would have some words of wisdom. He actually has no issues at school other then the homework. I tried the homeschooling thing at the end of last school year and it was hell trying to get him to even do any of his work. He passed but I spent majority of the day hounding him just to get him to do 1 assignment. You can make the child sit down at the table and give him every thing he needs to be successful but you can't force him to do the work, this I learned last year. His head goes down and he shuts me out completely then it becomes a battle of the wills. Who can hold out longer?

Being in my house does suck, not all of the time, only when it turns into a battle of the wills. Which is at least once daily.

Ok. You had a taste of what it was like to 'teach' this child. Mind you, he is going to mature and that will have good and bad aspects to it. But keep in mind what you recognized while teaching. He put his head down. In school, the teacher will require he put his head up. At the same time, they cannot make him pay attention. If you are lucky, you will have good communication with staff and really know your son. What are his favorite subjects? I can do a lot if a kid loves history or science. If the are math orientated, problem in our school. See what I mean?

Know his strengths and weaknesses, luckily for you and Jesse, seems more the former than later.

Pm me if you wish, I'm here.

[Trinity]

Ok. You had a taste of what it was like to 'teach' this child. Mind you, he is going to mature and that will have good and bad aspects to it. But keep in mind what you recognized while teaching. He put his head down. In school, the teacher will require he put his head up. At the same time, they cannot make him pay attention. If you are lucky, you will have good communication with staff and really know your son. What are his favorite subjects? I can do a lot if a kid loves history or science. If the are math orientated, problem in our school. See what I mean?

Know his strengths and weaknesses, luckily for you and Jesse, seems more the former than later.

Pm me if you wish, I'm here.


That I do know....... I know my son very well his favorite subjects are science and social studies and reading.

I went in at the beginning of the school year and met with the principal and all of his teachers and explained and educated them about Jesse, which I think helped him a lot as far as school goes. i did not want a repeat of the third grade.

[Kathianne]

I'm sorry I was not trying to call you out....I just remembered the difficulties you had with your son and figured you would have some words of wisdom. He actually has no issues at school other then the homework. I tried the homeschooling thing at the end of last school year and it was hell trying to get him to even do any of his work. He passed but I spent majority of the day hounding him just to get him to do 1 assignment. You can make the child sit down at the table and give him every thing he needs to be successful but you can't force him to do the work, this I learned last year. His head goes down and he shuts me out completely then it becomes a battle of the wills. Who can hold out longer?

Being in my house does suck, not all of the time, only when it turns into a battle of the wills. Which is at least once daily.

I was lucky. I had very good therapist for my most troubled son. I also had my brother and father to help. My dad became a major influence on him from 8th grade through high school, while living with us. So did his coaches in cross country, when he ran for all state. So did his AP teachers in many subjects. But here I am talking 4 or 5 years in future, you're trying to get him there.

He needs to feel needed. I remember coming in one day and finding Derek, the 'trouble' kid, helping my mom with toilet. I was like, "I'll take care," He answered, "Mom, she's fine, let it be." He did, at 14. I think that was the start of his being a service orientated person. Mind you, this is now a 22 year old with a 4.7 gpa. It looks like the county is going to hire him from his internship, under bleak situation. He's now that good. He had exceptional ratings as an RA for 3 years in college. Even the kids he dinged, understood why, because he told them. One that he kicked out of dorm, wrote a letter of recommendation for him, explaining to Derek that he made him realize he could succeed.

Damn, where did I come up with this kid? That my dear, is what will happen eventually. It's not just what YOU do, but what comes his way. The other people, just let him experience.

[Psychoblues]

Delinquent?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Isn't that something that Dick Armey said about his party a few days ago?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!



Just who is making this juvenile delinquent? I really don't mean to be harsh but this is...check out the mirror, that's my only advise. No one here really knows the situation. On the other hand he may be one that just goes outta control that no one can reach, although I don't believe in that.

Yes, I've followed this all along and wish you and your son the best.

Don't confuse childhood anomolies with your own, pee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:beer::cheers2::beer:

Psychoblues

[KitchenKitten99]

Trinity, have you guys thought about maybe having a neurologist look at him? We are doing that with our oldest. I severely questioned the diagnosis of being on the Autism spectrum, because the behaviors both the school district (yeah yeah, shush) and a private center said he has, only show up once in a while and aren't consistently seen.

He has something going on, and I don't doubt that. I just believe it is something else. So I took him to see the best neurologists in this state. And the particular one we saw, also agrees with me! She's not convinced of the autism diagnosis either. Finally someone who sees what I am seeing!

So right now we are working to eliminate possiblilities of anything else first. He is also scheduled to get an MRI here in about 3 months to get a deeper look at his brain and see if there is something there that might be the problem.

ADHD & ODD aren't the same as Autism, but both involve the brain. And while psychologists treat the brain from the outside, neurologists treat it from the inside. Which there might be an underlying problem that mimicks ADHD/ODD and causing the mood disorder.

[Trinity]

Trinity, have you guys thought about maybe having a neurologist look at him? We are doing that with our oldest. I severely questioned the diagnosis of being on the Autism spectrum, because the behaviors both the school district (yeah yeah, shush) and a private center said he has, only show up once in a while and aren't consistently seen.

He has something going on, and I don't doubt that. I just believe it is something else. So I took him to see the best neurologists in this state. And the particular one we saw, also agrees with me! She's not convinced of the autism diagnosis either. Finally someone who sees what I am seeing!

So right now we are working to eliminate possiblilities of anything else first. He is also scheduled to get an MRI here in about 3 months to get a deeper look at his brain and see if there is something there that might be the problem.

ADHD & ODD aren't the same as Autism, but both involve the brain. And while psychologists treat the brain from the outside, neurologists treat it from the inside. Which there might be an underlying problem that mimicks ADHD/ODD and causing the mood disorder.

Yeah I have been thinking about that, I am waiting on my ex's new insurance cards so I can start looking......We have been doing this whole therapy, psychologist, and psychiatrist for a year now with no real results. Jess just informed me the other day that his daytime meds the vyvanse are not working and they are making him tired during the day. I took him off of them and contacted the nurse she set up an apointment to see about switching his meds to something else. Problem is we keep switching his meds with no results. The only one that actually worked for him and he actually said helped was adderall, but that one caused him to pick the top layer of skin of the tips of all his fingers. Not good.

He has seemed to mature a little bit in the past year. His biggest problems now in my opinion, is his hyperness and it can be extreme at times, and his anger which is directed mostly towards his brother.

[PostmodernProphet]

, and his anger which is directed mostly towards his brother.

I'm no therapist, but that seems to be significant.....looking first for the simplest explanation....is it possible that the brother is egging him on?.....perhaps Will is jealous of the attention Jessie gets?

[Said1]

Trinity, have you guys thought about maybe having a neurologist look at him? We are doing that with our oldest. I severely questioned the diagnosis of being on the Autism spectrum, because the behaviors both the school district (yeah yeah, shush) and a private center said he has, only show up once in a while and aren't consistently seen.

He has something going on, and I don't doubt that. I just believe it is something else. So I took him to see the best neurologists in this state. And the particular one we saw, also agrees with me! She's not convinced of the autism diagnosis either. Finally someone who sees what I am seeing!

So right now we are working to eliminate possiblilities of anything else first. He is also scheduled to get an MRI here in about 3 months to get a deeper look at his brain and see if there is something there that might be the problem.

ADHD & ODD aren't the same as Autism, but both involve the brain. And while psychologists treat the brain from the outside, neurologists treat it from the inside. Which there might be an underlying problem that mimicks ADHD/ODD and causing the mood disorder.

If i remember correctly, your son had hearing and speech and language problems, right? (If not, disregard what I'm going to write). My daughter had similar problems off and on until she was 4. Not only did hearing loss delay affect her speech and language skills, it also caused behavioral problems that did not level out until she was about 9ish. By that I mean she was very nervous/anxious, very hyper, aggressive, fidgety, had trouble concentrating and had trouble with things that fall in line with critical thinking. Luckily she had an excellent speech and language pathologist who assured me this was NORMAL and the age related developmental issues etc I was concerned about would go away. She also had trouble learning to read at first, but her teacher was able to connect the dots with respect to the info I gave him - apparently that's normal with speech and language delay, too. I don't know if any of that applies to your son, but speech and language related issues might be making other, underlying problems seem worse.

Anyway, good luck!

[Trinity]

I'm no therapist, but that seems to be significant.....looking first for the simplest explanation....is it possible that the brother is egging him on?.....perhaps Will is jealous of the attention Jessie gets?


Yeah that's the conclusion I have come to....he does egg him on and then triesd to pull the I didn't do anything. Bull, I know better. So we have been dealing with fixing that situation. I actually installed a wireless video camera in the living room to observe them, and I can record it in my bedroom, so when he try's that, it doesn't work.

I don't think it is an issue of one getting more attention then the other, they bot usually get equal amounts of attention just in different forms. What Will needs is different from what Jess needs, they are like night and day.

[PostmodernProphet]

I don't think it is an issue of one getting more attention then the other, they bot usually get equal amounts of attention just in different forms. What Will needs is different from what Jess needs, they are like night and day.

a rational way to look at it, but then kids aren't rational.....it's common for kids to get in trouble to get attention, when any rational person would realize it's the last kind of attention they would want to get.....